Thinking of purging

[Dragonkindred]

Hi,

I've been into nappies for about 8 years and over that time gotten into the ABDL scene. My wife of 6 years knows and to a minimal (will change wet nappies and get baby items) participates but isn't a fan.

I've always felt a little shame but never had any desire to purge.

We had a huge fight tonight over something stupid and minor that got blown way out of proportion and she told me I was disgusting and stupid for sitting around all day pissing in nappies.

I'm so ashamed that she would use this against me and thinking of just destroying everything. Any advice on how to get rid of a couple packs of nappies descretly?

 

[LittleAndAlone]

You can't make this part of you go away. Throwing things away won't accomplish anything.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

If you feel you must do so to keep the peace, some thrift stores have drop boxes which might be useful to your purpose, allowing discretion and also not wasting them.

We all say things when we're upset that don't necessarily reflect our most heartfelt feelings. If you believe that getting rid of the nappies will make the situation better, you would be wise to choose peace with the wife over pleasing yourself. Giving up something for her, something she knows was important to you, might make a big impression on her, and she might feel bad for the way she treated you. She might anyway, even without getting rid of them.

Put her feelings ahead of yours, be conciliatory, and see where it goes.

 

[Dragonkindred]

You can't make this part of you go away. Throwing things away won't accomplish anything.

I survived 30 odd years before I discovered it. Sure I've had some major set backs and lost my primary life goals, my health, and use it as a coping mechanism but maybe I need to find something more productive to do with my life.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I survived 30 odd years before I discovered it. Sure I've had some major set backs and lost my primary life goals, my health, and use it as a coping mechanism but maybe I need to find something more productive to do with my life.

I think your feelings are mixing together 2 things that aren't the same thing as though they were. Feeling unproductive isn't innately tied to wearing nappies. You got shamed for it by someone whose opinion matters to you, but make sure you keep nappies nappies, and don't blame them for the rest of your life, for good or for ill. It sounds like the conflict association mixed them into a larger inner turmoil.

 

[Dragonkindred]

If you feel you must do so to keep the peace, some thrift stores have drop boxes which might be useful to your purpose, allowing discretion and also not wasting them.

We all say things when we're upset that don't necessarily reflect our most heartfelt feelings. If you believe that getting rid of the nappies will make the situation better, you would be wise to choose peace with the wife over pleasing yourself. Giving up something for her, something she knows was important to you, might make a big impression on her, and she might feel bad for the way she treated you. She might anyway, even without getting rid of them.

Put her feelings ahead of yours, be conciliatory, and see where it goes.

I know she didn't mean a lot of what she said during the fight. She has mental health issues and has just lost her job due to them and I know she doesn't like being financially reliant on me and a whole range of other factors at play.

It just hurt that the one person I trust the most would use the one thing I am most ashamed about to hurt me. I don't know how to respond to this.

I don't mean to use you guys as some form of therapy but there's understandably few people I can talk to about this.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I know she didn't mean a lot of what she said during the fight. She has mental health issues and has just lost her job due to them and I know she doesn't like being financially reliant on me and a whole range of other factors at play.

It just hurt that the one person I trust the most would use the one thing I am most ashamed about to hurt me. I don't know how to respond to this.

I don't mean to use you guys as some form of therapy but there's understandably few people I can talk to about this.

We're all here for each other, and "some form of therapy" seems to be my specialty.

You know that she's hurting, and you're being understanding about it. That is excellent. You're trying to avoid doing anything rash, which is also excellent.

What she said was doubtless hurtful, and in the moment of her pain, was doubtless meant to be hurtful, but not an expression of her heart, but her pain. I would encourage you to find a quiet moment, soon, when she's not so upset, and gently express to her that you love her more than anything else, including nappies, and if you have to give them up in order for her to feel that love, you're willing to do that. She may or may not ask you to actually do it; that you offer will mean a great deal to her.

She is feeling insecure right now. Whether she knows it or not, probably not, she's asking you to make her feel secure, wounded animal style. Do it, and you might be amazed by the outcome.

 

[TabaCrate]

Binge & Purge are normal across ABDL members. You're not different than any of us. As said, don't throw away everything but store it in a place where you can get them once the Binge starts!
Are you ashamed? Read the "You're not broken" book from Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb, it will help you to better understand yourself.

