by, 15-Dec-2014 at 13:07 (797 Views)
So I posted something happy about crossplaying, now I have to post something sad. I can't get rid of my wife.
Long story short, I fell into the same trap I always do. "Give her another chance" "maybe this time will be better" "she said she would like to wear diapers" and so I let her come to China. Everyday has been horrible, lots of screaming, yelling, crying, fighting, bossing me around and physical violence.
The final straw was when she lost one of her earrings, and in an utterly insane frenzy she clawed my face pretty deep. I had to wear bandages for a few days and make up some lie about how the dog did it. It hurt like hell, and even after two weeks, it still hasn't completely healed. I don't think of myself as a "pretty boy" but it's my face!
I told her multiple times that I want a divorce. The first time I actually said "until this marriage is worth saving, I won't proceed with filing for your USA visa and I won't do my Japanese visa." she screamed, yelled, hit me, cried and then acted like nothing happened. Several other times I told her and each time she acted like it was the first time she heard anything.
Well the most recent time I told her she went as crazy as possible. She tore the room apart, started attacking me , tried to grab the kitchen knives, pulled out a huge chunk of hair and then threatened with suicide. I eventually got her to sleep, but the next day was just more screaming, yelling, suicide, violence. I realized that this wasn't going to work. I can't have her committed while living in China, her mother isn't going to help me as she thinks that wife is my responsibility now and not hers, and I can't force her on an airplane like this.
So I told her "we'll see" just to shut her up, but I need to find a way to make her leave me. I am trying to just ham up being gay. I am bi-sexual, she knows it and it totally cool with it, but I want her to think that I am really gay. I have been planting gay porn on my computer, I have been ordering a lot of anal sex toys and I try and talk about cute guys as much as I can.
I don't know if my "gay plan" will work, but to be honest, I don't think I want a relationship with women anymore. I am attracted to women (but recently not so much as my wife keeps talking about how itchy she is down there and insists on showing me her bloodied tampons), but I am so sick of "you are a man therefor you have to do this, I'm a woman therefor I don't have to do that" crap I have been going through with my marriage. I am the man so I have to plan everything, I have to buy everything, I have to work while she sits at home and does nothing. She is the woman so we decorate the place the way she wants it, I wear what she wants me to wear, we eat what she wants to eat, we buy what she wants to buy.
I want a partner, a 50-50 relationship. I know it isn't impossible to get this with a woman, but somehow I just think gay relationships would be fairer.
I am also kind of sick of giving up who I am and what I like, just to beg women to like me. I want to just be me, and have someone love me for that. I want to wear the clothes that I want to wear, I want to be honest about everything about my sexuality, and I want to spend my free time doing things that I enjoy.
I feel kind of turned off from the whole idea of getting married, having kids an raising a family. I love kids, but I just feel that in our world, men get kind of screwed in the whole deal. Wake up, get bitched at by your wife, work your crappy job, come home face problem after problem, get no love no respect, just responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.