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BabyxZoey

I met a girl, but I don't know what to do...

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So yeah... as the title states, "I met a girl"...
She knows about Baby Me. She has said, "only if there is a spark, can it really go further between us."
But, when we first met, we had a little sitdown, and then... er... the, uh... Bird and the Bee story. But, though she says she won't reveal my secret, she feels no spark towards me.

I was wondering, is it possible to have a nonconensual relationship with someone, if they feel no intimate love for you?
Oh, and she recognizes as a dude, and before our... conjugal visit she'd relayed to me that when I am Baby, is in the same sense as her wanting to be a dude, and I had asked IF that would technically specify me as a "Daddy's Girl", to which she said yes (which I loved ), but now... she refuses to talk to me, so I am VERY sad, and confused, as I do not know how to move forward on this.

(By the by, ANY, and ALL advice will be considered.)
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  1. Maxx's Avatar
    Your situation sounds terribly confusing.

    1. You understand that 'nonconsensual' gets you locked up for a long time, with a lifetime sex offender label after that? (in the U.S. anyway, not sure if Canada is different)

    2. He/she/it has stated that there is no spark. It seems clear to me that there is no moving forward unless something changes. Are you sure you want to attempt to move forward with someone that confused in so many ways?

    3. I realize you're trying not to be graphic here, but it sounds like some reciprocal scratching of sexual itches has been going on. Don't read too much into that. It is what it is. Behaving like a lovesick puppy toward someone who's only interested in physical gratification will get you used and abandoned, maybe physically abused to boot. Of course, if you like that kind of thing, who am I to judge?
  2. BabyxZoey's Avatar
    1) I only meant nonconsensual as the part for no need of a sexual relationship. (It's so late where I am, it's midmorning, and though I am fairly good with words, I thought that was the 'word' I'd needed. Apologies.)

    2) I feel it would be my best option. EVERY girl I meet (maybe 2 being an AB, and/or DL), do not find me physically attractive, despite our many common interests.

    3) No. I do not enjoy being used, in any way, for anything. However, I feel curious about humiliation, and/or discipline, which she seems well acquainted with, but as I have lack of experience in social skills, relationships, and anything else in the fields that particularly matter to me right now, I am stuck where I currently am.
  3. Maxx's Avatar
    It seems low self-esteem is the elephant in the room here. You believe this is the best you can do...

    Physical attractiveness is as much in YOUR head as it is theirs. Believing you are attractive is just as important as tthe physical attributes themselves. How you dress and carry yourself can go a long way to improve attractiveness. Even the physical attributes can be changed to some degree. Too fat? lose weight. Skinny? Hit the gym. Big nose?... you COULD get that changed, but some women like big noses..

    Yes, these things take time and effort. So do social skills. Sometimes it seems that certain people are born athletes, or born with charisma. The truth is, they work hard at it. If you could live their lives and do what they do for a while, you'd see the amount of effort that goes into the things that appear effortless for them. There is no fairy godmother who can make it happen overnight. Its said that it takes 10000 hours to master a new skill, whether its programming, music, athletics, or even public speaking. My personal experience in various things over the years bears this out.

    So you're thinking, wow, so it'll take years for me to make myself attractive! Well, yes and no. Yes, if you're interested in a long-term relationship, that's going to take long-term thinking and long-term effort. No, in that while you're in the middle of that effort, people will notice. "Hey, that guy is on a mission. He's going somewhere. I want to be on that train..."

    I don't know enough about you to suggest how to improve your social skills other than to suggest you put yourself in places that require them. Toastmasters, volunteer activities with the Y, there may be things you can do at work to work on your social interactions. You may never be a Bill Clinton, but you can get a lot closer than you think.
  4. BabyxZoey's Avatar
    Yes, you are right. I do actually have self-esteem issues. It's my low self-worth that have nearly enveloped me, and almost causing me fall to suicide, many times. (Every attempt was thwarted, thankfully.)
    And yes, I do believe this is, was, or will be all that is really I can do, because it is this type of interaction that became available to me. Of which, I have longed for, for years.
    And though I like her, I suppose she isn't exactly 'that one'.
    More waiting. (Hopefully NOT for another half dozen years.)

    Thanks Maxx. :/
  5. foxkits's Avatar
    Just be a nice guy kind helpful be self a shured you will find the right one.
    She is out there some time's there are a lot of frog's till things click:-)
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