"The Girl of My Dreams"

[teddy564339]

Well, I've written about 11 TB/AB stories, though it's been a long time since I've done any writing. But, I figured I might as well post a few old stories of mine and see if anyone on here likes them. If people like this one, I'll post some more.

I wrote this one about a year and a half ago. It's had mixed reactions, but a number of people have liked it. It's more about the emotion than anything else.

Anyway, I hope you like it.

[teddy564339]

Life sure is funny sometimes. When you think you’ve got it made, suddenly things turn around and you have the worst day of your life. Then you find out what you think you’re going to dread is better than you ever thought it could be. And it all gets twisted up so you get so confused that you feel like life is a ride that you just want to get off of.

Since you probably don’t get what I’m talking about, I’ll tell you the story of one crazy summer of my life. It was then that I learned things about myself that I never knew were there. This summer was the most enjoyable and yet most stressful summer I’ve ever had. But one thing’s for sure…I’ll definitely never forget it. Because this was a summer about learning…a summer about fear…a summer about discovery…but mostly, a summer about love.

Now, maybe you’re one of those people who doesn’t believe in love. If you are, I don’t blame you. That’s the way I used to be. I used to think it was just something people made up as an excuse to have sex with one another. I mean, I understood what it was like to enjoy spending time with someone. I understood what it was like to care for someone. But I had never truly been in love. I didn’t believe it was possible. I thought it was all made up. I didn’t understand all of the hearts and presents and baby talk and everything.

And then it hit me like a freight train.

It was back in my sophomore year in high school…the spring semester. I was a pretty chilled-out 15 year old. I was thin and didn’t really play any sports…but I wasn’t a really smart kid either. I always liked being in the middle and just blending with the crowd. I didn’t really get into partying and drinking and everything…I just liked to joke around with my friends, watch movies with them, and talk about music…nothing too glamorous. Even my clothes kind of blended in…I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy.

I always preferred to keep things simple and stress-free. I had had a couple of girlfriends, but the relationships had just been a pain. They weren’t worth the effort. I never really felt a true connection.

Then, right in the middle of March, we had a new student in my English class. Her name was Kylie Meadows. At the time it didn’t mean anything…but it would end up meaning so much.

I remember how we were doing some group writing assignment for Mrs. Somers, our English teacher. We were supposed to choose some symbol that represented us as a person and explain to our group why we chose it. Our group was made up of me, my best friend Josh, and our other friend Monica. We just were kind of just goofing around instead of really focusing on the assignment. But, since our group was so small, Mrs. Somers decided to put Kylie in our group.

My first impression of her was almost pity, actually. I knew it must have been hard to be a new student at any school, especially when coming over right in the middle of March. So I didn’t want her to feel awkward or anything.

As Kylie sat down, I extended my hand and said, “Hey, I’m Eric Jacobs.”

Kylie smiled at me and said “I’m Kylie…I’m new here.”

Josh laughed at my formality and introduced himself too, as did Monica. None of us really felt like doing the assignment so we figured getting to know Kylie would be a good way to avoid it.

As I look back on it, it’s funny how at the time she just seemed like any other girl to me. She told us about how her parents lived at the beach but because of a hurricane that had hit in the fall, she had had to move around over the last few months. She said how she hated all of the schools she had been to and just wanted to go back home.

As she spoke I began to wonder what made her hate those other schools. She was definitely attractive…brown eyes, long brown hair, smooth facial features. My first impression of her would have been that she was a cheerleader if not for the simple clothes she was wearing. But she seemed really nice and easy to get along with…by the end of class all of us were joking about how crappy our school was and different funny movies we had seen.

That was one of the few moments that I can remember that Kylie just seemed like any other girl…nothing special about her. Looking back it’s hard to believe it…




My first impression of Kylie was correct…it’s amazing how quickly she fit in with people. It wasn’t long before she was a part of a group of girls that did everything together. I didn’t really like a lot of the girls she hung out with…but that didn’t really matter. We had gotten along pretty well in English class that day so Josh, Monica and I didn’t mind working with her when we had too…just like with anyone else, it was nothing special.

I could tell a lot of the other guys disagreed. It seemed like all of them had the hots for Kylie. It was hard to believe how popular she became over the next two months…it seemed like everyone knew her, and she was always surrounded by a group of people.

But the most shocking thing of all was how I started feeling about her. At first, it was normal…we could joke about stuff in class and I didn’t give it a second thought. But as she grew in popularity, I found it weird that I could get along with her so well. I had always been somewhat of a nobody…I had my friends but most people didn’t give me a second thought. Kylie hung out with people who hardly knew me or ever cared to know me. But she always treated me like I was just a good friend.

At first I think it was just her popularity. Because everyone liked her, I just assumed there was something special about her…she just knew how to press the right buttons or whatever. But as time went by, I felt like there was something magical about her…almost as though she was more important than everyone else.

It wasn’t really anything that she did…she didn’t act stuck up or like she was better than everyone. In fact, that’s what made me like her even more…I felt like I wasn’t on her level, like she was way too good to talk to me…but she treated me with total respect and kindness…like we were equals. I don’t know why, but I felt like I didn’t deserve that from her.

I had never felt this before. I would lie awake at night, wondering ‘Why does Kylie even talk to me?’ And I started wondering ‘Well, why shouldn’t she? She’s just another girl, and I’m just another guy.’ But I couldn’t shake the feeling. For some reason, in my gut I felt like she was truly special. And it made me feel all warm and giddy that she actually liked me.

As the weeks went by, I found myself thinking about her when I wasn’t around her. In class my mind was wondering what she was doing, what she was thinking. If I saw her in the halls I raced to think of something I could do to get her attention to get her to talk to me.

It was even worse when I was around her. I noticed every little thing about myself, from the way I was sitting to what my hair looked like. I wanted to look as cool as possible so Kylie wouldn’t think I was a dork. Whenever we talked I thought long and hard about what I was going to say, because I didn’t want to embarrass myself by saying something she thought was stupid. I wanted to appear perfect to her…just to get her to like me.

I found myself thinking about our interactions all of the time. I would feel warm inside when I thought of her laughing at something I’d say and I would cringe when I thought of her choosing other people to be in her groups in class.

I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about her? Why did I keep going around and around in circles in my head? One day I felt on top of the world because Kylie had told me I was such a nice guy, and the next day I felt I was at rock bottom because she told me she had a date with one of the pretty boy football players. I felt like I was going crazy.

What’s worse, I was beginning to dread the summer coming. What would I do? I wouldn’t see Kylie for nine whole weeks. And then, the next year she might not be in any of my classes. Or worse yet, what if she moved away again? Every time I thought of it I felt what was almost a sense of panic.

But then, about one week before summer vacation, all of my greatest hopes…and fears…were realized.

It happened right between English class and lunch. The bell had just rung, and I was about to head off with Josh to go to the cafeteria while I expected Kylie to go off with her group of girl friends. But Kylie called me over and I told Josh to go ahead without me.

I felt those same butterflies as I always did when Kylie said my name…

“Eric, I wanted to ask you something really important.”

My mind was racing. “Yeah?” I asked.

“Well, our house down at the beach is just about fully repaired…so I’m gonna be heading back there about a week into the summer.”

I felt my throat go dry. So Kylie was going to be moving away after all…

“And here’s the thing. Most of my old friends won’t be coming back this summer, and I know I’m gonna get really lonely. So I was just wondering…do you think you’d want to come spend some time with me and my parents over the summer?”

“What?!” I blurted out, not able to help myself.

Kylie just giggled. “Well, it wouldn’t be just you, of course. I’ve invited a few of my new friends here…and I was thinking about asking Josh and you if you’d like to come too.”

My excitement dropped a little. “Who else is coming?” I asked.

“Oh, not many people…it’s just going to be me, Kristen, Monica, Josh, and you…if you guys want to come.”

I couldn’t believe it. Kylie was dating some preppy basketball player named Steve, and I was sure he would be coming along too. I couldn’t help but ask about him.

“You’re not inviting Steve? Aren’t you two going out?”

“Well, yes, but…oh, you know him, Eric. He’s such a jackass sometimes. I used to like him, but…I’m gonna break up with him at the end of the year…just tell him that since I’m going back home, it won’t work out. But you…you’re just fun, and nice, and I have a good time with you. And Josh, of course,” she added on quickly.

“Anyway, I just think it would be a lot more fun if the five of us were together. My dad owns this beach supplies store and he said he’d be happy to have all of you as long as you were willing to help out around the house and at the store. So what do you think?”

Barely able to speak anymore, I was able to say, “Well, I had better check with my parents…since it’s the whole summer…but I’ll get back to you about it…after I talk to Josh, too…”

Kylie just smiled at me. “Okay…tell me how it turns out. Bye, Eric!”

And I just stood there, not believing anything I had just heard.





Josh loved the idea when I told him.

“Dude, are you serious?!” he asked me. “A whole summer at the beach?!”

“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either,” I said. “It almost sounds too good to be true.”

“Damn right,” he said. “I tell you, I don’t care what my parents say, I’m going. And your parents…they always let you do anything, so I know you’ll be able to go. The question is,” he added with a sly smile, “Can you handle it?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Oh please,” he said, still smiling. “I don’t know how you’re gonna survive the whole summer living with Kylie. You nearly wet yourself every time she walks into the room!”

