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Depression returns

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I suffered depression for years, controlled by taking Zoloft tablets daily. It wasn't "severe", just enough to alter my mood.

With me, I didn't get so much depressed, (see suicidal, crying feelings-of-hopelessness depressed) rather a feeling of complete disinterest, and above all ANGER!

Everything and everybody pissed me off. All I wanted to do was argue with everybody, and if the chance arose, to just rip into people and tear them down. I loved putting people back in their place, and to hell with their feelings.

I quit a couple of jobs on the spot, because the boss "needed to know" he was a dick!

I got into fights with strangers, (and I mean fights) where I took it out on them and left them hurt. I'm not talking about picking on little guys either. I'm 6"2, and I would pick on guys bigger than me. There was nothing better than knocking the shit out of a big guy.

Also my drinking increased. I've always been a heavy drinker, but I was really giving it a nudge.

This went on for years, until I was diagnosed and started taking the medication. I still remember the first one. It was a Saturday morning, and within an hour of taking this magic pill I felt better! Not happy, but calm and relaxed for a change.

About 4 years ago I ran out of pills, and needed a new prescription. I put of going to the doctors for a few days, and the feelings never returned! For the last 4 or so years I have been fine. No fights, feeling positive, drinking less, life has been good.

Now all of a sudden, for no reason, this week the old me is trying to re-emerge. I've been feeling down and angry all week, and the urge to drink, really drink, is there. I've argued with my best mate, as well as another member if the sporting club we both belong to.

I've pulled out of playing sport as a result, and was within a breath of walking out on my job twice this week.

What people don't get, is when you feel this way, recognising it but caring enough to fix it are 2 different things entirely.

At least when I feel angry, I'm feeling something. It beats just feeling hollow and disinterested all the time.

I know I should go back to the doctors and start the meds again, but would prefer not to. I just hope it clears up and goes away again like last time.


  1. Tiddles's Avatar
    I can relate to your tail in a way because alcohol makes me the same if I have enough of it. when I was in my 20`s I used to drink a lot, it made me depressed, angry and I could soon be agressive. I cut down the evil deamon drink and even stopped for a number of years. I now have a limited amount, an amount that I can handle.
    If you can stop drinking alcohol for a while I am sure that you would feel better after the toxins have left your system, and that nasty craving for it. (spelling mistakes are made on purpose)
  2. Vexxus's Avatar
    You're stronger than this. For the past four years, you've done just fine, ergo: you're capable of living a happy life. This is a mind game, my friend. What one believes in his heart, so will he be. Deliberately put a smile on your face, even if you think you have no reason to smile. Walk upright and don't keep your head down. Look straight ahead.

    Make a list of the things you're thankful for. Write them down and read them to yourself every morning you wake up. If you're a Christian, thank God for giving you everything you wrote down. You're stronger than the craving for alcohol, pills or anything else. I overcame my depression, and so can (and will) you. Don't give in - it's your life, don't let anyone take it by telling you how or why you don't matter. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.