"The Girl of My Dreams"

[teddy564339]

Well, I've written about 11 TB/AB stories, though it's been a long time since I've done any writing. But, I figured I might as well post a few old stories of mine and see if anyone on here likes them. If people like this one, I'll post some more.

I wrote this one about a year and a half ago. It's had mixed reactions, but a number of people have liked it. It's more about the emotion than anything else.

Anyway, I hope you like it.

[teddy564339]

Life sure is funny sometimes. When you think you’ve got it made, suddenly things turn around and you have the worst day of your life. Then you find out what you think you’re going to dread is better than you ever thought it could be. And it all gets twisted up so you get so confused that you feel like life is a ride that you just want to get off of.

Since you probably don’t get what I’m talking about, I’ll tell you the story of one crazy summer of my life. It was then that I learned things about myself that I never knew were there. This summer was the most enjoyable and yet most stressful summer I’ve ever had. But one thing’s for sure…I’ll definitely never forget it. Because this was a summer about learning…a summer about fear…a summer about discovery…but mostly, a summer about love.

Now, maybe you’re one of those people who doesn’t believe in love. If you are, I don’t blame you. That’s the way I used to be. I used to think it was just something people made up as an excuse to have sex with one another. I mean, I understood what it was like to enjoy spending time with someone. I understood what it was like to care for someone. But I had never truly been in love. I didn’t believe it was possible. I thought it was all made up. I didn’t understand all of the hearts and presents and baby talk and everything.

And then it hit me like a freight train.

It was back in my sophomore year in high school…the spring semester. I was a pretty chilled-out 15 year old. I was thin and didn’t really play any sports…but I wasn’t a really smart kid either. I always liked being in the middle and just blending with the crowd. I didn’t really get into partying and drinking and everything…I just liked to joke around with my friends, watch movies with them, and talk about music…nothing too glamorous. Even my clothes kind of blended in…I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy.

I always preferred to keep things simple and stress-free. I had had a couple of girlfriends, but the relationships had just been a pain. They weren’t worth the effort. I never really felt a true connection.

Then, right in the middle of March, we had a new student in my English class. Her name was Kylie Meadows. At the time it didn’t mean anything…but it would end up meaning so much.

I remember how we were doing some group writing assignment for Mrs. Somers, our English teacher. We were supposed to choose some symbol that represented us as a person and explain to our group why we chose it. Our group was made up of me, my best friend Josh, and our other friend Monica. We just were kind of just goofing around instead of really focusing on the assignment. But, since our group was so small, Mrs. Somers decided to put Kylie in our group.

My first impression of her was almost pity, actually. I knew it must have been hard to be a new student at any school, especially when coming over right in the middle of March. So I didn’t want her to feel awkward or anything.

As Kylie sat down, I extended my hand and said, “Hey, I’m Eric Jacobs.”

Kylie smiled at me and said “I’m Kylie…I’m new here.”

Josh laughed at my formality and introduced himself too, as did Monica. None of us really felt like doing the assignment so we figured getting to know Kylie would be a good way to avoid it.

As I look back on it, it’s funny how at the time she just seemed like any other girl to me. She told us about how her parents lived at the beach but because of a hurricane that had hit in the fall, she had had to move around over the last few months. She said how she hated all of the schools she had been to and just wanted to go back home.

As she spoke I began to wonder what made her hate those other schools. She was definitely attractive…brown eyes, long brown hair, smooth facial features. My first impression of her would have been that she was a cheerleader if not for the simple clothes she was wearing. But she seemed really nice and easy to get along with…by the end of class all of us were joking about how crappy our school was and different funny movies we had seen.

That was one of the few moments that I can remember that Kylie just seemed like any other girl…nothing special about her. Looking back it’s hard to believe it…




My first impression of Kylie was correct…it’s amazing how quickly she fit in with people. It wasn’t long before she was a part of a group of girls that did everything together. I didn’t really like a lot of the girls she hung out with…but that didn’t really matter. We had gotten along pretty well in English class that day so Josh, Monica and I didn’t mind working with her when we had too…just like with anyone else, it was nothing special.

I could tell a lot of the other guys disagreed. It seemed like all of them had the hots for Kylie. It was hard to believe how popular she became over the next two months…it seemed like everyone knew her, and she was always surrounded by a group of people.

But the most shocking thing of all was how I started feeling about her. At first, it was normal…we could joke about stuff in class and I didn’t give it a second thought. But as she grew in popularity, I found it weird that I could get along with her so well. I had always been somewhat of a nobody…I had my friends but most people didn’t give me a second thought. Kylie hung out with people who hardly knew me or ever cared to know me. But she always treated me like I was just a good friend.

At first I think it was just her popularity. Because everyone liked her, I just assumed there was something special about her…she just knew how to press the right buttons or whatever. But as time went by, I felt like there was something magical about her…almost as though she was more important than everyone else.

It wasn’t really anything that she did…she didn’t act stuck up or like she was better than everyone. In fact, that’s what made me like her even more…I felt like I wasn’t on her level, like she was way too good to talk to me…but she treated me with total respect and kindness…like we were equals. I don’t know why, but I felt like I didn’t deserve that from her.

I had never felt this before. I would lie awake at night, wondering ‘Why does Kylie even talk to me?’ And I started wondering ‘Well, why shouldn’t she? She’s just another girl, and I’m just another guy.’ But I couldn’t shake the feeling. For some reason, in my gut I felt like she was truly special. And it made me feel all warm and giddy that she actually liked me.

As the weeks went by, I found myself thinking about her when I wasn’t around her. In class my mind was wondering what she was doing, what she was thinking. If I saw her in the halls I raced to think of something I could do to get her attention to get her to talk to me.

It was even worse when I was around her. I noticed every little thing about myself, from the way I was sitting to what my hair looked like. I wanted to look as cool as possible so Kylie wouldn’t think I was a dork. Whenever we talked I thought long and hard about what I was going to say, because I didn’t want to embarrass myself by saying something she thought was stupid. I wanted to appear perfect to her…just to get her to like me.

I found myself thinking about our interactions all of the time. I would feel warm inside when I thought of her laughing at something I’d say and I would cringe when I thought of her choosing other people to be in her groups in class.

I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about her? Why did I keep going around and around in circles in my head? One day I felt on top of the world because Kylie had told me I was such a nice guy, and the next day I felt I was at rock bottom because she told me she had a date with one of the pretty boy football players. I felt like I was going crazy.

What’s worse, I was beginning to dread the summer coming. What would I do? I wouldn’t see Kylie for nine whole weeks. And then, the next year she might not be in any of my classes. Or worse yet, what if she moved away again? Every time I thought of it I felt what was almost a sense of panic.

But then, about one week before summer vacation, all of my greatest hopes…and fears…were realized.

It happened right between English class and lunch. The bell had just rung, and I was about to head off with Josh to go to the cafeteria while I expected Kylie to go off with her group of girl friends. But Kylie called me over and I told Josh to go ahead without me.

I felt those same butterflies as I always did when Kylie said my name…

“Eric, I wanted to ask you something really important.”

My mind was racing. “Yeah?” I asked.

“Well, our house down at the beach is just about fully repaired…so I’m gonna be heading back there about a week into the summer.”

I felt my throat go dry. So Kylie was going to be moving away after all…

“And here’s the thing. Most of my old friends won’t be coming back this summer, and I know I’m gonna get really lonely. So I was just wondering…do you think you’d want to come spend some time with me and my parents over the summer?”

“What?!” I blurted out, not able to help myself.

Kylie just giggled. “Well, it wouldn’t be just you, of course. I’ve invited a few of my new friends here…and I was thinking about asking Josh and you if you’d like to come too.”

My excitement dropped a little. “Who else is coming?” I asked.

“Oh, not many people…it’s just going to be me, Kristen, Monica, Josh, and you…if you guys want to come.”

I couldn’t believe it. Kylie was dating some preppy basketball player named Steve, and I was sure he would be coming along too. I couldn’t help but ask about him.

“You’re not inviting Steve? Aren’t you two going out?”

“Well, yes, but…oh, you know him, Eric. He’s such a jackass sometimes. I used to like him, but…I’m gonna break up with him at the end of the year…just tell him that since I’m going back home, it won’t work out. But you…you’re just fun, and nice, and I have a good time with you. And Josh, of course,” she added on quickly.

“Anyway, I just think it would be a lot more fun if the five of us were together. My dad owns this beach supplies store and he said he’d be happy to have all of you as long as you were willing to help out around the house and at the store. So what do you think?”

Barely able to speak anymore, I was able to say, “Well, I had better check with my parents…since it’s the whole summer…but I’ll get back to you about it…after I talk to Josh, too…”

Kylie just smiled at me. “Okay…tell me how it turns out. Bye, Eric!”

And I just stood there, not believing anything I had just heard.





Josh loved the idea when I told him.

“Dude, are you serious?!” he asked me. “A whole summer at the beach?!”

“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either,” I said. “It almost sounds too good to be true.”

“Damn right,” he said. “I tell you, I don’t care what my parents say, I’m going. And your parents…they always let you do anything, so I know you’ll be able to go. The question is,” he added with a sly smile, “Can you handle it?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Oh please,” he said, still smiling. “I don’t know how you’re gonna survive the whole summer living with Kylie. You nearly wet yourself every time she walks into the room!”

I was speechless for a bit. “Wha…what do you mean…?” I sputtered.

“Oh come on, it’s obvious every time you talk to her.” He started doing a cruel but accurate impression of me laughing too hard at one of Kylie’s jokes and then misplacing his elbow on the table so that he slipped off of it. “Dude, it’s so obvious you’re nuts about her.”


I tried to act like I didn’t now what he was talking about. “Psssht”, I said. “Me and Kylie…yeah right…you know we’re just friends…”


Josh’s assumptions about my parents had been right. They seemed almost happy to have me away for the summer, and after a quick call to Kylie’s parents they were sold on the idea. Apparently, so were Josh’s parents as well as those of Kristen and Monica. Because in a few short weeks we had all piled into Kylie’s parents’ cars and were making our way out to the beautiful coast.

I honestly could not believe my luck. This was everything I could have hoped for. But Josh’s words have actually struck quite a chord with me. I had never spent this much time around Kylie before. I would be spending almost nine weeks living with her in the same house. How in the hell was I going to make it through the summer without her thinking I was a total idiot?


Thankfully there was enough to keep my mind off of it when we arrived. Kylie’s house was absolutely gorgeous. It was in a packed, family neighborhood right on the beach. It had two stories with a huge living room, a nice kitchen, multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, and even an awesome deck outside. There was plenty of room for the seven of us (Kylie didn’t have any siblings)…we each even got our own bedroom! Everything seemed absolutely perfect. I was in for a summer of fun at the beach in an awesome house with a group of friends with the girl of my dreams.

I managed to make it through a delicious dinner without making an idiot of myself in front of Kylie. It was nice to get to know her parents and we got to tell them all about us. Afterwards we were so worn out from the trip that we all went straight to bed. As I lay there in the nice, comfortable bed, I felt like I was in for the best time of my life. Fantasies of me and Kylie walking hand in hand along the beach at sunset danced in my head and mixed with dreams about us kissing as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

As I woke up the next morning, I just lay there for a few minutes and smiled. All of this was simply too good to be true. I couldn’t help but wonder what on earth could mess this up for me.

The answer was waiting for me as I flung the blanket off of my body. Feeling my mind start to go cloudy, I couldn’t believe what I had done.

I had wet the bed during the night.

[teddy564339]

My heart started to pound. I started to breathe fast. My mind started to race. I simply couldn’t believe what I was looking at. How in the world could I have wet the bed? I hadn’t done that since I was three or four years old! I would have never ever even contemplated the possibility of it.

After my initial wave of panic, I tried to at least think clearly. First of all, I ran over to the door, shut it and then locked it. Then I tried to survey the damage. Even though I was still in a state of panic, I noticed that at least the blankets hadn’t gotten wet, which was good. Obviously my boxers were wet. So were the sheets. But it looked like that was all.

As I tried to control my breathing and lower my heart rate, I figured I could deal with my boxers, at least for the time being. I could just shove them somewhere…either in my suitcase, or the dresser in the closet, or even just under something in the closet. I couldn’t leave them there too long because it would start to stink…but for now that didn’t matter.

The sheets were the problem. Thankfully they were a dark blue, but the stain was still visible. There was no place I could put them without someone asking where they went. I thought that maybe I could just make the bed and hope no one would look underneath the blankets. But then I figured that it was too much to risk…what if Kylie’s mom (or as I thought with a cringe, Kylie herself) came in and decided that the bed wasn’t made up nicely enough? She would re-do it herself and notice the crime.

No…I’d have to fix the problem. And the only way I could do that was to wash the sheets myself. Luckily, Kylie’s parents had shown up where the washer and dryer were. They also were pretty close to my room. It was still pretty early, so there was a chance I could sneak the sheets into the washer before anyone was up. I knew Josh liked to sleep late, and I figured I could probably count on Kylie and the other girls to do the same.

For now I decided my best bet was to remove the sheets and ball them up or hide them so that no one saw the wet stain. If anyone asked where they were…I could just tell them that I had sweated a lot in the night and I wanted to wash them. Then, whenever I got the chance…I could just put them in the washer. Of course, it would be easier if I could do it before anyone was up...but at least that was a back-up plan.

I was still extremely nervous about the situation as I removed the sheets. So it made my heart drop even more when I realized that not only was there a stain on the sheets, but it had gone through to the mattress, too. Panic started to overtake me again…but I soon decided I could flip over the mattress. It wouldn’t be a complete long-term solution…but that didn’t matter for the moment. As quietly as I could, I flipped over the mattress. For now this worked…the stain wasn’t visible and I didn’t imagine it would start to smell yet. I figured I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.

After changing into a clean set of clothes, I made sure the sheets weren’t visible and checked outside of my room. Staying as quiet as I could, I checked all of the bedrooms down the hall. Kylie’s parent’s room was on the other floor (the first floor), but I noticed that all of the other bedroom doors were shut. I figured this was my best bet.

As quickly and quietly as I could, I rushed back to my room, grabbed the sheets (as well as my boxers), and raced to the laundry room. I quickly stuffed the sheets and my boxers into the washer and dumped some detergent in. I started the washer up and prayed that no one would find out what happened.

I finally started to calm down. Unless someone noticed the mattress, I was pretty sure no one would find out what happened.

But then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs outside of the laundry room. I started to panic again, not knowing whether to hide or make a run for it. Figuring that I’d be able to explain dashing easier than hiding, I began making it back to my room before anyone saw me.

Unfortunately, Kylie’s mom saw me as soon as I came out of the laundry room. She looked a little surprised, and then she said to me, “I thought I heard the washer running. What are you doing, Eric?”

I was still short of breath and my heart was pounding, but at least I was able to control myself. “Umm…,” I said. “Well, you see…during the night, I ended up sweating a good bit. And uh…I didn’t want to have to sleep with the same sheets again. So I figured I’d…just wash them right now.”

“Oh!” she said in slight surprise. “Ok then…that’s fine. I just thought it was funny that someone was doing laundry at this hour. But just so you know,” she added with a smile. “I would have done it for you had you let me know…you didn’t have to do it yourself.”

“Um…okay,” I said, still nervous.

“Eric, are you okay?” she asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

I quickly thought of a small lie. “Well…um…you see, right after I threw my sheets in the washer, I was worried that maybe you guys would be mad at me for using the washer without permission.”

She smiled again. “Oh…is that all? Not only are you a hard worker, but you’re thoughtful, too! I can see why Kylie gets along with you! Well,” she said, giving me a wink. “Feel free to use our washer any time you want. But like I said, I’ll always do laundry for you any time you want. In fact…I’ll put those in the dryer for you once they’re done.”

“No!” I said, surprising her a bit more. “I mean…no, I’ll do it. I’d hate to trouble you…especially this early.”

“Of course, being thoughtful again!” she said, still smiling. “Well, now that you mention it, I did want to go for a walk on the beach. So, if you insist…that’s fine.”

With that, she turned around and went downstairs. Feeling utterly amazed at how I dodged that bullet, I raced back to my bedroom before I had a heart attack.

It took me a good fifteen minutes before I completely calmed myself down. But finally, I told myself “Ok…you have nothing to worry about…no one will ever find out.”

Thankfully, that turned out to be true for the morning. After I went downstairs and had some breakfast, I went back up and put the sheets and boxers in the dryer. The stains weren’t visible at all…but I still preferred to keep them away from everyone. By the time I went back downstairs, Kylie, Josh, Monica and Kristin had all come downstairs. Kylie’s dad was there too.

It’s funny…even after everything I had gone through, I still felt nervous about being around Kylie. In fact, it seemed even more pronounced than normal. Thankfully, they were all engaged in conversation, so other than a brief “good morning” I was able to keep my mouth shut and not have to answer any awkward questions.

Together we all decided we wanted to spend the day getting to know the town a bit and letting Kylie and her dad show us around. It was fun…it was a great town with lots of fun shops and young people. We had lunch at a cozy little restaurant and saw a movie afterwards. I was able to stay pretty relaxed…though every now and then my thoughts would jump back to the sheets in the dryer. I found it easiest if I tried to ignore Kylie for the time being, as hard as that was. I honestly didn’t think my mind could handle any more pressure.

When we got back I was able to get my sheets out and put them back on my bed. There weren’t any marks at all, and I felt I could finally breathe easier. Of course it was pretty awkward when Kylie’s mom started going on about how thoughtful I was by doing my own laundry, but my heart skipped a beat when Kylie looked at me and said, “Eric, that’s so responsible of you. I like that.” That totally made Josh and Monica’s taunts endurable.

Feeling happy about Kylie’s comment, I figured the best thing was to just go out for a walk on the beach with just Josh and me. For the first time that day I was able to completely relax…just enjoy the beautiful beach, joking around with Josh and not worrying about anything. It was at these moments that I was able to forget about all of the stress Kylie caused me and only focus on the good things. It was times like this that I felt truly alive…it was pure bliss. I felt on top of the world. The whole bedwetting incident was pushed all the way to the back of my mind.

To cap off the great day, we had another good dinner and all of us young people enjoyed playing ping pong and watching TV in Kylie’s basement. Again, it was easier just to listen to Kylie and not say anything to her during these times. She didn’t seem to notice. While this made my life easier, I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt…did it make no difference to her if I spoke to her or not? Did she not care about my company?

As I got ready for bed I continued to contemplate this. It wasn’t until I got into bed that I remembered what had happened the previous night. My heart started to race again…what if it happened again?

“No,” I told myself. “Last night was a total fluke. I haven’t wet the bed since I was a little kid…it won’t happen again.” But, just to be safe, I made sure I went to the bathroom before going to bed. I also flipped over the mattress…in case it happened, I didn’t want both sides to have stains.

As I closed my eyes in bed, I felt a huge mix of emotions…my stress and worry over Kylie mixing with my absolute joy that I had felt that day. I drifted off to sleep as the emotions tumbled over one another.


Before I knew it I was awake again. As I woke up, I felt a knot in my stomach. Was it possible I had wet the bed again? Nervously, I threw aside the blanket to see.

My heart dropped again. Just like the day before, there was a huge wet spot over my crotch and the sheets. I let out a silent groan…what was going on? I began to freak out a little bit…what if there was a real problem with me.

I soon realized I didn’t have the time to worry about this. I had gotten so caught up in my feelings the night before that I realized I hadn’t locked the door to the bedroom…I hadn’t even closed it all of the way.

I knew that I would have to once again quickly go lock it before I could fix everything. This time, however, I wasn’t nearly as lucky. As soon as I stood up next to the bed, the door swung open and I saw the very last person I wanted to see at that moment. Kylie said “Good morning, Eric!” right before her eyes darted to the clearly visible wet spot over my boxers.

I, of course, was too stunned to even do anything but stand there frozen. After about two seconds, however, Kylie looked at me in horror and said, “Eric, I’m so sorry!” and quickly turned around, left, and shut the door behind her. I just continued to stand there, feeling like I was about to faint from what just happened.

Just like before, my heart was pounding and I was breathing fast. It had happened so quickly that I didn’t even have time to really process what had happened. At that point, it was starting to hit me…Kylie, the girl that I was so deeply obsessed with, had seen me in probably the most humiliating state that I could possibly be in…having just wet myself.

