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Thread: Girlfriend of DL Help

  1. #1

    Unhappy Girlfriend of DL Help

    Hi all! I found out a month ago that my boyfriend was a DL. I love him a lot and he's such a great guy. I joined this community to better understand and talk with people in relationships with this.

    I've had a really difficult time coming to terms with this and as much as I try to accept it I feel like I'm not being honest. He says I don't have to participate etc. but I know this is a part of him and I don't really know how a long term relationship can last if one person feels like they have to hide themselves..

    He hasn't told me about being an AB, I think it's just casual wear. I really wish I wasn't uncomfortable but I'm here to try and find ways to be more comfortable etc. so I can better support him. I don't want to lose him but I feel like it's affecting our relationship. Thanks!

  2. #2


    Welcome! Don't worry you aren't the first to hear this and not the last to be shocked! Hang in there!

  3. #3


    Hi, there and welcome. I know how you feel because my boyfriend is an AB/DL. But it's nothing to freak out over. When he told me he was an adult baby, I tried to talk more about it with him to get a better understanding of it. I also read into some of it online and read other people's experiences with it too.

    Maybe you and your boyfriend should talk about it more. Once you have a better understanding, it will be more easy for both of you to talk about it without it being so awkward and it may even bring you two closer. AB/DL has brought my boyfriend and I closer and we feel comfortable with discussing it. You don't have to participate if you don't want to but understanding it and accepting is very important.

    Just try to relax, okay? There are a lot of AB/DL's in the world and this is safe community for us. Yes, I am an AB myself and I didn't know it until my boyfriend and I started talking more and more about it but I happen to enjoy acting like a baby/childish and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know how your boyfriend became a DL but it couldn't hurt to ask him. I hope this helps.

  4. #4


    Well I will put this out there for you, I'm divorced now because of this... He was brave to share this with you first of all secondly he can't help his desires, I'm sure he like me has had these desires since he was young! Just be patient and try to talk with him don't judge and just listen be his biggest fan! That will go along way!!

  5. #5


    The best advice I can give you is this: communicate. Remember that first of all he cared enough about you to share this extremely difficult part of any DL's makeup (or did you "find out" in some other way?) to admit to another human being. There is so much we DLs don't understand about this part of our character ourselves, and are embarrassed to admit to even ourselves, let alone another one we care about. He may be reluctant to open up again, depending on your initial reaction, or perhaps because he wishes you had never found out and regrets opening up at all. More information about how you found out might help us give more advice.

    I would say, however, don't push him. Let him know you care about him, want to be part of his life, and are willing to talk with him whenever he is ready. Meanwhile, learn as much about "us DLers" from this site as you can. We are pretty decent and nice folks. Best wishes for working through this initial stage of getting to know each other better. A 50+ year DL.

  6. #6


    Yeah, gadawgs8000 and Gardener gave some great advice. It was very brave of him to share that with you. Just listen to him and try to be caring and understanding.

  7. #7


    Thanks everyone! Yeah I'm very frustrated with myself because I know how hard it must've been to open up for him. We talked about it a lot but sometimes I just get emotional and cry I guess because I don't really know how to process the info. I'm trying my hardest to support him, but right now I feel slightly distant from him (which trust me I wish I didn't but sadly I can't help it...).

    He had a very hard past as a child and was sexually abused, so he told me this may've been the beginning of the DL lifestyle. So I feel even worse about that.. It's not the most comfortable for me but I'm lucky to have a guy like him in my life. I'm just afraid I won't be able to get used to it and I'll have to let him go, so he can find someone who'll better satisfy him... I just don't know how I can better understand or feel comfortable.. or if I'm just a lost cause

  8. #8


    I have been married 20 years this year. I told my wife shortly after dating as I wanted no secrets. She was and has been very understanding, but she does not participate outside of buying say powder or wipes. I wear most every night and many times during the day.

    Only you can decide what you can accept. You will find with most of us, even if we wanted, the desires do not go away. Sometimes they hibernate for a period which can then be followed by over indulgence. So if you hope it's a phase that will go away, it most probably won't.

