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Good evening Bean,
I really appreciate your sharing so much of yourself with me. For your sake, I wish you could have shared earlier but not for me.

I wont try to answer in detail, but I do want to share the following as a first response. You know if your feelings are for the same gender or not and I trust your judgment. That being true I do not believe it is something you decided anymore than I decided to be as I am. I am glad that society in general has become aware and accepting of same gender attraction.

Also I am glad that you will likely have the freedom for marriage. If you are not gifted with celibacy, you need the companionship and support that marriage alone can provide. No, I don't know how to put that together with Scripture (but the sin of Sodom was not homosexuality!). But I believe that the God of life is also a God of grace which covers you as you know yourself to be.

I think you may be helped to know that your aunt Sarah is gay and that she and Beth have lived in a marriage relationship for over 17 years.

You've not indicated if I should share this with grandma (or anyone else) at this time. So until you do I'll not bring it up.

As you consider God and Hell, remember we try to understand matters in human terms. I don't believe in a Hell of eternal fire. But God whose love is not accepted seems to promise loss beyond our ability to understand. Note, he does not force us to love him--our choice. A young doctoral student in a seminar with me in the Philippines came out of a leading Communist Chinese family. She had come to the Philippines from Hong Kong. She expressed her sense of life beyond human existence from her experience as a nurse--her original training. She said she saw babies born and old people die--life so significant she came to believe demanded more. This became the basis that led to her Christian faith. You handle life in your agricultural learning and practice--that life is no more accidental than your own, it seems to me.

Bean, you have to live truthfully with who you are and what you understand. As you seem not to do, don't quit thinking.

You are and always will be loved.

So if you read any of this, I hope you may have found something that is interesting or may be helpful in your own life.


  1. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    I read it all, and I'm glad that your grandfather was so understanding! When I came out as a transgendered individual, as female, my family certainly had mixed reactions. I didn't get to tell my extended family, my mother and sister did it for me! It was very embrassing, and many of them don't talk to me anymore. But a weight has been lifted, so I can say that even if the worst happens and some family does distance themselves from you, it will make some of them stronger and more connected with you for really knowing you and there are some good points still.

    Although it seems like it wasn't touched on much, I have to say I can relate to something very strongly. I was a very devout Christian myself, and I never believed God had a problem with me being a girl (It's not like God hates girl or something, he loves men and women equally so I never thought God would hate me for being a woman!) but I still had a very strong strong ideological problem with Hell. I always believe that every sin, misdeed, whatever you want to call it can be repented, repayed, eventually. Maybe not in so very long, but the concept that any human sin could equal an eternity of suffering felt too much. That didn't feel forgiving or loving to me. I always wanted to save people from the darkness and bring them into the light, not give up on them. I didn't think God should ever give up either. I eventually distanced myself from the church pretty much because I couldn't stand the the way Hell and sins are used as threats, when I knew Christanity could be about spreading love and goodwill. Making people WANT to be good people, and that's it.. not dictating who they marry or how they spend their free time. Just being good.

    So some of what you wrote spoke to me on a deep level as well. ^_^

    I'm glad you felt like sharing. ^_^
  2. bean's Avatar
    Wow! Thanks for reading. I didn't think the whole thing would actually get read. So I'm glad you got through it It sounds like we both had pretty similar motivations in moving away from the church. Thank you for the encouragement with my family. I do anticipate that there will be some pain involved but also great rewards. I'm so very glad that you got some meaning out of what I had to say.

    I also wanted to say, that picture you have on your profile with the little girl with Wolverine is freakin' cool! I'm not sure why, it just makes me smile Did you or a friend draw it? Or is it from a comic book? Sorry, I like super hero's and comics, I just don't know the lore all that well.

    I also wanted to say, I am so sorry that some of your family don't speak to you anymore. I may be in the same boat before too long... Maybe they will come around some day, but whether they do or not, I'm sure it is outweighed by the openness you can have by truly being yourself with those who accept you.
    Updated 21-Nov-2014 at 02:16 by bean
  3. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    I was happy to read it all! ^_^

    It's from a comic book! My avatars of the little girl are of Katie Power. She's a child age super hero in a group of all child-age superheroes called the Power Pack. (They are also siblings.) They had a great old run and then in 2005-2010 they had a sort of revival. A lot of my images are from the revivial. IN the revival series they team up with a lot of other Marvel Super Heroes, and the image in particular is from Wolverine and Power Pack issue 2, one of my more favorite covers in the series.

    I certainly wish I could draw Katie though! Also live her life and be her, but I'm a silly.

    Thanks for the condolences. It only hurts if I think about it too much, and I just tend to focus on all the love I have now. ^_^
  4. Marka's Avatar
    I made it through too...

    Mostly, I'm just left in contemplation... a wonderful exchange, beautifully written (by both authors)... I didn't feel voyeuristic reading it (or like I was snooping through someone's diary)... that particular reading, was a wonderful gift of sharing... it has an innocence, a purity... well measured... I wasn't ever really in the church, but I left what I had been in, for pretty much the same reasoning, and sort of conclusions...

    I'm exhausted now (not from the reading)... I just have to say 'wow', very impressive bean!

    Until I can articulate more...

    Good night [I]John boy[/I]... ;)
  5. bean's Avatar
    Thanks for your words of kindness. And goodnight
  6. Sanch's Avatar
    Your Grandad seems like a kind, thoughtful and extremely intelligent individual; all qualities which I see in your contributions on ADISC, Bean. I don't have any other advice to give you other than to continue being the wonderful and brave person you clearly are. It's great to see that you have the kind of support which you need and deserve, from your Grandad.

    All my best wishes,
    ~ Snaps
  7. Starrunner's Avatar
    Such a beautiful exchange of thoughts, fears, love and acceptance. Thank you for sharing these deep and so personal letters with us. I think they would be very inspiring to others on this site who are struggling with coming out or questioning their religious beliefs.
  8. bean's Avatar
    Snaps and Starrunner, thank you very much for your kind compliments and encouragement. They really mean so much to me.

    I am really so grateful for my Grandfather. He is an amazing person. He has lived and seen and done a lot in his life, and he is turning 84 soon! His mind is still as sharp as a tack. He spends around two hours walking every morning. I hope I can be half as wise and kind as he is, when I reach his age.

    As much as ADISC has helped me over the last few years... and days. I feel that I should share what I can, if it has a chance of helping others who are facing similar challenges. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.