For a short bit I began thinking that maybe she actually hadn’t noticed that my boxers were wet. Maybe she had just seen me standing there in my boxers and was ashamed to see me with so little clothes on.

But then I looked down at my boxers and realize that that made no sense. First of all, since my boxers were a light blue, the stain was clearly visible. Secondly, Kylie had stared at me for plenty of time…if she had been embarrassed about seeing me in my boxers, she would have immediately turned and shut the door. And just to make me completely lose hope, I realized that as long as she had the slightest suspicion, she would easily put it together with my act of washing the sheets the previous day.

As I sat there contemplating everything, I felt like curling up inside a cave and just dying. I doubt I had ever felt lower in my life…this was shame and embarrassment beyond anything I had remembered feeling in a long time. It would have been bad enough if it had been some stranger, or Josh, or even my parents. But Kylie…the person who I felt feelings about unlike anyone else I had ever met…it was almost enough to make me feel like life wasn’t living. As overdramatic as that sounds, that’s how I felt.

I didn’t have time to think about it much more, because right at that moment I heard a soft knock on the door, and I heard Kylie’s voice say very softly “Eric?”

It seemed as though Kylie had just shut the door out of instinct and stood there contemplating what she had just seen. Even though I felt like ignoring her and pretending I had just disappeared, I also knew by now that I would have to face Kylie at some point. I felt like a little kid who had just done something really bad…and I now I was facing a parent who was about to punish me.

I quickly put a pair of pants on over my boxers and threw the blanket over the sheets, with the still distant hope that I could still hide my act of shame. Even though my throat was extremely dry, I still managed to say, “Yeah?”

Kylie paused for a few seconds…I could tell this was awkward for her. “Umm…Eric? Would it be okay if I came in there?”

Again, I saw no way I could refuse and make up for it later. Feeling totally stunned, I just said, “Okay” in a hollow voice.

Slowly, Kylie opened the door. She walked in the room cautiously and sat on the edge of the bed, not even looking at me. I could tell that she really wanted to speak but also wanted to be very careful with her words.

She talked without looking at me. I soon dropped my head and didn’t even want to look at her. “Well…um…first, I’m sorry for barging in on you. I didn’t mean to…well…”

I couldn’t think of anything to say. So she kept going.

“Anyway…well, just to be sure…I know this isn’t something you want to talk about…but did you really…you know…”

She paused for a bit, trying to phrase the words… “Wet yourself?” she continued.

Even though it was almost unbearable, I squeaked, “Yes.”

“Well, just so you know…it’s ok. It’s not really a big deal.”

I felt like this was a total lie. Of course it was a big deal. Wetting the bed isn’t something normal people do.

I finally felt like I could say something. I just had to or I wouldn’t be able to stand all of the pressure.

“Well…um…it actually…happened in the night.”

“You mean…you…wet the bed?”

It sounded so horrible coming from her. “Yeah,” I gulped, our eyes still not meeting.

“Oh…well,” she began. “I know it’s…a very sensitive subject. But, you could have told me, you know. I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

For some reason I felt the immediate need to justify myself. I looked at her, and I saw her look me in the face. “It’s not a normal thing!” I stammered. “Honest! Two nights ago was the first time I’ve done it in…forever! And it happened again last night.”

I could tell she was thinking about all of this. “Oh…yeah…so that’s why you…yesterday…”

As she continued to think, it didn’t seem like she believed that this had only happened twice.

“So…well…do you think…it’s going to happen again?”

“Um…I don’t know…”

“Well…for now, it’s not a big deal. We can just…wash everything again. I can put your stuff in with some of mine. And I’ll wash it…mom and dad won’t be surprised.”

I wanted to be quiet, but I felt the need to come clean completely. “But…what about the mattress?”

“Well, it’s pretty old…I don’t think mom or dad will notice. And probably near the end of the summer we’ll throw it away anyway.”

This made me feel a little better, but not much. “Um…Kylie?” I asked. “You’re not gonna…you know…tell anyone about this?”

“Oh! Of course not!” she said quickly. “Don’t worry, Eric…honestly, it’s ok. Stuff…happens. It’s just…well, I hope it doesn’t keep happening.”

“Yeah…” I said, my voice trailing off.

“Well, anyway…let’s not worry about it anymore. I just wanted to know. Because that’s what friends do, right? Support and help each other.”

Again, I felt slightly better. At least Kylie still called me a friend. “Yeah…you’re right.”

“It’ll just be our little secret. No one else has to know.”

“Yeah…that’s right. A secret.”

“Ok then,” she said. “You can just…get cleaned up and everything…and just put the stuff in my room. I’ll get it…you don’t need to worry.”

As she got up and started to walk out, she said, “I’ll see you in a bit, then.”

Right as she was about to walk out, I said, “Kylie? I just wanted to say…thanks.”

She gave me a small smile, and then walked out.



This was honestly unlike anything I had ever felt before. I felt totally numb. Even though part of me felt like I was totally blowing this out of proportion…I couldn’t change how I felt.

Part of me felt all right in spite of all of the horrible feelings. I think it was because Kylie was at least still talking to me. And she also acted ok about everything…she tried to support me and help me get through this.

But then I started thinking…isn’t that what anybody would have said? I mean, Josh wouldn’t have made fun of me or anything either. He would still be my friend, too…at least to my face. But what was Kylie truly thinking? What did she really think of me now? Was she ashamed to know that she was friends with a guy who wet the bed? She probably even thought this was normal for me.

‘Pity’, I thought to myself. ‘Pure pity. That’s the only reason why she was no nice to me. She’s so perfect…and I’m just…nothing. I’m worse than that…’

I honestly didn’t feel like ever leaving that room again. But I had faith that Kylie would at least keep her word and keep the whole thing secret. So, after showering, I took my boxers and sheets over to Kylie’s room. I knocked, but there was no answer. I assumed she wasn’t in, so I opened the door and dropped the stuff in her room without even looking around.

I went downstairs and saw that Josh, Kristen and Kylie’s parents were already up. They were just talking relaxingly. I wished that I could be like them…not worrying about all of this.

They were talking about the beach supplies shop that Kylie’s parents owned. They talked about how they were going to re-open the shop the next day. They told us how they needed to get everything ready, first, and they needed our help to do so. They also said how they weren’t really hiring us to work in the shop…they couldn’t really legally hire or pay us. They just needed us to help them out…and in return we would be their guests.

So, for most of the day we were going to be getting everything completely ready for the re-opening. I was glad to have something to do…it helped me get my mind off of everything. Even though I was much more quiet than normal, I stayed focused on what I was told to do. Everyone kept asking me if something was wrong, but I just said I was tired.

Once we were done later that evening, we returned to the house. I was so mentally and physically drained that I just collapsed on the couch. It was actually pretty nice…I just stayed there and relaxed. It was great to just chill out and watch everyone else. I laughed at their jokes, listened to their stories, enjoyed the music they played on the radio…it was just peaceful.

After dinner, I grabbed my headphones and went out for a walk on the beach alone. There was so much to contemplate…

I had tried to just avoid talking to Kylie all day. It was hard enough to talk to someone who I was so embarrassed to be around. But to top that off with my usual paranoia and insecurity of being around her…it was more than I could stand. I started to regret ever coming here.

But then I thought of all of those good feelings again. Every good thing that Kylie had ever said about me. It was just so frustrating not knowing what Kylie really felt. Even though I knew I should just ask her…I simply couldn’t. I didn’t have the guts.

I went back in after a while. It had gotten dark. Interestingly enough, as soon as I got in, Kylie approached me.

“Eric?” she asked. “Will you go for a walk on the beach with me?”

I was surprised. My immediate reaction was to avoid being rude, so I agreed.

We walked for a long time without saying a word. I felt pretty awkward still…I just didn’t have anything to say. It was crazy…a few weeks ago I would have cherished this moment more than anything else. This was a walk on the beach with Kylie…at her request. But now, after the whole bedwetting incident…I didn’t even know where to begin.

Finally, she broke the silence. “Eric…I know it’s probably the last thing you want to talk about…but truly, one hundred percent…it is OK what happened. It’s not like you did anything wrong. You couldn’t help what happened.”

I just kept walking, not really knowing what to say.

“Today I could tell it was still bothering you. Don’t let it. We’re here to have fun. And I’m glad you’re here. Don’t let something stupid like this ruin it.”

It was amazing how much better this made me feel. It completely validated any feelings I had that I had been being stupid by worrying about all of this.

“Do you really mean that?” I asked. “I mean, it seems like you’re just saying it to make me feel better.”

“No, honestly…it’s really ok. Besides, I DO want you to feel better. I know it’s embarrassing…but these things happen. I don’t care.”

I suddenly was able to relax. I felt the warm sea breeze and enjoyed the sound of the waves. And to top it all off…I wasn’t nearly as nervous talking to Kylie! After going through something as intense as the whole bedwetting incident…everything I had worried about before it didn’t seem to matter at all. I felt like I could enjoy myself with Kylie.

However, she did break this feeling just a bit. This was because she then asked, “So…do you think this is going to happen again tonight?”

“Oh!” I said in surprise. “Um…I…honestly don’t know.”

“Well, if it really hasn’t been happening until now…I’m a little worried. Do you think maybe you should see a doctor?”

“Hmmm,” I said. “Maybe. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Well, we’ll see tomorrow. After that…we’ll have to figure something out. We can’t keep washing sheets and keeping the mattress hidden…”

I was too uncomfortable thinking about everything to respond. Kylie appeared to have given up on it, so I didn’t have to worry.


I went to bed that night feeling better than I had the entire day, but I was still really nervous about waking up in the morning.

I went to the bathroom again and tried to avoid drinking water. I also ended up lying in bed awake for hours, feeling nervous about going to sleep.

However, my fatigue got the best of me and I fell asleep. When I awoke in the morning, I hoped nothing had happened…but I wasn’t surprised to see yet another stain on the sheets.

After once again hiding the evidence, I tracked Kaylie down and privately said to her, “It happened again.” It wasn’t easy bringing it up, but I knew that she would end up just asking at some point anyway.

She looked somewhat disappointed, but like me, she wasn’t surprised.

“Okay,” she whispered to me. “Honestly, Eric, I really think you had better see a doctor. I’ll let my parents know…they’re probably worried about you already, since you were so out of it yesterday. We may not be able to get an appointment until tomorrow, though…”

I just nodded, knowing that she was right. I hoped that a doctor might at least be able to give me some more information…or maybe even put a stop to all of this. It would be so nice to get my life back on track again.

It was the day of the big re-opening, but Kylie’s parents insisted that I stayed home instead of going to the shop. Monica offered to stay with me, and Kylie’s parents said it was just as well…typically only two or three of us would need to go into the shop to help out at a time. Monica was good company…we played cards, went for a few walks, watched a DVD, laid out on the beach…it was ok. And even though I missed her, I did feel more relaxed with Kylie gone.

Before I knew it, evening had struck again. I found out that it would be two more days before I could see the doctor, which was slightly depressing news. But, it was okay…Kylie and I had done a pretty good job so far keeping everything secret.

That night, though, I was in for another surprise. As I was getting ready for bed, Kylie came into my room holding a big paper bag in her arms.

“What’s up?” I asked her, looking at the bad.

“Well, Josh, you see,” she began. “You heard that you won’t be able to see the doctor until the day after tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, still eying the bag.

“Well, like I said earlier…it’s going to be a big pain to keep washing these sheets. Besides, that mattress won’t be able to take too much more, either. So I kept trying to think of another solution. And I think I found one.”

“Really?” I asked, feeling better. It would be great to not have to worry about the mattress or the sheets anymore.

“Yeah, I think so. And…I know that you might not like it, but really, I thought about it a lot, and I really think it’s the best idea.”

The tiny bit of nervousness I felt at these words was nothing compared to the shock and disbelief I had when I saw what she pulled out of the bag.

It was a pack of diapers.

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I was in such a state of shock that I wasn’t able to think clearly about what I should say. So, the first thing that came out of my mouth was: “What…is that?” …even though I could easily tell.

Kylie blushed the very slightest bit. “Well,” she said, “They’re for your…problem. You can think of them as…protection.”

I couldn’t believe it. Diapers! Kylie wanted me to wear diapers! As if wetting the bed weren’t humiliating enough. Wearing a diaper would be about ten times worse.

Feeling extremely awkward I said, “You’re not serious, are you? Do you really expect me to…wear those?” I looked at them for a second, remembering that I had once seen adult diapers in a grocery store.

Kylie looked like she was feeling as awkward as I was, but she continued on. “Well, Eric, I was thinking about it today…and really, since we don’t know how much longer this will keep going on...I mean, we don’t want to be washing sheets every day! And this will just make it easier.”

I just stared at her in disbelief. “You have GOT to be joking! Those are…” I couldn’t stand it any more. “Those are…diapers! I can’t wear diapers!”

Kylie still looked uncomfortable, but also slightly annoyed. “Oh come on Eric. Just think about it. It’s so much easier this way. We won’t have to wash any more sheets, the mattress won’t get any worse…and it’ll be much easier to keep hidden. All we have to is throw them away. It’s really not a big deal.”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not the one who has to wear them!”

“Eric, honestly…you don’t have to be embarrassed about it. We’re the only two that will know, and I don’t think anything less of you. In fact, I think it would be much better if you wore them. Won’t you at least try wearing them? Please?” she added in her sweetest voice possible.

It’s funny…normally I would have been willing to do anything for Kylie, especially when she used that voice. But this…this was totally different. It was bad enough that I was wetting the bed like a little kid…I wasn’t about to wear diapers just like a baby.

“No,” I said stubbornly. “I’m not gonna do it.”

I could tell my childish attitude was making Kylie angry. “Fine,” she said firmly. “In that case, I can go talk to my parents right now and let them know about your little ‘problem’. We’ll see what they think once they know the reason why we’ve been washing sheets so much and that one of their mattresses is being ruined. And I’m sure Josh would get a kick out of it too.”

My mouth dropped in surprise at her saying this. “You wouldn’t…”

“Try me,” she said, a small coldness in her eyes.

I closed my eyes and gave another silent groan. I couldn’t believe Kylie was making me do this. I was totally between a rock and a hard place…but I knew what I had to do.

I gave a deep sigh. “Ok, fine…” I said. “I’ll wear the diapers.”

I could tell Kylie was satisfied by the look on her face. “Good,” she said. “I’m glad you’ve decided to be mature about this.”

I wanted to ask her how wearing diapers could possibly make me more mature than not wearing them, but I held my tongue.

Not really knowing what to say next, I simply asked. “So…um, how do you put them on?”

“Oh,” she said. “You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll be putting them on you for you.”

This time my jaw REALLY dropped. “What?!” I asked. “Now I KNOW you’re joking!”

“No, I’m not,” she said. “Judging that you don’t have any younger brothers or sisters and probably have never baby-sat, I’m assuming you don’t know anything about changing diapers?”

I opened my mouth out of instinct, but then shut it. I hadn’t even thought about that…

“Well…no,” I said in a defeated sort of voice.

“Well, I have. I used to baby-sit all of the time. And let me tell you, if you don’t do it right they can leak. Besides, it’s probably a lot harder to put one on yourself than let someone else do it.”

I couldn’t really think of a good argument. I just stared at her, feeling defeated yet again. “Isn’t there any other way?”

“This is the easiest way. And I will completely mature about it if you will. It’ll only take about a minute. We’ll be done before you know it.”

Seeing that I had no way out of this, I let out my biggest sigh yet and said, “Ok then…let’s just get this over with.”

“Ok then. Get a towel and spread it out on the bed.”

As I did so, I saw her open the pack of diapers and take one out. As she unfolded it, she said, “I got these at the drug store today. The clerk recommended this brand….Attends. I figured they’d do the trick.

I don’t know why she would think I’d care about any of this. I certainly never planned to buy adult diapers any time soon.

Once she had unfolded the diaper, she spread it out on the bed. I had never really been around babies before so I didn’t know much about diapers. I couldn’t help but study it a little bit…I could see how they were designed to fit well, with the front and back being wider and with the tapes there to hold it in place.

“Ok, I need you to take off everything but your shirt, and you should pull it up so it doesn’t get in the way. Then lie down on the diaper. I’ll be back in just a bit.”

As she left I wondered why she was going. I just stared at the diaper in disgust for a second, directing all of my frustration and embarrassment towards it. I felt like saying “I hate you” to it.

I saw no point in fighting it, however, so I took off my pants and boxers and reluctantly lied down on the diaper. It felt so weird to…it was soft, thick, and just…different.

As I thought about the situation, I felt a major knot in my stomach. I couldn’t believe it…probably about a million times I fantasized about me being naked with Kylie. But I would have never thought it would be in a situation like this! Now I was feeling totally nervous and embarrassed. It was like being naked in front of a doctor, but about a hundred times worse.

As I was dreading the moment Kylie returned, she suddenly did. My knee-jerk reaction was to cover up my private parts, but as soon as I did Kylie gave a slight smile and said, “I know it must be very embarrassing, Eric, but honestly, I’ll be very professional. Besides, it’s nothing new to me.”

Realizing that she was right, I took away my hands and just relaxed my arms at my side. I just thought in my head ‘God, let’s just get this over with quickly.’

It was then that I noticed that Kylie had come back with something. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I looked at what she was holding and had another brief spell of disbelief. It was a bottle of…baby powder!

“What the hell is that?” I asked.

“It’s baby powder, silly,” she said with another smile.

“But…” I said, feeling myself go even more red. “I’m not a baby!”

Kylie couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “I know that, Eric. But really…if we don’t use it, you honestly could get a rash in the night. Believe me, it’ll help.”

“Fine, fine,” I said. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Ok,” she said as she walked over towards me. I closed my eyes and laid my head back, trying to think about something else as she did whatever she needed to. Unfortunately, I would have to do a little work too.

“All right, first of all I need you to move back a little bit on the diaper.” I opened my eyes and moved where she told me to, still trying to keep my mind off of all of this.

“Good. Now I’m gonna shake some powder on your…um…bottom. So just roll back a bit.”

I had used up all of my disbelief. I just did what she said, feeling redder than I ever had in my life while my ass was in clear view of Kylie’s face. As I felt some of the powder hitting my ass, I asked myself ‘Why did she have to say “bottom”?’

Once she told me I could go back down, I felt some of the cool powder hitting my genitals. I couldn’t control my curiosity…I had to tilt my head forward to look. I saw a small cloud of white smoke rising up as a sweet, very vaguely familiar smell hit my nose. I hadn’t smelt that in so long…

Kylie put down the baby powder and said, “Ok, now spread you legs out a little bit. Good,” she added as I did so.

She took the front end of the diaper and pulled it up over my waist. It felt good finally having my genitals covered up. I then reminded myself that it was a diaper that was covering them up.

I felt Kylie pull one side of the diaper over my left hip and un-do the tapes. She told me to lift up a bit so she could pull the back end closer. She then fastened the tapes. Finally, she reached over and did the exact same thing over my right hip.

“Ok,” she said. “All done.”

I was so glad to finally get this over with. Still, I couldn’t help but stand up to get a feel for what the diaper was like.

It felt pretty weird. I hadn’t worn briefs in quite some time, but it felt kind of like them…just softer and thicker. It was quite a different sensation, but oddly enough it felt pretty comfortable…in a weird way.

Before I could stop myself, I actually said, “This actually isn’t too bad!” Then suddenly I looked at Kylie who was giggling a little bit and I said, “I mean…um…”

Kylie just smiled and said, “I told you it wasn’t that big of a deal. Honestly, it’s just a diaper. You just think it’s weird because babies wear them. But lots of people do…elderly people, people who’ve had injuries, or some people who just have bladder problems. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Well…I guess not,” I said.

“All right then,” Kylie said. “I think we’re all done here. So good night Eric.”

“Good night,” I responded. Kylie then left and I shut and locked the door behind her.

Now that she was gone, I couldn’t help but be curious about the diaper. Even though I was still really embarrassed about wearing it, I was starting to get used to the idea…in a very very tiny bit. I started examining the diaper and feeling it. I rubbed the outside of it with my hand to feel the smooth plastic, and I noticed how it crinkled a bit as I walked. I pressed it up against my privates and my butt so I could feel the softness of it on the inside. For one brief second I felt the strangest sensation…it was almost like I remembered from way way back when I wore diapers as a baby! It was so weird…but the feeling was very very vaguely familiar.

