Relying on diapers more than I used to?

[dragonette]

Hi again friends, I wanted to post again here because I've been thinking a lot lately. This is all gonna be about diapers and wetting and accidents because well where else am I gonna talk about these things. I "came out" and told my story last December about being a lifelong bedwetter. So please read that if you have time for the basics about me and my struggle with bedwetting.

The short version: I've worn diapers (or Pull-Ups or GoodNites) to bed for most of my life, first until I was 9 years old, then I didn't have them for a few years, but I went back into them when I was 13. I've been wearing them ever since then (I'm 20). I've been a consistent bedwetter for several years. In other words it's like clockwork, I think I start peeing as soon as I fall asleep. Whether I sleep through the night or wake up after a few hours or just take a short nap, my diaper is always wet. I'll use 1 or 2 diapers per night guaranteed. It doesn't make any difference how I manage my liquids. I'm laying all this out to say I "surrendered" to my bedwetting several years ago, it's just a fact of life.

Anyway, for the longest time I would change into my diaper immediately before going to bed for the night. But I also have accidents while taking naps and while lounging where I would wet myself. That was frustrating, so I started changing into my diapers earlier in the evening. Eventually I decided to just change into them right when I get home, the same time I would be changing from my pants to my pajamas anyway. That's what I've been doing for a while.

I don't consider myself daytime incontinent. I don't have any trouble getting to the bathroom while I'm up and moving. But I always make sure I'm wearing a diaper before I stay still long enough to start getting sleepy, because I know I'll be wetting as soon as I start drifting off. I've become so used to my diapers over the years that it feels weird to wear my underwear at home.

So, I noticed myself slipping into a new pattern last winter that I haven't done before. I always used to change back into my underwear first thing in the morning, and I still do whenever I have an active day and I will be getting out of the house. I still always have my underwear on when I'm up and doing anything. But since I got used to wearing my diapers while I'm at home, if I have a "lazy day" at home where I'm not gonna be going out at all that day, I'll just change straight into another diaper in the morning instead of my underwear, and I'll keep wearing my diapers all day. I don't know the first time I did it but it was probably one of the cold winter days in December or January.

Since then, that kinda just became what happened on lazy days. I always use the bathroom while I'm up and awake of course, but it's hard not to prefer staying in my diapers otherwise. I can take a nap whenever I want, I just change my diaper when I wake back up. I can lounge all I want and if I have any other accidents it's not a big deal, I just change my diaper again when I have to. I don't have to worry about when I need a diaper, I'm already wearing one. I don't even have to think about it at all. I'm less anxious, more relaxed. I feel safer and more secure. That's the good part.

I'm posting here though because I'm struggling to figure out if that's OK or if there's a reason not to do that. I don't know if it makes a difference for me physically. I know I can't control my bedwetting, that's obvious. But when I let myself relax all day without worrying about it, that also means I wet my diapers more often. I use at least 3 diapers on those days (1-2 for sleep, plus 1-2 for naps and other accidents). That's fine, but if I forced myself to wear my underwear and remain up and active all day, I'd only need 1 or 2 diapers when I sleep that night and that'd be it.

Until last winter, it had been ages since I wore diapers all day like this, so I guess that's my hang-up about it. I don't wanna make my wetting problems any worse. But if my control is gonna be whatever it's gonna be anyway, I know I need diapers anyway, and I have to wear them most of the time anyway, it'd be worth it to spare myself the anxiety and keep wearing my diapers all day at home. I just don't know what's best for me, physically vs. mentally and emotionally.

[Mickael75]

Thank you for your message dragonette, it's always interesting to share our little problems and to see how we all deal with them here

I don't see any reason not to keep wearing your diaper all day if you stay at home. If it makes you feel less anxious instead of wondering all the time "should I change now in case I have a nap" and if you go on wearing your underwear when you're out, I guess it's better for you even mentally as you don't have to think about this all the time. Diapers are intended to make our life easier and not to worry too much, so that's totally ok if you use them in that purpose.

However you just might have to be careful not to become too much lazy and rely on them a bit too much, if you start to prefer your diaper rather than toilets during the day. I've been like that and it happened (and happens) that I don't care and prefer "having an accident" while doing something, and it makes me lazier about dealing with my incontinence. But after all it's like you, I know I have my wetting problem anyway and that I can't do much about it, so again if diapers make life easier that's not such a big deal. This is at least the nice aspects of it!

[CaptainVimes]

Mikael75 has made a good point....

The more "can't be bothered" you become, the more you will lose control of your bladder. (It's not possible to make oneself "incontinent", as I've previously stated, but to stop reacting to the urge to go to the toilet, one can stop knowing what the urge feels like, so one would stop acknowledging when one needs to go, not technically "incontinence", but has the same after effect)

Believe me, although the idea of 24/7 nappies appeals to one with such a fetish, you really don't want to end up totally incontinent, your nappy wearing won't be decided on whether you want a nap or not, it'll be 24/7.

Do you REALLY want to be out in public, wearing diapers 24/7? Do you REALLY want to have to plan where you are going, plan to take a clean up kit, spare nappies, make sure you are in the vicinity of a toilet or changing room all the time JUST IN CASE you have an accident in a public place?

I'm asking you these questions as an incontinent person, who does not have any positive feelings towards nappy wearing. The idea of being in nappies 24/7 might actually be a massive turn on for you...

Can I ask why you need so many naps? Are you poorly? I sleep frequently throughout the day, I even fall asleep on the toilet! That is due to my severe disability though, I have no choice.....

