Why is dealing with families so hard?! [Rant]

Manveru · 04-02-2008

[Rant]

I don't understand it. Everyone always tells you to just be who you are and be an individual but then your parents tell you that you're not good enough and that you'll never get a job with that hair and you're not trying hard enough in school and you don't have any ambition and you're never gonna be happy unless you have money and you'll never have money if you become a teacher and don't you dare say that America isn't the greatest country and how dare you not go to church and be a catholic because that's how we raised you every time you don't go to church your mother cries and if you don't shape up we're gonna kick you out of the house and that's your fault not ours even though your brother is much worse than you we let him stay because he's 'handicapped' so he has an excuse to be a dick and just imagine what we'd say if we ever found out you had fooled around with your other friend in a gay way, I mean your sister is gay and we've never approved of it and even though I'm her damn father I think she's faking it so she has a reason to be mad and why don't you ever want to talk to us anymore?!

[/rant]

BluTack · 04-02-2008

Cos half the time. Other member familys think they are bigger, better, smarter etc etc than you.

They think they can rule you over. Just do the most simple thing.

Igoure them.

~~Sammywa~~ · 04-02-2008

Families can really suck. =(

But look on the bright side. At least moving out won't be as emotionally taxing!

**Your Worst Nightmare** · 04-02-2008

Wow, that would annoy the hell out of me, and make me even more anti-social (in RL) than I am now.....

Chromos · 04-02-2008

I hear that! My parents are currently concerned about me, cause I don't have any drive, and I only do half the clases I should be doing in school. But that's not my fault, nothing really interests me..

Enough about me though! Your parents are just concerned about you. They want you to make something of yourself, and be the best you can be. I know it may not always seem that way, but if their any parents at all, that's what their thinking. However, I do find it unfair that they want you to conform with their views on the world. It's not unusual for parents to want their kids to have simlar interest, or beliefs, but it is unfair to expect them to believei n the same things they do. Your not your parents, you are you, and they can't tell you who you are. Just because they believe one thing, doesn't mean you have to as well. Such as religion. It's never made much sense to me, and perhaps you feel the same way, but the point is that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and your parents are in the wrong telling you otherwise. Part of growing up, is learning what you think, what you believe, and your parents shuld give you the freedom to do so. It might be best to tell them this, as they are putting a lot of pressure on you, and if you don't have anyone to talk too, it can really mess with your mind!

It sounds like they want you to talk, so talk. If you don't speak, they assume the worst. The worst that can happen, is that you find that you disagree with everything they say, but at least they may come to respect your views, and even understand them if explained just right. It's not easy, but for the sake of keeping the peace, you may want to consider it.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

**Peachy** · 04-02-2008

Well, your parents are concerned about you and where you're heading in life. It's their job, and to be honest: Would you rather they slam the door in your face the day you turn 18 and tell you to get lost? I'm sure many, many people on this planet would be happy for parents who care about them and don't drink all day, or do drugs and neglect their kids.
On the other hand, your parents need to learn that you're not a carbon copy of them, and it's your job to teach them that you are William Doe*, not John Doe*, or Jane Doe*. And you have every right to have be different and make your own decisions. And your parents should at least give you the opportunity to prove to them that your way works just as well as the way they think you should take. However, that requires time, and your parents should give you some of that!

Peachy

* = name changed, for obvious reasons.

avery · 04-02-2008

wow that sounds really unpleasant. lots of double standards.

you live away from home most of the time, right? i think the more you show yourself to be an independent adult, the more your parents will realize they have no right to pass judgement on the choices you make about religion, sexuality, your career, and politics. it sounds like they're basically treating you like a kid and trying to micro-manage the choices you make about your own life. it sometimes takes parents a long time to let go, so be patient and remember that respect is a two-way street.

the more you prove to them that you're an adult who's in charge of his own life, the more your family will respect your choices, and the more you'll be able to concentrate on the good aspects of your relationship with them. don't let them damage your self-confidence; making independent decisions about your own life is a very mature thing to do.

*hug*

Lukie · 05-02-2008

Going along the lines of what most people have said here already, but you got to make it clear to them that you are an entirely different person, with different attitudes, feelings, appeals and dislikes and everything else.

Unfortunately I know all too well what it's like to be almost forced to be someone else. It's hard, but you've got to make a stand. Slam the hammer down and tell them that you are who you are, and it's not going to change.

