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wyatt

Im so confused and hurt

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My wife told me that she wants nothing to do with my little side or wants to be exposed to any part of it from now on. We have been together for over 3 years and any time she has told me this in the past she has told me later that she didn't mean it and she loves that part of me, well last night I found out its all been a lie and she hates it. The reason she hates it is because it reminds her of what she can't have, she wants a child before she's 25 she's about to turn 23 I told her I may never be ready to have a child because I'm not mentally stable yet with everything I've been going thru with depression and possible PTSD I'm seeing my therapist every week trying to get help, were also not financially stable enough and our house is not very nice it has a lot of problems that need to be fixed before I bring a child into it.
Her response is that we will never be truly ready and I understand that but she says she wants a "husband" not someone who wants to sleep in a daiper,pajamas with a pacifier ( I rarely ever sleep with anything other then my small stuffed giraffe and sometimes a pacifier).
I'm so confused about all this I've taken all my stuff
And put it in our spare room so she wouldn't be around at all the time but that's still not good enough.
How am I supposed to just stop something that I've done since I was little it helps me forget the hurtful stuff thats happned to me and i can feel like im loved for once. I have no love for myself its been years since i really truely loved myself and for some reason when im little all the hurtful stuff goes away and i love myself for once. I've told her all this before but she still doesn't care.
She told me the reason she had a panic attack last time we were buying some of my stuff was because
it reminded her that she may never have a child, I'm in no way trying to replace her having a child I just don't know when or if I will be able to handle the added stress of raising a child.
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  1. Beloney's Avatar
    I've been in a relationship for 22 years. I'll tell you my thoughts. She wants a baby and is mad at you for that. So, she's using that against you as power and control. Period.... No sugar coating or beating around the bush. Stand up and say I understand, lets separate because this will never be resolved. Don't live in misery.
  2. zipperless's Avatar
    For starters, yes, if you have any doubts about becoming a parent, then please don't. Babies and children require A LOT of attention and if you don't think you can handle one, then it's best to wait.

    It sounds like your wife's biological clock is ticking and what was cute with you before is becoming a sore spot as she wants to have a real baby. Perhaps a friend or relative has asked her when you will become parents?

    You say you go to a counselor - does she ever go with you? If not, I think some couples counseling is definitely in order.

    Is she physically unable to have a baby or does she just not think the two of you will be able to have one with your current situation?

    Finally, you can put this in the main threads and it will get more responses. It is kind of "hidden" here. I say this because there are many parents here that deal with their little side and their children and maybe they have pointers for you on how they balance it all.
  3. wyatt's Avatar
    I would like toyry to stay together, she is worried that her clock is ticking and she won't be able to have one after she's a certain age. She has went with me to counciling two times but when I ask if she wants to come so she can better understand what I'm dealing with she doesn't act like she wants to.

    I didn't put it in the main threads because I feel as though I don't contribute enough at adisc I feel like all I ever do is complain or talk about my problems.
    I want to contribute more but I never know what to say, I'm afraid I'll say something wrong or my comments won't matter.
  4. WearingClouds's Avatar
    For me personally, I know I could never have kids. Albeit I am very good with kids and they all love me, being a parent is not on my bucket list.

    So much money involved and responsibility. I already have anxiety and panic disorder... I doubt children or even one child would do anything to help (if not worsen) my disorder.

    For now, I'll stay in diapers and I'll be my own baby ^__^

    Best of luck Wyatt, I sincerely hope it all works out for you in life.

    And also, never be timid to post on the main blog! We are all friends and enjoy what everyone has to say!
  5. zipperless's Avatar
    Absolutely! Remember we are a support group and that's what we're here for. I'm always afraid to say the wrong thing, too, but with practice, it gets easier. Start of with a subject you know and make a comment. Most of my comments are ignored and hen ones that do disagree with me, I ignore those comments if they're rude, or clarify my thoughts if need be.

    Maybe tell her the counseling is for your relationship and not so much about the padding then she will go.

    Probably the best advice is to keep talking to her. Maybe you two can talk it out yourselves and come to an agreement of some kind as to when and where you can do AB things.
  6. ShippoFox's Avatar
    I hope things will work out somehow! It sounds bad to me though. Your best bet is counseling, in my opinion. I just hope the therapist would be fair and professional... and not biased against your AB stuff.
  7. Beloney's Avatar
    Wyatt, all great advice and they're correct! Don't be afraid to post here. Folks are pretty nice. I don't think your diapers or AB is the issue. I think as I said prior and Zipperless put it much nicer. Her clock is ticking...... She wants a child you don't. That will be the biggest responsibility you'll take on in your life and I would not have a child if your not ready. I truly think she is paying you a little retribution for her not getting what she wants. Talk to your counselor about it and go from there. But as I stated before, this doesn't sound good. I hope the best out come for you! BTW... If you were to have a child and you love the time with her, that will be gone and all her time will now go towards the child and you'll be back where you at and feeling right now. Something to just think about.
  8. wyatt's Avatar
    Thanks for the reply's, apparently the reason she was pushing so hard was because she wanted to prove her family that she could be a good mother and not be like her mother who walked out and never came back when she was eight. She now has apologized and laid off on pushing for a baby for all the wrong reasons.
    She said she knew this was part of me when she married me so she's not going to try and change that now.
  9. TeddyBearCowboy's Avatar
    Wyatt, I understand your situation. Trust me, I do. But it seems to me that you both need to look at some things.

