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The life of Snivy

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I am starting to deal with another serious "depression" stage...sadly yet again... *sigh* I thought this was gone last year but it feels like a cycle now. At first, when I passed all my classes, became a Top Contributor, and one more thing I can't remember, I thought what else is there to be sad about? Then I found out two things.

1. When I got back from my cruise, the family fights between me, my mom, and my sister was ridiculous that I could not bare. I left the cruise sick from origins unknown...I seriously don't know what I have to be honest. I think my trust with my family is shot. I have lied so much when I was a little kid but here I am "19" you would expect I don't even fib to make a statement anymore but my sister thinks I still do.

2. Lack of friend-talk. Yep, bunch of friends on FA, ADISC, Skype, etc I only hear maybe 2-3 out of 72 from ADISC and 3 from Skype but none from FA and out here in the real with is just me and Dmitri (that alone, he can make me mad for half the time) Not much friends usually pop out a hi once ina while but for their other friends...maybe time to clean my friend's list? o.o

What else is there that I need to be truly happy right now because stuff I want I can't get yet.

Updated 10-Dec-2014 at 16:39 by Snivy

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  1. ArchieRoni's Avatar
    I'm really sorry to hear that Snivy. Having a tough time with friends and family is rough, and it can take away a lot of good feelings from all the other cool things going on in life.

    If you want my advice (and it may not be time yet), I'd call your mom and sister and apologize. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but apologizing can be a good way to open a conversation. You say you're sorry that you fought and explain how you were upset because you felt like you were accused of lying. It's a difficult conversation, but maybe one that can help mend that relationship.

    Friends are indeed a fickle thing. I'd say reach out to people. I send and receive only a few PMs, myself, but I'll always answer if you reach out to me.
  2. egor's Avatar
    Hello Snivy.

    I hear what you are saying.

    1) I do not know if you have been diagnosed with depression, but this is the on going cycle for some one that has it.
    a) this is to be expected.
    b) going to therapy helps build the coping mechanisms to counter act it
    c) becoming aware of the cycle is well over half of the battle to be able to deal with the "cruddy" felling that goes with it.

    I fight with this every day and it gets worse this time of year because; there is more interaction with the family, the weather contributes a lot to the glumly feelings, and because of all of this stress you immune system is taxed to the max and you are way more susceptible to every cold and flu bug that is around.

    2) I also hear what you are saying about friend contact. When you are down it feels like there is no one around and you have to do "the stop by to say hi". I have had that feeling a lot of time, but there again it takes just as much effort for me to make the contact as the other guy. If I am very busy I do not think about saying hi, yet when I am down it does feel like no body even knows that I exist.

    I even went as far last year to drop several people from my friendship list, because I thought there lack of response to my visitor messages meant they did not like me any more. Then I was majorly embarrassed to find out that one person was having a major life crisis that made we look like a whiner, and the other one was doing three major papers for college and did not have time for himself let alone saying hi to me.

    So be careful about making any judgments, and do not hesitate to drop a line to you friends. The one you sent me yesterday was a big pick up for me. I some times assume that if I am responding to posts that I am making contact with people and they know I am around and thinking of them.

    When I started here 23 months ago I made several blogs like this one that you did. This is one of the best therapy support spots in this group. If you need to put a disclaimer at the start that it is a self therapy blog and let the "bad jujus" leak out all over the blog. I helped clear my thoughts at least three times that way, and the ones that responded are the "true" friends that I became very close to.

    So yes we are here and we will listen. Just remember to look around in a different fashion and you will see the people that are behind you.

    Remember: "We have your back covered, your backside is up to you!"
  3. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    Hey Snivy, I just get really shy. I mean to talk to you more. I hope that things get better for you soon. You deserve a lot of happiness.
  4. Snivy's Avatar
    @Archie: I will keep that in mind, thanks. I think apologizing is a bit complex because all they know is that they think they are right and if I even try to argue with my own mother about how wrong she is, it's like arguing with a wall...you end up being stupid. "Don't argue with me" no matter how much you try to put things in between. She contradicts everything and makes every little thing sound like a problem when you think it is a little problem. Only reason why I try not to snap is because besides my sister, she is my only mother and my last parent since my dad was shot and killed four years ago so I never had a father figure. It is kinda hard so that's where my brother-in-law comes in but we sometimes argue to a major point where is it even possible to try and become brothers where the only communication is bickering?

    Friends (I think they are) that I have are somewhat a supposedly special thing to me so I can be mellow easily where one acts out towards me or is truthful on major criterias. I remember one broke off my friendship stick because I was hanging out with a new friend and his only excuse as to why I never had time to hang out with was because he claimed I was studying this "babyfur" research where the real reason was "college" My friendship is shot with him so that was the last time I saw him. If I am busy, i am going to say it but I promise it does not hurt. Some friends don't even talk to me at all, they just pretend I don't even exist.

    @Arietta: If people are shy, that is understandable and we talk on rare occasions so this msg is not directly to you You even say congratz for my rank level-up so that made me feel special. I can list on who said congratz...

