Looking for advice...

clatter187 · Nov 27, 2015

Hey everyone, I haven't posted on adisc in a very long time and am usually a lurker, but I've been having some thoughts and feelings that I need advice on.

First a little backstory. I've been part of the furry fandom since around 2009 when I created my first FA account. Like here, I was a lurker and mainly just looked at art and read stories. This was all fine and dandy until I started to feel a bit lonely. I wanted to express my furry side and meet some fellow furs, make some good lifelong friends, and maybe one day get up the courage to go to a con. So October of 2014 I created a new FA account, this one with an actual sona and I began to chat with people. Now I have made a few friends, not any that are especially close but I've made headway. And while I still have problems meeting people or even knowing how to meet people I guess I'm still alright on that front.

Anyway, this year I started feeling a need to express my abdl side especially since I felt it was growing at an alarming rate and so I began trying to chat up some baby furs and see if I could make any friends and get some clarification on my own interests. One of these people, we'll call him "John" has been a real help although there are some issues. Mainly he's been pushing me to accept this part of myself, which isn't bad per say, but I get the feeling he wants me to become babyish and is not necessarily doing it for my sake. While I appreciate the help, the fact that I haven't accepted this and for some reason can't has been causing some issues.

1. I'm worried that "joining the baby side" will take me down a rabbit hole I can't climb out of. Since it's not technically a normal interest I'm worried accepting it will cause a degree of separation and making other furry friends, ones that aren't baby furs will be difficult or I'll feel too different or wrong. I won't be able to see myself as "normal" and I won't be able to interact with the normal people.

2. I mentioned this interest was growing a an alarming rate. It's honestly scaring me and I'm worried trying to explore it will cause it to take over my life and being an abdl will end up being at the forefront of who I am.

It's stressful and scary and I'm not sure how to approach these issues. If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear some. Or if you need to ask any more questions to get a clearer picture that's fine as well. Thank you for reading this.

Trevor · Nov 27, 2015

There's a lot to think about there and the answers probably aren't clear-cut. First off, do you find yourself to be given to overreaction or going off the deep end in a lasting way? There's enthusiasm for something new and then there's a pattern of obsessive behavior that would be something for concern. If you don't really experience the latter, I'd give in more to the former. I think a lot of the harm we do to ourselves in this is in resistance. To be sure, there are real world concerns and potential downsides but so much of it is in our own heads rather than in dealing with others, that I think reasonable self-acceptance acceptance is sort of job one for us.

Consider what you think of as the worst case scenario as going down the rabbit hole that you can't climb out of. Are these reasonable concerns for you? As an example, do you think you'd be happy as a full time baby under some (extremely) hypothetical parent's watchful care? If you think you would like that forever and ever, how far would you go to achieve it? Would you put yourself out in the community with a picture site showing your face in order to attract attention? Would you want to risk you future employment or reaction of family and friends? Nobody's going to make you do these things if you don't want to. I'd hope they don't sound ultimately appealing. Everyone is different but I think that the more reasonable approach is to seek a relationship where you can explore these feelings with someone who will try to understand it and you and where you can give back in turn. That's just a regular relationship with unusual accessories.

Lastly, the furry aspect is interesting. I live in Seattle, which is one of the babyfur hubs in the US, and I came to the fandom more through the BF side than anything else, so I'm not really that concerned most of the time about getting a bad reaction from other furs, since most of the ones I meet are also BFs. I know that some BFs who wish to be active in the larger fandom create different fursonas for each aspect. People need to do what feels right in their situation but it seems to me that furs are getting more grudgingly accepting of us and that this isn't really necessary with most people worth knowing. I still think about this from time to time because the near acceptability of the furry fandom leads me to talk about it with people who aren't involved from time to time. While I might not worry about sharing my fursona with another fur who might have a bad reaction, I'd rather not do so with someone completely uninitiated. I'm still working on this one but it's easy enough for me to let it go because my involvement with that larger community isn't so strong.

Overall, just take a breath. You're okay and you're in charge of what you want to do, even if it's to the point of deciding to be little for a while. We've struggled with a lot of these same concerns and come out alright. You will too. Don't let fear cause you to miss out on something wonderful.

clatter187 · Nov 27, 2015

You are right, a lot of this stems from fear. I am afraid to accept it and I don't even know how I would. I don't want this interest which I am sure everyone says when they realize they have this. I am worried that accepting this will cause me to be crossing a line where I can't do normal things or interact with normal people. I know that is a ridiculous thing to say or to think but I cannot help it. Honestly, because this interest is growing in me so fast I'm afraid it will swallow me. I've tried talking to others, and I only seem to meet the extremes, the ones on the fringes. This causes me to be even more uneasy about all of this.

I want to be able to do "average" things and even "average" furry things and I'm afraid this interest will hinder that. Honestly.... all I have is fear. Really all I want is to be able to move on from this and not be afraid of this interest. So, I'm hoping that maybe the people on here can give me some help, or some clarification. Thanks for reading this.

dogboy · Nov 27, 2015

I can't suggest or say anything better than Trevor has already said, but I did have this thought. I don't think anyone can make you want to wear diapers or regress, or feel like a baby anymore than someone can make someone gay. I'm guessing that you are innately attracted to diapers and all that goes with it, just like the rest of us. Being attracted to diapers and infantalism in general is something that happens in our formative years, maybe 1 to 5 or 6 years of age. How far one wants to take it is strictly up to them.

Being AB/DL is sexual for me and the desire can be quite extreme, but I've never let it so dominate my life that it has inhibited or interfered from my being completely professional at work. I'm very careful in public and I never reveal to my friends or others as to these unusual desires. Yet, I'll go to bed diapered almost every night. My wife accepts this and life is good in that regard.

Only you know yourself. Finding acceptance is difficult for most young adults, and it took me years to get to that point, but looking back, I never hurt anyone because I enjoyed wearing and wetting diapers. Like Trevor said, unless you have a problem with self-control, this shouldn't be problematic for you. If you want to wear and use diapers, give it a try. If it troubles you, then stop.

clatter187 · Nov 28, 2015

Thanks for the advice Trevor and dogboy, my only question is, how do I get over this fear I have? I recognize that they are irrational and unlikely to actually happen, which I mentioned earlier, but moving forward I need to figure out how to rid myself of them so that I can think about pursing this interest. As it stands now, I'm just causing myself unwanted stress and anxiety.

Trevor · Nov 28, 2015

clatter187 said:
Thanks for the advice Trevor and dogboy, my only question is, how do I get over this fear I have? I recognize that they are irrational and unlikely to actually happen, which I mentioned earlier, but moving forward I need to figure out how to rid myself of them so that I can think about pursing this interest. As it stands now, I'm just causing myself unwanted stress and anxiety.

If I knew how to do that easily for others, I'd be on the lecture circuit. It has wider application than dealing with diaper angst. I had a lot of that angst for a long time and I had to suffer on my own a lot before it finally started to be clear that although this was a strange desire, it really wasn't something material that was wrong with me. It's just that it's not generally acceptable to society. We're certainly not the only ones with this problem.

I made progress on my own but it also took way too long. Talking to others who were interested in more than just what diaper I was wearing and whether or not I was wet was crucial in seeing it as a positive. Making friends in the community was also critical and being able to meet some of them in the real world helped immensely. The sooner you can start integrating this successfully into your life, the better. Intimacy in diapers feels so right, I wish it hadn't taken so long. It hasn't swallowed my life, it has helped balance it. Everyone is going to come at this a little differently but I think if you manage it properly, you could find it's a piece of yourself that you're missing in self-denial.