“This is so weird,” I told myself. But like I had said earlier…the diaper wasn’t really uncomfortable…just different. It was just the simple fact that it was a diaper that was bothering me.

I didn’t see any reason to think about it any more, so I just hopped into bed, still feeling the interesting sensation of wearing it. As I drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t help but go back and forth in my mind.

On one hand, that had been the worse thing I had ever been through in my life…the girl that I was in love with had actually just put a diaper on me just like I was a little baby! I had never been more humiliated and it made me feel slightly sick to my stomach just thinking about what Kylie must think of me…having to wear diapers just like a baby. No matter what she said, she must have thought that there was something really wrong with me, that I wasn’t normal. It seemed like all of my fantasies of ever having Kylie like me as more than a friend had just disappeared forever. Kylie might pity me enough to still be friends with me…but there’s no way that she would ever fall for some bed-wetting baby like me.

On the other hand, part of me felt like Kylie was right. It wasn’t my fault that I was wetting the bed, and now that I thought about…lots of people must have to wear diapers. Why did I think it was such a big deal when Kylie really didn’t think it was? Maybe I really was just blowing all of this out of proportion. After all, Kylie kept telling me over and over again that she still liked me and didn’t think any less of me for this…and she kept stressing that it wasn’t a big deal. Besides, she was the one who thought of the diapers in the first place.

‘But’ said a nasty thought in the back of my mind, ‘Would Kylie really TELL you if she thought you were a total-lame ass for wetting the bed? Would she really tell you that the thought of you needing to wear diapers disgusted her? Would she tell you that she didn’t think you were cool anymore? She probably just wanted the diapers so that she didn’t have to wash your piss-stained sheets anymore. Kylie’s such a nice, sweet person that she would never have the heart to embarrass you. But she doesn’t actually feel anything for you.’

Once again it was driving me insane. I couldn’t tell whether Kylie was being so nice about this because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings or if she really still liked me ok. My overwhelmed mind couldn’t take it anymore so I just fell asleep.



When I woke up the next morning, it only took me a few seconds to remember that I was wearing a diaper. I could tell that something felt different, too…instead of feeling the damp, stickiness of my boxers and sheets against my skin, I felt a less damp and slightly heavy feeling near my crotch. For a brief second I thought that I actually hadn’t wet the bed. But then I realized that I had. Well, technically, I hadn’t wet the bed…but I had wet the diaper.

I got out of bed and I immediately wanted to take off the diaper. Not only was the cool dampness uncomfortable, but I wanted to rid myself of the shame of wearing it. As I pulled the tapes loose, I let it fall to the floor and I took a shower. I did have to admit, though…it was nice not having to have wet sheets. I guessed now we would just have to throw away the diaper without anyone noticing.

After I showered and got dressed, I threw the diaper in the closet underneath some stuff…I figured I’d deal with it later. I decided to go tell Kylie about everything, so I went over to her room and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she said, and I did so.

“Oh, Eric, it’s you. Well,” she said in a quieter voice. “Did it work?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” I said. “Nothing at all on the sheets or the mattress.”

“I knew it,” she said. “This is great. Now all we need to do is get rid of the diaper. I can do it…I’ll just throw it in a plastic bag and take it out to one of the trashcans near the beach when I go for a walk. I can do it without anyone noticing.”

Even though I felt a little embarrassed about Kylie getting rid of my piss-soaked diaper, she had already washed my piss-soaked sheets so I figured it didn’t really matter. “Ok,” I said. “I threw it underneath some stuff in the closet in my room.”

“All right,” she said. “I guess I might as well do it now…I don’t think anyone’s up yet this morning.”

She left the room to head downstairs, but before I followed her I looked around her room for a bit. It was kind of the typical teenage girl’s room, with a mirror, a make-up table, clothes on the floor, and posters of bands and singers on the walls. I was about to head out of the room when something struck my eye. On Kylie’s bed I noticed a few stuffed animals. I particularly noticed a brown teddy bear. For some reason, I found it…cute. It was a weird feeling…I hadn’t really paid much attention to stuffed animals up to that point. I just kind of stared at it for a few seconds, feeling a very strange sense of admiration.

Then I just shook my head and left the room, closing the door behind me.

I went downstairs to relax in the kitchen a bit to wait for everyone to get up. As the other kids and Kylie’s parents came down, we just talked about various subjects like sports and the weather. I double checked with Kylie’s parents that my doctor’s appointment was still the next day. I then told them that I felt bad for not being at the store the previous day and I offered to help them out that day.

“Oh, Eric, you’re so nice,” Kylie’s mom said. “But if you’re still sick you should stay here again. We only need three people to help us out each day, so you can just switch off with a few of the others after you’ve felt better.”

I figured there was no point in arguing, so I stayed home another day, this time with Kristen as my company. Again, it was nice to just be able to relax for a day. I tried to keep myself busy, however, because whenever I had free time my mind went back to my thoughts of Kylie. I didn’t want to deal with the wooziness I felt when I remembered she had put a diaper on me (and would probably do it again that night) or my confusion of wondering what her true feelings for me were. It was so interesting how Kristen had no idea that any of this was going on as we played Frisbee on the beach or watched TV…though I knew that she took my discomfort and overall silence as symptoms of my sickness.

Eventually the day ended, and after a relaxing evening of all of us having some good conversations together, Kylie’s mom insisted that I get some rest. So, once again I trudged up to my room and waited for Kylie.

Sure enough, she once again came into my room with the baby powder and a diaper. As we went through the ritual again, my feelings of discomfort must have been completely apparent, because she said, “I know you hate this Eric, but after a few more times you’ll probably be able to do it yourself, even if it’s not perfect.”

“Hmmph,” I said, even though I actually appreciated the idea.

Smiling at my pouting, Kylie said, “Well, you know this could be worse.”

“Oh really?” I asked cynically. “What could possibly be worse than having one of your friends powder you and put a diaper on you because you wet the bed?”

In my head I said ‘Having the girl of your dreams be the one to powder you and put a diaper on you because you wet the bed.’

Kylie just giggled and said, “Well, I could always talk to you like you were one of the babies that I used to baby-sit for. I could say how cute and snuggwy wittle Eric is in his didee,” she added in a baby-talk voice with a coy smile as she finished taping up the diaper.

“Come on, cut it out,” I said, but I couldn’t help but smile and laugh a little at the silliness of Kylie’s voice.

Kylie clearly must have found it funny though, because she kept going. “Oh yesh, wittle baby Eric does wook adorable in hid dipee-wipee! Is he gonna make a pee-pee in his dipee?” As she said this she tickled my stomach, which resulted in me laughing and kicking my legs a bit as I went completely red in my face. Of course what she was saying was completely degrading, but she sounded so funny and I was so ticklish that I couldn’t help but just laugh.

Kylie smiled and said, “I’m just kidding, Eric. But you see? None of this is so bad if you don’t take it seriously and can just laugh at it.”

“Well,” I said, not wanting to admit that I knew she was right. “I guess so.”

“Anyway, I guess I’ll let you get some sleep before your appointment tomorrow. Good night.”

“Good night,” I said back and crawled into bed.

Again, I was torn…Kylie sounded so sincere every time that the whole wetting/diaper subject came up that it was becoming harder to think she was making it all up out of pity. On the other hand, maybe Kylie was just really good at making people feel good.

But now there was a new emotion that popped into my head. She was right…it was a whole lot worse to have her talk to me like I was a baby than it was for her to respect my feelings about it.

But it was so weird…even though the baby-talk had embarrassed me on a whole new level, I got this weird sensation in my stomach when she had done it and when I thought about it. And it wasn’t a feeling of humiliation…it was a feeling of…warmth. It was so crazy…but when Kylie had talked to me like that, there was a sense of admiration in her voice that almost put me on cloud nine. I knew she was only kidding, and I knew that it was just something that happened…but there was something about it that made me feel…special. It was like Kylie genuinely liked me…more than just as a friend.

Feeling surprised, guilty and ashamed about my content with Kylie talking to me like that, I fell asleep more confused than ever.



It would be no surprise to me when I woke the next morning that I had once again wet in the night. Like before, the diaper did contain everything perfectly. The bed, sheets and blanket were perfectly fine.

However, at the moment I awoke, I was immediately surprised by something else. I had my thumb in my mouth! I must have been sucking it while I slept! Once I realized this, in reflex I jerked it out of my mouth. It took me a few seconds to realize what I had been doing. I just stared at my thumb for a second, shocked and disgusted. I threw the blanket off of me and wiped the spit off of my thumb.

I was already used to the fact that I had been wetting in the night. But it bothered me more this morning because I had also been sucking my thumb. What in the world was wrong with me? As ashamed as I had been feeling about wetting the bed, I at least felt like I could excuse it…it wasn’t as though I had control over my body.

But sucking my thumb in the night? It’s not like that was a physical condition. Only babies and little kids sucked their thumbs! It made absolutely no sense that I was doing it.

I just shook my head in anger and decided not to think about it. I tore off the diaper, once again threw it in the closet, showered and got dressed.


I went downstairs, where Kylie’s parents were the only ones awake. As they offered me some breakfast, they reminded me about my doctor’s appointment today.

“Eric, your appointment is at about ten o’clock this morning,” said Kylie’s dad. “Don’t worry about coming in to the store today…you’ll have plenty of other days. I’ll drive you to your appointment.”

“Unless you want me to go into the doctor’s office with you,” interjected Kylie’s mom. “I know that sometimes it can be intimidating going in there and if you want someone with you…”

“Now Evelyn,” said Kylie’s dad, speaking to her mom. “Eric is a teenager, he doesn’t need someone in there to hold his hand. I’m sure he wants to keep this private…”

“You don’t know that, Roger!” responded Kylie’s mom. “There’s nothing wrong with Eric wanting some company!”

“Um,” I said, trying to break up their argument. “I appreciate your offer, Mrs. Meadows…but I think I’ll be okay. I don’t think it’ll be that big of a deal.”

The last thing I wanted was either of them to find out about my bedwetting, so of course I didn’t want them to be in the doctor’s office. But I didn’t want to sound suspicious, so I just tried to make everything sound normal.

“See Evelyn?” said Kylie’s dad. “Eric will be fine. Eric, I’ll just drive you there, but I will stay in the waiting room while you go in.”

“Thank you, Mr. Meadows,” I responded.





Eventually all of the others made their way downstairs and ate. Soon afterwards Kylie pulled me aside. I once again let her know that I had wet in the night and she once again agreed to get rid of the diaper. I didn’t dare mention the thumb sucking to her…that was the last thing I needed.

Kylie ended up staying home this time, so her mom took Josh, Monica and Kristen to the beach shop while her dad took me to the doctor’s. Her dad asked if she wanted to go with us, but she said that unless I wanted her to there was no reason (though I’m sure she also figured it was a good time to get rid of the diaper). I picked up on this too, so I said she didn’t need to come.

Kylie’s dad drove me to the doctor’s office and after we checked in we sat in the waiting room. Soon my name was called and after they took my weight and blood pressure and everything they told me to wait in one of the small rooms.

Although I was a little nervous about talking about all of this with a complete stranger, I also knew that the doctor would keep it private. Besides, I was really curious to get to the bottom of this.

After a little while the doctor entered the room. His name was Dr. Griffin and he seemed nice enough. After he went through all of the standard check-up procedures, he tried to find out what was going on.

“All right, Eric,” he said. “I understand that you’re not from around here and you’re staying with the Meadows family. All Roger and Evelyn have told us is that you haven’t been feeling well. Can you tell me more?”

“Well, doctor, here’s the thing,” I said. “I’m actually not really feeling sick. Like, I don’t have a cough and I’m not throwing up or anything. The problem really is…well, you see…a few days ago I started…wetting the bed.”

Dr. Griffin looked at me in mild surprise for about two seconds, but then he just nodded and wrote something down on his clipboard.

I quickly added, “So you see…I’ve just kind of acted kinda sick because…I didn’t tell the Meadows. It’s, you know, pretty embarrassing, and I didn’t want them to find out about it. So…could you not let them know?”

Dr. Griffin just looked at me for a few seconds, and then he added, “Well, Eric, I won’t pretend that I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to tell them. If you do, they can probably help you take care of things. But, of course, the information is confidential…so I’ll leave that decision up to you.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” I said.

“Now…this night-time wetting…has this been a problem in the past? Do you have a history of it?”

“No!” I said quickly. “Well, not since I was like, three. That’s why I came here…it just happened all of a sudden. A few days ago was the first time.”

“I see,” he said, continuing to write on his clipboard. “Can you think of anything at all that might be causing this? Any sudden change in medications or diet or activity?”

“No…” I said, trying to think of anything. “I can’t think of anything that’s changed.”

“And…I’m assuming you haven’t gotten into any type of physical accident that might affect your bladder control?”

“No…definitely not.”

“Hmm…well, normally it’s one of a few things. Some teenagers, especially boys, can have problems with bedwetting as they move into puberty. However, they usually have somewhat of a history of wetting, and it normally happens at the onset of puberty. Since you said that a few days ago was the first time it happened, it seems as though this is not the case for you.

“In other cases, there is some immediate physical accident that can damage the bladder muscles and cause different forms of incontinence. However, this usually causes daytime incontinence too. Besides, you’ve told me that nothing like that has happened anyway.

“Finally, sometimes different medications or changes in lifestyle can cause bladder problems. But, as long as what you’ve told me is true, that’s not the case either.

“I do have one more theory…but first I want to run a few tests, just to be sure.”

Dr. Griffin had the nurses do a blood test and a urine test on me, and they checked a few other things too. I patiently waited for them to read the results. Afterwards, Dr. Griffin talked to me again.

“As I suspected, all of the results were negative. So, there certainly doesn’t appear to be any physical reason for why this is happening.”

‘Great’, I thought. So this whole appointment was worthless and I was no closer to figuring out why this was happening.

“So do you have any idea what’s going on?” I asked.

“Well, even though this is not my area of expertise…there are some cases when these things can happen due to…mental issues. No, it’s nothing serious like that,” he added, noticing the insulted look on my face.

“What I mean is,” he continued. “Sometimes the body can respond like this in situations that are very stressful. When someone’s stress levels increase dramatically, the body can respond in a variety of ways. These can include frightful dreams and occasionally bedwetting. Do you think there’s any chance that this might be the case?”

I thought for a bit. My bedwetting started….as soon we arrived at Kylie’s house. There could be some sort of connection…

“Hmmm,” I said. “Yeah…I think I have been under more stress lately.”

“Well, my guess is that the two things are related. As I mentioned, this is not my area of expertise…but I do have a colleague who specializes in that kind of therapy. If you would like, I could recommend him to the Meadows, and they could set up an appointment for you. Don’t worry,” he added. “I won’t mention your bedwetting.”

I thought for a second. “Ok then,” I said. “It can’t hurt.”

“In the meantime, you might want to do something to deal with your bedwetting…especially if you don’t want the Meadows to find out…”

“Well, actually, I already have,” I said. “I was able to get some, uh…incontinence products. That’s helped me keep everything…hidden.”

“Ah,” Dr. Griffin said. “I was about to recommend that. Well, in that case…for now I would recommend that you try to find ways to deal with your stress. Take out time to relax, do activities to manage your stress, try meditating…these things can help. That might make things better until you can meet with the therapist.”

“All right,” I said. “I’ll try that.”

“Okay then…well, is there anything else?”

I thought for a bit. There was something else…but did I dare mention. I figured I might as well…just in case.

“Um, well, there is one other thing…but it’s uh, well, really embarrassing. When I woke up this morning…um…I had been sucking my thumb in the night. Do you think this could be related to the same thing?”

Dr. Griffin just looked at me for a few seconds, and then said, “Could be, I suppose. You should probably mention that to the therapist, just in case.”

“Right,” I said, feeling awkward about it. “Well, thanks again for everything.”

We shook hands and I went back to join Mr. Meadows.





After we settled everything, we got in the card and headed back to the house. Even though I knew he didn’t want to prod too far, I knew Mr. Meadows would want to know what was going on.

“Well, they really couldn’t find anything that was wrong with me,” I said. “They didn’t prescribe anything, and they didn’t really know what to do. And I’ve been feeling better…so I guess I’m over what was making me feel sick.”

“Oh…well, that sounds good. Was there anything else? Who is this person Dr. Griffin was talking about you seeing?”

“Well…Dr. Griffin thought that the reason I was feeling sick was because of stress. So…he recommended I go see this…therapist, about it.”

Mr. Meadows looked at me funny for a bit. “I see,” he said. “Do you…routinely see a therapist?”

“No!” I said quickly. “I mean, no, this a new thing. It’s not like I have…mental problems or anything. Dr. Griffin figured that I must be a lot more stressed out recently than I have been in the past.”

“Hmm,” said Mr. Meadows. “But what on earth could be stressing you out so much? Is it helping out at the shop? Because really, Eric, if that’s really bothering you…you don’t have to do it. We like you to help out, but if its affecting your health we certainly won’t make you. You can still stay with us.”

I did some fast thinking. “No, I don’t think it’s that,” I said. “I think it’s…well, you see, I haven’t really been away from home before. I think I’ve just been really homesick over these last few days…and it’s made me feel a little sick.”

“Oh, okay,” he said. “Well, do you really think it’s a good idea for you to be here?”

“Oh…yeah. I think it’s just gonna take me a little time to adjust. But I think I’ll be fine…especially since I’ll have to move away from home someday.”

“All right, then,” he said. “Well, don’t feel like you have to rush in to help…it’s fine, however you want to do it.”

With that, we changed the subject and didn’t talk about it anymore. Soon after we stopped talking and I got a chance to think.

After thinking about it for a bit, I soon realized what was going on. My bedwetting started as soon as we got to Kylie’s house. So clearly, that’s when things changed. If Dr. Griffin’s hunch was correct, I must have gotten more stressed out about then…

And then it hit me. It was because of Kylie! I mean, I had always been pressured by her…I always felt more uptight around here and it drove me insane. But before, it was only at school. Now…it was all of the time. I didn’t get any break from my feelings. I was constantly thinking about her and what she thought of me and just…everything. Clearly I was a lot more stressed out.

Was THAT really the reason for all of this? And if so…how could I fix it? I pondered this as we made our way back home.




Kylie’s dad ate lunch with Kylie and I and then he returned to the beach store. I figured I might as well use this time to let Kylie know what was going on…or at least part of it.

I told her about how there was nothing physically wrong with me but that the wetting may have been happening because of stress. I didn’t want to admit to her that I was so stressed because of my feelings for her…so I kind of used the same homesickness excuse I told her dad. She seemed to buy it, though it seemed she was slightly suspicious too.

I knew that it was going to be weird spending the whole day alone with Kylie. It was a crazy situation. I still had such strong feelings for her, and I was still stressing myself out over what she really thought of me.

The problem was that now I was in a vicious circle. My feelings for Kylie were causing me stress, which was causing my bedwetting. But, my bedwetting was causing me to think about Kylie even more, which in turn gave me more stress. I didn’t see any way to fix the situation.

But, even though I was still totally mystified by Kylie…I also enjoyed being around her. I was so happy that I was starting to form a deep bond with her. The whole bedwetting/diapering thing was kind of like a special secret between us. Even though it c caused me shame, I was also happy that it was making us closer. I knew it was something that she didn’t have with anyone else.

I tried my hardest not to think about what Kylie thought about me. I tried to view her as a normal person, and I also tried to avoid thinking about her impression of me. But it only worked a little bit…my gut feelings for her hadn’t changed, and I didn’t see any way I could make them change. I was so totally stricken by her and she just seemed so amazing. I still felt as though the most important thing in the entire world was her liking me.

Throughout the rest of the day, I tried to either separate myself from Kylie or do things with her that didn’t involve much talking or activity. It was good for me to go for walks by myself, listen to my headphones or read. I wanted to take a nap but was afraid I would end up wetting myself while I slept. I was able to keep away from her a decent amount, but I was afraid she would think I was avoiding her if I did it too much. Besides, it still made me feel special to spend time with her.