    -egor
    -Arietta
    -dogboy
    -Adventurer
    -Zipperless
    -Marka
    -HogansHeroes
    -daLira
    -GoldDragonAurkarm
    -ArchieRoni

    Compared to that list, I saw it was one DC, one account mod, and the rest were other TC's and most of them aren't even on my friends list but I was still appreciated about it.

    the best for last, @egor: I was diagnosed with ADHD so this depression thing is a rare occurrence to me, just happens when I am sad in life that is just completely wallowed around my body. I think people look at me like that weird dude because remember what I said in a last rant blog, back in middle/high school I was known as a gay dude only because I always hung out with guys rather than girls (Because again, girls did not find me fun at that time) All my friends were dudes but was I hugging or kissing all over them??? hell no (Not judging whoever is gay reading this) It can be a strict challenge I have to deal with and it just hurts to even think about something like that. Going to therapy is a waste because nothing would get accomplished and my mom would not even approve because she claims nothing is wrong with me. There isn't but maybe she should look in a mirror and find out what she keeps doing to me by ohh I don't know...YELLING CONSTANTLY!!!

    I do love your words of wisdom egor and I appreciate the time you put into typing this.
  5. Marka's Avatar
    Well, Snivy...

    I'm a bit late getting to this one...

    I can't see me improving on much if anything, that hasn't already been quite nicely said...

    I'll touch a bit more on what was said though... this time of year...
    It's supposed to be a nice thing with the holidays, but yeah... besides more people feeling under the weather... many people are busy with preparations, and quite a few who become depressed in this time too...

    One thing that you can try with your friends list is to send short note to everybody on it... it might be days, weeks, or even months to hear back from some... and a few, you might find... may have left... Anyway, I did this once myself... probably due for it again... it takes a while, but it keeps you busy for a while too...

    Anyway... the responses are often very nice, and tend to explain their reasons for not getting to you sooner... plus, you'll have pretty steady PM's or visitor messages for a while... it gives you more to look forward to too...

    Egor, is a good one for popping in to say hi... I keep thinking that I will be better at it myself... But, it's the discipline that I lack, not the care, or interest, or concern... I get distracted easily too...

    Well, I hope you feel better soon... when I seem to be heading for a bout of depression; I remind myself that this is temporary, and to not worry myself over it, keep on top of it, and make sure you get good rest, and eat well, and get some exercise...

    Take care!
    -Marka
  6. ozbub's Avatar
    Hey Snivy, I guess I may just be weird or too introvert or something, but I just don't really go out there much in contacting others ...... I feel really bad now actually..... you know I've got heaps of really nice people on my friends list and I've never even made one friend request....I just feel totally awkward about it....sad huh! people have asked me to friend them and I've mostly been really flattered. Sorry if you feel ignored....actually I think I read nearly everything you post.....and that takes some effort lol so many posts haha. I wish I didn't feel so weird about chats and stuff....then I think I'd be a bit more active. I really am pretty friendly but .... maybe I need a bit more confidence.
    Smile dude, try and focus on the awesomeness in the world.
  7. egor's Avatar
    Hello my little one tooth lizard friend.



    Quote Originally Posted by Snivy
    I was diagnosed with ADHD so this depression thing is a rare occurrence to me, just happens when I am sad in life that is just completely wallowed around my body.
    The depression goes with the ADHD. I was suicidal before they diagnosed my ADHD at 39.

    The two go hand in hand.

    I would like to refer you to the 50 tips to living with ADHD that I posted in the group "school house rocks"

    Therapy is an important part to learning how to deal with the ups, downs and sideways events/thinking of ADHD.



    I think people look at me like that weird dude because remember what I said in a last rant blog, back in middle/high school I was known as a gay dude only because I always hung out with guys rather than girls (Because again, girls did not find me fun at that time) All my friends were dudes but was I hugging or kissing all over them??? hell no (Not judging whoever is gay reading this) It can be a strict challenge I have to deal with and it just hurts to even think about something like that.
    I was the same way. There was a lot of factors to the equation, but I still was very awkward around people in general and girls in particular. I got told more then once that they thought I was attractive but I was "just to weird" for them. There is a lot more I could say but it is not relevant.



    Going to therapy is a waste because nothing would get accomplished and my mom would not even approve because she claims nothing is wrong with me. There isn't but maybe she should look in a mirror and find out what she keeps doing to me by ohh I don't know...YELLING CONSTANTLY!!!
    (I was going to split this but I think I will address both at the same time)

    1) Therapy is not a waste of time. There is a lot of levels to it.
    a) this is a neutral person that will talk to you about your issues.
    b) there is a lot of skills that are offered to help deal with all of the aspects of ADHD and the issues that it causes, i.e. depression and anxiety.
    c) She is right. There is nothing wrong with you. You are just seeking help from a neutral party to help sort out the confusing issues in life. The ones that are ill are the ones in denial and do nothing to figure out why life is dealing them such a dirty hand.
    2) I did not know we had the same mother?
    Oh no they just used the same mold!

    When I was diagnosed with ADHD the first thing my mother said was "That is bull! I never took diet pills when I was pregnant!"
    What the h*** does that have to do with the education problems that I have been struggling with, the depression issues and all the other things that got me to this low point in my life.