CV
on my Tablet! :-)
(ZT282 - C91 upgrade)

[dragonette]

Thanks to you both for replying. Let me make something clear, I don't agree at all with diapers being a "turn on". I've suffered with bedwetting my whole life. I've only found emotional comfort and security from diapers. The 4 years I didn't have them as a preteen (from 9 to 13) were the worst. I still wet the bed often during those years and it caused me a lot of distress, so returning to diapers 7 years ago was best for my emotional stability. Yes, I wet every time I sleep, but I've accepted that.

By the way, yes, I've known for a long time that I fall asleep very easily. I have a propensity to start drifting off if I'm laying still, on the couch watching a movie for example. I tend to do it much more than the average person. I refer to that as a "nap" (I don't go to bed for a nap). When I used to jolt back awake after these "naps", I had usually wet through my underwear onto the couch.

So I think that's why I came to prefer wearing diapers at home generally, not just while I'm in bed. I like the comfort and security. I know I'll never have those horrible feelings and cleanup if I already have a diaper on long before I might fall asleep and need it. No anxiety before, no regrets after.

However, both of your replies make me apprehensive about becoming too at ease. It's true that when I stay in diapers at home and let myself rest at random times, I end up using more diapers than the otherwise usual 1-2 per night. I don't mind changing my diaper, but it's just a fact.

It's good to talk out these issues, that's why I came here. You both brought up some good points. It scares me to think about being awake and not realizing the urge to go. But I don't use my diapers while I'm awake, and I don't want to. I said I specifically don't wanna do anything that would make my wetting problems worse. If you think anything I've been talking about might do harm to my daytime bladder control, I don't wanna be doing it.

[Mickael75]

I think you don't have to worry about losing your daytine bladder control.
You can keep wearing diapers on days you stay at home and if you notice that it affects your control on other days (if you have more accidents during other days) then it will be time to know if it's because you have worn diapers on "lazy" days.

And i'm pretty sure it won't happen so you can wear them when you feel it's better for you to wear them and if you feel more safe with them on.

However I guess you have to be careful on days you ate ou and might sleep (like on a train or on a plane).

[dragonette]

Thanks, yeah. I think I should've posted in Diaper Talk instead of Incontinence, because this topic doesn't have as much to do with actually managing my bedwetting and nighttime IC as it does just contemplating how often I should or shouldn't keep a diaper on to reduce my anxiety over falling asleep and wetting myself. I apologize if I offended anyone who doesn't get to make those choices. (Maybe this thread can be moved. How do I do that?)

I think you're right by the way, I should be fine. I'm not actually relying on diapers more than I used to, because I'm obviously always using the bathroom while I'm awake. I'm just changing into diapers earlier so I don't have to worry about putting one on before I might fall asleep, so I can let myself relax while I'm at home. I might have to change my diaper once or twice more as a result, but I guess it's worth it. After all, I have diapers in the first place so I can better deal with my bedwetting, that's what they're for.

I should probably stop stressing out about it. I can really drive myself crazy before I take the time to think these things out. It helps to put it into words and get feedback from others.

[Mickael75]

It seems that you don't stress about it, and that's for the best!
As you told us, you know you have this bedwetting problem and that you probably can't do much about it, so the best thing to do is now to "take it easy" as you already did when you started wearing diapers again when you were 13.

Just do things in the way they make you feel better and ease your life. If at some moment it will make life harder because you would have some daytime accidents, don't worry, you can always change again and avoid wearing diapers during the day.
We don't all react the same way to these problems (I like wearing diapers unlike CaptainVimes), and that's totally normal as the situation is not the same for everyone. So you can find your own preferred way as well

Oh and by the way, I think your post is at the right place, given that it deals with how you deal your bedwetting / way to wear diapers, and not the diapers themselves!

[dragonette]

hooray OK that makes me feel better. I get hesitant to post on message boards cause I always think I'm doing something wrong, it can be intimidating, and I feel like some wrong assumptions were made about me from a previous reply. So I'm sorry for that and for being nervous.

It's hard to be a bedwetter and heavy sleeper. I can't help it I have those problems and I can't help it that diapers make me more emotionally stable. They just do. Like you said I'm sure it does have a lot to do with the anxiety I felt over "no more diapers" when I was 9, the shame I felt whenever I wet the bed the next 4 years, and the relief I felt when I put on my first GoodNites at 13. My bedwetting only became even more consistent after that as you know from my story, so I never faced "no more diapers" again.

When I think about it that way, the mini-freakout I had doesn't seem like such a big deal. I know I need diapers. Of course I feel more secure about my bedwetting and sleep issues, and unafraid of falling asleep, when I'm wearing one. Thanks again, I'll try to do what's easiest for me and makes me feel best.

[Dylan]

There has been a lot of dialogue along these lines for years. It's already been said here that diapers exist to make our lives better, however it may be that they do that for each person. As for the argument that increased diaper use leads to increased incontinence; there must be a logical fallacy. Since continent DLs report no success becoming incontinent through diaper use, it cannot follow that increased use results in greater incontinence. I've developed an axiom to define the phenomena : "Where there is a desire for continence, there will be continence to the degree it is physically possible." Having said that. . . I've personally done what you've done many times, and while I've also felt a little guilty about it at times, I don't see any harm in it. Relax, enjoy life.

[dayannight]

I suffer from aches and pains and sometimes take medication to ease the discomfort - this drug can have side effects that i don't like so sometimes I just endure the aches and discomfort. I am mentioning this because I never feel guilty about taking the tablets - or think I am a better person if I don't - it is simply a matter of convenience and what seems most appropriate at the time. I use diapers because they provide a form of external urine (and sometimes bowel) control to take the place of the internal systems that have failed. There is really no logical reason to get into guilt trips about things you are not responsible for, and it isn't being lazy or self indulgent to take sensible precautions and avoid the stress of trying to manage without protection at times of medium/high risk.