    1) She shouldn't automatically have to accept your little side. Did she know about it before you were married? --that would make a difference in my response. If she did and accepted it then, well, then she made that commitment. If not, then it seems that there was something there that is a big part of you that she didn't know about. If that is the case, she shouldn't have to just accept it and it would have been wrong to make such a big relationship commitment without telling her.

    2) Did you know of her desires to have children before you were married? What did you tell her then? If you didn't tell her that you weren't interested in having children but rather you wanted to be the child, well.... Again, it depends on the situation. If she knew of your concerns and accepted it then, even though it is hard for her to accept, she chose willingly. If you didn't share this, well... It seems that most societies, people associate marriage with creating a family. If she did not know of your concerns, again she may have been misled by you not sharing this with her. That would not be fair to her.

    3) Is it wrong that you have these desires? No. Are you going to be able to give up being little? The answer is most likely no.

    4) Is she wrong for wanting a baby (real life baby)? No. Is she going to be able to just forget this desire? Most likely, no.

    What I would suggest is that you both try to better understand each others situation. I have been ABDL most of my life and my wife has known about it from the time we were married. She has been in and out of acceptance of it for years (sometimes she even participated), but mostly she is not accepting of it. We have had and raised children (which none of them know about my ABDL interests).

    After all of this, ultimately she still cannot accept this and it is part of the reason why our relationship is ending. I'm not saying that is where yours has to end up, as in my situation there is a lot of other stuff and things that I can't accept about her. A LOT of stuff that I cannot accept!!! But you need to seriously consider whether or not both of your needs can be met. It is not fair that one is met and not the other.

    Just some things to think about.

    I wish you the best my friend. I know of and feel your pain.
  10. ArchieRoni's Avatar
    I'm glad to hear that she's forgiven you, but I'm also curious. Do you think she's right about your readiness to have a child? Is having your own child something that you would ever want, assuming you got a better home and a bit more money? It's a really big serious thing, and even if she may have been thinking about it for the wrong reasons, she may still think about it for the right reasons at some time in the future. I think it's definitely something you should bring up with your therapist and think about how you can find ways to help yourself grow stronger and more confident going forward. Especially if it's something that you would ultimately want too.
  11. wyatt's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by TeddyBearCowboy
    Wyatt, I understand your situation. Trust me, I do. But it seems to me that you both need to look at some things.

    1) She shouldn't automatically have to accept your little side. Did she know about it before you were married? --that would make a difference in my response. If she did and accepted it then, well, then she made that commitment. If not, then it seems that there was something there that is a big part of you that she didn't know about. If that is the case, she shouldn't have to just accept it and it would have been wrong to make such a big relationship commitment without telling her.

    2) Did you know of her desires to have children before you were married? What did you tell her then? If you didn't tell her that you weren't interested in having children but rather you wanted to be the child, well.... Again, it depends on the situation. If she knew of your concerns and accepted it then, even though it is hard for her to accept, she chose willingly. If you didn't share this, well... It seems that most societies, people associate marriage with creating a family. If she did not know of your concerns, again she may have been misled by you not sharing this with her. That would not be fair to her.

    3) Is it wrong that you have these desires? No. Are you going to be able to give up being little? The answer is most likely no.

    4) Is she wrong for wanting a baby (real life baby)? No. Is she going to be able to just forget this desire? Most likely, no.

    What I would suggest is that you both try to better understand each others situation. I have been ABDL most of my life and my wife has known about it from the time we were married. She has been in and out of acceptance of it for years (sometimes she even participated), but mostly she is not accepting of it. We have had and raised children (which none of them know about my ABDL interests).

    After all of this, ultimately she still cannot accept this and it is part of the reason why our relationship is ending. I'm not saying that is where yours has to end up, as in my situation there is a lot of other stuff and things that I can't accept about her. A LOT of stuff that I cannot accept!!! But you need to seriously consider whether or not both of your needs can be met. It is not fair that one is met and not the other.

    Just some things to think about.

    I wish you the best my friend. I know of and feel your pain.

    1) She knew of my little side before we were married, I told her about it when we first dated about 6 years ago when we dated in high school. Things didn't work out because of other reasons and so a few years later we dated again which led to our marriage and she knew about it in the beginning of our relationship.

    2) I knew of her desirers of having a child when we got married and she knew I wasn't 100% positive I wanted a child.
    I told her that maybe one day I would be ready.

    I'm sorry to hear about your ending relationship. I'm afraid our relationship is heading in the same direction, I'm trying to get help for my depression or whatever is wrong with me. She says ive changed since iv got sick, she says im not the same person I used to be.
    It hurts so bad to here her say that, ive become numb something has changed me I don't enjoy life like I used to. My grandmother who was like a mother to me passed away over two weeks ago and I haven't even mourned or cryed because im so numbed out it just felt like another day. (im sorry to get off topic)
  12. wyatt's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by ArchieRoni
    I'm glad to hear that she's forgiven you, but I'm also curious. Do you think she's right about your readiness to have a child? Is having your own child something that you would ever want, assuming you got a better home and a bit more money? It's a really big serious thing, and even if she may have been thinking about it for the wrong reasons, she may still think about it for the right reasons at some time in the future. I think it's definitely something you should bring up with your therapist and think about how you can find ways to help yourself grow stronger and more confident going forward. Especially if it's something that you would ultimately want too.
    I think it would be a good idea to bring it up to my therapist also, but im currently trying to work on more current serious problems im experiencing.(not that a child isn't a serious decision, it is a huge decision) I just want to get more things under control first. I think that once I get better and back to normal and in the right direction I really would love to have a child one day to give them everything I never had I just wana get my life and marriage back on track and in the right direction first.
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