    Bottom line: IT IS NOT ABOUT HER!!!!

    "To thy own self be true"
    Take care of you and to H*** with every one else.

    Do not worry about what she thinks about you being in therapy.
    Do not worry about the way she reacts.

    You are old enough to make your own decisions and you are looking for a way to help you. If she can not support that then ask her why she does not go to therapy to find out why it make her feel the way she does.
  8. Snivy's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by egor
    Hello my little one tooth lizard friend.
    Chellow Mr. Cat



    Quote Originally Posted by egor
    The depression goes with the ADHD. I was suicidal before they diagnosed my ADHD at 39.

    The two go hand in hand.

    I would like to refer you to the 50 tips to living with ADHD that I posted in the group "school house rocks"
    I never knew that. Shocking o.o



    Quote Originally Posted by egor
    When I was diagnosed with ADHD the first thing my mother said was "That is bull! I never took diet pills when I was pregnant!"
    What the h*** does that have to do with the education problems that I have been struggling with, the depression issues and all the other things that got me to this low point in my life.

    Bottom line: IT IS NOT ABOUT HER!!!!

    "To thy own self be true"
    Take care of you and to H*** with every one else.

    Do not worry about what she thinks about you being in therapy.
    Do not worry about the way she reacts.

    You are old enough to make your own decisions and you are looking for a way to help you. If she can not support that then ask her why she does not go to therapy to find out why it make her feel the way she does.
    I'm sorry you also dealt with those events. I don't know if the situation is addressed between you two but I pray that it is when you do answer back.

    1) If I would to bring that up, she would claim I would be a smartass to her and of course, levels of violence is known with her. I tend to not argue with a wall since it is tough. Money is also a factor and since I am juggling with college and I don't have a job, I rather make therapy a last resort. My therapist handled my stress with the loss of my dad few years ago and I got stopped to go there at the age of 16 (So I was in therapy for a year)

    2) It's an ordeal between me and my mom that has been going around for a loong time. I think ever since I became an adult, things but a bit more complexing with her and that she claims I am not my normal self ever since I left my medication. I do jump the gun for stages but only for certain cases where I get blamed. Now they claim "I haven't said a word to you" quote my mother but you can tell what the first thing that is about to come out. It's hard to not be yelled at so it can be a bit scary to find out what surprise you are expecting. It's not even funny banter's anymore, rather simple solicitous remarks. She's not even careful on what she says but she also isn't hateful towards me which is a good thing.
  9. egor's Avatar
    I have just grown to learn that my mother is a self appointed travel agent for guilt trips.

    The problem is that my brothers and I figured that out and ignore her when she tries it.

    So she plays the poor little me card and gets even madder when that does not work either.

    I guess that is the point. IF you do not play there games they get upset because they can not "control you".

    As for Therapy help. Check at you school there is income based fee services that you should be eligible for.
  10. Starrunner's Avatar
    Hey, Snivy,

    I received your visitor message two days ago . I haven't responded to it, and after seeing this blog, I'm feeling pretty about it. I'll take the time to answer to it now

    Snivy wrote:
    "I haven't heard from you in like... forever dude....What have you been up 2?"

    Dear Snivy,
    Thanks for the visitor's message. I was hoping to have time to send a reply but things have been incredibly stressful right now. As you know, I represent tenants in landlord-tenant court and they seem to be 'doubling up' on the hearings because the court will be closed between Christmas and New Year's. As a result I have eight hearings at the beginning of next week and very little time to prepare for them. My cases involve youth, families with young children, recovering addicts, and people with mental health problems, all of them are at high risk of eviction. I truly love my work, but some days I feel like I'm walking at the edge of a cliff, and if I fall off, I will take these people with me and they will lose the roof over their heads....All these people relying on me and I can't let them down. That's why I was glad to get your message, even though I haven't had time to respond. I spend so much of my day working very long hours and taking care of others, I just don't have the energy to care for myself. Sometimes I'm so stressed I forget about the little things in life, a simple hello from someone, just reminding me I'm still a human being. Thank you, it really helped.

    Adisc has been a lifeline for me in the past year. I'm not as active as I'd like to be, and I don't have the time to post as much as I would like to. If I'm lucky I can usually get in one 'well thought out' post or several that require less complexity. I just wish I had more time in the day. So much of my time goes towards being supportive to my clients and giving them hope for the upcoming hearings, and sometimes everything else just gets put on the backburner without any intention of being rude.

    If I haven't always responded to you please accept my apologies. I hope you know how much I have enjoyed your posts. You have made me laugh at times I needed and I'm glad we have people like you on this site.
  11. Snivy's Avatar
    I feel like an asshole right now so let me re-phrase. The "2)" thing started happening since August. I realize we are approaching the holiday year and everyone is focused on alot more heavier things.

    Before I continue, to egor, I will keep that in mind, thank you man

    Now, towards star runner, If your busy, no need for apologies because you can't help it. I'm not an attention whore whatsoever but it is nice to hear back current events from friends once ina while. As long as your doing ok, that is fine.
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