04-02-2008	#1 (permalink)
Manveru Neon Tiger Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Minnesota, USA Age: 22 Posts: 438 Threads: 53 Gallery Uploads: 6 Wiki Edits: 13 Blog Entries: 3 Reputation: 20	Why is dealing with families so hard?! [Rant] [Rant] I don't understand it. Everyone always tells you to just be who you are and be an individual but then your parents tell you that you're not good enough and that you'll never get a job with that hair and you're not trying hard enough in school and you don't have any ambition and you're never gonna be happy unless you have money and you'll never have money if you become a teacher and don't you dare say that America isn't the greatest country and how dare you not go to church and be a catholic because that's how we raised you every time you don't go to church your mother cries and if you don't shape up we're gonna kick you out of the house and that's your fault not ours even though your brother is much worse than you we let him stay because he's 'handicapped' so he has an excuse to be a dick and just imagine what we'd say if we ever found out you had fooled around with your other friend in a gay way, I mean your sister is gay and we've never approved of it and even though I'm her damn father I think she's faking it so she has a reason to be mad and why don't you ever want to talk to us anymore?! [/rant]

04-02-2008	#5 (permalink)
Chromos ... Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: the Fountain of Youth Posts: 1,191 Threads: 50 Wiki Edits: 13 Blog Entries: 5 Reputation: 39	I hear that! My parents are currently concerned about me, cause I don't have any drive, and I only do half the clases I should be doing in school. But that's not my fault, nothing really interests me.. Enough about me though! Your parents are just concerned about you. They want you to make something of yourself, and be the best you can be. I know it may not always seem that way, but if their any parents at all, that's what their thinking. However, I do find it unfair that they want you to conform with their views on the world. It's not unusual for parents to want their kids to have simlar interest, or beliefs, but it is unfair to expect them to believei n the same things they do. Your not your parents, you are you, and they can't tell you who you are. Just because they believe one thing, doesn't mean you have to as well. Such as religion. It's never made much sense to me, and perhaps you feel the same way, but the point is that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and your parents are in the wrong telling you otherwise. Part of growing up, is learning what you think, what you believe, and your parents shuld give you the freedom to do so. It might be best to tell them this, as they are putting a lot of pressure on you, and if you don't have anyone to talk too, it can really mess with your mind! It sounds like they want you to talk, so talk. If you don't speak, they assume the worst. The worst that can happen, is that you find that you disagree with everything they say, but at least they may come to respect your views, and even understand them if explained just right. It's not easy, but for the sake of keeping the peace, you may want to consider it. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do. Last edited by Chromos; 04-02-2008 at 09:36 PM.

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04-02-2008	#2 (permalink)
BluTack Stuck on the wall. Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: London, UK Age: 21 Posts: 1,191 Threads: 18 Blog Entries: 18 Reputation: 16	Cos half the time. Other member familys think they are bigger, better, smarter etc etc than you. They think they can rule you over. Just do the most simple thing. Igoure them.

04-02-2008	#3 (permalink)
~~Sammywa~~ Lurker Historical Donor Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Around Age: 19 Posts: 51 Threads: 1 Reputation: 0	Families can really suck. =( But look on the bright side. At least moving out won't be as emotionally taxing!

04-02-2008	#4 (permalink)
Your Worst Nightmare Lurker Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: In La La Land, also known as Canada Age: 20 Posts: 791 Threads: 13 Gallery Uploads: 27 Wiki Edits: 2 Blog Entries: 3 Reputation: 15	Wow, that would annoy the hell out of me, and make me even more anti-social (in RL) than I am now.....

04-02-2008	#6 (permalink)
Peachy Leaves are falling Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Bremen, Germany Age: 32 Posts: 4,700 Threads: 97 Gallery Uploads: 48 Wiki Edits: 12 Blog Entries: 13 Reputation: 145	Well, your parents are concerned about you and where you're heading in life. It's their job, and to be honest: Would you rather they slam the door in your face the day you turn 18 and tell you to get lost? I'm sure many, many people on this planet would be happy for parents who care about them and don't drink all day, or do drugs and neglect their kids. On the other hand, your parents need to learn that you're not a carbon copy of them, and it's your job to teach them that you are William Doe, not John Doe, or Jane Doe. And you have every right to have be different and make your own decisions. And your parents should at least give you the opportunity to prove to them that your way works just as well as the way they think you should take. However, that requires time, and your parents should give you some of that! Peachy = name changed, for obvious reasons.

04-02-2008	#7 (permalink)
avery ??!! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: seattle area Age: 27 Posts: 1,405 Threads: 16 Gallery Uploads: 5 Wiki Edits: 74 Blog Entries: 7 Reputation: 120	wow that sounds really unpleasant. lots of double standards. you live away from home most of the time, right? i think the more you show yourself to be an independent adult, the more your parents will realize they have no right to pass judgement on the choices you make about religion, sexuality, your career, and politics. it sounds like they're basically treating you like a kid and trying to micro-manage the choices you make about your own life. it sometimes takes parents a long time to let go, so be patient and remember that respect is a two-way street. the more you prove to them that you're an adult who's in charge of his own life, the more your family will respect your choices, and the more you'll be able to concentrate on the good aspects of your relationship with them. don't let them damage your self-confidence; making independent decisions about your own life is a very mature thing to do. hug

05-02-2008	#8 (permalink)
Lukie Relax, it's [day]! Donor Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 3,426 Threads: 46 Gallery Uploads: 2 Wiki Edits: 162 Reputation: 134	Going along the lines of what most people have said here already, but you got to make it clear to them that you are an entirely different person, with different attitudes, feelings, appeals and dislikes and everything else. Unfortunately I know all too well what it's like to be almost forced to be someone else. It's hard, but you've got to make a stand. Slam the hammer down and tell them that you are who you are, and it's not going to change.