The problem was so many activities were so stressful. Doing things like playing pool, throwing the Frisbee or throwing the football were bad because I felt like a total dork every time I made a mistake. Talking with Kylie or going for walks with her was bad because I felt nervous about what to say. In the end, watching TV or movies with her was the best thing because it didn’t involve much interaction with her and I could focus on watching them instead of Kylie.

So, after I spent some time alone, Kylie and I watched a movie and some afternoon TV. Kylie got bored after a while, though, so she flipped off the TV and then said, “I’m kind of bored and tired, Eric. Wanna just go hang out in my room?”

This was a tough question to answer. I felt it was a bad idea, but at the same time I didn’t want Kylie to think I didn’t want to be around her. Besides, I always got that funny special feeling in my stomach every time Kylie asked me to do something…

Before I could think too much I told her, “Okay,” and the two of us went up to her room. She hopped onto her bed and lied down on it while I just sat on the edge of the bed. Both of us just stayed there for a bit not talking.

I saw Kylie reach over and grab one of her stuffed animals…it was the teddy bear that I had noticed the previous day. For the briefest of moments I noticed it and had a funny feeling again, but I pushed it from my mind as I looked away.

After a few minutes, Kylie said, “You know, Eric…this is really nice. Just being able to relax during the summer. I like having you guys here with me. It’s really just as good as having my old friends here. In some ways its even better.”

Hearing this made me feel good, but I didn’t really think it was anything special. I used the opportunity to ask her about her old friends. This got her talking a lot, so it was easy for me…I didn’t have to say anything special, I could just listen. That way I didn’t have to worry about saying something stupid.

As she talked, though, I noticed she was absent-mindedly stroking the teddy bear. While she was talking I sometimes looked at her but sometimes I was looking at the bear. I didn’t think she would notice anything since I often looked at people’s bodies while they talked, especially if they were doing something with their hands. However, I had to force myself not to concentrate on it, because I once again found the teddy bear cute in a way that I couldn’t put my finger on. I was so drawn to looking at it…but I had to make sure I wasn’t staring at it. At the same time, I found my mind drifting to find a way I could reach out and touch it, maybe even hold it in my hand…

“So Eric, what about you? What was it like when you were growing up?”

The question brought me back into focus and I began talking about my past. After a bit I ran out of things to say. Kylie and I just sat there for a while, not saying anything.

I noticed that Kylie was now starting to play with the teddy bear a bit. She was moving it back and forth and tossing it up in the air. It was funny…I had seen girls do this plenty of time before, but it was different this time. First of all, it was Kylie, not just any other girl. And secondly, for whatever reason that bear just seemed so cute to me…

I couldn’t help but smile as Kylie continued to play with the bear, and when Kylie noticed she smiled back at me. She then got into her little girl mode and I could tell she was going to get playful and goofy.

“This…” she said, “Is Mr. Snuggle Bear. He makes me feel better when I’m sad.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little and I said, “Mr. Snuggle Bear, eh? Aren’t you a little old to be playing with stuffed toys?” Of course I didn’t believe this, but I wanted to sound cool to Kylie.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. “And you shouldn’t say that, you’ll hurt Mr. Snuggle Bear’s feelings. Besides,” she said with an evil grin. “Aren’t you a little old to be wearing diapers?”

I felt myself tense up and start to blush. It was crazy…even though part of me was angry at her for making fun of me, Kylie always had a strange power over me…no matter what she said, I couldn’t seem to get mad at her…

She stuck her tongue out at me, laughed and then said, “Oh, Eric, lighten up…you know I’m just playing. You really shouldn’t be embarrassed about it.”

Before I could respond, I heard the phone ring. Because Kylie didn’t have a phone in her room, she threw the teddy bear onto her bed and said, “I’ll get it…I’ll be back in a bit.”

As the phone continued to ring Kylie left the room and I was left there alone. I just sat there for a few seconds, staring around the room. Soon my eyes once again drifted over to the teddy bear. Using this opportunity, I stared at it in freedom.

What was it about it that made it so damn cute? I hadn’t felt this way since I saw some puppies that Josh’s dog had had a few years ago.

‘Go on, take it’ said a small voice in my head. ‘No one will know…just grab the bear for a few seconds.’

I fought with myself, feeling that I was being extremely stupid for wanting to touch the stupid stuffed animal. But the yearning in my stomach just wouldn’t go away and the temptation was too great. I quickly looked at the door and knew Kylie wouldn’t be back for a few minutes…so I reached out and took the bear, still keeping my eyes on the door (I didn’t want to close it because Kylie would ask why I had done so).

I held the teddy bear in front of me and just stared at it. Again, I was just overwhelmed by how cute and cuddly it was. It was so soft and warm and lovable…it almost made me melt inside.

‘Come on, give it a hug’ said the voice in my head. “No one will know.’

‘No’ I told myself. ‘It’s just a stupid toy…I’m not going to hug it.’

‘Do it’ said the voice even stronger, and I couldn’t resist anymore. What harm would it do?

Once again keeping my eyes on the door, I wrapped my arms around the bear and tightly squeezed it against my chest. A feeling of warmth and coziness went through my entire body. This felt AMAZING, and for those few seconds I didn’t care why.

It was almost like some outside force had overtaken me and I was drifting away into a different mental state. I felt so happy and content, and I didn’t even have to think about what I was doing. My body just naturally pressed the bear against my chest and I rubbed my cheek against it, an involuntary smile spreading across my face. Before I knew it I closed my eyes and somehow my left thumb made its way into my mouth. As I sat there peacefully rocking the teddy bear back and forth, I felt happier than I had in years…

Out of nowhere I was brought back into reality by a giggle and a voice saying “Eric, what on earth are you doing?”

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In a blinding flash my eyes jerked open and I tossed the bear across the bed. I jumped up quickly, with my heart was pounding and my breathing fast. Without even thinking my voice said, “Nuh-nuh-nothing! Just waiting for you to get back!”

Kylie just continued to giggle and said, “Oh come Eric, I saw you…what were you doing?”

“Nothing!” I said again, this time more forceful. “Just…forget about it! I don’t want to talk about it!”

Kylie was surprised at my anger, but she just said, “Geez…all right. I won’t mention it.” I felt bad for yelling at her, but at the same time I was so ashamed that I couldn’t bear to talk about it. Not knowing what else to do, I just stammered, “I’m going for a walk.” Without even saying goodbye, I raced past Kylie and out the door.


As I ran down the stares and out the door to the beach, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. ‘Why in the hell did I grab that stupid teddy bear?’ I asked myself. ‘What in the hell made me cuddle it and suck my thumb again? Why did it make me feel so happy? And why’ I asked, beating my fist against my forehead, ‘Why didn’t I shut that damn door?!’

Over and over I asked myself these questions but I got nowhere. I felt disgusted with myself and I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been. First Kylie sees me wetting the bed, and now she sees me cuddling her teddy bear and sucking my thumb?! At least with the wetting I could claim that it was beyond my control. But this was different…Kylie was going to think I was a total pansy, dorky little baby. Why would a great girl like Kylie want to hang around a total wussy like me?

I tried to justify my actions by pointing out that Kylie owned the teddy bear and was playing with it just minutes beforehand. But that was different…first of all, Kylie was a girl and it was normal for them to have stuffed animals. And second, she was just playing with it like a toy…not cuddling it and sucking her thumb like a baby.

I almost felt like running down the beach and never coming back. But I knew I’d have to face Kylie eventually. I sat down on the beach as long as I could, but once the sun started to set I knew everyone would start wondering where I was. I honest to God hoped Kylie wouldn’t dare mention this to anyone else (and I trusted it because she had apparently kept my wetting hidden to), but I figured I might as well head back before she felt inclined to.

I didn’t think Kylie would bring it up if I didn’t, and I was right. When I returned the others were already home and were engaged in conversations. I tried to calmly join in, and thankfully we had plenty of other things to talk about.

Once again we had dinner together and had a relaxed evening of watching TV and relaxing out on the beach. I avoided talking to Kylie as much as I could, and our conversation was limited to short words. I got away with it since nobody noticed, but as bedtime was approaching I knew I’d have to face Kylie.

Maybe it was because I hadn’t been talking to her much, but Kylie seemed more distant this time. It would be really awkward going through our diapering ritual again, but I knew we’d have to do it.

As I got undressed and laid down on the towel, Kylie said, “Well, Eric, I know you’re probably sick of me doing this…so after this time you can do it yourself. I’m sure you’ve gotten the hang of it by now…so as long as you think you can do it without the diaper leaking, I don’t see any need for me to do this any more. And if you want, you can throw away the diapers, too.”

Kylie’s voice wasn’t really cold, it was just kind of firm. “Oh…okay then,” I said, not really knowing how else to respond.

After Kylie finished powdering me and taping up the diaper, she asked, “All right, you think you have it down?”

I nodded, and she then simply said, “Ok, well…goodnight then.”

I said the same to her and I crawled into bed, once again my head swimming with thoughts.


The whole situation was mind-blowing. I felt so frustrated. It seemed like things were going so well…but now I felt so distant with Kylie. She obviously wasn’t going to bring up the teddy bear thing and now she wouldn’t be putting a diaper on me anymore. I knew that I should be happy about all of this…we could finally go back to being normal again. I could put on my own diapers and throw them away myself, so Kylie wouldn’t have to be involved in this bedwetting thing anymore. We wouldn’t even have to talk about it. I could just go back to hanging out with her and being friends again. And on top of that, I could probably drop my stress level and the wetting would stop all together. Then things would really go back to normal…and that’s what I wanted, right?


But something wasn’t right. Even though it would make my life easier to forget about all of that…part of me felt empty inside. Part of it was Kylie’s distant attitude towards me…I felt like I had lost something with her that afternoon. But it wasn’t just that. It was also the bond I developed with her. As crazy as it was, there was something…nice about having her put the diaper on me. It was our little secret and I felt it was something we could connect about, even if it was weird. And it was so personal…being naked in front of her and having her powder and diaper me felt so intimate. It was like our special little tradition.

And then I remembered when she had made those funny baby-talk comments to me. It made me feel so warm inside to think of it. It was so nice compared to the drabness of when she had done it earlier that night. And then with a jolt I was reminded that she wouldn’t even be doing it at all anymore…

I couldn’t believe myself. I actually wanted Kylie to put the diaper on me! As totally insane as that was, it was what I truly wanted. Even though I felt ashamed to feel that way, it was what I naturally felt. I had such warm fantasies of Kylie playfully shaking the baby powder on me and snugly taping the diaper on me, commenting on how I looked cute.

And then another crazy thought popped into my head. I imagined myself happily holding her teddy bear with my thumb in my mouth, and Kylie looking at me and telling me I looked so cute. Suddenly I wished I had the teddy bear with me right then, so I could be warm and cozy underneath the blanket as I held it tightly against my chest…

I suddenly felt like slapping myself. What was I thinking? Why in the hell was I having these thoughts. Knowing that I couldn’t sleep, I got up and paced back and forth, trying to figure out what was going on. I was more stressed out than ever and I felt like throwing up. I had to get to the bottom of what I truly wanted. It was an all out war between what my mind told me I should do and what my emotions told me I wanted to do.


As I paced for an hour, I knew what I had to do. The only way I would truly be at peace would be if I made things up with Kylie. I had to trust my gut and tell her what I really wanted. I had never been able to do it before…the risk was too great. Because if she told me she thought I was a freak, I would be so devastated that I might commit suicide. But I just couldn’t take this anymore…even though I knew I could never make the jump to tell her how much I loved her, I also knew I had to tell her that I liked it when she put the diaper on me. Just thinking about it made me short of breath, but I knew it was the only way I would be at peace. It was a jump I simply had to make, no matter how hard it was.


Mentally and physically exhausted, I hopped back into bed. I was too worn out to fight my feelings anymore, so I just let myself grab an extra pillow and I held it tightly against my chest, pretending it was Kylie’s teddy bear. I forced myself to keep my thumb away from my mouth, but as I slowly drifted off to sleep I felt it inching closer and closer…



When I woke up the next morning, I was tired enough that I didn’t really care about much. I didn’t care that my thumb was in my mouth, I didn’t care that I had been holding the pillow so tight and I didn’t care that once again I had wet my diaper. I just absentmindedly got up, took the diaper off, hid it, showered, and got dressed.

I went downstairs and once again found only Kylie’s parents. They told me that it would be a few weeks before my meeting with the therapist, and I told them that it was fine. I also let them know that I was definitely feeling good enough to work in the store. I was actually looking forward to it so I could get my mind off of everything. I was also happy to hear that Kylie would be staying home that day.


I was very tempted to try to approach Kylie before going to the shop that day, but I felt too pressed for time. I figured it would be better to do it near the end of the day…that way I could think through in my head exactly how I was going to do it. Even though I was able to exchange a few meaningless words with her, I didn’t see a good opportunity to really engage her in conversation.

Josh, Kristen and I made our way to the shop with Kylie’s parents that morning, and even though at first it was a little irritating having to do work (I had gotten used to just chilling out all day), it really wasn’t all that bad. The tasks were simple, even if they were monotonous. Moving around boxes, re-stacking merchandise, checking prices, running small errands…none of it was too hard. In addition, the whole thing felt pretty relaxed since we knew we weren’t getting paid. I could talk with Josh and Kristen while we worked and it wasn’t really stressful. Besides, between the tasks and my conversations with Josh and Kristen I hardly thought about Kylie, much less things like bedwetting and teddy bears.

Unfortunately, during our lunch break there would be a distraction. After we had lunch, Kristen spotted a toy store. She really wanted to go in, and it looked pretty interesting so Josh and I followed. The three of us had a good time looking around the store and messing around with the interesting toys. The pace was actually pretty cool.

After a little while we split up for a bit just to explore the store a little more. Out of nowhere I suddenly saw a few shelves of stuffed animals. At first it didn’t seem like anything special, but my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to look a little more closely. Most of them didn’t really mean anything to me, but suddenly I saw it. It was a teddy bear…and it looked almost exactly like Kylie’s! The only difference was that it was in better condition…the fur was softer and shinier and the nose and paw pads weren’t quite as worn. I quickly checked to make sure no one was around, and I used the opportunity to get a closer look.

I hadn’t thought about it all morning, but once again I was overwhelmed with the sense cuteness for the teddy bear. I didn’t understand why it looked so special to me, but it did. Once again I checked to make sure no one was watching, and then I picked it up off of the shelf. It felt so soft and cuddly and I dreamed of having it as my very own.

I had a fleeting thought of taking it up to the front register and buying it. The thought excited me and for a split second I considered doing it. But then I thought about how silly I would look buying a teddy bear, and I also knew that I’d have to explain it to Josh and Kristen. Besides, I had no money and we had to go back to the shop. Feeling a sense of disappointment in my stomach, I longingly stared at the teddy bear.

“Hey Eric, what are you doing?”

I dropped the bear in surprise and looked up to see Josh standing there. He walked toward me and said, “We’ve been looking for you…we really should get back to the shop.”

“Oh…yeah,” I said, trying to look indifferent as I picked up the teddy bear.

“What were you looking at?” Josh asked, taking a closer look at the bear.

“Oh…nothing. It’s just…these reminded me of some stuffed animals I had as a kid.”

“Oh yeah,” Josh said. “I think I had some like this too. Hey, that one you have looks just like the one in Kylie’s room.”

“Yeah…I guess it does,” I said, acting as though this was the first time I had noticed that. I put the teddy bear back on the shelf, and Josh and I found Kristen and left the toy store.






We spent the rest of the afternoon finishing up our work in the beach store, and finally it was time to go back home. As we rode back in the car, I knew that I would simply have to approach Kylie about all of this. I figured it would be best to do it after dinner, and it would probably be best to ask Kylie to go for a walk on the beach. That way I could take my time and I wouldn’t have to worry about us being overheard.


Like normal, we all had dinner together and relaxed in the living room afterwards. Forcing myself to get past my nervousness, I went up to her and asked if she would go for a walk with me. She seemed a little surprised but she agreed, and we told her parents we’d be back before too long.


As we went out, at first I didn’t say anything. I looked out at the beautiful night sky and felt the light breeze over my body. I had always loved the beach, and there was something special about relaxingly walking along the shoreline at night while the families and college kids did the same. It was so comfortable that I almost forgot Kylie was with me…

After about ten minutes of silence, I knew I would have to break it. Kylie was sure to be wondering why I had asked her on this walk and I knew I just had to finally let her know what I was truly feeling.

“Um, Kylie?” I asked.

She looked at me in the dark and just calmly said, “Yeah?”

“Well, um…first of all…I uh, want to say I’m sorry for being so…cold with you lately.”

She didn’t say anything just yet, so I continued on.

“I…don’t know why I’ve been this way. It’s kind of…a lot of things. Geez, I don’t know how to say this…”

Even though Kylie was waiting on me, I could tell she was warming up to it. I somehow knew that she had been waiting for this explanation.

“I just…I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve just been feeling so much lately. And I’ve just been so embarrassed and ashamed…and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

I felt a lump forming in my throat and my mouth felt dry. It was like all of my feelings were coming to a head and if I didn’t let them pour out I would just die.

“Oh, Eric,” Kylie began. “Really, it’s okay…you don’t have to feel bad…”

“But I do!” I stammered. “I feel so horrible! I don’t know what’s going on!”

My emotions were starting to overtake me. I wanted to stay calm, I wanted to keep things in control…but it was like everything from the past week was just bursting out of me and I couldn’t stop it. Before I knew it tears were coming down my cheeks and I was turning into a blubbering mess.

Kylie was starting to look surprised and a little uncomfortable, so she said, “Eric…it’s okay…really…it’s fine. You can tell me. What is it? What’s wrong?”

My tears continued to fall and I started to feel even worse. Now I was crying in front of Kylie! This was the shame of all shames. I tried to turn away from her but she wouldn’t let me.

“It’s just…it’s just…” I wasn’t even able to get it out I was crying so hard. My face was red hot and my sobs were all that was able to come out.

Out of nowhere I felt Kylie’s hands guide my face into her shoulder. For some reason this comforted me a whole lot, but at the same time it gave me a huge signal to completely let go of my pride and let out all of my tears, pain and frustration.

I was beyond the point of feeling embarrassed. I didn’t even think about that as I continued to sob into Kylie’s shoulder as she mumbled, “There there…it’s ok. Whatever it is…it’s fine. Really. You can tell me. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

As I continue to cry, I was able to get out a few sentences. “I just…feel so horrible for this whole bedwetting thing! And wearing diapers! Really, what kind of ****ed up freak needs to wear diapers!”

“Eric…I told you…it’s ok. Really…it’s not your fault! And I’m ok with it! No one else knows! You DON’T need to feel bad!”

“But…but…that’s not all!” I stammered. I was so overtaken in the emotion that all of my inhibitions were gone. This was the time to take the full plunge.

“I…I don’t know how to say this…but…you know when you…p-p-powdered me! And put the d-d-diaper on me?”

“Yes…” she said.

“Well…” I said, now taking my face off of her shoulder and looking at her. “I…d-don’t know why, but I…well…I liked it.”

She seemed surprised at this, but she didn’t look mad or irritated or anything. She actually smiled a bit. “Really?” she asked.

“Well…yeah,” I said.

“But…you acted like you hated it! You were all embarrassed and uncomfortable and you complained…”

“Well, I mean,” I stammered, wiping a few tears away. “At first, yeah…I hated it. I felt so horrible. But after I kind of got used to it…it was pretty…nice.”

“Seriously?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I gulped. “And…and…that’s why I feel so ****ED UP!” I started crying again. “What kind of pussy likes being powdered and diapered like a ****ING BABY!”

As I started crying again, Kylie tried to comfort me by saying “Oh…Eric…don’t say that. It’s all right…there’s nothing wrong with you…”

“Yes there is!” I choked through my tears. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better! There’s something messed up about me and I don’t know what it is!”

“Eric, honestly…listen to me. IT IS OKAY! You can’t change what you feel. And you’re not messed up. There’s nothing wrong with you! You’re great and wonderful just the way you are! And nothing…not bedwetting, not diapers, not enjoying it…none of that changes that! The only problem is that you’re not accepting it and being happy with who you are!”