I was speechless for a bit. “Wha…what do you mean…?” I sputtered.

“Oh come on, it’s obvious every time you talk to her.” He started doing a cruel but accurate impression of me laughing too hard at one of Kylie’s jokes and then misplacing his elbow on the table so that he slipped off of it. “Dude, it’s so obvious you’re nuts about her.”


I tried to act like I didn’t now what he was talking about. “Psssht”, I said. “Me and Kylie…yeah right…you know we’re just friends…”


Josh’s assumptions about my parents had been right. They seemed almost happy to have me away for the summer, and after a quick call to Kylie’s parents they were sold on the idea. Apparently, so were Josh’s parents as well as those of Kristen and Monica. Because in a few short weeks we had all piled into Kylie’s parents’ cars and were making our way out to the beautiful coast.

I honestly could not believe my luck. This was everything I could have hoped for. But Josh’s words have actually struck quite a chord with me. I had never spent this much time around Kylie before. I would be spending almost nine weeks living with her in the same house. How in the hell was I going to make it through the summer without her thinking I was a total idiot?


Thankfully there was enough to keep my mind off of it when we arrived. Kylie’s house was absolutely gorgeous. It was in a packed, family neighborhood right on the beach. It had two stories with a huge living room, a nice kitchen, multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, and even an awesome deck outside. There was plenty of room for the seven of us (Kylie didn’t have any siblings)…we each even got our own bedroom! Everything seemed absolutely perfect. I was in for a summer of fun at the beach in an awesome house with a group of friends with the girl of my dreams.

I managed to make it through a delicious dinner without making an idiot of myself in front of Kylie. It was nice to get to know her parents and we got to tell them all about us. Afterwards we were so worn out from the trip that we all went straight to bed. As I lay there in the nice, comfortable bed, I felt like I was in for the best time of my life. Fantasies of me and Kylie walking hand in hand along the beach at sunset danced in my head and mixed with dreams about us kissing as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

As I woke up the next morning, I just lay there for a few minutes and smiled. All of this was simply too good to be true. I couldn’t help but wonder what on earth could mess this up for me.

The answer was waiting for me as I flung the blanket off of my body. Feeling my mind start to go cloudy, I couldn’t believe what I had done.

I had wet the bed during the night.

[teddy564339]

My heart started to pound. I started to breathe fast. My mind started to race. I simply couldn’t believe what I was looking at. How in the world could I have wet the bed? I hadn’t done that since I was three or four years old! I would have never ever even contemplated the possibility of it.

After my initial wave of panic, I tried to at least think clearly. First of all, I ran over to the door, shut it and then locked it. Then I tried to survey the damage. Even though I was still in a state of panic, I noticed that at least the blankets hadn’t gotten wet, which was good. Obviously my boxers were wet. So were the sheets. But it looked like that was all.

As I tried to control my breathing and lower my heart rate, I figured I could deal with my boxers, at least for the time being. I could just shove them somewhere…either in my suitcase, or the dresser in the closet, or even just under something in the closet. I couldn’t leave them there too long because it would start to stink…but for now that didn’t matter.

The sheets were the problem. Thankfully they were a dark blue, but the stain was still visible. There was no place I could put them without someone asking where they went. I thought that maybe I could just make the bed and hope no one would look underneath the blankets. But then I figured that it was too much to risk…what if Kylie’s mom (or as I thought with a cringe, Kylie herself) came in and decided that the bed wasn’t made up nicely enough? She would re-do it herself and notice the crime.

No…I’d have to fix the problem. And the only way I could do that was to wash the sheets myself. Luckily, Kylie’s parents had shown up where the washer and dryer were. They also were pretty close to my room. It was still pretty early, so there was a chance I could sneak the sheets into the washer before anyone was up. I knew Josh liked to sleep late, and I figured I could probably count on Kylie and the other girls to do the same.

For now I decided my best bet was to remove the sheets and ball them up or hide them so that no one saw the wet stain. If anyone asked where they were…I could just tell them that I had sweated a lot in the night and I wanted to wash them. Then, whenever I got the chance…I could just put them in the washer. Of course, it would be easier if I could do it before anyone was up...but at least that was a back-up plan.

I was still extremely nervous about the situation as I removed the sheets. So it made my heart drop even more when I realized that not only was there a stain on the sheets, but it had gone through to the mattress, too. Panic started to overtake me again…but I soon decided I could flip over the mattress. It wouldn’t be a complete long-term solution…but that didn’t matter for the moment. As quietly as I could, I flipped over the mattress. For now this worked…the stain wasn’t visible and I didn’t imagine it would start to smell yet. I figured I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.

After changing into a clean set of clothes, I made sure the sheets weren’t visible and checked outside of my room. Staying as quiet as I could, I checked all of the bedrooms down the hall. Kylie’s parent’s room was on the other floor (the first floor), but I noticed that all of the other bedroom doors were shut. I figured this was my best bet.

As quickly and quietly as I could, I rushed back to my room, grabbed the sheets (as well as my boxers), and raced to the laundry room. I quickly stuffed the sheets and my boxers into the washer and dumped some detergent in. I started the washer up and prayed that no one would find out what happened.

I finally started to calm down. Unless someone noticed the mattress, I was pretty sure no one would find out what happened.

But then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs outside of the laundry room. I started to panic again, not knowing whether to hide or make a run for it. Figuring that I’d be able to explain dashing easier than hiding, I began making it back to my room before anyone saw me.

Unfortunately, Kylie’s mom saw me as soon as I came out of the laundry room. She looked a little surprised, and then she said to me, “I thought I heard the washer running. What are you doing, Eric?”

I was still short of breath and my heart was pounding, but at least I was able to control myself. “Umm…,” I said. “Well, you see…during the night, I ended up sweating a good bit. And uh…I didn’t want to have to sleep with the same sheets again. So I figured I’d…just wash them right now.”

“Oh!” she said in slight surprise. “Ok then…that’s fine. I just thought it was funny that someone was doing laundry at this hour. But just so you know,” she added with a smile. “I would have done it for you had you let me know…you didn’t have to do it yourself.”

“Um…okay,” I said, still nervous.

“Eric, are you okay?” she asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

I quickly thought of a small lie. “Well…um…you see, right after I threw my sheets in the washer, I was worried that maybe you guys would be mad at me for using the washer without permission.”

She smiled again. “Oh…is that all? Not only are you a hard worker, but you’re thoughtful, too! I can see why Kylie gets along with you! Well,” she said, giving me a wink. “Feel free to use our washer any time you want. But like I said, I’ll always do laundry for you any time you want. In fact…I’ll put those in the dryer for you once they’re done.”

“No!” I said, surprising her a bit more. “I mean…no, I’ll do it. I’d hate to trouble you…especially this early.”

“Of course, being thoughtful again!” she said, still smiling. “Well, now that you mention it, I did want to go for a walk on the beach. So, if you insist…that’s fine.”

With that, she turned around and went downstairs. Feeling utterly amazed at how I dodged that bullet, I raced back to my bedroom before I had a heart attack.

It took me a good fifteen minutes before I completely calmed myself down. But finally, I told myself “Ok…you have nothing to worry about…no one will ever find out.”

Thankfully, that turned out to be true for the morning. After I went downstairs and had some breakfast, I went back up and put the sheets and boxers in the dryer. The stains weren’t visible at all…but I still preferred to keep them away from everyone. By the time I went back downstairs, Kylie, Josh, Monica and Kristin had all come downstairs. Kylie’s dad was there too.

It’s funny…even after everything I had gone through, I still felt nervous about being around Kylie. In fact, it seemed even more pronounced than normal. Thankfully, they were all engaged in conversation, so other than a brief “good morning” I was able to keep my mouth shut and not have to answer any awkward questions.

Together we all decided we wanted to spend the day getting to know the town a bit and letting Kylie and her dad show us around. It was fun…it was a great town with lots of fun shops and young people. We had lunch at a cozy little restaurant and saw a movie afterwards. I was able to stay pretty relaxed…though every now and then my thoughts would jump back to the sheets in the dryer. I found it easiest if I tried to ignore Kylie for the time being, as hard as that was. I honestly didn’t think my mind could handle any more pressure.

When we got back I was able to get my sheets out and put them back on my bed. There weren’t any marks at all, and I felt I could finally breathe easier. Of course it was pretty awkward when Kylie’s mom started going on about how thoughtful I was by doing my own laundry, but my heart skipped a beat when Kylie looked at me and said, “Eric, that’s so responsible of you. I like that.” That totally made Josh and Monica’s taunts endurable.

Feeling happy about Kylie’s comment, I figured the best thing was to just go out for a walk on the beach with just Josh and me. For the first time that day I was able to completely relax…just enjoy the beautiful beach, joking around with Josh and not worrying about anything. It was at these moments that I was able to forget about all of the stress Kylie caused me and only focus on the good things. It was times like this that I felt truly alive…it was pure bliss. I felt on top of the world. The whole bedwetting incident was pushed all the way to the back of my mind.

