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29-02-2008
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#1 (permalink) |
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The invisible man
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Unlucky ride
This is a description of something that happened to me back when I was 15 y/o, and was still a newbie to buying diapers. I don't see it as a great story and no creativty is involved - only an accurate description of facts, but since I always love reading about the first experiences of people buying diapers, I thought I could share this with you all. The stress and thrill that comes from the first diaper purchases, even if luck seems to be against us at the moment, can be a really nice memory looking back at it after some years so, all you newbies that read this, remember to fully taste the emotions you live, because you're going to miss them when buying diapers becomes a kind of routine. Now that I'm 25 thinking about the whole story makes me smile, although at the moment it must have been a quite serious concern for me...
------------ New year's eve had just passed, and I was quite busy struggling to have my homework finished in time for the end of the holidays. But I had been out of diapers for some weeks, or probably even a few months, and I wanted to take advantage of the few days left before the beginning of school to get a little stock of diapers for the following months (at the time my wearing frequency was way lower than it is nowadays). On a late afternoon (maybe the 2nd or 3rd of january) I was cursing on my math books, my dad was at work and my mum was just about to go out to run some errands. My sister was going with her, and my grandma was not a concern since in the late afternoon she's always in her room watching TV. That was the perfect moment to take action! Until that moment, I had only tried supermarket diapers, and it was time to test if pharmacies could have better products. I had already planned where to go - to a pharmacy in the town next to mine, just a mile or so away from my home. At the time, buying diapers at the supermarket and passing through a counter was an enough nerve-wrecking experience, but this time I knew I had to speak to someone and tell them what I wanted them to give me - diapers. Two bags of them, to be exact, one medium sized, the other large (I loved to double-diaper when I didn’t know what boosters were...). Add to this the fact that, being 15 y/o, the only vehicle I had was my bicycle. I also prepared a little piece of paper to take out of my wallet and look at while making my request, to make it look as I was buying them for someone else... Going out wasn't the big problem, I was more worried about coming back in with two bags and keeping them unnoticed. But I would have thought later about it. - Grandma, I've gotta go to buy sumthin' for shcool... I'll be back in a few minutes! I really hoped this to be as fast as possible, to be back before my mum and avoid having to make up stories about the reason why I had gone out. I grabbed my bycicle, crossed the road in front of my house that separes the two towns, and rushed as fast as I could to the pharmacy. Five minutes later I was there, out of the door, taking long breaths to calm myself down from the rush - and accurately planning in my head what I had to ask once at the desk. I hoped no one to be inside the pharmacy, in fact there was only a mid-aged woman with a girl slightly older than me, luckily noone I knew. Behind the desk, a young woman and a doctor who was the owner of the pharmacy. My brain was in a nearly-complete blackout, my hands were ice cold and my mouth was dry. Only thing I had in my mind was the request I had to make. The young woman came to me, as the doctor was serving the other two people. I tried to be as calm and professional as I could. - Good evening, I need, ehm, - I grabbed my little piece of paper, pretending I had just been sent there with no clue of what I had to ask for.... - two bags of diapers, one size medium and one large. Note that the Italian word for "diapers", that is “pannoloni”, is something that can stick your tongue to the palate when you pronounce it with your mouth dry like the Sahara (and this is one of the reasons that make me more comfortable speaking about diapers in English rather than in my motherlanguage). Anyhow, I succeeded not to stumble on “pannoloni”, but just as I thought that the worse part of the verbal communication was over, the doctor - having finished what he was doing with the other two customers - turned to me and asked: - You know that you can have them for free if you have a prescription? Who do you need these for? OMG... WTF!!! I wasn't prepared for this!!!!!! - Ehm... they're for an elderly - I lied wanting to bury myself underground for what I had said - and, actually, I have no prescription... - Oh... I see, but you know the sanitary system can pay for diapers if you have a medical prescription. - Well... yes, - I turned professional again - I'll report this information, thank you very much.... Seeing this scene from the outside could have been the most odd thing I can think about. I don't know how many colours my face must have changed during this short but extremely awkward conversation. Anyway, in the meantime the two bags of diapers had arrived from the back of the pharmacy and... they were two BIG AS HELL bags of diapers!!!!! (30 pieces each, or so....) With great nonchalance, I paid (I don't remember the exact price, but they were quite expensive... expecially for the finances of a 15 y/o!) and we succeeded to put one of the two bags in a big shopping bag - the other was too huge and had to stay "naked", with the logo in plain view for everyone to see... but after all it was dark outside, and I was going to rush home as fast as I could. - Thank you, goodbye - Goodbye! The diapers were mine!!! Now it was time for phase n. 2 - probably the most difficult part of the plan: getting