Miscarriages

Calico · 15-09-2009

Anyone on here who have ever lost a child during pregnancy?

How long did it take for you two to get pregnant after trying again? How long did you wait before you started trying again? How many months did the doctor tell you to wait before you start trying again?

For the past three days has been hard for me and my husband. I was told to wait three months but if I want to reduce the chances of another miscarriage wait nine months. Great, nine months of depression, I don't think I can wait that long. My old friend had a miscarriage last November and got pregnant again and now she is at 21 weeks. But luckily she already had a kid so no worries. My aunt got preggo four months after her miscarriage in 1982 but she already had a daughter so of course she wouldn't be upset.

DominatingMommy · 15-09-2009

First of all *hugs*

I have lost 2 pregnancies. It took me 3.5 years to get pregnant the first time and I had been told my entire life that I could not have children. I didn't realize that I was pregnant. I just thought I was lucky and not having my period. By the time I realized what was up, I should have been 13 weeks. I immediately had a doctor's appointment and we never did get a heartbeat. I lost that pregnancy on August 18th, 2002.

I was told to wait 3 months before trying to get pregnant again. If you were not very far along, this is just so that you can heal emotionally, as your uterus is back to normal with your next cycle.

I found out I was pregnant again in January 03. I knew it immediately too. I got in to the doctor, got on hormones, and things were perfectly fine and dandy. I did end up miscarrying on April 15, 2003, due to an incompetent cervix. Had we realized it in time, I could have had a cerclage (a stitch in the cervix), and I would now have a 6 year old son.

My suggestion to you is this: Do what you think is right. If you have no further complications and want to start trying next week...do it. I would wait until you get your first cycle though. That's so you will actually know when you miss one and you won't drive yourself nuts.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you.

dogboy · 15-09-2009

I'm so sorry Calico. When my wife and I first married, the one thing we really wanted were children. Because my wife is diabetic, the doctor told her that we shouldn't have children. We were both devastated. You have to know my wife. She is very stubborn and she assured me that we would have children. Our first child was born 6 weeks pre-mature, though I think he weighed 9 pounds. Holding him in my arms was the most incredible thing. I always wanted a son, and we were both into Winnie the Pooh (big surprise for me, huh!), so we named him Christopher Robert ......

A year later my wife was pregnant again, and believe me, getting pregnant when you're diabetic is not easy. We followed all of these suggestions and old wives tales, timing, temperature, etc. She got pregnant again. I was so excited and hoped for another boy. Spring came and I had to go on tour with our high school choir. While I was in Dallas, Texas I got an urgent phone call. My wife had miscarried, and her life was in danger. Her sugar was way out of wack, blood pressure way up, etc. She wanted me to finish the tour which I did. When I returned home they had to evacuate the fetus. Though I wasn't in the room when she gave birth to Christopher, I was there for this procedure, holding her hand. I saw the little body. We had a funeral for him. I would have named him Morgan.

She, and I guess I, had the courage to try again. This time my wife gave birth to a healthy girl. This was a new experience for me. She now has her doctorate, and has been such a blessing in my wife. She is a professor at Virginia Tech and teaches writing as well as being the assistant to their electronic portfolio. She likes the book I am writing and gives me lots of encouragement.

My advise to you is....don't give up. Children are such a blessing. My life has been blessed by my children. They give me meaning and a reason for living. You'll know when it's time to try again. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I pray God will bless you with the miracle of this new life which is coming your way.

Calico · 15-09-2009

Dogboy, how soon did your wife get pregnant after the miscarriage with Morgan?

cpndl · 15-09-2009

Sorry, to hear of your loss. I can empathize. My ex first got pregnant about 2 years after we got married. We weren't specifically trying, but we weren't using birth control either. This was her 2nd pregnancy as she had had an abortion when she was 16. (This was now 10 years later) She carried the baby for 11 weeks and then mis-carried it. We were both devastated. We ended up getting some counseling and eventually 3 years later we tried again. This time around everything worked and we had a lovely daughter. Only you know when is the time to try again. But don't be afraid to get help if you feel yourself sinking into a hole. Also encourage your husband to participate in any help you do get, don't shut him out.

h3g3l · 15-09-2009

First, sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That's difficult.

Second, you should see these upcoming 9 months as an opportunity. An opportunity to grow with and in to each other; an opportunity to grow up a bit with your husband; an opportunity to improve your financial position before bringing a child (with an increased risk of genetic or in-the-womb developmental obstacles) into the world.

9 months is a good span of time for this: it's short enough that weekly progress is meaningful, but long enough out that real progress can be made toward these ends.

Good luck.

Fire2box · 15-09-2009

I am really sorry for your loss Calico, though I must admit I did not even know you were carrying a child.

closet dl · 15-09-2009

Please accept my deepest heartfelt sympathy. It is very difficult to deal with and something you will deal with for some time to come.