To cap off the great day, we had another good dinner and all of us young people enjoyed playing ping pong and watching TV in Kylie’s basement. Again, it was easier just to listen to Kylie and not say anything to her during these times. She didn’t seem to notice. While this made my life easier, I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt…did it make no difference to her if I spoke to her or not? Did she not care about my company?

As I got ready for bed I continued to contemplate this. It wasn’t until I got into bed that I remembered what had happened the previous night. My heart started to race again…what if it happened again?

“No,” I told myself. “Last night was a total fluke. I haven’t wet the bed since I was a little kid…it won’t happen again.” But, just to be safe, I made sure I went to the bathroom before going to bed. I also flipped over the mattress…in case it happened, I didn’t want both sides to have stains.

As I closed my eyes in bed, I felt a huge mix of emotions…my stress and worry over Kylie mixing with my absolute joy that I had felt that day. I drifted off to sleep as the emotions tumbled over one another.


Before I knew it I was awake again. As I woke up, I felt a knot in my stomach. Was it possible I had wet the bed again? Nervously, I threw aside the blanket to see.

My heart dropped again. Just like the day before, there was a huge wet spot over my crotch and the sheets. I let out a silent groan…what was going on? I began to freak out a little bit…what if there was a real problem with me.

I soon realized I didn’t have the time to worry about this. I had gotten so caught up in my feelings the night before that I realized I hadn’t locked the door to the bedroom…I hadn’t even closed it all of the way.

I knew that I would have to once again quickly go lock it before I could fix everything. This time, however, I wasn’t nearly as lucky. As soon as I stood up next to the bed, the door swung open and I saw the very last person I wanted to see at that moment. Kylie said “Good morning, Eric!” right before her eyes darted to the clearly visible wet spot over my boxers.

I, of course, was too stunned to even do anything but stand there frozen. After about two seconds, however, Kylie looked at me in horror and said, “Eric, I’m so sorry!” and quickly turned around, left, and shut the door behind her. I just continued to stand there, feeling like I was about to faint from what just happened.

Just like before, my heart was pounding and I was breathing fast. It had happened so quickly that I didn’t even have time to really process what had happened. At that point, it was starting to hit me…Kylie, the girl that I was so deeply obsessed with, had seen me in probably the most humiliating state that I could possibly be in…having just wet myself.

For a short bit I began thinking that maybe she actually hadn’t noticed that my boxers were wet. Maybe she had just seen me standing there in my boxers and was ashamed to see me with so little clothes on.

But then I looked down at my boxers and realize that that made no sense. First of all, since my boxers were a light blue, the stain was clearly visible. Secondly, Kylie had stared at me for plenty of time…if she had been embarrassed about seeing me in my boxers, she would have immediately turned and shut the door. And just to make me completely lose hope, I realized that as long as she had the slightest suspicion, she would easily put it together with my act of washing the sheets the previous day.

As I sat there contemplating everything, I felt like curling up inside a cave and just dying. I doubt I had ever felt lower in my life…this was shame and embarrassment beyond anything I had remembered feeling in a long time. It would have been bad enough if it had been some stranger, or Josh, or even my parents. But Kylie…the person who I felt feelings about unlike anyone else I had ever met…it was almost enough to make me feel like life wasn’t living. As overdramatic as that sounds, that’s how I felt.

I didn’t have time to think about it much more, because right at that moment I heard a soft knock on the door, and I heard Kylie’s voice say very softly “Eric?”

It seemed as though Kylie had just shut the door out of instinct and stood there contemplating what she had just seen. Even though I felt like ignoring her and pretending I had just disappeared, I also knew by now that I would have to face Kylie at some point. I felt like a little kid who had just done something really bad…and I now I was facing a parent who was about to punish me.

I quickly put a pair of pants on over my boxers and threw the blanket over the sheets, with the still distant hope that I could still hide my act of shame. Even though my throat was extremely dry, I still managed to say, “Yeah?”

Kylie paused for a few seconds…I could tell this was awkward for her. “Umm…Eric? Would it be okay if I came in there?”

Again, I saw no way I could refuse and make up for it later. Feeling totally stunned, I just said, “Okay” in a hollow voice.

Slowly, Kylie opened the door. She walked in the room cautiously and sat on the edge of the bed, not even looking at me. I could tell that she really wanted to speak but also wanted to be very careful with her words.

She talked without looking at me. I soon dropped my head and didn’t even want to look at her. “Well…um…first, I’m sorry for barging in on you. I didn’t mean to…well…”

I couldn’t think of anything to say. So she kept going.

“Anyway…well, just to be sure…I know this isn’t something you want to talk about…but did you really…you know…”

She paused for a bit, trying to phrase the words… “Wet yourself?” she continued.

Even though it was almost unbearable, I squeaked, “Yes.”

“Well, just so you know…it’s ok. It’s not really a big deal.”

I felt like this was a total lie. Of course it was a big deal. Wetting the bed isn’t something normal people do.

I finally felt like I could say something. I just had to or I wouldn’t be able to stand all of the pressure.

“Well…um…it actually…happened in the night.”

“You mean…you…wet the bed?”

It sounded so horrible coming from her. “Yeah,” I gulped, our eyes still not meeting.

“Oh…well,” she began. “I know it’s…a very sensitive subject. But, you could have told me, you know. I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

For some reason I felt the immediate need to justify myself. I looked at her, and I saw her look me in the face. “It’s not a normal thing!” I stammered. “Honest! Two nights ago was the first time I’ve done it in…forever! And it happened again last night.”

I could tell she was thinking about all of this. “Oh…yeah…so that’s why you…yesterday…”

As she continued to think, it didn’t seem like she believed that this had only happened twice.

“So…well…do you think…it’s going to happen again?”

“Um…I don’t know…”

“Well…for now, it’s not a big deal. We can just…wash everything again. I can put your stuff in with some of mine. And I’ll wash it…mom and dad won’t be surprised.”

I wanted to be quiet, but I felt the need to come clean completely. “But…what about the mattress?”

“Well, it’s pretty old…I don’t think mom or dad will notice. And probably near the end of the summer we’ll throw it away anyway.”

This made me feel a little better, but not much. “Um…Kylie?” I asked. “You’re not gonna…you know…tell anyone about this?”

“Oh! Of course not!” she said quickly. “Don’t worry, Eric…honestly, it’s ok. Stuff…happens. It’s just…well, I hope it doesn’t keep happening.”

“Yeah…” I said, my voice trailing off.

“Well, anyway…let’s not worry about it anymore. I just wanted to know. Because that’s what friends do, right? Support and help each other.”

Again, I felt slightly better. At least Kylie still called me a friend. “Yeah…you’re right.”

“It’ll just be our little secret. No one else has to know.”

“Yeah…that’s right. A secret.”

“Ok then,” she said. “You can just…get cleaned up and everything…and just put the stuff in my room. I’ll get it…you don’t need to worry.”

As she got up and started to walk out, she said, “I’ll see you in a bit, then.”

Right as she was about to walk out, I said, “Kylie? I just wanted to say…thanks.”

She gave me a small smile, and then walked out.



This was honestly unlike anything I had ever felt before. I felt totally numb. Even though part of me felt like I was totally blowing this out of proportion…I couldn’t change how I felt.

Part of me felt all right in spite of all of the horrible feelings. I think it was because Kylie was at least still talking to me. And she also acted ok about everything…she tried to support me and help me get through this.

But then I started thinking…isn’t that what anybody would have said? I mean, Josh wouldn’t have made fun of me or anything either. He would still be my friend, too…at least to my face. But what was Kylie truly thinking? What did she really think of me now? Was she ashamed to know that she was friends with a guy who wet the bed? She probably even thought this was normal for me.

‘Pity’, I thought to myself. ‘Pure pity. That’s the only reason why she was no nice to me. She’s so perfect…and I’m just…nothing. I’m worse than that…’

I honestly didn’t feel like ever leaving that room again. But I had faith that Kylie would at least keep her word and keep the whole thing secret. So, after showering, I took my boxers and sheets over to Kylie’s room. I knocked, but there was no answer. I assumed she wasn’t in, so I opened the door and dropped the stuff in her room without even looking around.

I went downstairs and saw that Josh, Kristen and Kylie’s parents were already up. They were just talking relaxingly. I wished that I could be like them…not worrying about all of this.

They were talking about the beach supplies shop that Kylie’s parents owned. They talked about how they were going to re-open the shop the next day. They told us how they needed to get everything ready, first, and they needed our help to do so. They also said how they weren’t really hiring us to work in the shop…they couldn’t really legally hire or pay us. They just needed us to help them out…and in return we would be their guests.

So, for most of the day we were going to be getting everything completely ready for the re-opening. I was glad to have something to do…it helped me get my mind off of everything. Even though I was much more quiet than normal, I stayed focused on what I was told to do. Everyone kept asking me if something was wrong, but I just said I was tired.

Once we were done later that evening, we returned to the house. I was so mentally and physically drained that I just collapsed on the couch. It was actually pretty nice…I just stayed there and relaxed. It was great to just chill out and watch everyone else. I laughed at their jokes, listened to their stories, enjoyed the music they played on the radio…it was just peaceful.

