So.. I feel that it is about time, to get some external input on my current situation, cause i cant really figure out what the hell is going on, and what i should do.
Just to start from the beginning..
Im 21 years old, and around two years ago i met a girl that would be the first i would get in a serious relationship with. If serious means cheating and lying tho.. But ill get to that!
The past two years have been amazing, and she proved me wrong in thinking that im not a relationship kind of guy. Im the adventureous, partying, coming home from the club at 09am in the morning kind of guy, and she sort of changed that.
I have a big familiy, that are very supportive of me, but for some reason i've never really "leaned up" against them or depended too much on them. Ive really just taken care of myself.
So the problems i have encountered, and stuff i just needed to share, i usually just dealt with myself, or in some cases i might have talked to a couple of friends.
Thats what really suprised me of being in a relationship.. You always have someone to share your heart with, and if you are feeling down, usually you dont have to mention it yourself, cause she will almost certainly notice it herself and support you and guide you through whatever hard times you might be having.
So... Here is the tricky part.. She has, and have always had alot of boy friends. Nothing bad about that, im not judgemental, and atleast WERE not suspicious/jealous of her doing anything more than talking to these guys.. She always thought herself of being the victim whenever certain guys would flirt with her or come on to her. And i geniunely believed, that was the case.
Along the way i got more and more jealous, until i finally one day, about 8 months ago, got enough and checked her phone. I guess most people would have done this way before me, cause it was getting really weird her hiding her phone away, not wanting me to look at her texting etc..
And ofc, i was right and she had been "cheating" on me with several guys.
Full blown with one guy, tho she really hasnt confessed on having cheated full blown with anyone, and i guess 4-5 other guys, "only" emotional cheating, like "u stabbed me in the back and poured salt in the wound" cheating. Well, you get the point..
She came, well, almost clean, and apologized and genuinely thought herself of being a complete ass, and understood if i wanted to strangle her and throw her in the river (joke).. No really.. I felt completely left behind and alone. The one person i truly trusted and thought would never hurt me, fucked me.
This is the point where i tell you that i love her so much, that i forgave her for cheating on me with 5 different guys.. I have tried to come up with an explaination on why she did it, and why she didnt thought of me being enough.. With no conclusion so far.. The only conclusion i've come up with, is that she for some reason love me like hell, and really have showed that she wanted us to be together.. So i told her in cold blood, that if i catched her talking or writing to any guys, in a way that would hurt me, i wouldn't even say goodbye.. I would just vapourize and dissappear.
Thats 8 months ago, aprox. and just about a month ago, she was back to her old self.. Writing guys, flirting, loving the attention, writing about wanting to have sex with some dudes.. And me kicking her god damn ass out..
These past months i've really convinced myself, that im waaay to good for her (thats alright to say right?"), and that i would find a girl that can truly appreciate me and love me just the way i am..
Here comes the interesting part.. We got into a little arguement about a week ago.. And in just pure madness, i told her that i like wearing diapers.. I dont really know why.. I guess it was because i wanted her to know what she was going to miss out on.. Haha... No, but really.. The first couple days, she just thought i was joking, but the more we talked about it, she realised that i spoke the thruth. Wasn't quite the way i imagined i would tell her..
So here's the deal.. She has been staying at my flat for a couple of days because we were going to a concert last night, and the days before she came here, she has really been forward coming towards the whole diaper thing.. She has been telling me that she really wanted to see me in one, and told me that she wouldn't mind me sleeping with her wearing one.. What the fucking fuck.. Sorry my language..
So yea.. She came, and we had a casual 'like in the ol' days' day, me cooking dinner, us drinking wine and being all in love again.
And then yesterday, she came to me telling me all of a sudden, that she really thinks the whole diaper thing is "kinda really weird", but that she always will love me even if i start to wear panties on my head (i wont). So thats good..
So she asked me if she could see my diapers, and if i could put one on so she could see "how cute i look wearing one", quote. I hesitated for a while, then i thought what the hell, and i put one on. I didnt imagine for a hundred years that she would be that positive and supportive of this thing. Basically she told me that she have no problem at all with me wearing anytime, anywhere and around her, she thinks its cute, and told me that i could snuggle in bed with her wearing a diaper, once in a while if i wanted to.
It ended up with me laying in bed only wearing my diaper and a shirt, all snuggled up around her, and her being all caring and sweet.. F*** me.. Really..
I guess i dont have to explain my dilemma.. I really dont have a clue what i should be doing or telling her.
I really love this girl with all of my heart, and im starting to think that i can forgive her for being an ass, shitty at relationships, having no empathy, being a huge liar and a cheating backstabber, only because im afraid that i wont meet another girl who can support this diaper thing as much as she can.
I mean.. Is cheating forgiveable? Under which circumstances? How will i know if she learned?
The "only" real issue i have is, that i dont know what she would have to do to gain my trust again.. Her being supportive is a start, but i mean.. She would have to take me to another galaxy or something, cause i really dont trust her at all..
What do you all think? Am i being ignorant? Sorry for this long post, but i really needed to share it.. Or i would've gone crazy