Should I Even Try?

briefboy · 2 Weeks Ago

The "what do I do?" post got me thinking. My boyfriend just broke up with me two days ago, it wasn't a bad breakup or anything, he just felt like he fell out of love with me over the past couple of weeks.

I love him more than anyone else in the world, and I realize that I'm still deep in the grieving stage, but I am wondering if you guys think I even have a chance of winning him back? If so, any ideas? He still wants to be friends, but I just feel like it would be really awkward after what we had. I know it will be hard for you guys (or gals) to give me some insight as you don't really know my boyfriend and I, but I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing? I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to find anyone else, but if that's what ends up happening, then so be it...

Fire2box · 2 Weeks Ago

you can't really make someone love you, if he wants to be friends then I suggest be friends if that's possible for you at all. I mean you can try and force your way back into a relationship with him but do you really want to be with someone who doesn't really love you back?

h3g3l · 2 Weeks Ago

Quote:

Originally Posted by briefboy

I love him more than anyone else in the world,

Uh-oh. This dose not bode well. I'm not sure what else you have in your life at this point, but I'm getting whiffs of fixation and obsession from the post.

This is not healthy.

I think this is an opportunity for you to spend more time with yourself and become comfortable in your own skin, with your own thoughts. Until this starts developing, future relationships will be doomed.

briefboy · 2 Weeks Ago

Quote:

Originally Posted by h3g3l

Uh-oh. This dose not bode well. I'm not sure what else you have in your life at this point, but I'm getting whiffs of fixation and obsession from the post.

This is not healthy.

I think this is an opportunity for you to spend more time with yourself and become comfortable in your own skin, with your own thoughts. Until this starts developing, future relationships will be doomed.

I'm not obsessed at all, just in love. I realize I need to spend more time working on myself, but I felt things were going so great and there has to be a reason that he fell out of love with me.

TheFoxxehAssassin · 2 Weeks Ago

Hmm...

Your boyfriend broke up with you, you're madly in love with him, and he's not so in love with you?

Perhaps try reminding him of all the time you two have spent together (depending on your time together), or something like that. Don't try and force it though, if he wants to remain friends, allow that to happen. If you give it time, he might go back to you. You never know.

I hope everything works out for you.

--The Foxxeh Assassin00

briefboy · 2 Weeks Ago

Thanks. I mean I'm not planning on stalking him, and trying to make him see how miserable I am, because who would want to come back to someone like that? I'm just hoping that it's a phase in our relationship and that spending a little bit of time apart will make him realize that he misses me and wants to be with me (if that's the case).

Honestly, our relationship has been pretty monotonous ever since school started, between work and school, we hardly have any time to spend together, and when we do hang out we it's the same old thing. If only I hadn't been so afraid to show PDA with him, maybe things could have been different.

dogboy · 2 Weeks Ago

I think most of us have had this happen to us. If he wants to distance himself from you, there's really not much you can do. If he's willing to sit down and talk about it you might make some headway, but usually the heart dictates what it wants to do.

When that happens all you can do is get back into the game and look for someone else. I know it's not easy, but what other choice do you have. Until you find someone, go out with friends and keep yourself busy. Try not to be alone for long periods of time. Try to live a healthy lifestyle, and don't drown your sorrows in alcohol. It only makes it worse. I wish you the best from one who has been there oh so many years ago.

briefboy · 2 Weeks Ago

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogboy

I think most of us have had this happen to us. If he wants to distance himself from you, there's really not much you can do. If he's willing to sit down and talk about it you might make some headway, but usually the heart dictates what it wants to do.

When that happens all you can do is get back into the game and look for someone else. I know it's not easy, but what other choice do you have. Until you find someone, go out with friends and keep yourself busy. Try not to be alone for long periods of time. Try to live a healthy lifestyle, and don't drown your sorrows in alcohol. It only makes it worse. I wish you the best from one who has been there oh so many years ago.

He wanted to talk, but I was in such a horrible mood that I just said "there's not really anything to talk about" :/ Until we figure things out I suppose I can just start working out again and get ready for the firefighter tests in February.

injektilo92 · 2 Weeks Ago

Speaking from a recent break-up (3.5 years spent together), I can tell you that the best thing to do is take time to yourself. It may be painful and feel like a kick in the chest when you think of what you had, but now is a perfect opportunity to get to know yourself a little better.

Some good points have been brought up so far in this thread regarding trying to "win" someone back if they aren't as invested as you are, etc. My ex-partner and I have had an intense few years together (two of them spent living together). He moved to Tennessee to go back to school and in my interim I relocated to the DC area. I recently broke it off with him because he was not as invested in maintaining a long distance relationship (and mind you, nor did we "plan" for it). We are currently trying to talk things out, as we both love each other very much - it's just that he's a bit too late for my taste.