After dinner, I grabbed my headphones and went out for a walk on the beach alone. There was so much to contemplate…

I had tried to just avoid talking to Kylie all day. It was hard enough to talk to someone who I was so embarrassed to be around. But to top that off with my usual paranoia and insecurity of being around her…it was more than I could stand. I started to regret ever coming here.

But then I thought of all of those good feelings again. Every good thing that Kylie had ever said about me. It was just so frustrating not knowing what Kylie really felt. Even though I knew I should just ask her…I simply couldn’t. I didn’t have the guts.

I went back in after a while. It had gotten dark. Interestingly enough, as soon as I got in, Kylie approached me.

“Eric?” she asked. “Will you go for a walk on the beach with me?”

I was surprised. My immediate reaction was to avoid being rude, so I agreed.

We walked for a long time without saying a word. I felt pretty awkward still…I just didn’t have anything to say. It was crazy…a few weeks ago I would have cherished this moment more than anything else. This was a walk on the beach with Kylie…at her request. But now, after the whole bedwetting incident…I didn’t even know where to begin.

Finally, she broke the silence. “Eric…I know it’s probably the last thing you want to talk about…but truly, one hundred percent…it is OK what happened. It’s not like you did anything wrong. You couldn’t help what happened.”

I just kept walking, not really knowing what to say.

“Today I could tell it was still bothering you. Don’t let it. We’re here to have fun. And I’m glad you’re here. Don’t let something stupid like this ruin it.”

It was amazing how much better this made me feel. It completely validated any feelings I had that I had been being stupid by worrying about all of this.

“Do you really mean that?” I asked. “I mean, it seems like you’re just saying it to make me feel better.”

“No, honestly…it’s really ok. Besides, I DO want you to feel better. I know it’s embarrassing…but these things happen. I don’t care.”

I suddenly was able to relax. I felt the warm sea breeze and enjoyed the sound of the waves. And to top it all off…I wasn’t nearly as nervous talking to Kylie! After going through something as intense as the whole bedwetting incident…everything I had worried about before it didn’t seem to matter at all. I felt like I could enjoy myself with Kylie.

However, she did break this feeling just a bit. This was because she then asked, “So…do you think this is going to happen again tonight?”

“Oh!” I said in surprise. “Um…I…honestly don’t know.”

“Well, if it really hasn’t been happening until now…I’m a little worried. Do you think maybe you should see a doctor?”

“Hmmm,” I said. “Maybe. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Well, we’ll see tomorrow. After that…we’ll have to figure something out. We can’t keep washing sheets and keeping the mattress hidden…”

I was too uncomfortable thinking about everything to respond. Kylie appeared to have given up on it, so I didn’t have to worry.


I went to bed that night feeling better than I had the entire day, but I was still really nervous about waking up in the morning.

I went to the bathroom again and tried to avoid drinking water. I also ended up lying in bed awake for hours, feeling nervous about going to sleep.

However, my fatigue got the best of me and I fell asleep. When I awoke in the morning, I hoped nothing had happened…but I wasn’t surprised to see yet another stain on the sheets.

After once again hiding the evidence, I tracked Kaylie down and privately said to her, “It happened again.” It wasn’t easy bringing it up, but I knew that she would end up just asking at some point anyway.

She looked somewhat disappointed, but like me, she wasn’t surprised.

“Okay,” she whispered to me. “Honestly, Eric, I really think you had better see a doctor. I’ll let my parents know…they’re probably worried about you already, since you were so out of it yesterday. We may not be able to get an appointment until tomorrow, though…”

I just nodded, knowing that she was right. I hoped that a doctor might at least be able to give me some more information…or maybe even put a stop to all of this. It would be so nice to get my life back on track again.

It was the day of the big re-opening, but Kylie’s parents insisted that I stayed home instead of going to the shop. Monica offered to stay with me, and Kylie’s parents said it was just as well…typically only two or three of us would need to go into the shop to help out at a time. Monica was good company…we played cards, went for a few walks, watched a DVD, laid out on the beach…it was ok. And even though I missed her, I did feel more relaxed with Kylie gone.

Before I knew it, evening had struck again. I found out that it would be two more days before I could see the doctor, which was slightly depressing news. But, it was okay…Kylie and I had done a pretty good job so far keeping everything secret.

That night, though, I was in for another surprise. As I was getting ready for bed, Kylie came into my room holding a big paper bag in her arms.

“What’s up?” I asked her, looking at the bad.

“Well, Josh, you see,” she began. “You heard that you won’t be able to see the doctor until the day after tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, still eying the bag.

“Well, like I said earlier…it’s going to be a big pain to keep washing these sheets. Besides, that mattress won’t be able to take too much more, either. So I kept trying to think of another solution. And I think I found one.”

“Really?” I asked, feeling better. It would be great to not have to worry about the mattress or the sheets anymore.

“Yeah, I think so. And…I know that you might not like it, but really, I thought about it a lot, and I really think it’s the best idea.”

The tiny bit of nervousness I felt at these words was nothing compared to the shock and disbelief I had when I saw what she pulled out of the bag.

It was a pack of diapers.

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I was in such a state of shock that I wasn’t able to think clearly about what I should say. So, the first thing that came out of my mouth was: “What…is that?” …even though I could easily tell.

Kylie blushed the very slightest bit. “Well,” she said, “They’re for your…problem. You can think of them as…protection.”

I couldn’t believe it. Diapers! Kylie wanted me to wear diapers! As if wetting the bed weren’t humiliating enough. Wearing a diaper would be about ten times worse.

Feeling extremely awkward I said, “You’re not serious, are you? Do you really expect me to…wear those?” I looked at them for a second, remembering that I had once seen adult diapers in a grocery store.

Kylie looked like she was feeling as awkward as I was, but she continued on. “Well, Eric, I was thinking about it today…and really, since we don’t know how much longer this will keep going on...I mean, we don’t want to be washing sheets every day! And this will just make it easier.”

I just stared at her in disbelief. “You have GOT to be joking! Those are…” I couldn’t stand it any more. “Those are…diapers! I can’t wear diapers!”

Kylie still looked uncomfortable, but also slightly annoyed. “Oh come on Eric. Just think about it. It’s so much easier this way. We won’t have to wash any more sheets, the mattress won’t get any worse…and it’ll be much easier to keep hidden. All we have to is throw them away. It’s really not a big deal.”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not the one who has to wear them!”

“Eric, honestly…you don’t have to be embarrassed about it. We’re the only two that will know, and I don’t think anything less of you. In fact, I think it would be much better if you wore them. Won’t you at least try wearing them? Please?” she added in her sweetest voice possible.

It’s funny…normally I would have been willing to do anything for Kylie, especially when she used that voice. But this…this was totally different. It was bad enough that I was wetting the bed like a little kid…I wasn’t about to wear diapers just like a baby.

“No,” I said stubbornly. “I’m not gonna do it.”

I could tell my childish attitude was making Kylie angry. “Fine,” she said firmly. “In that case, I can go talk to my parents right now and let them know about your little ‘problem’. We’ll see what they think once they know the reason why we’ve been washing sheets so much and that one of their mattresses is being ruined. And I’m sure Josh would get a kick out of it too.”

My mouth dropped in surprise at her saying this. “You wouldn’t…”

“Try me,” she said, a small coldness in her eyes.

I closed my eyes and gave another silent groan. I couldn’t believe Kylie was making me do this. I was totally between a rock and a hard place…but I knew what I had to do.

I gave a deep sigh. “Ok, fine…” I said. “I’ll wear the diapers.”

I could tell Kylie was satisfied by the look on her face. “Good,” she said. “I’m glad you’ve decided to be mature about this.”

I wanted to ask her how wearing diapers could possibly make me more mature than not wearing them, but I held my tongue.

Not really knowing what to say next, I simply asked. “So…um, how do you put them on?”

“Oh,” she said. “You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll be putting them on you for you.”

This time my jaw REALLY dropped. “What?!” I asked. “Now I KNOW you’re joking!”

“No, I’m not,” she said. “Judging that you don’t have any younger brothers or sisters and probably have never baby-sat, I’m assuming you don’t know anything about changing diapers?”

I opened my mouth out of instinct, but then shut it. I hadn’t even thought about that…

“Well…no,” I said in a defeated sort of voice.

“Well, I have. I used to baby-sit all of the time. And let me tell you, if you don’t do it right they can leak. Besides, it’s probably a lot harder to put one on yourself than let someone else do it.”

I couldn’t really think of a good argument. I just stared at her, feeling defeated yet again. “Isn’t there any other way?”

“This is the easiest way. And I will completely mature about it if you will. It’ll only take about a minute. We’ll be done before you know it.”

Seeing that I had no way out of this, I let out my biggest sigh yet and said, “Ok then…let’s just get this over with.”

“Ok then. Get a towel and spread it out on the bed.”

As I did so, I saw her open the pack of diapers and take one out. As she unfolded it, she said, “I got these at the drug store today. The clerk recommended this brand….Attends. I figured they’d do the trick.

I don’t know why she would think I’d care about any of this. I certainly never planned to buy adult diapers any time soon.

