It's More Than Just a Fetish
by, 12-Oct-2014 at 21:45 (232 Views)
When I was living in Hawaii, I made a blog. This helped me accept myself as a DL, and I thought that I would copy some of my posts to put them here.
I grew up as the youngest in my family. Overall I had a great childhood. My parents are still together to this day and I can remember many happy times with my brothers and sisters. But I was a bedwetter. The doctor said it was caused by my heavy sleeping. I would go so far under that the need to pee wasn't strong enough to wake me up. My parents kept me in Pull-Ups until I was ten when they decided enough was enough, and we got it fixed with some high tech stuff.
While I was still wearing the Pull-Ups at night as a kid, I would sometimes sneak a pair on during the day. I just liked how they felt as a kid. I hadn't gone through puberty, so it wasn't anything sexual, I just liked the padding.
After I lost the Pull-Ups I was upset to see them go. I was happy to be in control of my bladder, but sad to lose the comfort that came with them. I spend many hours day dreaming what it would be like to wear them again. One time I even stole some baby diapers from a friend to try to recreate the feeling, but it just wasn't the same. They didn't feel right.
As I went through puberty everything started to change. Diapers became a sexual object in my mind, and I wanted them also for that reason. Since I was still living with my parents, I never risked buying them (even though I had a job and my own car) for risk of them finding out. I was afraid of what they might think and say.
My desire for diapers started to wane as I fell in love and developed a relationship. As I got closer to her, I didn't want to wear. It wasn't until later that I found out why, which I will explain later.
After we broke up and left our hometown, I had mixed feelings about going back to diapers. I felt ashamed since they are not part of the "norm" in both my sexual and nonsexual desires for them. When I finally did I had to work hard at hiding them from roommates. Partly because I have no other reason for wearing them other than I like to, and most would see that as weird. I am afraid that they wouldn't accept me if they knew.
Then once again I found a girl that I liked and we started a relationship. And once again, the closer we got the less I wanted to wear diapers. It was a little after we broke up, when I came back to diapers, that I started to understand why. Why I wear diapers, and why I don't want to as I form a relationship with someone.
I started wearing as a kid for comfort as I mentioned above. Diapers are just comfortable. But as I have come to find out, diapers are my help. When I am feeling down on myself, when I am feeling stressed from work or people, when I am feeling exhausted, when I am just feeling like crap, a diaper gives me support. It feels like a hug that doesn't stop. It gives me the confidence that I can make it through the day. So yes, I am aroused by diapers, but I am a guy in my early 20s, I get aroused pretty easily. But they are so much more to me than that, and arousal is the last thing on my mind when I put them on.