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My boyfriend recently told me that he is an ABDL. He wants me to be his mommy.
Some aspects of this, such as the play time, cuddling, movies, making dinner, setting a bed time, etc are cute. I can handle things like that no problem. We already do some of those things. I am already very protective of him as a mother would be because of the relationship we had prior to us being together.
However, there are other aspects that worry me. I am not sure how I feel about diapering him-- I don't mind that he wears diapers. I just personally can't stand changing a diaper on an actual toddler let alone my boyfriend. I'm also having trouble thinking of him as both my baby and my boyfriend. I'm concerned about whether or not I will be able to continue thinking of him in a sexual manner or if I will only see him as my vulnerable little boy...
I've never been a dominant person before, let alone someone who has to care for another person. I am a little bit scared to take this step in my relationship, and I am even more scared to take on a mommy role.


  1. Trevor's Avatar
    It can be a lot to take in. Go slow and do what you can but don't be afraid to stretch yourself. Your boyfriend is still a man, this is just a different way of showing him love and attention. You may find it easier if you remember that in your relationship, you build a culture of two. Things have the meaning you two give them and in this example, he can be your man and your little boy by turns or even both simultaneously if that's how it works for you both.

    Take that time to work it out and be comfortable and also make sure that you're both giving time and attention to your own needs as you go.
  2. SwinginPendulum's Avatar
    No matter your concerns, I wouldn't make any judgment calls until you actually try it. You never know...if it still bothers you afterwards, then you have some real emotions from the experience to talk about, rather than what you think it might feel like.

    Kudos to you for being this accepting though.
  3. selv14's Avatar
    Perhaps it could help if you sit down with your boyfriend and talk things out. Try to not sound angry or frustrated, maybe you could head over to some cafe and talk things over a cup of tea.

    Do keep in mind that this could be something of great significance to your boyfriend. Nevertheless it is important that you speak your mind to him. Tell him that you are uncomfortable diapering him, tell him your worries about taking on a dominant role. Anxieties that are kept from one's partner may unwillingly sow the seeds of frustration, which in turn leads to other nasty emotions.

    Then get him to explain to you why does he want you to participate in this, and perhaps you could get him to tell you what he could do for you to make you happy. It isn't the easiest thing to do, but what I'm trying to say is that communication is key in all relationships.

    Stay open, and all the best.
  4. egor's Avatar

    First I want to congratulate you on your openness to the situation.

    Second Communication is the key to the whole situation. I remember when I told my wife and we had a long talk. She does not mind that I do it, but we both set very strict boundaries and rules.

    I respect that and follow it as best as I can.
    She is very uncomfortable with certain things and I respect that boundary.
    She is uncomfortable with some things and we talk when I ask her to do something.
    Our big thing is the roll playing.
    She is not comfortable putting on my diaper. It is the pinning part she is not happy with, so I have to do that. Their is also infant specific stuff i.e. lifting, that she cant do so I have to lift my legs and hold myself up for her.
    #1 law is that I do not complain when she does things. But to me it is funny because she is a labor and delivery nurse and she does not know how to fold a diaper or how to pin them on. She insisted that we use disposable on our kids.

    Oh and if I did not mention it. The most important part of this is communication, and the next important is communication.

    Remember to use "I feel" statement instead of You statements. Also discuss the boundaries and even write them down if that would help.
    Good luck and have fun. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.