Once she had unfolded the diaper, she spread it out on the bed. I had never really been around babies before so I didn’t know much about diapers. I couldn’t help but study it a little bit…I could see how they were designed to fit well, with the front and back being wider and with the tapes there to hold it in place.

“Ok, I need you to take off everything but your shirt, and you should pull it up so it doesn’t get in the way. Then lie down on the diaper. I’ll be back in just a bit.”

As she left I wondered why she was going. I just stared at the diaper in disgust for a second, directing all of my frustration and embarrassment towards it. I felt like saying “I hate you” to it.

I saw no point in fighting it, however, so I took off my pants and boxers and reluctantly lied down on the diaper. It felt so weird to…it was soft, thick, and just…different.

As I thought about the situation, I felt a major knot in my stomach. I couldn’t believe it…probably about a million times I fantasized about me being naked with Kylie. But I would have never thought it would be in a situation like this! Now I was feeling totally nervous and embarrassed. It was like being naked in front of a doctor, but about a hundred times worse.

As I was dreading the moment Kylie returned, she suddenly did. My knee-jerk reaction was to cover up my private parts, but as soon as I did Kylie gave a slight smile and said, “I know it must be very embarrassing, Eric, but honestly, I’ll be very professional. Besides, it’s nothing new to me.”

Realizing that she was right, I took away my hands and just relaxed my arms at my side. I just thought in my head ‘God, let’s just get this over with quickly.’

It was then that I noticed that Kylie had come back with something. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I looked at what she was holding and had another brief spell of disbelief. It was a bottle of…baby powder!

“What the hell is that?” I asked.

“It’s baby powder, silly,” she said with another smile.

“But…” I said, feeling myself go even more red. “I’m not a baby!”

Kylie couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “I know that, Eric. But really…if we don’t use it, you honestly could get a rash in the night. Believe me, it’ll help.”

“Fine, fine,” I said. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Ok,” she said as she walked over towards me. I closed my eyes and laid my head back, trying to think about something else as she did whatever she needed to. Unfortunately, I would have to do a little work too.

“All right, first of all I need you to move back a little bit on the diaper.” I opened my eyes and moved where she told me to, still trying to keep my mind off of all of this.

“Good. Now I’m gonna shake some powder on your…um…bottom. So just roll back a bit.”

I had used up all of my disbelief. I just did what she said, feeling redder than I ever had in my life while my ass was in clear view of Kylie’s face. As I felt some of the powder hitting my ass, I asked myself ‘Why did she have to say “bottom”?’

Once she told me I could go back down, I felt some of the cool powder hitting my genitals. I couldn’t control my curiosity…I had to tilt my head forward to look. I saw a small cloud of white smoke rising up as a sweet, very vaguely familiar smell hit my nose. I hadn’t smelt that in so long…

Kylie put down the baby powder and said, “Ok, now spread you legs out a little bit. Good,” she added as I did so.

She took the front end of the diaper and pulled it up over my waist. It felt good finally having my genitals covered up. I then reminded myself that it was a diaper that was covering them up.

I felt Kylie pull one side of the diaper over my left hip and un-do the tapes. She told me to lift up a bit so she could pull the back end closer. She then fastened the tapes. Finally, she reached over and did the exact same thing over my right hip.

“Ok,” she said. “All done.”

I was so glad to finally get this over with. Still, I couldn’t help but stand up to get a feel for what the diaper was like.

It felt pretty weird. I hadn’t worn briefs in quite some time, but it felt kind of like them…just softer and thicker. It was quite a different sensation, but oddly enough it felt pretty comfortable…in a weird way.

Before I could stop myself, I actually said, “This actually isn’t too bad!” Then suddenly I looked at Kylie who was giggling a little bit and I said, “I mean…um…”

Kylie just smiled and said, “I told you it wasn’t that big of a deal. Honestly, it’s just a diaper. You just think it’s weird because babies wear them. But lots of people do…elderly people, people who’ve had injuries, or some people who just have bladder problems. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Well…I guess not,” I said.

“All right then,” Kylie said. “I think we’re all done here. So good night Eric.”

“Good night,” I responded. Kylie then left and I shut and locked the door behind her.

Now that she was gone, I couldn’t help but be curious about the diaper. Even though I was still really embarrassed about wearing it, I was starting to get used to the idea…in a very very tiny bit. I started examining the diaper and feeling it. I rubbed the outside of it with my hand to feel the smooth plastic, and I noticed how it crinkled a bit as I walked. I pressed it up against my privates and my butt so I could feel the softness of it on the inside. For one brief second I felt the strangest sensation…it was almost like I remembered from way way back when I wore diapers as a baby! It was so weird…but the feeling was very very vaguely familiar.

“This is so weird,” I told myself. But like I had said earlier…the diaper wasn’t really uncomfortable…just different. It was just the simple fact that it was a diaper that was bothering me.

I didn’t see any reason to think about it any more, so I just hopped into bed, still feeling the interesting sensation of wearing it. As I drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t help but go back and forth in my mind.

On one hand, that had been the worse thing I had ever been through in my life…the girl that I was in love with had actually just put a diaper on me just like I was a little baby! I had never been more humiliated and it made me feel slightly sick to my stomach just thinking about what Kylie must think of me…having to wear diapers just like a baby. No matter what she said, she must have thought that there was something really wrong with me, that I wasn’t normal. It seemed like all of my fantasies of ever having Kylie like me as more than a friend had just disappeared forever. Kylie might pity me enough to still be friends with me…but there’s no way that she would ever fall for some bed-wetting baby like me.

On the other hand, part of me felt like Kylie was right. It wasn’t my fault that I was wetting the bed, and now that I thought about…lots of people must have to wear diapers. Why did I think it was such a big deal when Kylie really didn’t think it was? Maybe I really was just blowing all of this out of proportion. After all, Kylie kept telling me over and over again that she still liked me and didn’t think any less of me for this…and she kept stressing that it wasn’t a big deal. Besides, she was the one who thought of the diapers in the first place.

‘But’ said a nasty thought in the back of my mind, ‘Would Kylie really TELL you if she thought you were a total-lame ass for wetting the bed? Would she really tell you that the thought of you needing to wear diapers disgusted her? Would she tell you that she didn’t think you were cool anymore? She probably just wanted the diapers so that she didn’t have to wash your piss-stained sheets anymore. Kylie’s such a nice, sweet person that she would never have the heart to embarrass you. But she doesn’t actually feel anything for you.’

Once again it was driving me insane. I couldn’t tell whether Kylie was being so nice about this because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings or if she really still liked me ok. My overwhelmed mind couldn’t take it anymore so I just fell asleep.



When I woke up the next morning, it only took me a few seconds to remember that I was wearing a diaper. I could tell that something felt different, too…instead of feeling the damp, stickiness of my boxers and sheets against my skin, I felt a less damp and slightly heavy feeling near my crotch. For a brief second I thought that I actually hadn’t wet the bed. But then I realized that I had. Well, technically, I hadn’t wet the bed…but I had wet the diaper.

I got out of bed and I immediately wanted to take off the diaper. Not only was the cool dampness uncomfortable, but I wanted to rid myself of the shame of wearing it. As I pulled the tapes loose, I let it fall to the floor and I took a shower. I did have to admit, though…it was nice not having to have wet sheets. I guessed now we would just have to throw away the diaper without anyone noticing.

After I showered and got dressed, I threw the diaper in the closet underneath some stuff…I figured I’d deal with it later. I decided to go tell Kylie about everything, so I went over to her room and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she said, and I did so.

“Oh, Eric, it’s you. Well,” she said in a quieter voice. “Did it work?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” I said. “Nothing at all on the sheets or the mattress.”

“I knew it,” she said. “This is great. Now all we need to do is get rid of the diaper. I can do it…I’ll just throw it in a plastic bag and take it out to one of the trashcans near the beach when I go for a walk. I can do it without anyone noticing.”

Even though I felt a little embarrassed about Kylie getting rid of my piss-soaked diaper, she had already washed my piss-soaked sheets so I figured it didn’t really matter. “Ok,” I said. “I threw it underneath some stuff in the closet in my room.”

“All right,” she said. “I guess I might as well do it now…I don’t think anyone’s up yet this morning.”

She left the room to head downstairs, but before I followed her I looked around her room for a bit. It was kind of the typical teenage girl’s room, with a mirror, a make-up table, clothes on the floor, and posters of bands and singers on the walls. I was about to head out of the room when something struck my eye. On Kylie’s bed I noticed a few stuffed animals. I particularly noticed a brown teddy bear. For some reason, I found it…cute. It was a weird feeling…I hadn’t really paid much attention to stuffed animals up to that point. I just kind of stared at it for a few seconds, feeling a very strange sense of admiration.

Then I just shook my head and left the room, closing the door behind me.

I went downstairs to relax in the kitchen a bit to wait for everyone to get up. As the other kids and Kylie’s parents came down, we just talked about various subjects like sports and the weather. I double checked with Kylie’s parents that my doctor’s appointment was still the next day. I then told them that I felt bad for not being at the store the previous day and I offered to help them out that day.