I just stood there and choked back some more tears. Kylie’s words felt so nice…especially the part about me being great and wonderful. But a small part of me felt like she was just making this up. And then there was the teddy bear…

“Well…fine!” I said. “So maybe it’s ok if I don’t mind the diapers. But what about that damn teddy bear?! I just…wanted to h-h-hug it! And…geez, what the **** is wrong with me…I wanted to suck my goddamn thumb!”

“Eric…is that why you haven’t been talking to me? Are you worried about THAT? Did you really think I would think less of you because of THAT?”

Of course I did…so I just responded by saying, “Well…yeah. I mean…don’t you?”

“NO!!” she responded. “Of course not! Eric, I’m the one who owns those stuffed animals! I sleep with them! I like to hug them too! When I’m sad I like to cuddle up with them and it makes me feel happy!”

“Yeah, but you’re a girl! It’s okay for girls to do that! It’s not normal for guys!”

“Eric, who gives a damn about being normal? You need to stop wanting to be normal and start being happy with being you!”

“Yeah, but being me means sucking my damn thumb!”

“Well…so what? Honestly, there are much worse things in the world. You could be a rapist, or an drug addict, or a child abuser. Really, Eric…you’re a great person, and liking a teddy bear or diapers or even sucking your thumb every now and then doesn’t change that!”

“Yeah right,” I said, wiping away a few more tears. “You’re just saying that.”

“Eric, when are you going to get it through you’re head that I’m NOT JUST SAYING IT!!! I’m being totally honest with you! And until you trust me on that we’re not going to be able to be real friends!”

I didn’t say anything for about a full minute. I just made myself stop crying and wiped my face off.

I looked at Kylie and said, “Truly, one hundred percent…are you telling the truth?”

“For the last time…YES.”

“So you honestly think it’s ok that I like you to put diapers on me…and that I enjoyed cuddling your teddy bear…and that I liked sucking my thumb?”

“I mean, I won’t deny that it’s quite unusual…but yes, I am FINE with it. It’s not hurting anyone, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, it’s actually pretty nice…normally guys are so “badd” and tough and strong and macho…they don’t show any feelings or their sensitive sides. But you…yeah, you act a little macho and try to be cool…but you have an honesty about you, Eric. And you have this nice side. And if you just let it shine through and be happy with who you are…you’ll be much better off.”

It was so hard to believe I was hearing this…or to believe it was for real.

“Besides,” Kylie said, again with that faint smile. “I actually find it…cute. It reminds me of some little boys I used to baby-sit. It was nice to put them in their cribs and see them snuggle up with their teddy bears, thumbs jammed in their mouths. And it was kind of sweet to playfully powder them and change their diapers. You have that innocence about you. Yeah…I’ve never seen it before in someone your age. But…it’s a nice change. No pun intended,” she added with a wink.

Now I really could hardly believe what I’m saying.

“You mean that?” I asked. “You actually enjoy…putting a diaper on me?”

“Well…in a very weird way…yes,” she said with a smile.

My mind was going cloudy. Everything was coming all together…everything I had ever dreamed of and more was slowly shifting into reality…

“So really, Eric…cheer up, don’t feel sad…we’ll just keep all of this between us, and at night I’ll just sneak up to your room and I’ll get you ready for bed. It’ll be our little tradition.”

“Well…ok then,” I said. We were approaching the house again, so there wasn’t much more to be said.

As we walked into the house and saw the others, it struck me as so crazy that none of them had any idea what was going on. They had no idea that I had just spilled my guts and cried my eyes out in front of Kylie and that she actually found all of my weird desires to be ok…and even cute!

I was way too drained to do anything else that evening, so I let everyone know I was going to bed. After brushing my teeth and taking my pants off, there was a knock at the door and I knew who it had to be.

I let Kylie in with her holding the usual plastic bag to keep everything hidden. I felt excited as we laid the towel down and I took off my boxers. Suddenly things felt fun, relaxed and exciting as she spread out the diaper and asked me to lay down on it.

I closed my eyes in peaceful bliss as she lovingly applied the baby powder on me. It felt so great as she smiled at me and pulled the diaper snugly over my waist and taped it on. I felt a sudden exciting urge to everything even further, and even though my stomach felt queasy as I said it, I said, “Kylie…do you think you could…um…talk to me like you did the other night? Like I was…you know…a…a…

“…baby!” I finally blurted out.

Once again Kylie looked surprised, but in a pleasant way. She smiled a calm smile and said, “Sure, Eric. In fact, I kind of like it too.”

Feeling my body go tense with exciting anticipation, I felt woozy all over as Kylie said, “Oh wook at my cute wittle snuggle bear! He wooks SOOO adorable in his cute little dipee!” She even playfully pinched my cheek and added “He’s tuch a good wittle bay-bee!”

Despite the fact that I went beet red, I felt the hugest adrenaline rush that I could possibly imagine. I was so caught up in the emotion that there was no room to feel ashamed.


Kylie just smiled and said, “All right, Eric. I think that’s enough for tonight.”

I actually agreed since I felt I would burst if this continued any more. I saw Kylie lock the door as I hopped into bed under the blanket.

“Oh…there’s just one more thing,” Kylie said. She reached into the plastic bag, and to my surprise, she pulled out her teddy bear.

“I thought you might enjoy sleeping with Mr. Snuggle Bear tonight. Don’t worry…I’ll be fine without him. Sleep tight.”

She tossed me the teddy bear as I just looked at her in awe. I had thought things couldn’t get any better, but this was beyond my wildest dreams. As Kylie left the room and closed the now locked door, I just stared at the teddy bear for a few seconds. Not being able to resist any more, I held it in my arms and squeezed it tightly against my body and rubbed it against my face.

I excitedly turned out the light, dove under the blanket and engaged in true, wonderful bliss. Without restraint I jammed my thumb into my mouth and clasped the teddy bear tightly to my chest. I was engaged in perfect harmony and wonderful feelings danced in my head. Automatically I viewed myself as a toddler who had just been put into a clean diaper and was now happily snoozing away with his cuddly teddy bear. Kylie’s baby-talk words flowed through my head as drifted off into a state of pure wonder.

For once, I didn’t feel the slightest bit ashamed of any of this and I fell into the most peaceful sleep I could ever imagine.


When I woke up in the morning I was initially surprised at the feeling of holding the teddy bear against my body and having my thumb in my mouth…it’s not like I was used to it. But after I got over the surprise I was reminded of the night before and it felt good. It was nice and comfortable in the bed and the softness of the teddy bear made it feel even cozier.

But, the wetness of my diaper wasn’t, so I forced myself to get out of bed and get changed. After undressing and showering, I got dressed and hid the diaper. I then realized that I didn’t want to leave Kylie’s teddy bear on my bed…so I grabbed it and hid it in the closet as well.

When I went downstairs I realized I was the last one getting up this morning. As I sat down to start eating breakfast, Kylie’s mom said to me, “You’re up a little later this morning, Eric…did you sleep ok?”

“Yeah,” I said. I couldn’t resist. “I slept like a baby.” Kylie choked a little on her drink, and I shot her a small smile. No one else seemed to notice.

“Well, in that case I’m sure you’re up for helping us out at the shop again today? I think it’s you, Kylie and Josh today.”

“Sure, sounds great.”

In fact, I was kind of eager to get busy doing something. I had a lot of funny feelings about everything that had been going on. I wasn’t really ashamed of my newfound enjoyment of a teddy bear or sucking my thumb, but it was pretty new and it had been pretty crazy. I kind of wanted to get away from babyish type things and do something different.

So as I moved around boxes and retrieved forms at the shop, my mind didn’t dwell on those new feelings of enjoyment of those babyish things. I didn’t even think about them. It was nice just to feel normal again.

Even my feelings about Kylie had improved. I still found myself wondering about what she thought about me and I still felt I did a lot of stupid things around her…but for the most part it was better. I didn’t concern myself with it so much and I wasn’t stressing as badly.

Up until this point it seemed like every day was throwing something else new at me. But now things were actually going pretty smoothly. I would just go in to the store most days and help out, and then we would get home and enjoy ourselves. Then, right before it was time to go to bed, Kylie and I would have our little ritual. By that time in the evening I started yearning for the cozy comfort of Kylie’s baby talk and her teddy bear. Then, by the time the next day started going, I wanted to do something else. Everything kind of balanced out.

Life was actually going pretty good for a couple of weeks. However, there were a few things coming up. First was my appointment with the therapist. Secondly, a few days afterward would be my birthday.

About a week before my appointment Kylie’s parents asked me if I still needed to go. They said that they had seen a big improvement since my doctor’s appointment and wondered if I still needed to go. Since my bedwetting hadn’t stopped, I knew that I still needed to…so I just said that I had still been feeling kind of funny and hadn’t gotten completely over my homesickness. I was actually looking forward to going to the therapist…I’d be able to tell someone else about all of these feelings and maybe even mention the thumb sucking and teddy bear enjoyment.

That night I was in for a surprise. After Kylie put my diaper on me like she always did, she said, “So, Eric…are you still sucking your thumb?”

I felt myself go a little red and said, “Um…yeah.”

“Well, I think I have something that might help you with that.”

“Really?” I was thinking maybe she had some meditation technique or something that might get my mind off of it.

“Yeah…here, take a look at this.”

She reached into her usual plastic bag and pulled out…a baby’s pacifier.

I just looked at it for a second and then at her. “What is that?” I asked.

Kylie smiled. “What does it look like, silly? It’s a pacifier.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Oh come on, Eric, it can’t hurt to try it, right?”

“Do you really expect me to suck on a pacifier?”

“Please?” she asked me, showing me puppy-dog eyes. “Do it for me?”

I couldn’t believe she actually wanted to me to do this. What I couldn’t believe more was that I was actually going to. Why was it Kylie was able to make me do whatever she wanted, no matter how crazy it was?

“Ok…fine,” I sighed.

Kylie gave an excited smile and said, “Ok, open up!”

I opened my mouth up and felt her push the pacifier into my mouth. I bit down on it once it was in.

Kylie giggled childishly and said, “Oh, Eric, you look so adorable! So how is it?”

I grabbed the pacifier ring and pulled it out of my mouth. “Well…I feel like an idiot, but I guess it’s ok. Better than getting spit on my thumb.”

“Good. Well, I’m glad I thought of it then. Hmmm….wait right there just a few minutes. You can lock the door, I’ll knock when I come back.”

Before I could stop her, Kylie left the room. Taking her advice, I locked the door…I didn’t want anyone else to see me with a diaper and pacifier.

I heard a knock on the door a few minutes later, and just to be sure Kylie said, “It’s ok, it’s me.”

I opened the door and let her in. Then I realized why she had left…she now had a camera.

“No!” I told her, feeling very uncomfortable and shaking my head. “No way, I don’t need a record of this.”

Kylie just smiled and said, “Oh come on Eric, this is just too cute to forget about. When else am I ever going to see a teenage guy sucking a pacifier and wearing a diaper?”

“Well, if it was up to me you would have never seen this one! Why in the world do you need a picture of this?”

“Like I said, Eric, it’s just too cute to pass up! Don’t worry, I’d be very very careful with it…no one would ever see it.”

“No way! I can’t take that risk!”

“Oh please, Eric? Pretty pretty pretty please? Do it for me?”

And once again, Kylie gave me those puppy-dog eyes. I wanted to tell her no, I really really did…but the thought of making Kylie happy was just way to much to resist.

I let out another sigh and said, “Fine. ONE picture.”

Kylie clapped her hands and giddily smiled. “Yay!” she said in her childish voice that girls seem to reserve for pets and baby showers.

“Ok, first of all you need your paci…”

As I stood there stunned, she took the pacifier and once again put it in my mouth.

“Ok, and now we need the teddy…” She took the teddy bear and gave it to me as I took it and glared at her.

“All right, now we need a really cute pose…I know, you can sit on the bed and cuddle the teddy bear while closing your eyes…that would be just perfect!”

She told me exactly how she wanted me positioned as I humored her. I could tell she enjoyed bossing me around, prolonging this as long as possible. Once she had gotten me exactly where she wanted me, she said, “There! Now, hold still while I take the picture.”

I sat there with my arms around the teddy bear, my cheek pressed against it while sucking on the pacifier with my eyes closed. She then said, “Smile!” and I did so (almost of reflex) and I felt the flash go off.

Since it was a digital camera, she could look at the picture right away. “Great!” she said. “You look so content…like a cute little angel!”

I couldn’t resist. I walked over to look at the picture. It was so weird seeing myself like that. I kind of reminded myself of a tired out little toddler.

“All right Eric, that’s it. Thank you!”

With that, she gave me a small kiss on the cheek and said, “Good night!”

With that, she left me there dumbfounded. I just looked at the pacifier for a second. Did all of that really just happen?

Kylie really must have been enjoying treating me like a little kid. The funny thing was that I was enjoying it too. I had gotten butterflies in my stomach when I was standing there in a diaper with a pacifier in my mouth and Kylie telling me I was adorable. It was another one of those unexpected rushes.

As I climbed into bed with Kylie’s teddy bear, I tried putting the pacifier in my mouth. It was…different. It was smaller than my thumb, but it was also softer. I could also bite down on it if I wanted, and now both of my hands were free. I still got the calming sensation of sucking on something, but now I could wrap both arms around the teddy bear while I slept. It was a very cozy feeling.

When I woke up the next day I wondered what I was going to do with the pacifier. I figured I could just keep it hidden in the closet with the teddy bear. I didn’t want anyone to ever run across it, so I found a nice little hiding place for it behind some other stuff in there.

It was finally a day that both Kylie and I didn’t have to go into the store. This left us home alone together. Normally I would have dreaded it…but I had gotten so used to being around Kylie it actually wasn’t too bad. I was thinking I’d be able to enjoy the good feelings I got from her without having to worry about doing something stupid.

It was still somewhat awkward being there with just her. Normally there were other people around and the conversations just kind of bounced between all of us. Now that it was just the two of us I found we didn’t have much to talk about. I still wasn’t comfortable enough with Kylie that I could completely relax like I did around Josh. So I actually spent most of the morning out on the beach trying to keep away from Kylie.

It turned out that Kylie actually had plenty to talk about when I got back, however. I would find that the pacifier wasn’t the only “idea” that Kylie had come up with.

[teddy564339]

I remember just walking back into the house and flopping down on the couch. I just wanted to chill out and clear my mind of everything. So, I actually winced a bit when I saw Kylie sit down next to me after about five minutes.

I could tell from the look on her face that she wanted to talk to me about something. She looked perky, anxious and excited. I was hoping it wouldn’t be something that would take long for us to talk about…

“Hey Eric, how are you doing?” she asked me.

“I’m ok,” I replied, not feeling like saying more than a few words at a time.

“Good…because I’ve been thinking about some things…”

I just looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you…how do you feel about all of this?”

“What do you mean?” I asked. “All of what?”

“Well…you know…about wearing diapers at night, and using the pacifier and sleeping with the teddy bear and everything.”

It was frustrating because there were times when I felt like I could go on for hours about how I felt about all of this. But at the moment, I didn’t really feel like talking about it…especially with Kylie.

“Um…I don’t know. I have a lot of mixed feelings, really.”

“Go on…” she said.

I sighed. “Um…I actually don’t really feel like talking about it right now.”

“Oh…ok then.”

Suddenly, she got up to leave. Now I was afraid that I had made her feel bad for asking…

“Wait,” I said. “I mean, it’s just that right now I’m just not in the mood to think about it. I’ve thought about it a lot, and we can talk about it if you really want. It’s just…there’s been a lot on my mind…and…you know.”

I was relieved to see that she was glad to hear this. She perked up again and said, “Ok. Let me know when you’re ready…because I’m very curious about a few things.”

As she walked away, I got the impression that she was very eager to talk with me. She looked like a kid waiting for Christmas morning.

I hoped that I would feel up to talking with her in a few hours…because it really was a golden opportunity. It was nice knowing I could share my feelings with someone, and there was still this magic about the relationship that Kylie and I had concerning all of this baby stuff.

I used the next few hours to make myself feel better. I watched TV and did other activities to get stable mentally. After that, I started feeling more mentally stable. I went through everything in my head so I knew exactly what to tell Kylie. After about a total of four hours, I approached her at the same couch where we had talked before.

“Feeling better?” she asked me.

“Yeah,” I said. “I just…sometimes need a break from all of this. I’ve been so mentally drained lately. But I think I’m ok now.”

“Good,” she said, looking satisfied. “So…I’m still very curious about all of your feelings about this.”

“Ok then,” I said. “Well…it’s like I started saying before…it’s a huge mix of feelings.”

It was kind of difficult opening up to Kylie about all of this. I didn’t know how much I should tell her. I was still worried about what she would think of me. But, since she looked so eager to hear about this, I felt ok opening up a bit. I would just have to read her signals as I slowly revealed information.

“You see…part of me is just completely weirded out by all of this. I mean, I’ve never dealt with this before. Until I came here, I hadn’t wet the bed or sucked my thumb or slept with a stuffed animal since I was about three years old. And same with…the diaper and pacifier and stuff. It’s just so crazy.

“And then…I feel so stupid about it. I keep asking myself ‘Why? Why is this happening?’ I feel so weak…and like a little wussy or something. It’s just so unlike me.”

“So…are you saying that you hate this? That you wished it never happened?”

“Well…sometimes. Part of me feels that way.”

“What about the other part of you?”

I was cautious. Did I dare open up to Kylie about liking all of this? Part of me wanted to hold back…but Kylie looked so sincere about it. Besides, keeping my feelings bottled up was starting to drive me insane. Even though I was deathly afraid of Kylie shunning me for my feelings…I knew that she didn’t before when I told her I liked this stuff. I figured I might as well take the plunge and just deal with the consequences.

“Well…it’s those certain moments that it’s…really good. Like, it just makes me feel safe and cozy and comfortable when I can sleep with the teddy bear. And…I feel kind of…content…when sucking my thumb or even the pacifier.”

She nodded her head. I could tell that she was trying to keep in her pleasure. So I felt a push to keep going.

“I mean, that makes me feel even more stupid. I don’t know why I like it. It’s just…I feel kind of like a freak. But then in those moments…it’s all ok. I don’t worry about it. I ignore the bad feelings.

“And…geez, this is hard to say…”

“It’s ok, Eric…I won’t laugh or think bad of you…”

“Well…” I began, not able to look her in the eye. “Those moments where…you…put the diaper on me…and baby-talk me…I don’t know…it just makes me feel kinda…special inside. Geez, it’s so stupid.”

“No…really…it’s ok…”

“I mean, I don’t Kylie…I really like it. It’s like I’m in a different world. But afterwards, after I get that really awesome feeling…I feel disgusted with myself. Like I should have never felt that way.”

“But that’s just afterwards, right?”

“Well…yeah. Like, when it’s happening…it’s like I’m on some drug. It’s amazing. I…just don’t get it.”

“Well, Eric…I’m glad I finally got all of that out of you. I appreciate your honesty. So I guess it’s time for me to be honest with you.”

I felt my stomach drop. Had I just made the biggest mistake of my life?

“The funny thing is…I actually feel the same way you do. I’ll just go ahead and say it. I haven’t told you, since I know you’re going through a lot…but yeah, sometimes I find this whole thing…just…weird.”

Now I really couldn’t look at Kylie. I felt my throat go tight, and shame was starting to creep into my stomach again…

“Like, at first, I was thinking ‘What’s wrong with Eric? Why is he wetting the bed?’ I wasn’t ready for it. I started second-guessing who you were.

“But then I started wondering why I felt that way. I asked myself, ‘Why does it matter? Eric’s still the same person. And it’s not like he can help this.’ So when I got over my initial surprise, I found that it didn’t matter to me. And it’s the same way with the diapers. Really, they’re just a practical solution.

I felt my body relax a little more. Even though I still had doubts (they were more feelings, though, since logically I didn’t have them), I felt that Kylie was finally starting to own up about her feelings.

“And then I saw you that day sucking your thumb with my teddy bear. This was different, though. I mean, sure, at first I was wondering what in the world was going on. But my initial reaction wasn’t just surprise and second-guessing…I really found it…cute.”

