Howto respond to bad/creepy introductions

[Moo]

This topic is about how to respond to creepy or otherwise awful introductions.

Here's an example of an awful introduction:

Originally Posted by ricochet8

I've enjoyed diapers for years. I'd love to read a story about someone who finds wet diapers in a diaper pail or somewhere and actually puts them on. Maybe this could be a punishment for wetting the bed or something. To be made to wear someone else's wet diapers. They may have a brother or sister who still wears diapers and this is where the diapers come from. This is not normal but someone might get turned on by a preworn already wet diaper. Anyone know of such a story? As long as this diaper thing is just a fetish it shouldn't hurt anyone.

What's wrong with this, as an introduction?

• The poster has not provided any information which would help us to see him as a full person. Instead, he talks only about his sexual fantasies. This is wrong because:
  • ADISC is a community of good people who happen to like diapers. But, first and foremost, we are a community of real, sensible people. So, people should introduce themselves like they would any other person. Your sexual fantasies, no matter what they are, are NOT a good starting point for an introduction!
  • We want to know the complete you. So, you should include information that helps us relate to you, such as your normal (non-diaper) hobbies and interests.
• His fantasies involve illegal, and gross acts. Stealing other people's stuff is illegal, and wearing diapers already used by someone else is gross, unsanitary and possibly unhealthy (due to bacteria).
  • The fact that the people here like diapers doesn't mean that we appreciate things that are unsanitary, and risk transmission of STDs or other diseases. Wearing someone else's diapers, sitting in messy diapers for a long period of time, etc, are unwise for health reasons, and if you come here seeking information about these things, you will be told so.
  • People here get grossed out, just like anyone else. If you know your fantasy is certain to appear gross to normal people, we may find it gross too. Obviously, we don't think of normal diaper wearing and use as gross, but we do think of re-using old diapers as gross. In other words - the fact that the members of this site usually like diapers doesn't mean that they think *everything* is OK. So, be sensitive, and try to avoid grossing people out.
• The poster is coming across as someone who just wants masturbation material, and doesn't want to make any friends, or engage with us as a real person.
  • ADISC is not intended to be a source for material to be used in your masturbation fantasies. If this is what you seek, you won't be welcome here. Rather, we are a community of people who happen to like diapers, but are also sane, mostly-normal people. You should engage with us with respect, treating us as normal people who happen to be accepting of casual diaper use. Don't treat us as simply a means to get access to something that stimulates you.

So, given all that is wrong with the above introduction... how could a member make a useful reply?

Fear not, the situation is not hopeless!
There are actually several things you can do to try to rescue the situation.


(1) Be Welcoming

Remember, people who post introductions like the above may have signed up in a hurry, completely unaware how ADISC works.
Sad to say, there are sites where an introduction like the above might be normal, even welcome.
The new person who posts a creepy/nasty introduction isn't necessarily a bad person, they might just be expecting ADISC to be different to how it is.

So remember, your first task should be to welcome them, for even if they are misguided, they still took the effort to sign up here.
That doesn't mean you have to go overboard, and welcome them as much as you would someone who posted a good introduction.
It does, however, mean that you should at least say something welcoming in your reply.


(2) Show Them How To Improve

If they don't realize what they did wrong, they won't learn or improve.
For example to reply to the above case, you could use:

Originally Posted by sample reply to horny newbies

Welcome to ADISC.
Sadly, I think you may have the wrong idea of what ADISC is about.
We're a community of mostly-normal people who happen to like diapers.
We try to build genuine friendships with each other, and we mostly talk about normal things, un-related to diapers.
So, with an introduction, we're looking to get to know you as a whole person... we're not looking for a detailed description of your sexual fantasies, or unlikely stories which read like someone's sexual fantasy.
In particular, we're not looking to hear about gross or potentially risky things that make most normal people uncomfortable.

I suggest you read around to get a better picture of what the site is about, and if you still think this is the site for you, post another introduction which bears these points in mind. At that point, you will likely get a better response, and it will set you on a much better footing when it comes to making new friends.

