by, 30-Oct-2014 at 12:33 (586 Views)
6:42pm Weather: Cloudy Mood: Gloomy
It has been 5 days since my 21st Birthday. Most of the wishes includes, "Now that you're 21, you are now an adult. It's time to focus and stop playing so much." Oh how much I cringe upon hearing this.
If there's so much I must be, Can I still just be me the way I am?
This is just a part of why I'm sad.. Just that day on my birthday, I couldn't get a grip of myself and gotten myself drunk in front of cousin. Apparently my cousin and I went to a pub that evening near the beach. We first ordered a bottle of Red Wine, in which she purposely drank slowly to keep herself sober while she kept pouring the wine into my cup. It wasn't long until we(I) finished that bottle, her sole purpose was to get me drunk that night and she succeeded. I was still sober after that bottle, however, she ordered another White wine Sauvignon Blanc(Damn.. that's some good stuff) I didn't know how but the alcohol crept on me like a ninja, came out of nowhere. First I got high, seeing that, she immediately pulled me out of the pub. At this moment I was still aware of what I was doing.. I started laughing very hard and began cussing and swearing on literally everything(The sand, the beach chair, lamp post, etc...) I just couldn't control myself, I was happy, I felt liberated.
The downfall.. Then things came to a worse, for the main part, although I lied to her about this, I clearly remembered that I actually CRIED. Yes, I did, I CRIED. At that point of time I didn;t know what hit me, I just felt so weak and useless of things I couldn't achieve. Thus spilling out my heart content. The worse thing was, shes the one that's there to console me. Oh have I mentioned she is like a younger sister to me as she is, obviously younger...
I've been thinking about this for the past few days, maybe that was the true and really true feeling I really felt all these time. I try show that I'm happy but I'm actually not. So... here I've decided to write down what really bothered me and I'm unhappy about.
I need no sympathy nor empathy. It's my own fault for not being able to stand up for what I want. I'm not trying to attract attention(I don't like attention, I'm an awkward person) by writing this long blog to rant about how pitiful my life is, I'm sure that there are people thats in a worse situation that I am. But the fact that twitter only allows 140 words makes it extremely useless in this case.
If only by getting drunk I could be happy, its not a sin for me to get drunk once in awhile right? I really wish I could stop putting on a facade :/