Should I Even Try?

[applebeary]

Originally Posted by 1magus

BFs are tricky which is why I wish I had one

Not to be mean, but that definitely does not help the situation at hand.

Now to the topic post:

Coming from a semi-recent break-up (it's been 10 since we've been together, but it still can feel like yesterday when I dwell on it) I can understand this. And while it could be possible that there's a chance of your boyfriend not being with you any more because of this circumstance or that circumstance, more likely than not it's because he's growing and learning more about himself as a person. It's something everyone does, whether we consciously see it or not. The human mind and body is always evolving and editing itself to accommodate a different lifestyle, new events, and challenges that life will present them with.

While you may still love them with your heart and soul, I highly recommend that you take this time to love yourself and see just how much you value yourself, as well. Don't linger on them, cling to them, or do anything creepy like that. Just accept it, grin, and move on. I know it sounds cold and harsh, but believe me, it'll be one of the best things you could ever do for yourself. I spent months upon months trying to 'win' my ex back, invested countless hours and money into those online books promising to 'make them fall in love with you'. But no amount of effort will make them come back; only they can make that ultimate choice to say 'I want to be yours again.' And until then, the best thing you can do it just roll with life and but him on the back burner.

Best of luck to this. -hugs-

[1magus]

Originally Posted by applebeary

Not to be mean, but that definitely does not help the situation at hand.

Now to the topic post:

Coming from a semi-recent break-up (it's been 10 since we've been together, but it still can feel like yesterday when I dwell on it) I can understand this. And while it could be possible that there's a chance of your boyfriend not being with you any more because of this circumstance or that circumstance, more likely than not it's because he's growing and learning more about himself as a person. It's something everyone does, whether we consciously see it or not. The human mind and body is always evolving and editing itself to accommodate a different lifestyle, new events, and challenges that life will present them with.

While you may still love them with your heart and soul, I highly recommend that you take this time to love yourself and see just how much you value yourself, as well. Don't linger on them, cling to them, or do anything creepy like that. Just accept it, grin, and move on. I know it sounds cold and harsh, but believe me, it'll be one of the best things you could ever do for yourself. I spent months upon months trying to 'win' my ex back, invested countless hours and money into those online books promising to 'make them fall in love with you'. But no amount of effort will make them come back; only they can make that ultimate choice to say 'I want to be yours again.' And until then, the best thing you can do it just roll with life and but him on the back burner.

Best of luck to this. -hugs-

Well how can I help if I have never had a BF

[Mesmerale]

Originally Posted by 1magus

Well how can I help if I have never had a BF

The point that he's trying to make is that, if you couldn't offer any advice at all, you should have kept your complaints to yourself.

[Johnathon]

Bottle of Jack Daniels will take care of your problems :P

[h3g3l]

Originally Posted by briefboy

I'm not obsessed at all, just in love. I realize I need to spend more time working on myself, but I felt things were going so great and there has to be a reason that he fell out of love with me.

This is normal.

But people are not always rational and reasonable. Which is a long way of saying something much longer: there may not be a reason. Assuming that you were correctly seeing all aspects for exactly what they were--which none of us do, as we can't live inside someone else's head--sometimes these things just happen.



You can only work on yourself. If you take an honest look at your actions, and don't see anywhere where you went wrong, then this may well be an instance in which reason didn't prevail.

Sorry, these things sometimes happen. Dratted complex beasties, people are.

[briefboy]

Thanks for the advice guys, I talked to him a little bit last night and told him how I was feeling, it really helped me feel better, and feel like I may have some closure. While I still really care for him, and really miss him, I've discovered that now is my chance to reconnect with old friends, and try new things that I've been wanting to try. Now is my chance to turn myself into the person that I want to be and for now, I'll just be friends with him (or at least try), not pester him or beg to get back together, but just be myself and see where things go; if they don't work out, then so be it. I love him and I want him to be happy, if that means not being with me, then that's just how it's got to be and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't and won't let this effect my school life and put my career in jeopardy.

[applebeary]

Originally Posted by Mesmerale

The point that he's trying to make is that, if you couldn't offer any advice at all, you should have kept your complaints to yourself.

Ahem.
She.

[bobbyjeff]

In my experience its good to wrap yourself up in something productive while you process the grief. Pick up that book youve been wanting to read, go on a roadtrip to see family or an old friend, tear into that project youve been putting off, etc. Dwelling on the sadness will only make it hurt worse.

Besides, you cant focus too much on yesterday because you might miss a great opportunity today.

[briefboy]

Originally Posted by bobbyjeff

In my experience its good to wrap yourself up in something productive while you process the grief. Pick up that book youve been wanting to read, go on a roadtrip to see family or an old friend, tear into that project youve been putting off, etc. Dwelling on the sadness will only make it hurt worse.

Besides, you cant focus too much on yesterday because you might miss a great opportunity today.

That's true, no use dwelling on the past, it won't do any good. I suppose now I'll just have to spend the money that I'll be saving by not hanging out with him, on my Mustangs lol :P

[Conrad]

This is a particularly delicate circumstance. Also, as you said, we do not know your ex-boyfriend, only you do. This being said, you really are the only person who can figure this out, although outside information is always helpful. Anyways, this is a very delicate situation, and can be very risky. Unfortunately, it really isn't uncommon for this type of thing to happen as people (or one person) falls more and more in love; for one person to start to feel awkward, bored, or uninterested at any age. A lot of the time it is also impossible for someone who has been left to know if they have any chance of getting them back. However, if somebody is feeling themselves, thinking naturally, not distressed, and basically secure within themselves, and makes that decision, it's pretty dicey.

On the flip side, I just recently broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year. Basically, my dislike for her was just generally started by little things turning into big things. I just kind of got tired of her antics in general, and eventually it turned into feeling nothing for her, and as much as disliking her. But the point is, from the very day I broke up with her up through now and forever, I knew and have known there is absolutely nothing she is capable of doing or saying that would make me want her again.

A lot of people have tendencies to be influenced a lot more by past experiences, rather than gambling with the future, just my two cents.

On another note, I am very sorry this has happened to you , and I wish the best for you and your future, and that you end up doing what is best, and if things don't work out then I do hope you can still go on and have a wonderful life anyways.

Just to throw this out there, I find entire pint's of Ben and Jerry's to be very comforting in these situations.