“Oh, Eric, you’re so nice,” Kylie’s mom said. “But if you’re still sick you should stay here again. We only need three people to help us out each day, so you can just switch off with a few of the others after you’ve felt better.”

I figured there was no point in arguing, so I stayed home another day, this time with Kristen as my company. Again, it was nice to just be able to relax for a day. I tried to keep myself busy, however, because whenever I had free time my mind went back to my thoughts of Kylie. I didn’t want to deal with the wooziness I felt when I remembered she had put a diaper on me (and would probably do it again that night) or my confusion of wondering what her true feelings for me were. It was so interesting how Kristen had no idea that any of this was going on as we played Frisbee on the beach or watched TV…though I knew that she took my discomfort and overall silence as symptoms of my sickness.

Eventually the day ended, and after a relaxing evening of all of us having some good conversations together, Kylie’s mom insisted that I get some rest. So, once again I trudged up to my room and waited for Kylie.

Sure enough, she once again came into my room with the baby powder and a diaper. As we went through the ritual again, my feelings of discomfort must have been completely apparent, because she said, “I know you hate this Eric, but after a few more times you’ll probably be able to do it yourself, even if it’s not perfect.”

“Hmmph,” I said, even though I actually appreciated the idea.

Smiling at my pouting, Kylie said, “Well, you know this could be worse.”

“Oh really?” I asked cynically. “What could possibly be worse than having one of your friends powder you and put a diaper on you because you wet the bed?”

In my head I said ‘Having the girl of your dreams be the one to powder you and put a diaper on you because you wet the bed.’

Kylie just giggled and said, “Well, I could always talk to you like you were one of the babies that I used to baby-sit for. I could say how cute and snuggwy wittle Eric is in his didee,” she added in a baby-talk voice with a coy smile as she finished taping up the diaper.

“Come on, cut it out,” I said, but I couldn’t help but smile and laugh a little at the silliness of Kylie’s voice.

Kylie clearly must have found it funny though, because she kept going. “Oh yesh, wittle baby Eric does wook adorable in hid dipee-wipee! Is he gonna make a pee-pee in his dipee?” As she said this she tickled my stomach, which resulted in me laughing and kicking my legs a bit as I went completely red in my face. Of course what she was saying was completely degrading, but she sounded so funny and I was so ticklish that I couldn’t help but just laugh.

Kylie smiled and said, “I’m just kidding, Eric. But you see? None of this is so bad if you don’t take it seriously and can just laugh at it.”

“Well,” I said, not wanting to admit that I knew she was right. “I guess so.”

“Anyway, I guess I’ll let you get some sleep before your appointment tomorrow. Good night.”

“Good night,” I said back and crawled into bed.

Again, I was torn…Kylie sounded so sincere every time that the whole wetting/diaper subject came up that it was becoming harder to think she was making it all up out of pity. On the other hand, maybe Kylie was just really good at making people feel good.

But now there was a new emotion that popped into my head. She was right…it was a whole lot worse to have her talk to me like I was a baby than it was for her to respect my feelings about it.

But it was so weird…even though the baby-talk had embarrassed me on a whole new level, I got this weird sensation in my stomach when she had done it and when I thought about it. And it wasn’t a feeling of humiliation…it was a feeling of…warmth. It was so crazy…but when Kylie had talked to me like that, there was a sense of admiration in her voice that almost put me on cloud nine. I knew she was only kidding, and I knew that it was just something that happened…but there was something about it that made me feel…special. It was like Kylie genuinely liked me…more than just as a friend.

Feeling surprised, guilty and ashamed about my content with Kylie talking to me like that, I fell asleep more confused than ever.



It would be no surprise to me when I woke the next morning that I had once again wet in the night. Like before, the diaper did contain everything perfectly. The bed, sheets and blanket were perfectly fine.

However, at the moment I awoke, I was immediately surprised by something else. I had my thumb in my mouth! I must have been sucking it while I slept! Once I realized this, in reflex I jerked it out of my mouth. It took me a few seconds to realize what I had been doing. I just stared at my thumb for a second, shocked and disgusted. I threw the blanket off of me and wiped the spit off of my thumb.

I was already used to the fact that I had been wetting in the night. But it bothered me more this morning because I had also been sucking my thumb. What in the world was wrong with me? As ashamed as I had been feeling about wetting the bed, I at least felt like I could excuse it…it wasn’t as though I had control over my body.

But sucking my thumb in the night? It’s not like that was a physical condition. Only babies and little kids sucked their thumbs! It made absolutely no sense that I was doing it.

I just shook my head in anger and decided not to think about it. I tore off the diaper, once again threw it in the closet, showered and got dressed.


I went downstairs, where Kylie’s parents were the only ones awake. As they offered me some breakfast, they reminded me about my doctor’s appointment today.

“Eric, your appointment is at about ten o’clock this morning,” said Kylie’s dad. “Don’t worry about coming in to the store today…you’ll have plenty of other days. I’ll drive you to your appointment.”

“Unless you want me to go into the doctor’s office with you,” interjected Kylie’s mom. “I know that sometimes it can be intimidating going in there and if you want someone with you…”

“Now Evelyn,” said Kylie’s dad, speaking to her mom. “Eric is a teenager, he doesn’t need someone in there to hold his hand. I’m sure he wants to keep this private…”

“You don’t know that, Roger!” responded Kylie’s mom. “There’s nothing wrong with Eric wanting some company!”

“Um,” I said, trying to break up their argument. “I appreciate your offer, Mrs. Meadows…but I think I’ll be okay. I don’t think it’ll be that big of a deal.”

The last thing I wanted was either of them to find out about my bedwetting, so of course I didn’t want them to be in the doctor’s office. But I didn’t want to sound suspicious, so I just tried to make everything sound normal.

“See Evelyn?” said Kylie’s dad. “Eric will be fine. Eric, I’ll just drive you there, but I will stay in the waiting room while you go in.”

“Thank you, Mr. Meadows,” I responded.





Eventually all of the others made their way downstairs and ate. Soon afterwards Kylie pulled me aside. I once again let her know that I had wet in the night and she once again agreed to get rid of the diaper. I didn’t dare mention the thumb sucking to her…that was the last thing I needed.

Kylie ended up staying home this time, so her mom took Josh, Monica and Kristen to the beach shop while her dad took me to the doctor’s. Her dad asked if she wanted to go with us, but she said that unless I wanted her to there was no reason (though I’m sure she also figured it was a good time to get rid of the diaper). I picked up on this too, so I said she didn’t need to come.

Kylie’s dad drove me to the doctor’s office and after we checked in we sat in the waiting room. Soon my name was called and after they took my weight and blood pressure and everything they told me to wait in one of the small rooms.

Although I was a little nervous about talking about all of this with a complete stranger, I also knew that the doctor would keep it private. Besides, I was really curious to get to the bottom of this.

After a little while the doctor entered the room. His name was Dr. Griffin and he seemed nice enough. After he went through all of the standard check-up procedures, he tried to find out what was going on.

“All right, Eric,” he said. “I understand that you’re not from around here and you’re staying with the Meadows family. All Roger and Evelyn have told us is that you haven’t been feeling well. Can you tell me more?”

“Well, doctor, here’s the thing,” I said. “I’m actually not really feeling sick. Like, I don’t have a cough and I’m not throwing up or anything. The problem really is…well, you see…a few days ago I started…wetting the bed.”

Dr. Griffin looked at me in mild surprise for about two seconds, but then he just nodded and wrote something down on his clipboard.

I quickly added, “So you see…I’ve just kind of acted kinda sick because…I didn’t tell the Meadows. It’s, you know, pretty embarrassing, and I didn’t want them to find out about it. So…could you not let them know?”

Dr. Griffin just looked at me for a few seconds, and then he added, “Well, Eric, I won’t pretend that I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to tell them. If you do, they can probably help you take care of things. But, of course, the information is confidential…so I’ll leave that decision up to you.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” I said.

“Now…this night-time wetting…has this been a problem in the past? Do you have a history of it?”

“No!” I said quickly. “Well, not since I was like, three. That’s why I came here…it just happened all of a sudden. A few days ago was the first time.”

“I see,” he said, continuing to write on his clipboard. “Can you think of anything at all that might be causing this? Any sudden change in medications or diet or activity?”

“No…” I said, trying to think of anything. “I can’t think of anything that’s changed.”

“And…I’m assuming you haven’t gotten into any type of physical accident that might affect your bladder control?”

“No…definitely not.”

“Hmm…well, normally it’s one of a few things. Some teenagers, especially boys, can have problems with bedwetting as they move into puberty. However, they usually have somewhat of a history of wetting, and it normally happens at the onset of puberty. Since you said that a few days ago was the first time it happened, it seems as though this is not the case for you.

“In other cases, there is some immediate physical accident that can damage the bladder muscles and cause different forms of incontinence. However, this usually causes daytime incontinence too. Besides, you’ve told me that nothing like that has happened anyway.

“Finally, sometimes different medications or changes in lifestyle can cause bladder problems. But, as long as what you’ve told me is true, that’s not the case either.

“I do have one more theory…but first I want to run a few tests, just to be sure.”