My wife and I lost our first pregnancy during her 16th week. As we were working with a fertility clinic, the pregnancy was being followed closely, and we knew that there was a problem starting in the 9th week, so the long period of "wait and see" made it even more painful. We had five "attempts" to get pregnant before that pregnancy, and then had to wait three months for more "attempts" to start again. On our third attempt after the miscarriage, she conceived, oddly on the same day that the first one was originally due.

While it is of very little consolation, remember that the averages on miscarrying is about 1 in 5 pregnancies. Many women miscarry and never even know they are pregnant, thinking they are having a heavier-than-normal period after perhaps a light month previously. Our miscarriage probably would have been similar to this had our pregnancy not been followed so closely with ultrasound to make sure development was occurring on schedule.

If you would like to talk or anything further, feel free to pm me.

Calico · 15-09-2009

The periods I kept getting last fall when I was having sex, I always wonder if those were miscarriages because my period would keep coming early. We have sex, then I get my period the next day and then when it be over, we have it again and my period would come again the next day. Couple people have said it can take a while for my body to get back to normal after birth control. Then I stopped having irregular periods when I stopped having sex. I will never know what that was about. My husband thinks it was just a coincidence and he thinks it might have been the birth control because my body had to get back to normal. He also suggested it might be spotting and he had also suggested my body might be releasing more eggs because we are trying to make a baby. Then it would make me wonder if I was having miscarriages. I hope they weren't or else that means my body sucks at making kids.

closet dl · 15-09-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calico

The periods I kept getting last fall when I was having sex, I always wonder if those were miscarriages because my period would keep coming early. We have sex, then I get my period the next day and then when it be over, we have it again and my period would come again the next day. Couple people have said it can take a while for my body to get back to normal after birth control. Then I stopped having irregular periods when I stopped having sex. I will never know what that was about. My husband thinks it was just a coincidence and he thinks it might have been the birth control because my body had to get back to normal. He also suggested it might be spotting and he had also suggested my body might be releasing more eggs because we are trying to make a baby. Then it would make me wonder if I was having miscarriages. I hope they weren't or else that means my body sucks at making kids.

These were probably not miscarriages, as they occurred the day after sex. It would take longer than that for the egg to travel down and implant before finally miscarrying. Even a tubal would take longer for the tubal implantation. My (educated) guess is that it was either a) related to hormones and getting off birth control that led to spotting or b) physical injury from sex that led to some bleeding.

15-09-2009	#1 (permalink)
Calico VIP Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon) Age: 24 Posts: 576 Threads: 39 Reputation: 26	Miscarriages Anyone on here who have ever lost a child during pregnancy? How long did it take for you two to get pregnant after trying again? How long did you wait before you started trying again? How many months did the doctor tell you to wait before you start trying again? For the past three days has been hard for me and my husband. I was told to wait three months but if I want to reduce the chances of another miscarriage wait nine months. Great, nine months of depression, I don't think I can wait that long. My old friend had a miscarriage last November and got pregnant again and now she is at 21 weeks. But luckily she already had a kid so no worries. My aunt got preggo four months after her miscarriage in 1982 but she already had a daughter so of course she wouldn't be upset.

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15-09-2009	#2 (permalink)
DominatingMommy VIP Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: TN, USA Posts: 172 Threads: 5 Reputation: 12	First of all hugs I have lost 2 pregnancies. It took me 3.5 years to get pregnant the first time and I had been told my entire life that I could not have children. I didn't realize that I was pregnant. I just thought I was lucky and not having my period. By the time I realized what was up, I should have been 13 weeks. I immediately had a doctor's appointment and we never did get a heartbeat. I lost that pregnancy on August 18th, 2002. I was told to wait 3 months before trying to get pregnant again. If you were not very far along, this is just so that you can heal emotionally, as your uterus is back to normal with your next cycle. I found out I was pregnant again in January 03. I knew it immediately too. I got in to the doctor, got on hormones, and things were perfectly fine and dandy. I did end up miscarrying on April 15, 2003, due to an incompetent cervix. Had we realized it in time, I could have had a cerclage (a stitch in the cervix), and I would now have a 6 year old son. My suggestion to you is this: Do what you think is right. If you have no further complications and want to start trying next week...do it. I would wait until you get your first cycle though. That's so you will actually know when you miss one and you won't drive yourself nuts. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you.