Now about your wife. If she's not fan of your practice (my case), then don't ask her to be your mommy. She's aware of your needs, she tolerates it so it is a good thing to be more discreet. It doesn't mean you have to purge but just be more discreet.

For me it's simple, she is aware and asked me to not show her that I'm wearing. I have my plushie in my bed and sleep in a footed pajama but she never sees my diapers. Sometimes, I go to see ABDL friends. She knows that it's "my" time, when I come back she sees how well I feel and how good it is for me to meet my friends and says, empty your bags first (she knows that there are things that she don't want to see inside) and come to me for a kiss.

It's a mutual respect. She respects my needs, I respect her limits.

You need to have a discussion about boundaries, tell her what it mean for you and understand what she expect from you.

And share all the day to day duty with her. Show her how much you love her and don't expect any return. You'll see that she will have a much better opinion of you and that your ABDL needs will be accepted (as far you respect the boundaries).

It's a bit 101 message to have a long time couple love but we might sometime be a bit too much egocentric (egoïstic?) with our needs...

 

[Belarin]

As others have said, I wouldn't take it too much too heart what she said about the diapers (easier said than done I know). We all say things in the heat of the moment we don't really mean, it's easy when angry about something and arguing to redirect that onto other traits that may have nothing to do with the thing that made you angry.

I would give it some time and then perhaps talk about it, explain how it made you feel and perhaps work out some boundaries.

Purging is never good, these feelings are often deeply rooted and don't go away simply by throwing stuff out and trying to avoid them, that tends to make the feelings stronger and then you feel even worse about yourself than ever before.

If you really feel you must then maybe just pack things away for a while and see how it goes without using them, that way if you need to you still have it all available.

And if that is not enough then don't just dispose of the diapers etc. Take them to a thrift store, as mentioned many of them have drop boxes, there are often also drop off points for charities that you can use and failing that just put the diapers in a black bag so no one can see them, take them into the store and just tell them it iseither embarrassing personal items, or a clear out feom a relatives. The clerk might check but no one else in the store will see in the bag and they probably have had diapers dropped in before so they will understand.

 

[Dragonkindred]

We're all here for each other, and "some form of therapy" seems to be my specialty.

You know that she's hurting, and you're being understanding about it. That is excellent. You're trying to avoid doing anything rash, which is also excellent.

What she said was doubtless hurtful, and in the moment of her pain, was doubtless meant to be hurtful, but not an expression of her heart, but her pain. I would encourage you to find a quiet moment, soon, when she's not so upset, and gently express to her that you love her more than anything else, including nappies, and if you have to give them up in order for her to feel that love, you're willing to do that. She may or may not ask you to actually do it; that you offer will mean a great deal to her.

She is feeling insecure right now. Whether she knows it or not, probably not, she's asking you to make her feel secure, wounded animal style. Do it, and you might be amazed by the outcome.

My background is in psychology and talking to me like that makes a lot of sense. Thank you

 

[PadPhilosopher]

My background is in psychology and talking to me like that makes a lot of sense. Thank you

You're welcome. Thank you for telling me that my amateur psychology makes sense. It's nice to hear it from someone who knows.

 

[60something]

Virtually everything in life is on a sliding scale. Your ABDL needs are stronger or weaker than anyone else's. You had fight. It started out over something besides your nappies. Thats sound like you have TWO problems.

The fact that the argument boiled over into your ABDL desires hints at a problem there as big as your original fight. She changes you but isn't a fan. And is tired of you sitting around in your nappies. It sounds to me like you have let your desires rule to too much of your life. Not a case of purge. Purging sounds like an overreaction to me.
Hopefully this morning finds you both cooled down. Purging sometimes isn't the best answer. Keeping your ABDL desires in boundaries is. What that limit is can only be worked out between you and your wife. You've obviously overstepped your bounds in her mind and you need to step back a bit. DONT TRY TO GIVE IT UP unless you're ready to go down a very painful path. If you are like me, it's part of you and you can deny it but not rid yourself of it.

I've found that it's very easy to let your nappies run away with you if you aren't diligent. It creeps in little by little replacing your time with a nice happy feeling. But doesn't take care of anything else. You need to maybe dial it back. And fill that space with your wife and her needs. The fact that she's embraced your "different" needs means she loves you. Look carefully at where your relationship stands from outside your nappy desires. Once you see clearly, find the space that you can be content with you ABDL needs. But not ruling you. Knowing those needs will constantly try to take over everything.

