Marriage at a "young" age

[Harlequin]

Hey all!

I was just going to see what everyone's views on marriage at a "young" age. "Young" meaning 18 -24 years of age in my book. Also, any advice given would be appreciated as well.

Reason I'm curious is that I love my boyfriend so much and I would love to get married to him right now. We are both 20 years old and in college. I'm getting my bachelor's (sophomore right now) and he's getting an associate's (freshman right now). We have been dating for 3 1/2 years now. I think in the back of both of our minds, we would both like to get married right now, if it wasn't for social and some economic reasons. And when I say right now, I suppose I mean being engaged for now and getting married in around 2 years.

Social reasons being there is such a stigma nowadays about marriages that involve "young" people. Also, our parents are somewhat against getting married young. Economic reasons being neither of us have very much money. But, possibly my boyfriend could have a steady job at the time of the marriage after he graduated.

Sorry this is getting so long, but a complex issue needs some background for proper replies and possible advice.

[itsme]

Well, my mom and dad married at 18 and 20 respectively, and now 30 years later, they are still going strong. But really, it is totally dependent on the parties involved whether they can make it work or not. Myself, I would wait a few more years, maybe try living together for a while.

[Takashi]

I'm happy for you if you do and I should be marrying my bf within the next 2-3 years if we last that long, but I wouldn't recommend it. Get all the crazyness out of your systems and party it up and then settle down in a few years.

[tdlrfootedpjs]

Hi, I got married when i was "young" I was 23 when I married my wife, she was 22. We knew at the time that it was what we wanted overall. It has been a rough 5 years, we have had many ups and downs but what has helped overall is that we have had goals and plans for our future to reach for and 2 sets of great parents that have cared tremendously for our happieness and success. To be completely honest, marriage doesnt make things easier, it just changes the playing field a bit. The situations it will put you in will be different from that of a dating couple because as a dating couple you always have your own place to go and get away. Marriage is 24/7 of the same person for life, whether you are mad, sad, or glad and trust me you will go through all of those feelings within the first year or 2. I do think however, a relationship that starts young, has a better chance to survive because you will end up working through more hardships together and make your bond together stronger.

Hope this helps.

[d4l]

My parents were married in their 20s and have been together for well over 20 years now.

I think it personally depends on the people, and if they are willing to ride the tough times in hopes of better times.

[Pojo]

I think that if you two are ready, then go for it. You really want to make sure you can handle it though. I also think there should be steps before marriage, such as living together. Also, you should make sure that if you plan on any expenses, that you can afford them and have a stable income.

[balancedchaos]

I was married at 21, divorced by 24, back together with her at 27. Right people at the wrong time, I'd say.

You guys are probably too young, but maybe not. Only one way to tell, unfortunately. Ten years from now it'll either be the best thing you ever did, or a foolish thing you did in your youth...or the worst mistake of your life. lol

You never win unless you play the game, though, soooo...whatever. Give it a shot. If it's not working out, though, make sure you get divorced before you start making money or buying nice things. lol

[bgi39jsjw0ggg]

I say bad idea. Here's what you need to figure out:

WHY get married? What are you hoping to get out of it?

Frankly, in modern society, I can't think of any practical reason to get married. Tax and insurance benefits are given to common-law partners, there's no social stigma attached to not being married, and with divorce as common as it is, it's not like it actually has any meaning behind it anymore. Hell, it's easier to get a divorce than break a cell phone contract. It's not like you're going to wake up on your first day of marriage and things are going to be magically different in any way. You'll still be the same people, living in the same house, going to the same jobs, in the same relationship. One of you might have a different name, and depending on your ceremony, you might have a lot of large bills to pay and thank you cards to write.

Seriously, you need to figure out (individually and as a couple) what precisely it is you hope to get out of marriage. And please don't say that it's a demonstration of commitment. That's tying someone to you. It takes no commitment to stay with a person you're handcuffed to. If both of you are free to leave at any time but CHOOSE to stay, I'd say that shows a much higher level of commitment to each other.

[DominatingMommy]

It is my opinion that it should be illegal for girls to marry before they are 25, and 35 for guys.

I got married a week before I turned 21.

I'm not saying it can't work. It can. I just wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

[Lukie]

Originally Posted by DominatingMommy

It is my opinion that it should be illegal for girls to marry before they are 25, and 35 for guys.

That would strip away from any progress we've made on gender-equality, as well as increase the occurrence of variations of age in couple, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but like women, men aren't fertile forever.