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Robot Chicken
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I’m surprised no one else has figured this out yet. Or, at least, taken the time to write it down. I’ve never seen a book about this or anything, so I guess I’m the first. I don’t know if I’ll ever publish this, but I might as well write it down, right? What’s the harm in that?
It’s really easy, though. And fun. You should just try it, even if your scared, or you don’t believe me, or something. You’ll see. I’ll show you how to do it. Think about a happy moment in your life. A nice memory from your childhood, or however far back. Maybe from yesterday? Whatever you want. I won’t judge you. Just think of that moment. Live it. Breath it in. Don’t let your mind wander! This is very important! Think only about that special and happy memory. Meditate before you do this, or anything else you find relaxing. Make sure to avoid distractions as well. Sit or lay down in a dark room with little or no sound and absolutely no distractions. You can play some relaxing instrumental music during this, but play it softly. I recommend Allegro. Next, close your eyes. Keep them closed. You’ll have to remember the rest of the instructions, I guess. So let’s recap. You’re lying down in a dark room, with your eyes closed. You’re very relaxed, and distracted by nothing. You’ve, hopefully, cleared your mind of everything but your happy memory. Focus on that memory and nothing else. Slowly, reach up with your arm, grasp the corner of reality, and pull on it. Be careful, though. Treat it like you would a bandage on your leg hair. Except, in this case, a lot worse things could happen other than some ripped hair if you pull too hard. So pull slowly and softly. Don’t stop halfway through, either; once you start, you can’t stop. Keep pulling until you are clear. Don’t let yourself think about what you are doing, otherwise it won’t work. Continue thinking about that moment and how great it was. Soon, you will feel yourself falling through that small hole in reality. It won’t be like falling through air. Instead of air rushing past your face, you’ll feel your memories rush past. For a moment your senses will be overwhelmed, but you must stay focused, otherwise there’s no telling where you may end up. Search for that special time, that innocent and happy memory. And soon you will find it. You will be able to reach out with your hands and touch it for the first time since you experienced it. Let it envelop you and cover you entire body and mind. It will swallow you whole. You’ll find yourself at that exact moment in time if all went well. You won’t just experience this moment, though. You’ll live it. And you’ll never have to leave unless you want to. Youth will be yours once again. This whole process takes time to master, however. And for some people it doesn’t ever work. If you don’t feel a slight tug on your first try, then chances are you never will. But if you do, then soon you will be able to travel to past moments in your life. Eternal happiness will be yours with this little trick. You will be able to correct your past mistakes, experience the greatest moments of your life, and remember any important detail about your life. My name is Ryan, and I won’t write this for another 20 years. |
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