Our fantasies can take us over if we let them. But our unusual needs won't go away. They gnaw at me if I attempt to abandon them. Purging will only allow you to find the space and time to address the other REAL problems. Take a break from your ABDL lifestyle and look clearly at where your wife needs you in an adult man's world. After all that's who she married. But all of us ABDLs come with some baggage. That's as undeniable as a physical disability.

If you purge, you'll most likely regret it. (maybe not) but putting it away for a time out till the clouds clear won't cost you anything. With the clarity of your nappies being out of the picture, look closely at your relationship. Is your marriage something that is precious? Then take care of your wife's needs. If they are unrealistic, then there's an issue beyond your nappies. Above all communicate openly and honestly. It sounds like she's hurting and needs you to see her problems. Only you can see if her needs are something you can fulfill. They say a marriage is 60/40. It seems to always feel more like 90/10. LOL. Hopefully you're experiencing only a pothole in the road. If you value her and your relationship, be there for her and help her understand that you want her there for you. Make sure you don't get married to your nappies. I've let that happen at times and always come to regret it. But purging will only add fuel to a painful fire. It's a difficult balancing act. Only you and your wife can figure where that point is on that sliding scale. Good luck my friend....

 

[SparkyDog]

take all your diapers and put them in a sealed storage tote but them somewhere like garage or basement type storage location for a while.
Throwing them away in the garbage will cause the raw emotions you feel now to maybe feel better but down the road you will have remorse that you threw them away and have to go through emotional roller-coaster again
take a break and when things heal a bit at least your diapers are waiting for you.

speaking from personal experience
even though I wear for need I purged abdl diapers and wasted so much money doing so

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

Hi,

I've been into nappies for about 8 years and over that time gotten into the ABDL scene. My wife of 6 years knows and to a minimal (will change wet nappies and get baby items) participates but isn't a fan.

I've always felt a little shame but never had any desire to purge.

We had a huge fight tonight over something stupid and minor that got blown way out of proportion and she told me I was disgusting and stupid for sitting around all day pissing in nappies.

I'm so ashamed that she would use this against me and thinking of just destroying everything. Any advice on how to get rid of a couple packs of nappies descretly?

As someone who could never get my wife to even let me have a diaper in the house, I don't think you should purge. You know your wife best, but from your post, it sounds like she needs to see your adult, partner qualities more. Maybe just cool it on the diapers during the day time and be proactive in helping your wife feel safe and stable in her life. I think her seeing selfless acts of service will soften her disgust and be better long term than you purging. I see that leading to resentment and relapse. Just putting myself in your shoes, but you have a rare gift in the Le wl of acceptance your wife did show, and I selfishly think you should try to salvage what you can.

 

[babyraggydolls]

Don’t ever let anyone belittle you for the things they you love and don’t give them up for anyone.

 

[Dragonkindred]

I guess I might have been over reacting. I got home from work today and she had a nappy, pacifier and bottle waiting for for me and ordered me to use them.

 

[TabaCrate]

I guess I might have been over reacting. I got home from work today and she had a nappy, pacifier and bottle waiting for for me and ordered me to use them.

It seems that she really loves you!
May I still suggest to have a talk with her, let her know how much it is important to you but that you also understand that sometimes, you probably are over her boundaries and would like to understand what is really her boundaries.

She will appreciate that you are trying to give the best of you and respect her.

 

[Subtlerustle]

I guess I might have been over reacting. I got home from work today and she had a nappy, pacifier and bottle waiting for for me and ordered me to use them.

That’s awesome. There was so much excellent advice here but since it’s evolved from your first post please make sure your adult self is ever present now to help her through the job loss and mental health issues. Over the long haul, show her that AB/DL brings out the best in you which makes you a better husband.

 

[PadPhilosopher]

I guess I might have been over reacting. I got home from work today and she had a nappy, pacifier and bottle waiting for for me and ordered me to use them.

Awwww! She knows she hurt you, and she's sorry. This is such a savable situation. You two can make this relationship beautiful with just a few changes to help you both feel better about things. Communicate, discover and meet needs, and you're going to have a beautiful life.

All the best wishes!