I felt myself start to go red again. It was things like that that always made me get that same excited queasy feeling. I braced myself for more of it…

“I mean, I’ve always just seen you like any other guy. And guys are just all tough, or cool, or laid back. They’re usually not as playful or soft or…girly.”

I felt a little bad again…girly wasn’t something I felt like being.

“I mean, it’s not that it was girly, really…but it was so different. I just really…liked it. Seeing a pretty cool guy like you all cute and soft like that…I was just really drawn to it.”

It took a few seconds for this to hit me. Not only did Kylie say I was pretty cool…but she was digging this cute thing…I started getting an excited feeling again…

“And…that feeling just kind of takes over me sometimes. It’s like…just that feeling of taking care of someone. I like it. It makes me feel…important. So it just becomes so nice to pretend you’re a little boy. I mean, I know it’s stupid…but it just feels nice. It’s like having my own little kid…but a lot more normal. So I just get overtaken seeing you in a diaper, or sucking a pacifier…I just get caught up in the moment.”

I was finally starting to see where Kylie was coming from. It was pretty crazy…almost too hard to believe.

“And…like you I feel stupid sometimes. I wonder why I feel this. I wonder why I like doing it. But…in those moments it doesn’t matter.”

I couldn’t resist myself anymore. I had to find out more.

“So…what about outside those moments? Do you think there’s something wrong with me? With us? Doing all of this? Like…that it’s not natural. That it’s messed up?”

She paused for a bit. “Well…I mean, yes, sometimes I feel that way. But…I try to ignore that feeling. Because it just makes me feel bad. I like it so much better when we’re having fun and enjoying it. Because…I don’t get that feeling anywhere else.”

“So…we’re feeling the same thing?” I asked. “We both think this is wrong, but we like it anyway?”

“Well…I guess so.”

“So now what? Should we just stop and say ‘Screw it’?”

“I don’t know…what do you think?”

I didn’t know what to say. It was nice to get to the bottom of all of this. But what to do about it? If Kylie really felt the same way I did…could I really stand to have her think what we were doing was ****ed up? Or did I ignore all of that?

“Well…give me a few minutes to think. There’s a lot to think about.”

We just sat there for about five minutes. The one thought that kept standing out to me was…when was I ever going to get this chance again? The times I had with Kylie…they were the best I had gotten in my entire life. Who cares if it was messed up? Couldn’t I just forget about it when the summer was over?

I finally broke the silence. “Well…what could it hurt? Can’t we just quit when we feel like it?”

Kylie thought for a few seconds. She then smiled. “Yeah…we always can. Now that we’ve been honest with each other…we can always stop when it gets too much. So why don’t we just do what we feel and stop worrying.”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling myself. “Sounds good to me.”

I could tell Kylie’s excitement was building again. “Ok…in that case…I have something else for us. Wait here for a bit.”

As she walked away, I found myself hardly believing all of this. It was closure like I hadn’t had before…but at the same time, it looked like a new chapter was opening up…

When Kylie returned, she once again had a mysterious plastic bag. I could hardly wait to see what she had inside of it. She sat down next to me on the couch, smiling excitedly and eager to show me what he had cooked up.

“Ok, since we’ve decided we want to keep doing this…I couldn’t resist getting a few more things. And here’s the first one.”

Out of the bag, Kylie pulled out…a baby bottle.

My natural reaction was just to laugh a bit. This really was starting to get crazy.

“A bottle?” I asked. “What in the world did you get that for?”

“Well, because that’s what babies use,” she said.

“Yeah, but I mean…the diapers and pacifier…that was natural. I needed them for the…wetting and thumb sucking. But I can still drink fine.”

“Well, I know that…but I just think it would be nice to see you try it.”

I just slowly shook my head and looked at her. “Are you serious?”

“Sure I am. But that’s not all.”

“There’s more?”

“Yep,” she said. She then reached into the bag and pulled out a bib. It was actually a full-body bib for a baby, meaning that it was about the size of my chest. Again, I couldn’t believe it.

“Kylie, what has gotten into you?”

“Well, after I realized you were sucking your thumb and liked my teddy bear…I thought about getting a pacifier. And when I was in the store, I saw all of these cute baby things. And…I just couldn’t contain myself. I pictured you with them and couldn’t keep myself from buying them.”

“But a bib? And a bottle? Kylie, seriously, despite everything that’s been going on, I’m not a baby, you know.”

“But we can pretend you’re one.”

“What?”

“Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Fun? Are you listening to yourself?”

“Oh come on, Eric, you could fool me before…but now I know that you’re curious too.”

She was right. I couldn’t hide behind my ashamed façade anymore. I did feel some curiosity about these baby items, and Kylie knew it.

I felt myself go red again as I said, “Well…yeah, maybe a little.”

“So why not go for it? What harm could it do?”

I just looked at her again. “So what do you have in mind?”

“Well, there’s just one more thing…”

She then reached into the bag and pulled out a light blue T-shirt. She unfolded it to show that it had a teddy bear on it. I could tell that it was a girl’s shirt, because it looked like it wouldn’t go past someone’s stomach.

“What is that?” I asked.

“Well, it’s actually a girl’s T-shirt. But I saw it and since it was blue, it looked like it would be perfect for you. It might fit a little tight, but I think it will be ok.”

I just sighed. “Why are we doing this?”

“Because I think we’ll both like it.”

I couldn’t believe this. We were going forward with this. And I knew that I would because (a) I still couldn’t resist doing what Kylie wanted, and (b) my curious anticipation was getting the better of me.

“Ok, so what’s the plan?”

“Well…I just wanted to have a little fun. We can get you dressed up like a baby and then do a few things.”

“Well…I know I really am insane now…but let’s do it.”

“Ok…I’ll bring everything. Let’s go up to your room. You go up there and take off all of your clothes.”

Not believing that this was happening, I took myself up to my bedroom. Feeling nervous but excited, I took stripped off all of my clothes and waited for Kylie.

When she arrived, she said, “Ok, first of all, let’s get a diaper on you. Just like we always do.”

The funny thing was this part was actually pretty routine. Kylie playfully giggled and even baby talked me as she powdered me and put my diaper on.

“Ok, so now let’s put on the cute little shirt.”

I took the shirt and pulled it over my head. It was a little small and tight, but in the end it fit around my shoulders and the end came down right about to my belly button.

“Perfect!” Kylie said. “You look just darling. Now…let’s attach the paci.”

She went to go get the pacifier, and she then took a piece of ribbon and looped it through the ring. She then took a safety pin and pinned it to my shirt. She playfully added, “That way my wittle baby won’t lose his pacifier.” I continued to blush as she said this.

“So…now, grab your teddy and meet me downstairs.”

I was too stunned by the whole experience to say much more, so I did as she said.

When I got downstairs, Kylie wasn’t at the couch. However, after a few minutes she returned. She had filled the baby bottle with milk and she had it in her hand. She also had a spoon, the bib, and some small jar.

“Ok, so here’s the plan,” she said. “We’re going to pretend that you really are a little toddler. So I’m going to feed you like one.”

“What?!” I asked in huge surprise.

Kylie gave me another one of her evil grins. “That’s right. Because I’m sure you know babies don’t feed themselves.”

“Kylie, are you crazy?”

“Maybe. But I bet deep down you want to try this.”

Once again, she was right. As embarrassed as I was to go through with this, I knew that I’d feel empty inside if I didn’t.

I sighed. “Ok…as stupid as it is, we might as well try.”

“Good,” she said. She then grabbed the bib and walked over towards me.

“Hold still,” she said. She took the bib and draped it over my chest. I felt her tie it off behind my neck.

“We don’t want to make a mess on your cute little shirt, now do we?” she added with a wink. Once again I blushed, feeling strangely helpless.

She then took the jar. “I was trying to think of something good for us to try…so I figured you’d like some chocolate pudding. So I put some in this jar.” I had to admit it sounded pretty good.

“But, since you’re a baby…I’m going to spoon feed it to you.”

Somehow I knew that was coming. But I saw no reason to resist it, so I just stupidly sat there as Kylie opened the jar and got a spoonful of it.

She softly smiled and said, “Ok, now open up for mommy like a good boy!”

Still blushing, I just opened my mouth up as Kylie put the spoon in and pulled it out. It was a pretty weird sensation having someone else feed me something…it reminded me of when my mom used to give me medicine.

Kylie continued to feed me the pudding, clearly enjoying herself. She even went on to play little airplane games and tell me how good I was for eating every bit. She even went so far as to purposefully smear some of the pudding on my face.

“Hey!” I said, surprised at her obvious miss. “What did you do that for?”

“Because everyone knows babies are messy eaters,” she said, smiling broadly. Then, without warning she took the bib and wiped my mouth. “But now you’re all clean again!”

I just sat there stupidly again. “I think you’re enjoying this too much, you know.”

She evilly grinned at me again. “I think you are too.”

I couldn’t think of a good retort. She had to be right though…for some reason I found this kind of fun.

“Ok, next is the ba-ba! But since wittle Eric can’t feed himself…mommy will do it for him. So come here in mommy’s lap.”

She sat on the couch and motioned for me to sit down on her lap.

“Aren’t I too big for you?”

“I’ll be fine. Besides, you’re just a little baby, right?”

So, I sat my diapered butt on Kylie’s lap. I was turned sideways…my back was against the armrest of the couch and my feet were sticking out towards the other end.

My head was resting against a pillow on the armrest, and I felt Kylie put her arm around my shoulders for support. Then, she took the baby bottle and put it in my mouth.

It was the weirdest sensation. I felt really stupid, but at the same time really nice. I just closed my eyes and felt the warm milk enter my mouth. As I swallowed it, I started sucking on the nipple of the bottle to get more out. It was satisfying in a weird way. I once again was able to slip into a state of relaxed bliss while Kylie gently caressed by neck and back…

Before I knew it, I was sucking on empty air. I had actually downed all of the milk pretty fast. I felt a full feeling near the top of my stomach. Kylie smiled at me and removed the bottle.

“Ok, one more thing,” she said. “Sit up a little bit.”

I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I did as she said. Then, she started hitting me on the back with the palm of her hand.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt the gas in my stomach start to push up and I let out an audible burp. Kylie smiled very satisfyingly as I sat there in surprise.

“What was that?” I asked.

“I just burped you,” she said with a wink.

“Ok,” she moved on. “I bet you’re tired now. So it’s time for your nap.”

I was kind of just playing along, but I was also pretty tired. So I went up to my room with Kylie and lied down on the bed.

“All right,” she said. “Time to tuck in the little baby nice and snug.”

She first handed me the teddy bear which I put in my arms. She then took the pacifier and put it in my mouth. Finally, she pulled the blanket over me and flattened it over my body.

“Nighty-night,” she said with a smile, giving me a soft kiss on the forehead.

As she left, I felt my body relax. As I drifted off to sleep, I knew that as crazy as all of that had just been, it was just as special as I could have hoped for.


I woke up a few hours later. It took me a few seconds to recover and remember everything that happened. Like before, even though it made me feel good to think about it, I kind of wanted to separate myself from all of it. I took off the shirt, the bib, and the diaper that I was wearing. Not knowing what to do with all of them, I just left the clothes on the floor of the bedroom.

After I got dressed, I went to find Kylie. I knew it was still too early for anyone else to return, but I wanted to make sure we got all of this covered up again before they got home.

My conversation with Kylie was actually pretty short. She said she would take all of the baby stuff and keep it hidden. She didn’t have much to say about our afternoon…and since I didn’t really know what to say about it, it didn’t bother me.

From there, we both just kind of pretended it didn’t happen for the rest of the day. When everyone got back we acted completely natural and had another enjoyable evening. It’s possible I was relaxed because of the afternoon, because everyone kept saying how I had looked better than I had the past few days.

That evening Kylie let me try putting the diaper on myself. Because of all of our afternoon activity, neither of us were up to doing much more baby stuff. So, I tried putting the diaper on myself, and Kylie just checked to make sure I had done it right. Since I had, we just left it at that for that night.



Over the next few days, nothing too much different happened. I kept helping out at the store and I tried to enjoy myself in my free time. Whenever we got the chance, Kylie and I would again enjoy our little… “baby play”. She would still put the diapers on me, hold my head in her lap, give me a bottle…as weird as it was, it was really nice. We were both enjoying it, and it was a nice release from everything.



The morning of my meeting with the therapist, I woke up and found a surprise. It actually took me a few minutes to realize it. I noticed that something about the diaper I was wearing felt different.

It wasn’t wet! To be sure, I took it off and examined the inside. It was completely dry! I actually hadn’t wet the bed. I didn’t understand it…after wetting the bed every night for a few weeks, this time I didn’t. I was stumped…but I also saw no point in thinking about it. It was just one more thing I could tell the therapist.

Kylie’s dad drove me over to the therapist’s office that morning. After I checked in and went through all of the formal procedures, I walked into the therapist’s office.

His name was Dr. Stevens. He introduced himself to me, reconfirmed my name, and asked me to sit down.

“Well, Eric, all that I know so far is that my friend George Griffin recommended that you come and see me for a meeting. He didn’t mention anything else. So, I think the best place to start is by having you tell me why you’re here.”

I had to take a few seconds to think about how I wanted to word everything. After that, I began to speak.

“Well…everything kind of started this summer, after school got out. Me and a few of my friends agreed to spend the summer with my other friend Kylie and her parents. We’re helping out at the store they run and in return they’re letting us stay with them.

“And…well, the first night I was there…um…you’re not gonna tell anyone about this, are you?”

“Everything that you say will be strictly confidential, I assure you,” Dr. Stevens said.

“Ok, then...well, the first night I was there…I wet the bed.”

“I see,” said Dr. Stevens, making a few notes on the pad that he had been holding. “And I’m assuming this was new for you?”

“Yeah…I had never done it before. So I was really upset about it…I mean, I didn’t know where it came from. And it happened again for a few nights. So, that’s why I went to see Dr. Griffin…I thought maybe there was something wrong with me physically.

“But, he told me that he couldn’t find anything wrong. He just said that he thought it was probably stress related and that he thought I should talk to you about it. And ever since then, every night I’ve continued to wet the bed.”

“So I see,” said Dr. Stevens. “Well, as he may have told you, this sort of thing does tend to happen when someone’s stress levels greatly increase during a short span of time. So we should probably look into this a little more. Can you think of anything that may have greatly increased your stress levels since you moved in with your friend’s family?”

“Well…ok, this is going to sound really stupid…”

“I assure you nothing you can say will sound stupid to me.”

“Well, all right then…you see, the friend that I moved in with…her name is Kylie. And…well, she’s more than just a friend.”

“So are you saying the two of you are in a dating relationship?”

“Well, not really. The thing is…soon after I met her, I just became…obsessed with her. It’s like she’s perfect to me. And I’m just crazy about her. I’m overly concerned with how much she likes me. It’s like my whole emotional state is in the palm of her hand. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that matters in life to me is her and how she feels about me.”

Dr. Stevens continued to write. “Can you tell me how you feel when you are in direct contact with her?”

“Well…it’s like all of those feelings are stronger. I’m aware of every single little thing I do. I want to impress her really badly, and make her like me. I mean, maybe not every single second…but a lot more than when I’m not around her.”

“Ah…I think I may see what has happened here,” Dr. Stevens began as he continued to jot down notes. “You see, Eric, when you moved in with Kylie, your direct interactions with her greatly increased. The amount of stress that you felt increased dramatically as well. As a result, during the night your body releases that stress and one side effect is your night-time incontinence. It’s almost as if your body has to completely relax your muscles so that it can recover from all of the stress that your mind is putting it through.”

I took a few seconds to think about it. All of that made sense…being around Kylie during most of my waking hours was sure to stress me out greatly, and when I went to sleep it was the only real break I got from my emotions.

“Of course, this is all just a theory,” Dr. Stevens continued. “But it seems to be the most likely reason for your night-time wetting. Is there anything else you’ve noticed that might also be related to your stressful state?”

Again I had to think for a bit. Did I dare tell Dr. Stevens about any of the baby stuff? Did I tell him about my secret desires to have Kylie treat me like a baby? I was very apprehensive about it, especially because it was so embarrassing. But, it was so satisfying to finally be getting some answers about it, so I didn’t really feel like resisting.

“Well…this is going to sound really crazy. But…well, a few days later I started sucking my thumb at night, too. And I even got these really strange desires…I wanted to…hold and hug one of Kylie’s stuffed animals. It was so weird…the feelings came out of nowhere. But it made me feel better. I felt really ashamed about it, but it still made me feel good.”

“Hmmm,” Dr. Stevens said, continuing to write. “And these feelings were new to you?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “I don’t remember feeling them until about the same time that I started wetting the bed. I mean, like when I was a little kid I liked stuffed animals and sucking my thumb, but never recently.”

“Ok, then…is there anything else related to this?”

I paused for a bit. “You did say all of this is strictly confidential, right?”

“Anything you say will stay only with me.”

“Well…you see, Kylie found out about me wetting the bed. So, she got some….uh…adult diapers for me to wear. And she actually put them on me. And…I enjoyed that. It just felt…nice. And I didn’t know why.

“And on top of that…Kylie has been…um…treating me like a baby.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she bought a pacifier, and a baby bottle. And she watched me suck the pacifier. And she fed me the bottle just like I was a baby. And she talked to me like I was a baby.”

“And…how did you feel about all of this?”

“Well…I mean, I felt really weird about it. But I also really liked it. It made me feel so peaceful and carefree when she was doing it. But, after it was over, I felt really stupid and ashamed and I wondered what in the world was wrong with me. I felt like some sort of freak.”

“Ah…so I see,” Dr. Stevens continued, still writing. “Have you talked to Kylie about any of this?”

“Yeah…I told her about all of my feelings. And she said she was ok with it, and that I shouldn’t feel bad about it. So, lately we’ve continued to do it, and I’ve gotten a little more used to it.”

“So I see. Is there anything else?”

“Well…last night, for the first time…the bedwetting stopped. And I had no idea why.”

“Hmmm,” he said. “Quite interesting. Give me a few minutes to look over everything…much of this is new to me, but I may be able to figure something out.”

I patiently waited for about ten minutes. I was bursting to interrupt and ask Dr. Stevens some questions, but I restrained myself. Finally, he came back over to me and told me what he thought.

“Well, Eric, I can only offer my theories…oftentimes the true causes of these situations is very complex. But, here is the way that I see it…because you have such strong feelings for Kylie, your stress level greatly increased when you moved in with her. As a result, your body started relieving itself at night.

“But, that wasn’t all. Because your stress levels stayed at such a high level, your mind and body started finding other ways to get rid of the stress. They started to revert themselves back to the point in your life where you felt the least amount of stress. This was when you were a baby or a young child. That is why you started sucking your thumb. It is also why you’ve gotten enjoyment from being treated as though you were that age.

“In addition, your feelings of guilt over all of this increased your stress levels even more. This in turn made your desires to regress increase as well. You’re almost in a downward spiral situation. Your stress and your desires are continuing to become stronger and stronger.”

“So I can’t escape all of this?” I asked, feeling alarmed.

“Well, not necessarily. If you notice, you didn’t wet the bed last night. This has perplexed me the most, but I think I may have an idea. The past few days it sounds as though you have started to accept your feelings. You have started to enjoy your desires to be younger again and in turn your stress has dropped. You are more relaxed and therefore your body did not need to release the stress at night.”

I thought about this for a bit. “So…what now? Where do I go from here?”

“Well, Eric, I think that is ultimately going to be up to you. What you have to think about is what you truly want. I think it is best for you to keep your stress levels down. There appear to be a variety of solutions.

“The first is simply to remove yourself from the situation. If you are no longer around Kylie, your stressful feelings would not be as intense.

“Had I seen you when your problem started, that would be what I would have recommended. However, there is a risk of increasing your stress levels by removing yourself from Kylie.

“So, it appears you have found a way to accept and enjoy your feelings of regression. That seems to counter-act your stress from being around Kylie. The two balance each other out.”

“But wait,” I asked. “Wasn’t that the problem in the first place? That I want to be like a baby again?”

“Well, initially, yes, I would have said so. But, it all depends upon your perspective. Are your regressive feelings a natural consequence of the stress or an action you take to balance it out? In themselves, I do not believe your regressive feelings are unhealthy or dangerous. However, if you feel as though they are, you will continue to live in a high state of stress. If you are at peace about them, you can use them to balance out the stress you feel from Kylie.”


