I need to leave my wife
by, 09-Aug-2014 at 11:15 (813 Views)
I need to leave my wife. I really don't have any other choice at this point. She is violent and right now my arms and back are covered in scratches. Wednesday she was angry and smacked me really hard across the back and then stormed out of the room. Thursday she full on attacked me while I was trying to sleep. I begged her to stop, I tried to hold her down or push her away but she just came at me over and over again. Friday, she went full on bezerk and attacked both me and her mom. Screaming, yelling, throwing things, pure chaos. Her mother scolded her a little bit, so she threw a plate at her. Her mom yelled back at her and then she just lost her mind. I never said anything but "let's calm down. take a deep breath." etc.. but she attacked me, pushed me, clawed at me, and punched me in the balls.
There is so much more, but it all is the same. She is emotionally unstable and expresses all negative feelings as anger and rage at the people who love her the most. If she isn't physically violent, she is always snapping at people and yelling. Everyday is chaos.
There are more reasons for me to leave her. She hasn't been attending church or doing anything religious at all (I made it very clear that for me, religion is the most important thing in life). She doesn't work. She doesn't socialize. She can't concentrate on anything. She can't do elementary school level math. She is not mentally fit to be a wife, let alone a mother (we do not have children, thank God).
But there are a few things that have made me drag my feet on ending this marriage. I don't know what will happen to her when I leave. I really hope that she can get better someday, but I just don't see how it is going to happen. Me leaving her will do so much damage to her, things will be so much worse for her than they are now. As much as I need to protect myself and that I am entitled to happiness, I don't want to hurt her.
She is also very cute. Walking away from a girl that cute is going to suck.
And also, she likes diapers! Man I can't believe that I actually found a girl that not only understands, but shares in my "weird and strange" interests. Maybe you can understand my excitement. When she first let me put a diaper on her I was in heaven. After a lifetime of looking at pictures of diaper girls online and thinking that I would never be in a relationship with a girl like that, you could almost say it was a defining moment in my life. Maybe that is a little bit of an over exaggeration, but the truth is I felt very lucky to have a partner for diaper play. She also has been into some other kinks of mine, and it has been very refreshing to be with someone who I could be completely open about my sexuality.
Before getting married I thought "she is my have your cake and eat it to solution. Sunday morning we can go to church, have a wonderful spiritual experience, come home and hop into diapers for some kinky fun." But that was a stupid reason to marry someone. The reality is I am unable to either have my cake or eat it. Church is basically out of the question. The absolute best I can get out of her is to show up for the sacrament meeting and then she quickly leaves. And we fight so much, there isn't time for anything fun at all. Yes, she likes diapers and has liked them for about 4 months, but in those 4 months she has only worn them a total of 4 or 5 times. Sometimes we go weeks without intimacy because there are problems every single day. It's not even just the physical stuff that we don't have time for, we have a giant stack of DVDs that we just never get around to watching.
I think I fell in love with the dream of this girl, rather than what she really is. Some life lessons don't come until it is already too late.