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Diapers and Antidepressants

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I went off antidepressants a couple weeks ago. It'd been a long-standing goal of mine, and when I suddenly found myself with a long weekend I decided to give it a go. I succeeded...but the withdrawal symptoms. Oh, the withdrawal symptoms.

Simply put, the withdrawal symptoms were hellacious. I figured insomnia would be one of them, and it was, and it was severe. But what I didn't reckon for was the nausea, dizziness, obsessive thoughts, suicidal ideation, or general sense of dread. I probably should've, but I was so fixated on the positives I never stopped to consider the potential pitfalls. Anyway. Last Wednesday I developed a sudden, intense urge to wear diapers. (I mean, I've been wearing for ten years, but this was a need to wear right now.) I spent most of the next two days wet. This morning I flew while wearing a diaper; I'm now on my third one of the day, a satisfyingly wet ComfiCare M10, and I'm coming to an important realization: not only did diapers mitigate the withdrawal symptoms, they've also curbed my usual daily anxiety. For someone who's been experiencing OCD symptoms since at least the age of ten, that's an amazing thing. I knew that wearing diapers helped me deal with stress, but I never considered the possibility that wearing diapers might prevent stress from happening to begin with.

Is this a permanent state? I have no idea. But what I do know is this. Today, upon returning home, I cleared one of my dresser drawers and filled it with diapers. I'm about to go out in the ComfiCare - it's not the most discrete diaper; that's kind of the point, actually - and see what some of the non-major-chain drug stores are selling. I'm even thinking of telling my roommate about my diaper wearing; I know she'll be supportive, but I've also got a feeling she'd be okay with me wearing around the apartment (whether I'd take advantage of this or not remains to be seen). These are exciting times for me! I'm looking forward to sharing them with you.

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