Something like the above is polite, but still makes it clear that the person got it wrong.
Moreover, it points out where their mistakes were, and gives them a chance to improve.

This is what we want - we want to reform these people if we can.

Someone with a gross sexual fetish might be a totally decent person, unaware of the fact that we want to get to know them just as a person, instead of being only interested in their fetish.

We have to show them what we're about, and offer them the chance to improve, remembering that they are probably confused, and unaware of what ADISC is about.


(3) If They Don't Learn, Report Them

Sadly there will be cases of people who completely ignore the advice they are given, and proceed to treat ADISC as something it isn't.
They might be obsessed about finding a date, "mommy" or "daddy".
They might be obsessed about talking about things which aren't appropriate here.
They might be determined to keep lying, either about their age, or about what has happened to them.

In these cases, it is your duty to report these people to a moderator, so that they can be moderated, or banned.

The 'report' button can be found under the avatar, on any post, and (unless you are using a custom skin) it looks like this:

If you have searched and searched for it, but still can't find the report button, you can always file a report manually, by posting a new thread in the requests forum. Be sure to include the URL to the introduction thread you are reporting, so the mods can find it easily.

The key thing to note here is that we give them a chance to improve, but if they fail, you should step back, and call in the mods.
Most people who post bad introductions should either get the message and improve, or decide that this site isn't for them, and leave.
Only a minority will require mod intervention, thankfully.
In these cases, though, reporting the post (so a moderator can handle it) is definitely the right thing to do.

Mods who deal with such cases, and moderate or ban users due to their posts, should reply to the thread stating this.
They should also close the thread, so that anyone who looks at the thread later can learn from it.
In particular, so that they can learn that the introduction was inappropriate, why, and that after the poster failed to improve, action was taken.

[Mako]

<3 Moo.

Your really stepping up with the guidelines and giving people a good idea on how to keep ADISC welcoming. It's really great to see, and I hope people take your advice.

[babibear]

Originally Posted by Moo

This topic is about how to respond to creepy or otherwise awful introductions.

Great guidelines Moo!

Well thought out and meticulous!

[Mesmerale]

Originally Posted by Moo

sitting in poopy diapers

Hehe.. I'm gonna bundle that away and keep it until your birthday. Embarrassing moments! ^_^

Originally Posted by Moo

engage with us as a real person.

"engage with any person as a real person."

"engage with us as real people."

"engage with any one of us as a real person."

...

Just saying.

Don't hurt me.

[Butterfly Mage]

I'm always in favor of giving people a second chance. Peachy did that for me and I think it worked out for the better as far as ADISC is concerned (I like coming here and several people like my posts.)

I learned my lesson the hard way at foxtales. I didn't post anything gross/illegal. But my intro was odd enough that most people thought I was a real flake. (Well, I am kind of a flake -- but I'm a harmless flake, hee hee).

Anyway... This is a good sticky. I think it will be helpful.

[Moo]

Originally Posted by Mesmerale

Hehe.. I'm gonna bundle that away and keep it until your birthday. Embarrassing moments! ^_^

"engage with any person as a real person."

"engage with us as real people."

"engage with any one of us as a real person."

...

Just saying.

Don't hurt me.

Thanks for the tip.

Fixed now.

[Raccoon]

Excellent, excellent. Now clever newbies who feel picked on can respond to a negative person with a link or quote to the rules. I wholly approve. From these stickies, everybody benefits.

[Mesmerale]

Originally Posted by Moo

Thanks for the tip.

Fixed now.

You're welcome!

Strikethrough'd now.

[mm3]

Tell ya what Moo, put THIS on the registration form so that these people see this. THEN, make it so that all registrees need admin/mod approval before they're allowed in, and make them write an introduction, and make that introduction be the deciding factor of wither or not they're joining.

My $.02

[Butterfly Mage]

So... This is a tangentially related idea: is there some way for newbies who have chosen a creepy/useless alias to pick something more appropriate? For example, can someone who picks out a name like "pamperbabyboy32523" rename to something more self-actualizing and meaningful?