Dr. Griffin had the nurses do a blood test and a urine test on me, and they checked a few other things too. I patiently waited for them to read the results. Afterwards, Dr. Griffin talked to me again.

“As I suspected, all of the results were negative. So, there certainly doesn’t appear to be any physical reason for why this is happening.”

‘Great’, I thought. So this whole appointment was worthless and I was no closer to figuring out why this was happening.

“So do you have any idea what’s going on?” I asked.

“Well, even though this is not my area of expertise…there are some cases when these things can happen due to…mental issues. No, it’s nothing serious like that,” he added, noticing the insulted look on my face.

“What I mean is,” he continued. “Sometimes the body can respond like this in situations that are very stressful. When someone’s stress levels increase dramatically, the body can respond in a variety of ways. These can include frightful dreams and occasionally bedwetting. Do you think there’s any chance that this might be the case?”

I thought for a bit. My bedwetting started….as soon we arrived at Kylie’s house. There could be some sort of connection…

“Hmmm,” I said. “Yeah…I think I have been under more stress lately.”

“Well, my guess is that the two things are related. As I mentioned, this is not my area of expertise…but I do have a colleague who specializes in that kind of therapy. If you would like, I could recommend him to the Meadows, and they could set up an appointment for you. Don’t worry,” he added. “I won’t mention your bedwetting.”

I thought for a second. “Ok then,” I said. “It can’t hurt.”

“In the meantime, you might want to do something to deal with your bedwetting…especially if you don’t want the Meadows to find out…”

“Well, actually, I already have,” I said. “I was able to get some, uh…incontinence products. That’s helped me keep everything…hidden.”

“Ah,” Dr. Griffin said. “I was about to recommend that. Well, in that case…for now I would recommend that you try to find ways to deal with your stress. Take out time to relax, do activities to manage your stress, try meditating…these things can help. That might make things better until you can meet with the therapist.”

“All right,” I said. “I’ll try that.”

“Okay then…well, is there anything else?”

I thought for a bit. There was something else…but did I dare mention. I figured I might as well…just in case.

“Um, well, there is one other thing…but it’s uh, well, really embarrassing. When I woke up this morning…um…I had been sucking my thumb in the night. Do you think this could be related to the same thing?”

Dr. Griffin just looked at me for a few seconds, and then said, “Could be, I suppose. You should probably mention that to the therapist, just in case.”

“Right,” I said, feeling awkward about it. “Well, thanks again for everything.”

We shook hands and I went back to join Mr. Meadows.





After we settled everything, we got in the card and headed back to the house. Even though I knew he didn’t want to prod too far, I knew Mr. Meadows would want to know what was going on.

“Well, they really couldn’t find anything that was wrong with me,” I said. “They didn’t prescribe anything, and they didn’t really know what to do. And I’ve been feeling better…so I guess I’m over what was making me feel sick.”

“Oh…well, that sounds good. Was there anything else? Who is this person Dr. Griffin was talking about you seeing?”

“Well…Dr. Griffin thought that the reason I was feeling sick was because of stress. So…he recommended I go see this…therapist, about it.”

Mr. Meadows looked at me funny for a bit. “I see,” he said. “Do you…routinely see a therapist?”

“No!” I said quickly. “I mean, no, this a new thing. It’s not like I have…mental problems or anything. Dr. Griffin figured that I must be a lot more stressed out recently than I have been in the past.”

“Hmm,” said Mr. Meadows. “But what on earth could be stressing you out so much? Is it helping out at the shop? Because really, Eric, if that’s really bothering you…you don’t have to do it. We like you to help out, but if its affecting your health we certainly won’t make you. You can still stay with us.”

I did some fast thinking. “No, I don’t think it’s that,” I said. “I think it’s…well, you see, I haven’t really been away from home before. I think I’ve just been really homesick over these last few days…and it’s made me feel a little sick.”

“Oh, okay,” he said. “Well, do you really think it’s a good idea for you to be here?”

“Oh…yeah. I think it’s just gonna take me a little time to adjust. But I think I’ll be fine…especially since I’ll have to move away from home someday.”

“All right, then,” he said. “Well, don’t feel like you have to rush in to help…it’s fine, however you want to do it.”

With that, we changed the subject and didn’t talk about it anymore. Soon after we stopped talking and I got a chance to think.

After thinking about it for a bit, I soon realized what was going on. My bedwetting started as soon as we got to Kylie’s house. So clearly, that’s when things changed. If Dr. Griffin’s hunch was correct, I must have gotten more stressed out about then…

And then it hit me. It was because of Kylie! I mean, I had always been pressured by her…I always felt more uptight around here and it drove me insane. But before, it was only at school. Now…it was all of the time. I didn’t get any break from my feelings. I was constantly thinking about her and what she thought of me and just…everything. Clearly I was a lot more stressed out.

Was THAT really the reason for all of this? And if so…how could I fix it? I pondered this as we made our way back home.




Kylie’s dad ate lunch with Kylie and I and then he returned to the beach store. I figured I might as well use this time to let Kylie know what was going on…or at least part of it.

I told her about how there was nothing physically wrong with me but that the wetting may have been happening because of stress. I didn’t want to admit to her that I was so stressed because of my feelings for her…so I kind of used the same homesickness excuse I told her dad. She seemed to buy it, though it seemed she was slightly suspicious too.

I knew that it was going to be weird spending the whole day alone with Kylie. It was a crazy situation. I still had such strong feelings for her, and I was still stressing myself out over what she really thought of me.

The problem was that now I was in a vicious circle. My feelings for Kylie were causing me stress, which was causing my bedwetting. But, my bedwetting was causing me to think about Kylie even more, which in turn gave me more stress. I didn’t see any way to fix the situation.

But, even though I was still totally mystified by Kylie…I also enjoyed being around her. I was so happy that I was starting to form a deep bond with her. The whole bedwetting/diapering thing was kind of like a special secret between us. Even though it c caused me shame, I was also happy that it was making us closer. I knew it was something that she didn’t have with anyone else.

I tried my hardest not to think about what Kylie thought about me. I tried to view her as a normal person, and I also tried to avoid thinking about her impression of me. But it only worked a little bit…my gut feelings for her hadn’t changed, and I didn’t see any way I could make them change. I was so totally stricken by her and she just seemed so amazing. I still felt as though the most important thing in the entire world was her liking me.

Throughout the rest of the day, I tried to either separate myself from Kylie or do things with her that didn’t involve much talking or activity. It was good for me to go for walks by myself, listen to my headphones or read. I wanted to take a nap but was afraid I would end up wetting myself while I slept. I was able to keep away from her a decent amount, but I was afraid she would think I was avoiding her if I did it too much. Besides, it still made me feel special to spend time with her.

The problem was so many activities were so stressful. Doing things like playing pool, throwing the Frisbee or throwing the football were bad because I felt like a total dork every time I made a mistake. Talking with Kylie or going for walks with her was bad because I felt nervous about what to say. In the end, watching TV or movies with her was the best thing because it didn’t involve much interaction with her and I could focus on watching them instead of Kylie.

So, after I spent some time alone, Kylie and I watched a movie and some afternoon TV. Kylie got bored after a while, though, so she flipped off the TV and then said, “I’m kind of bored and tired, Eric. Wanna just go hang out in my room?”

This was a tough question to answer. I felt it was a bad idea, but at the same time I didn’t want Kylie to think I didn’t want to be around her. Besides, I always got that funny special feeling in my stomach every time Kylie asked me to do something…

Before I could think too much I told her, “Okay,” and the two of us went up to her room. She hopped onto her bed and lied down on it while I just sat on the edge of the bed. Both of us just stayed there for a bit not talking.

I saw Kylie reach over and grab one of her stuffed animals…it was the teddy bear that I had noticed the previous day. For the briefest of moments I noticed it and had a funny feeling again, but I pushed it from my mind as I looked away.

After a few minutes, Kylie said, “You know, Eric…this is really nice. Just being able to relax during the summer. I like having you guys here with me. It’s really just as good as having my old friends here. In some ways its even better.”

Hearing this made me feel good, but I didn’t really think it was anything special. I used the opportunity to ask her about her old friends. This got her talking a lot, so it was easy for me…I didn’t have to say anything special, I could just listen. That way I didn’t have to worry about saying something stupid.

As she talked, though, I noticed she was absent-mindedly stroking the teddy bear. While she was talking I sometimes looked at her but sometimes I was looking at the bear. I didn’t think she would notice anything since I often looked at people’s bodies while they talked, especially if they were doing something with their hands. However, I had to force myself not to concentrate on it, because I once again found the teddy bear cute in a way that I couldn’t put my finger on. I was so drawn to looking at it…but I had to make sure I wasn’t staring at it. At the same time, I found my mind drifting to find a way I could reach out and touch it, maybe even hold it in my hand…

“So Eric, what about you? What was it like when you were growing up?”

The question brought me back into focus and I began talking about my past. After a bit I ran out of things to say. Kylie and I just sat there for a while, not saying anything.

