I've overstepped my boundaries
by, 21-Jul-2014 at 05:50 (714 Views)
I've been trying to get to know this one girl that I met from a spiritual community sometime back in February, and I've come to see that she is a very interesting and unique individual. Even though she enjoys thrashing about to death metal, she is at heart a little timid. I love her to death.
She has really bad nightmares on occasion, and she tells them to me with vivid detail, and to be frank they do sound terrifying. She is worried about why the hell she has these nightmares, as she has had them since she was very young.
I, being the valiant young man that I am, decided to disrespectfully take on the responsibility of figuring out why she has these dreams. These dreams are weird, and dream dictionaries can't even start to come close to explaining them.
So I took a look deeper than I normally would, and I discovered that her dreams are indeed deeper than I thought, and that they have to do with karma. Furthermore, whatever it is that haunts her has been made manifest through her father, who was emotionally abusive to her and her family all her life.
And I made the mistake of telling her all this. I had the intention of letting her spill her heart out to me, because I wanted it to happen that way, but of course, as far as she could see, the most opportune time to tell her was in a restaurant. She didn't cry when I told her, in fact she was very composed, but...well, when someone goes through something that they don't want to acknowledge, they tend to bury it, and when it's dug up again they don't quite know what to do with it except to bury it again. That's what she did.
Later on I realized the horrible mistake I made, and tried apologizing, but I didn't make it about me, I made it about her. I said I could see that she doesn't like talking about it, which pissed her off and caused her to reject that apology, which pissed me off and made me reword my feelings a little more assertively, this time saying that I tried to fix something that wasn't broken.
Everything was silent for a while, and then she tells me she wants to stop hanging out outside of the spiritual club. It hurt pretty badly.
I cannot stop kicking myself about this. I was such an idiot in the way I tried to help. I just wanted her to open up more, and to show that I was the kind of guy who was caring about her. Of course, now that the damage is done, I realize the way I tried to show this was pretty dumb. But that's what I do, and it's what I've done since I was little. I want to be the guy who's not afraid to look darkness in the face and punch it square in the jaw.
This time it didn't work. I actually slowed the building of the bridge that I hastened to create. *sigh* Gods help me.