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Sawako

Different Personalities

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So lately I've been thinking about something...
I sort of have two "little" personalities. The first one is the one is around 3 or 4 years old. I like to wear diapers and play with toys among other things. Some of my favorite things are My Little Pony and Doc McStuffins. Then lately I have been exploring a side of me that I never really thought about. It's a really tomboyish(but still kinda girly) side of me that absolutely LOVES dinosaurs and monsters and robots. I'd place this side of me around 9 or 10. I want to climb trees and play in the dirt.

Until recently I hadn't really distinguished between the two, or really even consciously known about it. Although I like both of these sides of me I am now conflicted. How am I supposed to pick between robots or butterflies for pajamas and stuff? I feel like it's going to be hard to keep these both separate and special.

Does anybody else have any personal experience with this sort of thing? I'd love to hear about it.
Conflicted and curious,
~Sawako
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  1. gigglemuffinz's Avatar
    Ah ha! Something I can speak about! Maybe?

    I'm a AMAB trans girl, so when I first exploring all these feminine things that had wanted to explore since forever and ever, my "little" experience was largely dominated entirely by pink and princess. Strawberry Shortcake and glitter.

    And in so very many ways it still is. My room is becoming a stereotypical extremely "girly" little girl's room. Princess dolls, Sofia the First, Lalaloopsy and Strawberry Shortcake own my soul. Everything in my room is bright pink, tutus, tiaras and glitter. However there was a time very recently that I reflected a lot on the childhood I was actually allowed to experience. I thought about all the things I did actually enjoy as a a what people thought as a little boy. My mom used to say things like.. she had a little boy she knew, because she had a energetic young man who used to watch TMNT and play with his action figures. Because of that it took me a while to even accept that I liked those things at one time, because I did remember wanting to be a little girl from a young age. Because I felt that admitting I once liked those things would take something away form me.

    It took forever to even accept that I did, and when I did I started exploring things pretty much exactly the way you did. I realized that since I did legitmately love super heroes and the other tomboyish things, that I wanted to explore being a tomboy. It was fun for a while, but I honestly grew disatisfied fast.

    This might be a uniquely me thing, but I'm just not the type who likes to do that kinda separation. I wasn't happy forcing my two little girl selves in boxes like that. I wanted to be one Angel. One person. It took a while to accept it, but I realized that liking to sing along to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song doesn't make the princess Angel any less of a pink puffy girly princess. That she's can be that adorable girly ball of pink fluff and still like all those tomboy things. That I was only holding back ME and honestly my gender by needing to separate those things.

    I feel much happier with this conclusion.. so I mostly just wanted to pose that maybe it might be fun to.. do both. To fill your life and your little heart with butterflies and robots, and maybe even robot butterflies. That you might find something special that neither side could achieve alone.
  2. Sawako's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Arietta
    Ah ha! Something I can speak about! Maybe?

    I'm a AMAB trans girl, so when I first exploring all these feminine things that had wanted to explore since forever and ever, my "little" experience was largely dominated entirely by pink and princess. Strawberry Shortcake and glitter.

    And in so very many ways it still is. My room is becoming a stereotypical extremely "girly" little girl's room. Princess dolls, Sofia the First, Lalaloopsy and Strawberry Shortcake own my soul. Everything in my room is bright pink, tutus, tiaras and glitter. However there was a time very recently that I reflected a lot on the childhood I was actually allowed to experience. I thought about all the things I did actually enjoy as a a what people thought as a little boy. My mom used to say things like.. she had a little boy she knew, because she had a energetic young man who used to watch TMNT and play with his action figures. Because of that it took me a while to even accept that I liked those things at one time, because I did remember wanting to be a little girl from a young age. Because I felt that admitting I once liked those things would take something away form me.

    It took forever to even accept that I did, and when I did I started exploring things pretty much exactly the way you did. I realized that since I did legitmately love super heroes and the other tomboyish things, that I wanted to explore being a tomboy. It was fun for a while, but I honestly grew disatisfied fast.

    This might be a uniquely me thing, but I'm just not the type who likes to do that kinda separation. I wasn't happy forcing my two little girl selves in boxes like that. I wanted to be one Angel. One person. It took a while to accept it, but I realized that liking to sing along to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song doesn't make the princess Angel any less of a pink puffy girly princess. That she's can be that adorable girly ball of pink fluff and still like all those tomboy things. That I was only holding back ME and honestly my gender by needing to separate those things.

    I feel much happier with this conclusion.. so I mostly just wanted to pose that maybe it might be fun to.. do both. To fill your life and your little heart with butterflies and robots, and maybe even robot butterflies. That you might find something special that neither side could achieve alone.
    Thank you for sharing your experience with me! I suppose that's a good way to look at things, that I don't need to separate them. It is a little bit difficult for me to envision both of the things together though. It will probably take some getting used to. If I can find some middle ground I'll be very happy since I don't want to neglect either of these. I do like the notion though, and maybe I can get closer to actually being me.
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