“So you’re saying that I either have to move away from Kylie or accept my regressive feelings?”

“Unless you can find some way to be around Kylie and not become stressed over her, then it appears those are your two best options. Of course, diet, exercise and meditation all can help you keep your stress levels down…but as long as you continue to feel the way you do about Kylie, I believe your regressive desires will remain.

“So ultimately, Eric, you must decide on your own what you want to do in order to make your life as peaceful as possible. In the meantime, I’ll give you a few more tips and exercises you can use to help keep your stress low.”

For the remainder of the session Dr. Stevens showed me the stress reducing techniques. He told me that I could always schedule another meeting with him if I wished, but that he saw no reason to do so at this point. I thanked him and we said goodbye.

As I drove home with Kylie’s dad (who only asked me how it went and didn’t press finding out about what I talked about), I tried to piece together all of this.

I knew that moving back home wouldn’t help. I couldn’t stand being away from Kylie for the rest of the summer, and I was sure my bedwetting and baby desires would just become worse.

I also saw no way to stop stressing over Kylie. No matter how hard I tried, my feelings for her remained just as strong as ever. I didn’t think I could force them out of myself.

So, Dr. Stevens was basically saying the exact same thing Kylie was…that I should just accept that I was feeling these “regressive desires” and that I should embrace them rather than be ashamed about them. It was pretty crazy to hear a professional say that…but if that’s what he thought, why shouldn’t I believe it?

It was just so weird for me, someone who was almost 16 years old, to want to act like a baby. Even though Dr. Stevens’ explanation of it made sense, it still was so weird to me. I had never heard of anything like it.

For the time being, though, I figured I should just do my best to take his advice. I would try to use his stress-reducing techniques and in the meantime try not to worry about my feelings.

I knew that I also had something to look forward to…and that was my birthday. Kylie’s family had agreed to let me take the day off from the store and naturally I wanted Josh to be off with me.

So, on my birthday, Josh and I just had a great day of hanging out by ourselves. It was nice just to chill out with him and have a good time…it kept my mind from thinking too much.

That evening we all went out to dinner for my birthday. It was really nice and cozy…everyone gave me enough attention to make me feel good, but they didn’t embarrass me with too much attention either.

When we got back to the house, I found out that Kylie’s mom had gotten me a cake. After everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to me, everyone had some of the cake and to my surprise I saw everyone had gotten me a present.

After I received gifts from Kylie’s parents, Josh, Monica and Kirsten (all of which were nice gifts), there was only one left. Of course, it was from Kylie. It was a box that was about two-feet on every side.

Everyone gathered around as I opened it. I expected it to just be another gift like everyone else had given me.

So I’m sure you can imagine my (and everyone else’s) surprise when I found out that in the box was a teddy bear that looked just like the one that Kylie had owned for years.

[teddy564339]

I just stared at the teddy bear for a few seconds. Then, I grabbed it and slowly pulled it out of the box. I couldn’t help but look at it…it was just do damn cute.

Coming back to my senses, I knew I had to act normal…so I just looked and Kylie and laughed a bit. Everyone else started to laugh as well.

“What’s this?” I asked Kylie.

She looked at me for a few seconds and smiled. “Well…I saw it in the store the other day and I remembered that I had one just like it. And I just thought it would be a sweet present…something you can remember me by.”

Kylie’s mom laughed again. “Kylie…you’re so silly. What in the world would Eric want with a teddy bear?”

“Yeah,” said Monica. “Guys normally don’t like stuffed animals, do they?”

Kylie then said, “Yeah…I guess not. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, Eric.”

I just smiled at Kylie. “Actually, I think it’s a very nice gift. Thanks, Kylie.”

With that I put it back in the box and got all of my presents together. Afterwards, we played a board game as a whole group and enjoyed ourselves. Then, it was time for bed for me.

Back in my bedroom, Kylie soon came to see me. She gave me that same devilish grin that she always did when she had done something she particularly enjoyed.

“That was very sneaky of you, you know,” I said, returning the smile.

“Well, Josh told me about how you had been looking at the bear at the toy store, and I figured you might like having your own. So why not let you enjoy it in front of everyone?”

“Kylie, you sure are a character. And you must like putting me on the spot, trying to give me a heart attack,” I said, shaking my head.

“All in good fun,” Kylie said, winking at me.

We then went through our bedtime ritual, and Kylie tucked me in with my new teddy bear.

“Sweet dreams,” she said as she left and closed the locked door.



The next few weeks wouldn’t bring anything that much different. The major thing I was grappling with was trying to accept the whole “baby” situation. It was a lot of up and down…sometimes I would feel okay, sometimes I wouldn’t. Some nights I would wet the bed, some nights I wouldn’t (I still wore a diaper every night just in case).

There were a few times when Kylie and I were in the house alone, and we used the opportunities to “play baby” as Kylie liked to call it. Sometimes it was all out…she would dress me up, feed me like a baby and hold me, all the while talking to me like I was a baby. But sometimes it was much more simple…I would just hold my teddy bear while we watched TV, and Kylie would put my head in her lap and lightly stroke my hair. It was really nice, and the more we did it the more comfortable I felt with Kylie. I felt like we were forming a pretty good bond and it was a special kind of relationship.


This was why I wasn’t surprised by some comments Monica made to me one night. I was just relaxing outside on the porch of the house and Monica approached me.

“Hey, Eric,” she began. “Have you noticed anything different about Kylie lately?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You know…over the last few weeks or so she just seems…happier. More perky. Like there’s a skip in her step.”

Even though I hadn’t really noticed this, I thought maybe that was just because I had always noticed special things about Kylie and that this was just normal to me.

“Yeah…I guess so. She has seemed a little more upbeat.”

Monica gave me a giddy little smile. “Sooo…have you wondered WHY she might be happier?”

I thought for a few seconds, trying to figure out what she was talking about. “Uh…I don’t think so. I can’t think of anything.”

“Oh come on Eric, you’ve got to see it. You can’t think of anything?”

“Um…no.”

Monica just gave a sigh with a smile. “Eric, Kylie’s in LOVE.”

“In love?” I asked. “What do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean? Kylie’s in love with a special someone.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Monica had to be joking…there was no way it was finally happening…

“What makes you say that?”

“Well…because she told me so, that’s what.”

I was still afraid this was just some joke Monica was pulling. Could it really be? Was there going to be something special between me and Kylie after all of these weeks?

“What did she tell you, exactly?” I asked.

“Well, I guess I might as well tell you. Last night Kylie said that she had been waiting to tell me, and she didn’t want to tell you just yet. About three days ago she said that she and Josh had started going out.”








Before I had thought Monica was playing a joke on me. Now I really hoped that she was playing a joke.

It took me a few seconds to think of anything. “Kylie…and Josh?”

“Yeah,” Monica said, still looking pleased. “She said that she had liked him for quite some time, and he finally told her that he liked her too. So, they decided that they should try being boyfriend and girlfriend for a while. They wanted to keep it secret for a little while…but she told me a few nights ago. And since Josh is your best friend, I’d figure you’d like to know. So aren’t you so happy for them?”

The reality of the situation was starting to sink in on me. I hoped to God that Monica was kidding…but a feeling in my stomach was telling me that she wasn’t.

“Yeah,” I said, feeling numb. “It’s great. I’m glad they finally got together.”

“And they make such a cute couple,” Monica said, still looking giddy. “Well, now you know…but just act surprised when they tell you, it was supposed to be a secret.”

Monica got up and left me there to think over everything I had just heard. Only I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I slowly got up and went to my bedroom. I locked the door and threw myself on the bed. As much as I wanted to pretend I hadn’t heard what I had, my mind couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Kylie and Josh?! What the hell?! What were they thinking?! How could they have ANYTHING together?!

Josh KNEW that I loved Kylie…he joked with me about it all of the time. How could he step over that line? He knew that she was mine. He was supposed to be my friend!

And Kylie…did this mean that everything we had was nothing? Did all of our special times together mean nothing to her? Was it just something that she did to mess with me? Like a sick little game?

I was so angry at both of them. I pounded my fist into the pillows on the bed, wanting to rip something apart. But as I did so, tears began to flow from my eyes. My anger was replaced with weakness. I started sobbing into the pillow. I felt so alone. My best friend and the girl I loved…going out together? How could they? How could they?

Once again, like I had before…what seemed like months ago…I felt like I was worthless. Nobody seemed to give a damn about me. I had absolutely nothing with Kylie…and neither Josh nor Kylie cared. I kept going over and over it again in my head…and I felt worse and worse. I started wondering whether or not it would be worth it to even be here…to even be alive…

What if I just left? What if I just ran off? Or what if I just ended it all…would they think about me then? Would they care?

Not able to take it any more, my body just fell asleep while one more thought danced in my head…the next day I would have to talk to both Josh and Kylie about this.



It took me a few minutes the next morning to remember everything that happened the day before. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut at the memory of it. As much as I wanted to pretend that I hadn’t heard anything, I knew the only way to get past it was to talk to them.

I felt like it would be better to talk to Josh first. I could always talk to him pretty easily and I could be a lot more open with him than I could be with Kylie. I also felt like I could stand getting angry with him and he would be able to let it go…so maybe I could blow off all of my steam with him.

We all had breakfast together, and since both me and Josh were working at the store that day (though Kylie wasn’t), I knew I’d have to do this before we left. I just told him I wanted to talk to him about something so we went to my room and shut the door.

“So what’s up?” he asked me.

I was angry enough at him that I didn’t care about being rude.

“Oh…gonna act like you don’t know?”

He just looked at me funny. “What are you talking about?” he said with a small laugh.

“I think you know. Think hard about it.”

“Dude…I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ok…fine. Let me tell you then. You….and Kylie. What the **** is going on between you two?!”

It took Josh a few seconds to take in what I said. He just stood there stunned for a little while. Finally he found his voice.

“Eric…man…I was gonna tell you about it…really, I was…”

“Oh really? When? After you had gone all the way with her?!”

“Man, calm down...it’s not like that.”

“Then why don’t you tell me how it is?”

“Ok…look. Here’s the thing. I know you’re crazy about Kylie. But…dude, it’s been like, four months since we met her. We’ve been living with her for weeks. I thought it you really liked her…you would have done something by now. And after a while I started to like Kylie myself. So I told her, and she told me she really liked me to. We started talking one night…and suddenly we started kissing. It just felt right. So we started going out.”

I just sat there and stared at Josh. This confirmed all of it. My best friend…kissing Kylie. I felt like crying.

“Josh…you know how much I like Kylie. I would have done anything to get with her!”

“So why didn’t you then?”

“I…I don’t know! I just couldn’t! I was waiting for the right time!”

“Well…what did you expect me to do? I couldn’t wait like you could.”

“Well…you could have told me before you asked her! Couldn’t you at least have done that for me? Aren’t we supposed to be friends?!”

“Dude, it’s like I said…it just kind of happened. And besides…what do you think you would have said if I had asked you about it? You would have told me to wait. And I wouldn’t have been able to.”

It killed me to realize that he was right. But at the same time…he also knew how much I had loved Kylie.

“But Josh…Kylie was mine! I’ve liked her since the day I met her!”

Josh just looked at me. “Don’t let Kylie hear you say she’s yours. Honestly, man…you didn’t make a move. I’m sorry…but it’s not like you can claim her. If you weren’t going to get together with her, then I was.”

“But…you’re my best friend! Couldn’t you have least let me know, and given me the chance to start something with her?”

“Eric, dude…I know this really sucks for you, but…I know you. I don’t think you would have ever asked her. I just hope that we’ll still be cool.”

I just looked at him. As mad as I was at him…I knew that it would only make things worse to fight with him about all of this. I would just have to accept it.

I sighed. “Yeah, we’re still cool. But Josh…treat her right, and appreciate what you have.”

“I will, man. And I’ll try to keep your feelings in mind. Besides, I’ll always speak good about you to her.”

With that, we left to go to the store together to work for the day.



At first it was still a little tense between Josh and me. But as the day went on, things got smoother. Maybe it was just my personality, but I started looking at it from Josh’s perspective. And he was right…I took too long to do anything about Kylie, and I probably wouldn’t have for the whole summer, even if Josh had told me he was going to ask her. As much as I loved Kylie…it wasn’t worth ruining my friendship with Josh over it.

Still, I had to talk to Kylie about all of this. I spent the whole day at the store thinking about what I was going to say, and after dinner that night I told her that I needed to talk to her.

Once we were alone, I looked at Kylie and said, “So…Monica told me about you and Josh last night.”

“Really? I guess word travels fast.”

“Well…Josh told me too. And I just wanted to hear it from you. How did you guys get together?”

“Well, basically Josh and I were talking one night. And he told me that he really liked me. And to be honest, I had liked him for a while too. So before we knew it we started kissing. And we realized we had a real connection. So we decided to try going out together for a while and just see what happened.”

It was ten times worse coming from Kylie than it was coming from Josh. But I had to press on…it was the only way I could get any closure.

“So, um…how exactly do you feel about him? Do you think it might be…you know, love?”

She paused for a second. “Well…maybe. At first Josh was just another guy. He didn’t seem special. But once we started living together this summer, I’ve found myself attracted to him. He’s funny, he’s nice…but he also has a bit of an edge to him. He has that toughness about him that I like. And it makes me feel good when I’m around him. I enjoy myself, I have fun…and it just feels right, like there’s something real there.

“But why are you so interested Eric? Is it just because he’s your best friend?”

I could hardly contain myself anymore. “Well, yeah…” My voice started to go shaky. “I wanted to know what was going on between you two since you’re both my friends. But…it’s not just that…”

My eyes started to tear up. I simply could not take any of this anymore. I was sick of holding things back. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Like I already had before, I started to cry.

Kylie looked surprised but concerned. “Eric….what is it? What’s wrong?”

Now was the time. I had to pour my soul out to Kylie.

“Kylie...there’s no other way to say it. I love you. I’ve been in love with you almost since the first day we met.”

My words were broken up by my sobs, but I kept going. I had to let it all out.

“There’s just something special about you. It’s like when I’m with you I feel like I’m really alive, and when I’m not I’d rather be dead. I can’t be myself around you because I feel like I’m not worthy to be in your company. I don’t know what it is, I never have…but I feel like I need to perfect for you…because you deserve it.

“And that’s why I felt so horrible when you started having to put diapers on me and all that stuff. It made the shame a hundred times worse. And…when I first heard you and Josh were together…I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I almost didn’t feel like living anymore.”

My sobs stopped as I just stared at the floor. My voice wasn’t going to even be sad anymore…now it just sounded dead. “And…now I don’t know what to do.”

I could feel Kylie staring at me, and I could sense her look of shock. I couldn’t even bear to look at her though. I just sat still as I felt her arms embrace around me in a tight hug. When I looked at her, I was surprised to see that there were a couple of tears in her eyes too.

“Eric…that was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. And…it breaks my heart to see you like this, it really does. I knew that you always kind of liked me…I mean, it was obvious the way you acted around me. But I just found it cute and it added to your natural cuteness. But…I never knew that it was this deep for you. And you are a wonderful person Eric. You truly are. You should never feel like you don’t deserve me. If anything, you deserve someone better than me.”

It felt really good to hear Kylie saying these things. I just wanted to sit there wrapped up in her arms. I felt safe and nice…and I could just try not to think about all of my bad feelings.

“Life is tough sometimes,” she said. “I truly, deeply wished I felt the way about you that you feel about me. But neither of us can change what we feel. I have a natural attraction to Josh, and he does for me to. It’s the way these relationships are built. And…I’m sure you know that it’s not really the same way between you and me.”

It absolutely killed me to hear these words coming from her mouth, but ever since I heard she was with Josh I had been expecting it. It was only in my deep fantasy world that I would ever have something with Kylie. It was a classic case of unrequited love…and there was nothing that Kylie or I could do about it..

“But, Eric…I want you to listen carefully to what I’m about to say. What you and I have together is truly special. I’ve had other boyfriends, and if it doesn’t last between me and Josh, I’m sure I’ll have more. But I’ve never had the connection that you and I have. It’s almost like it feels a deep longing in me when we have our special moments together. I find you cute in a way I’ve never found another guy cute. It feels so good to take care of you like a baby. I’d never be able to do that with another guy. And I admire that so much about you. You’re so sweet and sensitive, and hearing you say these nice things about me makes me feel for you even more.

“So never forget that Eric. You are one of the most special people I’ve ever met, and what we have together is equally special. We may never be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship…but I’ll never meet another guy like you. And I really hope we can keep our special relationship together.”

It was so crazy hearing it this way. I still felt like my true fantasy of being with Kylie was forever going to be out of my reach. But…at the same time, I felt a balloon of happiness swelling in my chest. The way Kylie talked to me…I felt important. I felt like I meant something to her. I felt special. And at the end of the day…that’s all that really mattered.

I looked at Kylie. I didn’t even have to say anything. I just smiled at her. She returned the smile, gave me another tight hug, and then kissed me on the cheek.

“So then, Eric…to make up for all of this, I need to do something really special for you. Anything that you want. Tell me what you want the most, and I’ll do it. No questions asked.”

[teddy564339]

I was stunned for a few seconds hearing her say this.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“Sure I am,” she said. “Anything you want.”

“Um…ok,” I said, still feeling kind of weird. “Can I uh…think about it?”

“Sure…just don’t take too long,” she said with a wink.

As Kylie and I departed, I realized that this was a huge chance. I could have absolutely anything I wanted from Kylie and she would do it.

Now, you might be thinking that the answer would be obvious: sex. But even though I had those kind of fantasies with Kylie, I knew the reality wouldn’t feel right. I’d be putting Kylie in a weird position, not to mention betraying Josh. Besides, I would only enjoy it if I knew Kylie wanted it as badly as I did…and I doubted that was true.

I felt like I wanted this to be something enjoyable and exciting for both of us. It was clear to me that it should involve something involving our baby stuff….after all, I’d be able to kiss and have sex with other girls in the future, but how many would I be able to get to baby me?

But what could I ask for that we hadn’t already done? We had already lived out all of my uh….baby fantasies. I couldn’t think of anything new to do.

And then it hit me. For whatever reason I had a crazy new fantasy. I didn’t understand it or why it appealed to me. And I still didn’t know how we could pull this off. But the more I thought about it, the less I could resist it. Besides, it would give me a way to get Josh back for what he had done, without him even knowing.


When I told Kylie what I wanted, she was quite surprised and puzzled. But the more she thought about it, the more excited she got about it. I could tell that this idea appealed to her just as much as it did to me. But just like me, she didn’t see how we could pull it off.

But we were both so intrigued that we didn’t give up. For hours we had a good time figuring out all of the details of how we could get this plan to work. It would take effort on both of our parts. But finally, we had a plan that looked like it was sure to work. We finally decided that it would go down on Kylie’s parents’ anniversary, when it would just be me, Kylie, Kristen, Monica and Josh all together for an entire evening without Kylie’s parents interfering.



Now that we had our plan and the time, we now had to get it rolling. It would be up to Kylie to set everything up with Monica and Kristen. That meant Josh’s part was up to me.

“Hey Josh,” I said as I approached him a few days later. “You know, we don’t have that much more time here. So I was thinking…you know how you’re always telling the girls that you’re the best at all of the games we play and that if you played your best you’d beat them any day of the week?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I mean, it’s true. But what does that matter?”

“Well, I was thinking about it, and I was talking to Kylie about it…and we thought maybe it would be fun to have a bet.”

“Keep going,” he said.

“Well, here’s the way we’ll do it…”

After I finished explaining, he was sold on the idea. “Totally!” he said. “Let’s show those girl’s who’s boss!”



Kylie told me later that her conversation with the girls was just as successful. So everything was set up just right. The evening of Kylie’s parents’ anniversary, they left and told us they were going to be gone for the entire night. This was perfect for everything we had planned.


The five of us met in the basement. Monica was the head negotiator and laid out all of the rules.

“All right, so here’s the deal,” she said. “This will be a guys against girls tournament. Josh and Eric versus Kristen, Kylie and me.

“We’ll play five games: Ping Pong, Air Hockey, Pool, FoosBall and Horse. The best 3 out of 5 wins.

