Hi again friends, I wanted to post again here because I've been thinking a lot lately. This is all gonna be about diapers and wetting and accidents because well where else am I gonna talk about these things. I "came out" and told my story last December about being a lifelong bedwetter. So please read that if you have time for the basics about me and my struggle with bedwetting.
The short version: I've worn diapers (or Pull-Ups or GoodNites) to bed for most of my life, first until I was 9 years old, then I didn't have them for a few years, but I went back into them when I was 13. I've been wearing them ever since then (I'm 20). I've been a consistent bedwetter for several years. In other words it's like clockwork, I think I start peeing as soon as I fall asleep. Whether I sleep through the night or wake up after a few hours or just take a short nap, my diaper is always wet. I'll use 1 or 2 diapers per night guaranteed. It doesn't make any difference how I manage my liquids. I'm laying all this out to say I "surrendered" to my bedwetting several years ago, it's just a fact of life.
Anyway, for the longest time I would change into my diaper immediately before going to bed for the night. But I also have accidents while taking naps and while lounging where I would wet myself. That was frustrating, so I started changing into my diapers earlier in the evening. Eventually I decided to just change into them right when I get home, the same time I would be changing from my pants to my pajamas anyway. That's what I've been doing for a while.
I don't consider myself daytime incontinent. I don't have any trouble getting to the bathroom while I'm up and moving. But I always make sure I'm wearing a diaper before I stay still long enough to start getting sleepy, because I know I'll be wetting as soon as I start drifting off. I've become so used to my diapers over the years that it feels weird to wear my underwear at home.
So, I noticed myself slipping into a new pattern last winter that I haven't done before. I always used to change back into my underwear first thing in the morning, and I still do whenever I have an active day and I will be getting out of the house. I still always have my underwear on when I'm up and doing anything. But since I got used to wearing my diapers while I'm at home, if I have a "lazy day" at home where I'm not gonna be going out at all that day, I'll just change straight into another diaper in the morning instead of my underwear, and I'll keep wearing my diapers all day. I don't know the first time I did it but it was probably one of the cold winter days in December or January.
Since then, that kinda just became what happened on lazy days. I always use the bathroom while I'm up and awake of course, but it's hard not to prefer staying in my diapers otherwise. I can take a nap whenever I want, I just change my diaper when I wake back up. I can lounge all I want and if I have any other accidents it's not a big deal, I just change my diaper again when I have to. I don't have to worry about when I need a diaper, I'm already wearing one. I don't even have to think about it at all. I'm less anxious, more relaxed. I feel safer and more secure. That's the good part.
I'm posting here though because I'm struggling to figure out if that's OK or if there's a reason not to do that. I don't know if it makes a difference for me physically. I know I can't control my bedwetting, that's obvious. But when I let myself relax all day without worrying about it, that also means I wet my diapers more often. I use at least 3 diapers on those days (1-2 for sleep, plus 1-2 for naps and other accidents). That's fine, but if I forced myself to wear my underwear and remain up and active all day, I'd only need 1 or 2 diapers when I sleep that night and that'd be it.
Until last winter, it had been ages since I wore diapers all day like this, so I guess that's my hang-up about it. I don't wanna make my wetting problems any worse. But if my control is gonna be whatever it's gonna be anyway, I know I need diapers anyway, and I have to wear them most of the time anyway, it'd be worth it to spare myself the anxiety and keep wearing my diapers all day at home. I just don't know what's best for me, physically vs. mentally and emotionally.