diapers "in da house" without being caught! With my brain still in a semi-confusional state I attached the two bags of diapers to the handlebars of my bike, jumped on it and moved on - or at least I thought to do that. But - due to the darkness around - I bumped into a hole in the asphalt, with the result of the two big bags suddenly putting the bike out of balance...... - WHAT THE...AAAAAHHHH......!!! I miserably fell on the ground. Nothing broken luckily - except my trousers now had a hole on one of the knees. - WTF how am I going to hide this now!!!!!!! What did this damn insane passion for diapers get myself into!!! - I thought with a mixture of wild anger and desperation. But the damage was made, and all I could do was to hurry and move on. I quickly put my bike back on its wheels and I started pedalling this time as carefully as I could, making sure the two big bags didn't get into the wheels, praying for noone who knew me to be around, and cursing at myself for having done such a stupid thing (I was still in that phase when you think you're the only freakin' teen on earth who for some odd reason likes to wear diapers!). The way back home seemed so long! I eventually made it, crossed the road in front of the house, opened the automatic gate and... - OH NOES! Mum's already home! Mum's car was in the garage. I knew I couldn't take the risk of entering the door with the two big bags in my hands. I had to temporarly hide them behind the wooden house in the garden where we store all of our gardening tools, making sure my mum didn't see my moves from the kitchen window and hoping my dog wouldn't start playing with the bags, spreading their precious yet shameful content all around; then go in, have a look at what was going on, and wait for the best moment to bring diapers inside. Too bad mum sure already knew I had been out, and I had to find a reason for that - apart from diapers. I probably told her I had needed to buy some pen for school, or something on that line, and appearantly she was too busy in the kitchen to do some further investigation. The best solution I could think of for bringing diapers inside was to open my room window from the inside, snug out in the garden, throw the two diaper bags inside and come back in from the door, since the window was too high from the ground to climb back again through it. Obviously, always with an eye on the kitchen window to avoid my mum having a clear view of what was happening. One after the other, the two big bags were in, hidden under my bed waiting to be transferred downstairs in the basement, where I had (and still have) the headquarter of all my evil operations... In the meantime, waiting for dinner to be ready, I took the excuse of a nap to try one of the medium diapers on. It fitted quite small on me and i was glad I had bought the larges too, the plastic backing wasn't that great, it wasn't what I'd call thick, and it smelled like hospital. But after all it was the first time I tried this brand, and after some months of abstinence I had a diaper on. F*ck the hole on the trousers, f*ck the rush, f*ck the money they costed me... they all were well worth it, and it was simply great to be diapered again. The day after, I had a discussion with my mother. She had easily discovered the hole on my trousers, I told her I got it accidentally falling from my bike but somehow we had an argument on something related to it. To make a long story short, she make me freeze when, finally, she told me she exactly knew what was the purpose of that bike ride, without the need of me telling her. It wasn't the first time she busted me (not that I admitted anything ever...), and it wouldn't have been the last, what I know for sure is that this was the unluckiest diaper purchase in my life! ........or, well, on a second thought actually not the worse, there has been this other time just the day after I got my driver's licence when I crashed my car on a pole coming out from the supermarket parking lot (after having bought the f***ing diapers of course.....) but that's another story! 
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04-03-2008
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#5 (permalink) |
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The invisible man
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Because she knew I've always had a lifelong thing for diapers, and she had probably spotted my movements while trying to get diapers inside. Also, it wasn't the first time I went out for "shopping" making up stories, and putting things together she got to the obvious conclusion. And, at 15, I hadn't learned yet how to be as sneaky as it's required to completely hide my diaper habits from the public view.
 Luckily she's not the kind of mother who likes to impose things, also when a behaviour obviously goes out of the range of what could be considered average, and she never interfered that much with my diapers (aparts from sometimes making some bags of dirty - and smelly - diapers disappear from the place where they were hidden... ).
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11-03-2008
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#7 (permalink) |
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The invisible man
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That's not what I said....
The house where I live with my family has a basement where I keep most of my stuff (diapers included, obviously not in plain view). Within the years, I've been taking more and more space of it for myself and my things, to the pont that now it's nearly completely at my own use. But no, I don't live in a basement, nor did I do it when I was 15.
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11-03-2008
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#9 (permalink) | |
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Regular
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Quote:
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