“For any game we can choose any two girls. Both of you will compete in everything.”

“Wait a second,” said Josh. “That’s not fair. You guys get three people and we only get two.”

“What’s the matter Josh?” asked Kristen. “The other night you were saying you could beat all three of us at the same time.”

“Well…okay then. But only two at a time.”

“That’s right,” said Monica. “Now, onto the betting. If the two of you win…then for the rest of the night, we will do whatever you want. We will be at your complete mercy.”

“Whatever we want?” asked Josh eagerly.

“Well…minus anything overtly sexual,” Monica said.

“Oh,” said Josh, sounding a little disappointed. “Fair enough.”

“What if we lose?” I asked, trying to sound suspicious.

“It will be the exact same thing, except the other way around. The two of you will have to do whatever we want for the rest of the night. Sound fair?”

“Wait…what kind of stuff would you ask us to do?” asked Josh.

“Oh, we don’t want to ruin the surprise, now do we?” asked Kylie.

Josh looked at me nervously. I gave him the same look. “I don’t know about this…” I said.

“What’s the matter boys?” asked Kristin. “Afraid a few of us girls are gonna show you up and prove that we can beat you?”

“Of…of course not!” said Josh, pushing out his chest.

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” said Monica with a fake innocent smile. “So…are we all settled?”

“Yeah,” Josh and I said. “Sounds good.”

With that, we shook hands on it and the games were underway.

Just like Kylie and I had planned, the first four games ended up as a tie. Josh and I won at Pool and Ping Pong, but the girls won at Foosball and Air Hockey. That means it was all down to the game of Horse, which just happened to be the one that Josh bragged the most about.

It was tough getting the plan to go the way that we wanted. I had to do my best to make sure Josh and I lost, but look like I was trying hard. Ideally it was supposed to come down to me having to take the last shot and blowing it on purpose. Unfortunately, I ended up with HORSE, and so did Monica. That means it was down to Josh and Kylie, both who had HORS. For a few intense moments I thought Josh was going to win…but Kylie matched Josh’s fantastic shot. Then, to top it off, she made one of her own….which Josh couldn’t match.

It couldn’t have played out more story-like. Not only did Josh and I lose the bet (like Kylie and I had planned), but Josh was the one who lost it for us. This was good because Josh couldn’t blame me for everything we were about to go through…and besides, it was nice to see him have to eat his words since he couldn’t shut up about how good he was all summer.

Josh couldn’t believe it. He just looked stunned that we had actually lost. I had to force myself to look shocked and disappointed as well, even though I was anxious, pleased and excited on the inside. Meanwhile, Kristen and Monica were looking pleasantly satisfied and I could see a small twinkle in Kylie’s eyes.

We all went back into the living room. Josh looked a little dejected and disappointed in himself, and the girls just sat there smiling.

“We’re not actually going to go through with this, are we?” asked Josh.

The girls looked shocked. “Of course we are!” said Monica. “Come on now, Josh, you know if you had won you would have been all over bossing us around.”

“Ok, ok,” said Josh. “You’ve got me there.” He then gave them a sly smile. “So, what are you gonna have us do tonight? Be your slaves? Make us be your topless butlers? Fan you and serve you drinks? Do all of your dirty laundry?”

The girls giggled a bit. “Well, those are all good ideas,” said Kristin. “But we talked this over beforehand. Don’t you worry, boys…we’ll take good CARE of you tonight. Kylie, why don’t you get the bag for us?”

Josh and I were just left to wait the treatment that we were in for that night.


While Kylie was out, Monica said, “Ok, boys, remember…you have to do whatever we want for the night. Don’t be worried…you won’t be hurt and like we said, it’s nothing sexual. We’re just going to have a little fun. So for starters, the two of you need to roll onto your backs and close your eyes.”

Josh and I exchanged nervous looks. But we did as Monica said.

Before we knew it though, our hands were tied behind our backs. “Hey, what’s going on?” asked Josh.

“Don’t worry,” said Kristin. “We’re just making sure you don’t back out at any point. So we’re going to get a little bit of insurance right at the beginning.”

Josh and I turned around on the couch with our hands tightly bound behind our backs. I knew what was coming, but it was fun watching Josh because he had no clue.

Kylie then returned with the bag. As she started pulling everything out, I had to suppress a smile as I saw Josh’s stunned face. “What in the world is all of that?” he asked.

“Well,” Kylie said with a cheerful smile. “We decided that what we’d like the most is for one night to have our very own babies to take care of. And we figured the two of you would do very nicely.”

Josh now looked very worried as he took this in and figured out that the girls were taking out some diapers and bibs from the bag. I knew that I would have to fake my worry so Josh and the other two girls wouldn’t get suspicious.

“You can’t be serious!” I yelled. “No way! I’m not going through with this.”

“Sure you will,” said Monica. “Now we can either do it the easy way or the hard way.”

“Forget it,” said Josh, getting up. “I’m not doing it.”

“Guess it’ll be the hard way then,” said Kristen.

Josh and I tried to escape, but due to our hands being bound and being outnumbered, the girls were able to wrestle us to the floor and keep us pinned.

“Okay, baby Josh is first!” said Monica as she held him in place. I could only excitedly watch as Josh helplessly struggled against Kristin and Monica. Together they stripped him naked, powdered him with baby powder and then proceeded to put a disposable Attends diaper on him. He just looked frustrated and angry the whole time.

They then tied a bib around his neck and added a pacifier (which also went around his neck).

Monica wiped the sweat off of her brow and sighed. She then pinched Josh’s cheek and said, “Well, looks like we have one cute little baby all diapered and dressed! Now it’s time for baby Eric!”

The girls then proceeded to give me the same treatment. I struggled as hard as I could, but the girls easily stripped me as well. They then proceeded to powder and diaper me, and also added a bib and a pacifier. It was truly exilherating. I don’t know why, but it was extremely exciting having all three girls baby me…especially when two of them didn’t know I liked it. I just tried to look ashamed and embarrassed, since I never expressed anger in the same way Josh did about these things.

“Now, it’s time for the insurance,” Kylie said. She pulled out a camera and took a few pictures of Josh and I.

“Good,” said Kylie. “So boys, here’s the deal. If you do everything we want tonight, these pictures will simply disappear. Otherwise, we’ll put them up on the internet, distribute them around school this fall…you know, the usual. And who knows what kind of stories could come out of the three rumor spreading mouths that we have? Perhaps all of the other girls would find your ‘baby pictures’ as cute as we do.”

Josh couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He almost looked like he wanted to cry, but he had too much pride for that. Looking utterly defeated, he just hung his head and said, “Fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

Even though I felt just fine, I echoed Josh’s sentiments. As Kylie went to hide the pictures, Monica said, “Ok, boys…or should I say ‘babies’. I’m about to untie you. But remember…if at any point you don’t do what we say, those pictures go public.”

After Kylie got back, Monica and Kristen proceeded to untie us. I thought that Josh might try to make a run for it, either to escape or to try to hunt down the pictures. But the threat of his high school reputation being ruined kept him firmly in place, and I got the impression that he wouldn’t put up a fight for the rest of the night. He did instinctively try to remove the bib, but a sharp look from Kylie made him stop in his tracks.

“So, what exactly do we have to do?” I asked.

“Well, most of it is pretty easy,” Kylie said. “You just have to do what we tell you at any given time. But there are a few ground rules right from the beginning. You have to call each of us ‘Ms.’…like ‘Ms. Kylie’ or ‘Ms. Monica’. If that’s too complicated, calling any of us ‘Mommy’ will do just fine.”

“In addition,” added Kristin. “You have to talk like little babies. Mainly just use w’s instead of r’s and l’s. But don’t use big people words either.”

“Also, you must crawl unless we tell you that you can walk.”

I exchanged looks with Josh. “Well, it’s weird,” I told him. “But that’s not too bad.”

Josh once again looked frustrated, but he knew that there was no way out of it. So, he once again hung his head and said, “Fine. I’ll….twy.”

The girls giggled at his babyish way of talking and looked excited. They knew that for them this would be a night to remember.

“Ok boys,” Kylie said. “We have a fun-filled evening ahead of us. And first up is dinner!”


Josh and I just kind of looked at each other as Kristin said, “Ok babies…crawl into the kitchen and into the chairs.”

I could tell Josh felt really stupid as we crawled into the kitchen. I did too, but I also found the situation enjoyable. We made our way into a few chairs and just waited.

We saw the girls pull out all kinds of things from the cabinets. Some of it was real food that they began cooking. But we also noticed some jars of baby food that were put on the table.

It was nice not having to set the table or cook any of the food. But the food also smelled really good, so it was torture when we started to eat.

Kristen and Monica began to eat, but they didn’t let us have any. Instead, Kylie opened up some of the baby food jars and put some of it on a spoon.

“Ok boys,” she said. “You’re already all set with your bibs, so it’s time for nummy-nummy din-din.”

Then, without warning she shoved the spoonful into Josh’s mouth. Out of anger and instinct he spit it across the table.

“I’m not eating that shit!” Josh yelled.

All three girls gave him looks of ice. “First of all, you better watch your mouth young man, unless you want a spanking,” said Monica. “And secondly, yes you will eat it…though I suppose you might prefer having your football buddies see you in a diaper?”

Josh just gave her a furious look. Kylie cleaned up the mess and then attempted to give him another spoonful. He didn’t spit it out this time, but his gag reflex made some of it spill out onto his bib.

Kylie just gave him a kind smile and continued to feed him. It was actually quite funny, since she played the little “airplane” games and purposefully smeared some of it on his face. He also made it difficult for her, which the other two girls just said, “Was normal for little babies.”

When it was my turn (Monica fed me), I actually ate it all without fighting. It didn’t taste all that great, but I kind of enjoyed Monica baby-talking me. Besides, it was much easier this way.

“My my, wittle Eric is such a good wittle baby, eating all of his din-din!” Monica said. “So he gets some yummy ice cream for desert!”

It was even more fun to get spoon-fed the ice cream. The best part was seeing Josh get jealous and complain about not getting any. After the girls scolded him for his fussiness while being fed, they gave in and spoon-fed him some ice cream too, which he ate without complaint.

“Ok babies,” said Monica after they had taken off our bibs. “I’m sure all of that made you thirsty. So let’s go to the living room and get you a drink.”

The two of us crawled our way over to the couches in the living room. I knew what was coming…but Josh was hopeful for something else.

“So…any chance of us getting breastfed?” he asked with a smile.

The girls actually laughed at this. “Sorry…only bottles.” I was at least glad to see Josh having a little fun with this.

Kylie made Josh crawl across his lap while Monica did the same with me. They giggled and cooed Josh and I while we drank from the bottles. I continued trying to act embarrassed and ashamed, though I noticed that Josh seemed to have warmed up to the whole idea…he didn’t struggle much. It seemed like he just ignored the baby talk and cooperated, seeing that there was no point in struggling.

After that we all kind of chilled out for a bit. We played a few games like charades and pictionary. The only difference was that Josh and I were made to speak baby talk and the girls would throw babyish jokes at us every now and then. Other than that though, it was kind of like we were all just hanging out. It was actually kind of cozy.

Finally, we watched a movie. The girls insisted that we had to watch a little kids’ movie, claiming anything beyond that was “too mature for babies.” So, we watched the Lion King. The girls held us like little kids as we watched, and they hugged us tightly during the scarier and more intense parts. They also insisted that we sucked on our pacifiers while we watched. Once again though, I found it kind of nice…it felt cozy and warm.

After the movie, the girls told us that we were just about done. They said that they wouldn’t make us go to bed still in our diapers if we did two things.

First of all, Kylie gave me my teddy bear. Josh laughed for a second, until Monica gave him a baby blanket…which had a Care Bears design of all things. They told us that we had been much too cute for the night for them to pass up the opportunity. So, they made us put our pacifiers in our mouths and cuddle with the teddy and blanket while we sat down. They then snapped a picture of it but assured us that they would never show anyone…it was just for their personal pleasure.

The last thing came when Monica said, “Ok…you two have been great sports and wonderful babies the whole evening. There’s just one final thing before we let you off the hook. I’ve never baby-sat a baby for an evening where I didn’t have to change any diapers. So I think it’s time for our good little babies to made wee wee in their diapies.”

Josh and I looked at each other and laughed. “Come on now,” Josh said. “Are you serious?”

“Of course we are,” said Kristin.

“Well…I don’t know if I have to go,” I said. It was true…I had only wet my diapers while I slept, never voluntarily before.

“Oh, we can fix that,” said Kylie.

“Really?” asked Josh. “How?”

“I’m glad you asked,” said Monica. Then, without warning they pounced on us and began to tickle us like crazy.

I could hear Josh say, “St…stop it!” through his giggles. “You’re…g-gonna m..m..make me p-pee myself!”

“That’s the idea!” yelled Kylie.

Before I knew it, I felt my diaper fill up with pee. By the look on Josh’s face, his did too.

The girls got the hint from our faces. “Eww,” said Josh. “This is…weird.”

“Well…that’s ok,” said Kylie. “You boys did a good job tonight. You’re done. Feel free to take off your diapers and take a shower.”

I could see that Josh was relieved. We both got rid of the diapers and pacifiers and took showers. I even had a brief conversation with Kylie.

“Wow!” I said. “The plan worked perfectly!”

She smiled. “Yeah…and I have to admit, it was great to see Josh get babied too!”

“And by the looks of things Monica and Kristin had a good time,” I added with a smile of my own. “Anyway…thanks a lot, Kylie…this really was a night to remember.”

“Aww, it was great, Eric. I don’t know if I’ll ever see something like this again. It was a good night.”

After that, the girls had us watch while they deleted the pictures from their cameras…except for the last one. Apparently it was just too cute for them to get rid of.

“Besides,” added Kylie. “We want something to remember tonight, don’t we?”

“And don’t worry,” said Monica. “We won’t ever show anyone this picture. We want to keep our two little babies all to ourselves.”

Afterwards, we all just hung around in the living room for a while, just talking about anything on our minds. We had a good time talking about the evening together and just enjoying each other’s company. It was nice to see that the girls weren’t rubbing the whole thing in and that Josh was being a good sport about it. I even held onto my teddy bear while we talked. When the girls asked why, I just said that I had grown fond of it.

“I do have one question though,” Josh said. “Why did you buy all of this baby stuff when you weren’t sure that you were going to beat us?”

“Oh,” said Kylie with that devilish smile of hers. “Even if we had lost, we would have still made you be our babies for the evening.”

Josh and I just looked at each other. To this day I don’t know if Kylie was really serious or not. But at the time I just laughed it off and enjoyed the rest of the night until it was time to go to bed.

After that memorable night, there were only a few more weeks left until the end of the summer. Despite everything that had happened, it had gone by so fast.

On one of the remaining days, I heard some really horrible news: Kylie and her family would be staying here at the beach this year. Because everything had been restored, they had no reason of going back to where I lived.

I had been hoping all summer that this wasn’t the case, but I had always known in the back of my mind that it was possible. When I first heard it I was pretty upset, though. From that point on I tried to spend as much time as possible with Kylie, trying to soak in all the times I was with her. I think I appreciated it a lot more since I knew I wouldn’t have the chance in the future.

A few more times we enjoyed our little baby ritual. I still liked it, but not quite as much since I knew she was still going out with Josh. Besides, after the evening with Josh and the girls, it all kind of paled in comparison.

Finally, the day arrived where Josh, Monica, Kristin and I would have to head back home. All of us packed our stuff up and got ready to leave. As we did, I tried to enjoy the beach and Kylie’s house one last time. But then, it was time to go.

After the long car drive back home, the girls were the first ones to be dropped off. We all said our goodbyes and they were gone. Next it was Josh’s turn. Kylie’s parents and I gave them some private moments together so that they could properly say goodbye. They weren’t planning on breaking up and hoped that their relationship could work long distance. I tried not to think about it, especially since a voice in the back of my head always hoped that the relationship would fail.

Finally, we reached my house and it was time for me to go. I had to fight hard to keep in tears as I knew it would be quite a long time since I would see Kylie again. After I shook hands with Kylie’s dad, hugged her mom and thanked them for everything they had done, Kylie insisted that she had a private conversation with me. Kylie’s parents rolled their eyes, but they knew Kylie wouldn’t see me for a long time so they allowed it.

My parents weren’t home yet, so Kylie and I just sat on the front porch of my house as we talked.

“Well, Eric, I guess this is it,” she said. “Gee…it’s going to be weird not having you guys around…it’ll take some getting used to.”

“Yeah,” I said, still trying to keep my emotions under control. “It won’t feel the same here without you either.”

“Yeah,” she said. “So…do you think you’re gonna be okay, Eric?”

I looked at her a little funny. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well,” she said nervously. “I know that it’s going to be hard on you for us to be away from each other. I guess it’ll be hard on me too…being away from you, and Josh…”

She was really pressing my emotions. Before I knew it my eyes started to water up, especially since I couldn’t ignore the thought that I didn’t know when I would see Kylie again.

“I think I’ll manage okay,” I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking despite the fact that my throat was dry.

“Well, all right then,” she said. She paused for a bit. Then she started speaking again.

“Eric…you told me a lot of things about yourself this summer, and I really learned a lot about you. And I know that you get down on yourself a lot and can be really sensitive. But don’t forget…you’re a very special person. There aren’t many guys out there like you. And one day…you’ll find a girl who appreciates that. And you two will be very happy together.”

I was bursting to say that she was the only person who could ever make me happy…but I think she already knew I felt that way. Besides, it would come off as really cheesy.

“Thanks, Kylie,” I said. “You already know how special I think you are. I really hope we can keep in touch.”

“Me too,” she said.

As the sun set on the porch, I saw my parents drive up and I knew Kylie’s parents couldn’t stand to wait much longer.

“Well…I guess it’s time then,” I said.

“I guess so. Goodbye, Eric…take care of yourself, and don’t forget what I said.”

With that she gave me a hug, which I returned. She then gave me a kiss on the cheek before turning and walking away. All I could do then was return the wave she gave me from her parents’ car as they drove off.

As my parents arrived and hugged me, they said, “So…it seems like you’ve had quite a summer!”

I just smiled at them and said, “Yeah…I sure have.”






The first few weeks after Kylie left were really difficult. I just moped around a lot and felt depressed. I didn’t feel like doing anything. All I could think about was Kylie and how hard life was without her. It was a good thing that I had kept enough of the diapers from her house because I still wet the bed at night for a few weeks.

But…time moved on. The fall came and with it a whole new school year. I still had friends at school and new classes to get used to. As more and more time passed, I got back into the groove.

It was funny how it worked…slowly I started to forget about Kylie more and more. I just knew that I couldn’t move along with my life while always thinking about her. Again, I wasn’t really in control of my feelings…it’s just the way that it happened. As the months passed, I thought about her less and less. There were even a few days where I didn’t think about her at all.

But my feelings for her never truly went away. Every now and then out of the blue I’d think about Kylie and it would just make me feel good inside. I would call her on the phone every few months or so, and I would feel amazing afterward. I didn’t do it too often because (a) I didn’t want to start depending on her again and (b) I didn’t want to get on her nerves, since I knew she was probably moving on without me.

So just like that, Kylie was slowed phased out of my life. It was hard to believe that that could happen to someone so special to me…but that was the way it worked out.

Kylie and I still kept up contact over the years. She and Josh eventually broke up, and over the summers we still had opportunities to see each other. To my great surprise, Kylie even wanted to baby me again the times she saw me! I guess what she had said was true…we did have a truly unique relationship that she didn’t have with anyone else.


But my summer with Kylie had taught me a lot. Not only did it reveal to me some of my deep desires (I still have that same teddy bear to this day), but I experienced my first true love. But more importantly, I learned to trust my feelings and feel good about who I was. And for me, that’s really what life has really been all about.


THE END

Whoo...that was longer than I had remembered it. But, if any of you eventually get through it, I hope it was worth reading.

[robehouse]

Thanks for the story. I enjoyed it.

[DannyTheNinja]

Great job mate. Along with Mandi's stories I think yours was really the kind that was believable, this is what ADISC's stories are trademarked by and I'd like to be the first to welcome you to the ranks. Even your grammar and punctuation were good, and that's what I usually beat on people for.

$rep++;

--Danny