    For my wife, through discussions it was clear her desire was to not participate and I respect that is her position. But she does understand this is a part of me and what makes me "me". As such she knows that I am wearing but I do not push it on her, rather I try to be discrete without feeling like I am hiding anything. If we are going to do "the thing" �� Then I do not wear until we are done. If we spontaneously want to do "the thing" and I am wearing, I will excuse myself and take off my diaper. So the diapers do not interfere with together time.

    We do have two kids and I found I hibernated more when the kids were little, just too busy. At the same time I never stopped wearing and have, and continue to, keep it from my kids. My wife and I agreed early on, before kids, that my diapers would be kept private and I will always be covered if wearing. Requires a certain level of discretion especially with storing and disposing but my oldest is 19 and she would be shocked if she ever learned I have been wearing diapers her whole life.

    I guess I am telling you all this to show that if you can accept (preferably understand, although I don't understand myself at times), then do not feel you have to participate. As with me and my wife the key was to communicate with me telling her what I need and what I want and her telling me what she could accept. Through communication we were able to find a middle ground that could work for both of us. Not going to say it's easy, but let's face it no relationship is easy for what can be a number of factors. We have never fought about the diapers but have about other things.

    So if everything else is great, and you can accept and agree on some ground rules for that acceptance, then the diapers should not define your relationship.

    Best of luck to you and your boyfriend on this journey of discovery.

  9. #9


    Hello DLgirlfriend2 and welcome to the group.

    I think you have gotten so much good advice that I am not sure how I can add to it.

    It was hard for me to come out to my wife. We had been married for 8 years and I had abstained for about 8 1/2 years. Unfortunately it all came back worse then ever. I was talking to my therapist about it and trying to figure out how to tell her. It all came out one night when she was cuddling me and treating me like a little boy and I started to cry. I told her and was so afraid that she would leave me. I had her watch a you tube video by Baby Mitchy on adult baby/diaper lovers and we spent a good three hours talking.

    Communication is the key and listening to each other is the most important. Setting boundaries and respecting each others concerns is a very key part to it.

    There is a lot of good information here and if your boyfriend has not done it yet he should also join. SO that you can gain an understanding together and move on from there.

    Again welcome to the group


  10. #10


    Hi again, I can hear the pain in your words. I wish I could help. But here's some more thoughts:
    1. Have you just let him talk about his feelings about this? You also need to talk with him about what/how you're feeling now.
    2. Instead of starting out being convinced you are not adequate for him because you will never be able to deal with this part of him, let him know how you feel for him as a person (not a person who is a DL). All of us who are like him know we are more than this one part of us. The wearing and use of diapers is only a small fraction of what and who we are. We have lots of interests, things we enjoy doing, friends, etc., etc. I'm a husband, father, grandfather, have two professional degrees (masters and doctorate in different fields), like to garden, bake all our bread for our multi-generational family, handyman (carpentry, electrical, etc.), football junket for my favorite team, and many other things. Oh, and occasionally I like to wear diapers in the privacy of my home when no one else is around. When you start seeing him again as a whole person instead of a man who likes diapers who also has some other characteristics, maybe you can be more accepting of him. But that will take you time, and frequent chances to open up your own feelings.
    3. I don't know if he has ever had any professional counseling for his sexual abuse, but if he hasn't, encourage him to do so. And keep in mind, I think a survey would show the vast majority of AB/DLs did not develop this because they were sexually abused. DLs are not "victims". Don't see him that way because he's a DL. He was abused. That's why he may need counseling to heal if he hasn't.
    4. Don't give up on yourself and/or him too quickly. The relationship just might be worth fighting for with hard work to come to terms with who you are and who he is.
    5. If you, or he, is a person of faith, turn to your faith to help you find your way through this. My faith says God loves and accepts us as we are. We should love and accept ourselves and each other in the same way.
    My thoughts are with you both.

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