15-09-2009	#3 (permalink)
dogboy VIP Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Virginia, USA Posts: 2,541 Threads: 6 Reputation: 123	I'm so sorry Calico. When my wife and I first married, the one thing we really wanted were children. Because my wife is diabetic, the doctor told her that we shouldn't have children. We were both devastated. You have to know my wife. She is very stubborn and she assured me that we would have children. Our first child was born 6 weeks pre-mature, though I think he weighed 9 pounds. Holding him in my arms was the most incredible thing. I always wanted a son, and we were both into Winnie the Pooh (big surprise for me, huh!), so we named him Christopher Robert ...... A year later my wife was pregnant again, and believe me, getting pregnant when you're diabetic is not easy. We followed all of these suggestions and old wives tales, timing, temperature, etc. She got pregnant again. I was so excited and hoped for another boy. Spring came and I had to go on tour with our high school choir. While I was in Dallas, Texas I got an urgent phone call. My wife had miscarried, and her life was in danger. Her sugar was way out of wack, blood pressure way up, etc. She wanted me to finish the tour which I did. When I returned home they had to evacuate the fetus. Though I wasn't in the room when she gave birth to Christopher, I was there for this procedure, holding her hand. I saw the little body. We had a funeral for him. I would have named him Morgan. She, and I guess I, had the courage to try again. This time my wife gave birth to a healthy girl. This was a new experience for me. She now has her doctorate, and has been such a blessing in my wife. She is a professor at Virginia Tech and teaches writing as well as being the assistant to their electronic portfolio. She likes the book I am writing and gives me lots of encouragement. My advise to you is....don't give up. Children are such a blessing. My life has been blessed by my children. They give me meaning and a reason for living. You'll know when it's time to try again. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I pray God will bless you with the miracle of this new life which is coming your way.

15-09-2009	#4 (permalink)
Calico VIP Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon) Age: 24 Posts: 576 Threads: 39 Reputation: 26	Dogboy, how soon did your wife get pregnant after the miscarriage with Morgan?

15-09-2009	#5 (permalink)
cpndl Regular Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Midwest Posts: 175 Threads: 5 Reputation: 5	Sorry, to hear of your loss. I can empathize. My ex first got pregnant about 2 years after we got married. We weren't specifically trying, but we weren't using birth control either. This was her 2nd pregnancy as she had had an abortion when she was 16. (This was now 10 years later) She carried the baby for 11 weeks and then mis-carried it. We were both devastated. We ended up getting some counseling and eventually 3 years later we tried again. This time around everything worked and we had a lovely daughter. Only you know when is the time to try again. But don't be afraid to get help if you feel yourself sinking into a hole. Also encourage your husband to participate in any help you do get, don't shut him out.

15-09-2009	#6 (permalink)
h3g3l The Beast Under Your Bed Join Date: May 2008 Location: USA Posts: 1,777 Threads: 30 Gallery Uploads: 8 Wiki Edits: 33 Blog Entries: 2 Reputation: 99	First, sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That's difficult. Second, you should see these upcoming 9 months as an opportunity. An opportunity to grow with and in to each other; an opportunity to grow up a bit with your husband; an opportunity to improve your financial position before bringing a child (with an increased risk of genetic or in-the-womb developmental obstacles) into the world. 9 months is a good span of time for this: it's short enough that weekly progress is meaningful, but long enough out that real progress can be made toward these ends. Good luck.

15-09-2009	#7 (permalink)
Fire2box Regular Donor Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Stockton, California Age: 22 Posts: 4,596 Threads: 62 Gallery Uploads: 13 Wiki Edits: 2 Blog Entries: 6 Reputation: 39	I am really sorry for your loss Calico, though I must admit I did not even know you were carrying a child.

15-09-2009	#8 (permalink)
closet dl Giver of Life Lessons Join Date: May 2008 Location: Stavanger, Norway Posts: 285 Threads: 12 Gallery Uploads: 4 Reputation: 14	Please accept my deepest heartfelt sympathy. It is very difficult to deal with and something you will deal with for some time to come. My wife and I lost our first pregnancy during her 16th week. As we were working with a fertility clinic, the pregnancy was being followed closely, and we knew that there was a problem starting in the 9th week, so the long period of "wait and see" made it even more painful. We had five "attempts" to get pregnant before that pregnancy, and then had to wait three months for more "attempts" to start again. On our third attempt after the miscarriage, she conceived, oddly on the same day that the first one was originally due. While it is of very little consolation, remember that the averages on miscarrying is about 1 in 5 pregnancies. Many women miscarry and never even know they are pregnant, thinking they are having a heavier-than-normal period after perhaps a light month previously. Our miscarriage probably would have been similar to this had our pregnancy not been followed so closely with ultrasound to make sure development was occurring on schedule. If you would like to talk or anything further, feel free to pm me.

15-09-2009	#9 (permalink)
Calico VIP Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon) Age: 24 Posts: 576 Threads: 39 Reputation: 26	The periods I kept getting last fall when I was having sex, I always wonder if those were miscarriages because my period would keep coming early. We have sex, then I get my period the next day and then when it be over, we have it again and my period would come again the next day. Couple people have said it can take a while for my body to get back to normal after birth control. Then I stopped having irregular periods when I stopped having sex. I will never know what that was about. My husband thinks it was just a coincidence and he thinks it might have been the birth control because my body had to get back to normal. He also suggested it might be spotting and he had also suggested my body might be releasing more eggs because we are trying to make a baby. Then it would make me wonder if I was having miscarriages. I hope they weren't or else that means my body sucks at making kids.