I noticed that Kylie was now starting to play with the teddy bear a bit. She was moving it back and forth and tossing it up in the air. It was funny…I had seen girls do this plenty of time before, but it was different this time. First of all, it was Kylie, not just any other girl. And secondly, for whatever reason that bear just seemed so cute to me…

I couldn’t help but smile as Kylie continued to play with the bear, and when Kylie noticed she smiled back at me. She then got into her little girl mode and I could tell she was going to get playful and goofy.

“This…” she said, “Is Mr. Snuggle Bear. He makes me feel better when I’m sad.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little and I said, “Mr. Snuggle Bear, eh? Aren’t you a little old to be playing with stuffed toys?” Of course I didn’t believe this, but I wanted to sound cool to Kylie.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. “And you shouldn’t say that, you’ll hurt Mr. Snuggle Bear’s feelings. Besides,” she said with an evil grin. “Aren’t you a little old to be wearing diapers?”

I felt myself tense up and start to blush. It was crazy…even though part of me was angry at her for making fun of me, Kylie always had a strange power over me…no matter what she said, I couldn’t seem to get mad at her…

She stuck her tongue out at me, laughed and then said, “Oh, Eric, lighten up…you know I’m just playing. You really shouldn’t be embarrassed about it.”

Before I could respond, I heard the phone ring. Because Kylie didn’t have a phone in her room, she threw the teddy bear onto her bed and said, “I’ll get it…I’ll be back in a bit.”

As the phone continued to ring Kylie left the room and I was left there alone. I just sat there for a few seconds, staring around the room. Soon my eyes once again drifted over to the teddy bear. Using this opportunity, I stared at it in freedom.

What was it about it that made it so damn cute? I hadn’t felt this way since I saw some puppies that Josh’s dog had had a few years ago.

‘Go on, take it’ said a small voice in my head. ‘No one will know…just grab the bear for a few seconds.’

I fought with myself, feeling that I was being extremely stupid for wanting to touch the stupid stuffed animal. But the yearning in my stomach just wouldn’t go away and the temptation was too great. I quickly looked at the door and knew Kylie wouldn’t be back for a few minutes…so I reached out and took the bear, still keeping my eyes on the door (I didn’t want to close it because Kylie would ask why I had done so).

I held the teddy bear in front of me and just stared at it. Again, I was just overwhelmed by how cute and cuddly it was. It was so soft and warm and lovable…it almost made me melt inside.

‘Come on, give it a hug’ said the voice in my head. “No one will know.’

‘No’ I told myself. ‘It’s just a stupid toy…I’m not going to hug it.’

‘Do it’ said the voice even stronger, and I couldn’t resist anymore. What harm would it do?

Once again keeping my eyes on the door, I wrapped my arms around the bear and tightly squeezed it against my chest. A feeling of warmth and coziness went through my entire body. This felt AMAZING, and for those few seconds I didn’t care why.

It was almost like some outside force had overtaken me and I was drifting away into a different mental state. I felt so happy and content, and I didn’t even have to think about what I was doing. My body just naturally pressed the bear against my chest and I rubbed my cheek against it, an involuntary smile spreading across my face. Before I knew it I closed my eyes and somehow my left thumb made its way into my mouth. As I sat there peacefully rocking the teddy bear back and forth, I felt happier than I had in years…

Out of nowhere I was brought back into reality by a giggle and a voice saying “Eric, what on earth are you doing?”

[teddy564339]

In a blinding flash my eyes jerked open and I tossed the bear across the bed. I jumped up quickly, with my heart was pounding and my breathing fast. Without even thinking my voice said, “Nuh-nuh-nothing! Just waiting for you to get back!”

Kylie just continued to giggle and said, “Oh come Eric, I saw you…what were you doing?”

“Nothing!” I said again, this time more forceful. “Just…forget about it! I don’t want to talk about it!”

Kylie was surprised at my anger, but she just said, “Geez…all right. I won’t mention it.” I felt bad for yelling at her, but at the same time I was so ashamed that I couldn’t bear to talk about it. Not knowing what else to do, I just stammered, “I’m going for a walk.” Without even saying goodbye, I raced past Kylie and out the door.


As I ran down the stares and out the door to the beach, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. ‘Why in the hell did I grab that stupid teddy bear?’ I asked myself. ‘What in the hell made me cuddle it and suck my thumb again? Why did it make me feel so happy? And why’ I asked, beating my fist against my forehead, ‘Why didn’t I shut that damn door?!’

Over and over I asked myself these questions but I got nowhere. I felt disgusted with myself and I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been. First Kylie sees me wetting the bed, and now she sees me cuddling her teddy bear and sucking my thumb?! At least with the wetting I could claim that it was beyond my control. But this was different…Kylie was going to think I was a total pansy, dorky little baby. Why would a great girl like Kylie want to hang around a total wussy like me?

I tried to justify my actions by pointing out that Kylie owned the teddy bear and was playing with it just minutes beforehand. But that was different…first of all, Kylie was a girl and it was normal for them to have stuffed animals. And second, she was just playing with it like a toy…not cuddling it and sucking her thumb like a baby.

I almost felt like running down the beach and never coming back. But I knew I’d have to face Kylie eventually. I sat down on the beach as long as I could, but once the sun started to set I knew everyone would start wondering where I was. I honest to God hoped Kylie wouldn’t dare mention this to anyone else (and I trusted it because she had apparently kept my wetting hidden to), but I figured I might as well head back before she felt inclined to.

I didn’t think Kylie would bring it up if I didn’t, and I was right. When I returned the others were already home and were engaged in conversations. I tried to calmly join in, and thankfully we had plenty of other things to talk about.

Once again we had dinner together and had a relaxed evening of watching TV and relaxing out on the beach. I avoided talking to Kylie as much as I could, and our conversation was limited to short words. I got away with it since nobody noticed, but as bedtime was approaching I knew I’d have to face Kylie.

Maybe it was because I hadn’t been talking to her much, but Kylie seemed more distant this time. It would be really awkward going through our diapering ritual again, but I knew we’d have to do it.

As I got undressed and laid down on the towel, Kylie said, “Well, Eric, I know you’re probably sick of me doing this…so after this time you can do it yourself. I’m sure you’ve gotten the hang of it by now…so as long as you think you can do it without the diaper leaking, I don’t see any need for me to do this any more. And if you want, you can throw away the diapers, too.”

Kylie’s voice wasn’t really cold, it was just kind of firm. “Oh…okay then,” I said, not really knowing how else to respond.

After Kylie finished powdering me and taping up the diaper, she asked, “All right, you think you have it down?”

I nodded, and she then simply said, “Ok, well…goodnight then.”

I said the same to her and I crawled into bed, once again my head swimming with thoughts.


The whole situation was mind-blowing. I felt so frustrated. It seemed like things were going so well…but now I felt so distant with Kylie. She obviously wasn’t going to bring up the teddy bear thing and now she wouldn’t be putting a diaper on me anymore. I knew that I should be happy about all of this…we could finally go back to being normal again. I could put on my own diapers and throw them away myself, so Kylie wouldn’t have to be involved in this bedwetting thing anymore. We wouldn’t even have to talk about it. I could just go back to hanging out with her and being friends again. And on top of that, I could probably drop my stress level and the wetting would stop all together. Then things would really go back to normal…and that’s what I wanted, right?


But something wasn’t right. Even though it would make my life easier to forget about all of that…part of me felt empty inside. Part of it was Kylie’s distant attitude towards me…I felt like I had lost something with her that afternoon. But it wasn’t just that. It was also the bond I developed with her. As crazy as it was, there was something…nice about having her put the diaper on me. It was our little secret and I felt it was something we could connect about, even if it was weird. And it was so personal…being naked in front of her and having her powder and diaper me felt so intimate. It was like our special little tradition.

And then I remembered when she had made those funny baby-talk comments to me. It made me feel so warm inside to think of it. It was so nice compared to the drabness of when she had done it earlier that night. And then with a jolt I was reminded that she wouldn’t even be doing it at all anymore…

I couldn’t believe myself. I actually wanted Kylie to put the diaper on me! As totally insane as that was, it was what I truly wanted. Even though I felt ashamed to feel that way, it was what I naturally felt. I had such warm fantasies of Kylie playfully shaking the baby powder on me and snugly taping the diaper on me, commenting on how I looked cute.

And then another crazy thought popped into my head. I imagined myself happily holding her teddy bear with my thumb in my mouth, and Kylie looking at me and telling me I looked so cute. Suddenly I wished I had the teddy bear with me right then, so I could be warm and cozy underneath the blanket as I held it tightly against my chest…

I suddenly felt like slapping myself. What was I thinking? Why in the hell was I having these thoughts. Knowing that I couldn’t sleep, I got up and paced back and forth, trying to figure out what was going on. I was more stressed out than ever and I felt like throwing up. I had to get to the bottom of what I truly wanted. It was an all out war between what my mind told me I should do and what my emotions told me I wanted to do.


As I paced for an hour, I knew what I had to do. The only way I would truly be at peace would be if I made things up with Kylie. I had to trust my gut and tell her what I really wanted. I had never been able to do it before…the risk was too great. Because if she told me she thought I was a freak, I would be so devastated that I might commit suicide. But I just couldn’t take this anymore…even though I knew I could never make the jump to tell her how much I loved her, I also knew I had to tell her that I liked it when she put the diaper