Basically, what I want to get across to you is this: I know how heartbroken you feel right now, but in the past few weeks my eyes opened to the fact that I haven't done anything EMOTIONALLY for myself in a very long time. Sure, I like to spoil myself with tattoos and other things, but emotionally I've been disconnected. Take some of that "me" time that has been suggested above!

And what's the old adage? "If you love something, let it go .. and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be."

1magus · 2 Weeks Ago

BFs are tricky which is why I wish I had one

2 Weeks Ago	#1 (permalink)
briefboy Regular Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Oregon, USA Age: 19 Posts: 184 Threads: 5 Reputation: 4	Should I Even Try? The "what do I do?" post got me thinking. My boyfriend just broke up with me two days ago, it wasn't a bad breakup or anything, he just felt like he fell out of love with me over the past couple of weeks. I love him more than anyone else in the world, and I realize that I'm still deep in the grieving stage, but I am wondering if you guys think I even have a chance of winning him back? If so, any ideas? He still wants to be friends, but I just feel like it would be really awkward after what we had. I know it will be hard for you guys (or gals) to give me some insight as you don't really know my boyfriend and I, but I'm just wondering if I'm doing the right thing? I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to find anyone else, but if that's what ends up happening, then so be it...

2 Weeks Ago	#9 (permalink)
injektilo92 Regular Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: DC-Metro Area Age: 25 Posts: 101 Threads: 7 Reputation: 0	Speaking from a recent break-up (3.5 years spent together), I can tell you that the best thing to do is take time to yourself. It may be painful and feel like a kick in the chest when you think of what you had, but now is a perfect opportunity to get to know yourself a little better. Some good points have been brought up so far in this thread regarding trying to "win" someone back if they aren't as invested as you are, etc. My ex-partner and I have had an intense few years together (two of them spent living together). He moved to Tennessee to go back to school and in my interim I relocated to the DC area. I recently broke it off with him because he was not as invested in maintaining a long distance relationship (and mind you, nor did we "plan" for it). We are currently trying to talk things out, as we both love each other very much - it's just that he's a bit too late for my taste. Basically, what I want to get across to you is this: I know how heartbroken you feel right now, but in the past few weeks my eyes opened to the fact that I haven't done anything EMOTIONALLY for myself in a very long time. Sure, I like to spoil myself with tattoos and other things, but emotionally I've been disconnected. Take some of that "me" time that has been suggested above! And what's the old adage? "If you love something, let it go .. and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be." Last edited by injektilo92; 2 Weeks Ago at 03:25 PM. Reason: grammar correction

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2 Weeks Ago	#2 (permalink)
Fire2box Regular Donor Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Stockton, California Age: 22 Posts: 4,596 Threads: 62 Gallery Uploads: 13 Wiki Edits: 2 Blog Entries: 6 Reputation: 39	you can't really make someone love you, if he wants to be friends then I suggest be friends if that's possible for you at all. I mean you can try and force your way back into a relationship with him but do you really want to be with someone who doesn't really love you back?

2 Weeks Ago	#5 (permalink)
TheFoxxehAssassin Cute 'lil fox! Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Houston, Texas, USA Age: 14 Posts: 992 Threads: 36 Gallery Uploads: 5 Blog Entries: 12 Reputation: 29	Hmm... Your boyfriend broke up with you, you're madly in love with him, and he's not so in love with you? Perhaps try reminding him of all the time you two have spent together (depending on your time together), or something like that. Don't try and force it though, if he wants to remain friends, allow that to happen. If you give it time, he might go back to you. You never know. I hope everything works out for you. --The Foxxeh Assassin00

2 Weeks Ago	#6 (permalink)
briefboy Regular Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Oregon, USA Age: 19 Posts: 184 Threads: 5 Reputation: 4	Thanks. I mean I'm not planning on stalking him, and trying to make him see how miserable I am, because who would want to come back to someone like that? I'm just hoping that it's a phase in our relationship and that spending a little bit of time apart will make him realize that he misses me and wants to be with me (if that's the case). Honestly, our relationship has been pretty monotonous ever since school started, between work and school, we hardly have any time to spend together, and when we do hang out we it's the same old thing. If only I hadn't been so afraid to show PDA with him, maybe things could have been different.

2 Weeks Ago	#7 (permalink)
dogboy VIP Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Virginia, USA Posts: 2,536 Threads: 6 Reputation: 123	I think most of us have had this happen to us. If he wants to distance himself from you, there's really not much you can do. If he's willing to sit down and talk about it you might make some headway, but usually the heart dictates what it wants to do. When that happens all you can do is get back into the game and look for someone else. I know it's not easy, but what other choice do you have. Until you find someone, go out with friends and keep yourself busy. Try not to be alone for long periods of time. Try to live a healthy lifestyle, and don't drown your sorrows in alcohol. It only makes it worse. I wish you the best from one who has been there oh so many years ago.

2 Weeks Ago	#10 (permalink)
1magus Regular Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: California, USA Posts: 27 Threads: 3 Reputation: 0	BFs are tricky which is why I wish I had one