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Transmissions From Within A Cloud Of Absinthe

American Meth Vol 2: Honour Student

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"Where is it? Where is it? WHERE IS IT! WHERE THE FUCK IS IT!?!"

Crashing through drawers and shelves. Checking and rechecking her purse, her pockets, all the places it might have been stashed. And then, the joy and calm of victory washes over her. Her stash was still in the tin on top of the icebox, right where she had left it not 3 hours earlier. Two hits, that's all she needs to set things right. Then the focus comes back and it's time to finish that labwork. A little powder in the glass, a little flame, a little smoke. Hold it down, 1..2..3..4 release. There it is. Just one more now. She's not an addict, not like Jeremy. He wasn't in control, but she is. Just ask her.

She was always in control. right from day one in highschool. She just needed a little help on those long nights. It was a heavy class load, lots of extra credit. She HAD to get into a good school, and she Had to have a scholarship. Daddy was laid off at the mill and Mommy barely made ends meet working down at Captains Diner. Caffeine was good at first, but by midterms she needed a little bit more. Lucky for her Jeremy had just what she needed. Just a little hard white and she could study and cram all night, and still make it to class on time. Life was great. She got into a good school and they would pay for all of it. Classes, books, even her dorm room was covered. all she had to do was keep those grades up. Just like she did in high school.

Life was good. She worked part time on the weekends at a local coffee joint, and Jeremy made enough on the side to always treat her nice, make her feel special. Until that day. Jeremy had been acting a little odd for a few weeks. Maybe he just needs to see me more often. I do spend a lot of time studying. I'll drop in on him tonight after classes are out.

Dingy apartment down town. The smell of a well used lavatory. No wonder he didn't want me to come around, he must be embarrassed by his neighbors. Knock Knock. No answer. Another knock. still nothing. As she turns and starts to walk away, the door creaks open an inch or so. Skeletal face and sunken eyes stare out at her.

"The fuck do you want bitch?"

The question is filters out through black broken teeth. At least that's what they used to be.

"I'm looking for Jeremy, this must be the wrong door, sorry."

The door opens further. Not a skeleton, just the wasted remains of a woman who may have been cute 5 years and 30 pounds ago. Dry hacking coughs as the words come out. "

He's on the couch. I didn't know you were a customer."

One look inside was all she needed. Trash piled up in corners the smell was even worse inside. And there was Jeremy. Eyes wide as dinner plates as he snorted a line off the dingy coffee table. Hey babe. this was the first, and last time she ever saw Jeremy's home. She only saw him one more time later that week. And that was that. No room for addicts in her life. She was going Places.

Six months later. Life was getting hard. The new class load was insane. She was taking 18 credits a week, fuelled by meth, espresso, and sheer willpower.

A few hits to get going in the morning. A line or two, more often two, with lunch. And then a few more hits in the evening to make it through the night. But her grades were holding. That was what mattered.

One spring morning she didn't come to class. Nobody thought much of it. Her professors understood. That poor girl was working herself to the bone. She didn't look good last week. She just needs a few days to rest. We can make an excuse for one of our brightest pupils.

They found her body in an alley near Jeremy's apartment. Massive drug overdose. She had come back because she knew that he always had something for her to buy. What she didn't know was that Jeremy was too high to tell the difference between his products. Her last hit, rather than a good spike of meth, was a hard dose of heroin.

They even took her shoes before dumping her in a rubbish bin.


  1. Marka's Avatar
    Damn, Zedd!!

    I'm so impressed by your writing... and so devastated by the realities here...

    I'm afraid to ask... who you knew in this...

    I'm reminded of the most beautiful girl, with the greatest soul...

    ... I can't reach her, and her bff, can't even be her friend now... lost to it... meth, and apparently heroin too, probably coke....

    Maybe she lives in a nondescript garage somewhere in a major metropolitan area... I have her mom's number, but I'm afraid to call...

    Our mutual friend filled me in on the latest... I've done one intervention before, but it was my SO ...took everything out of me, and all my money... this many years later... it seems to have took... one can only hope, but one who's seen it... is tentative in that hope...

    I don't have any money... I can barley leave the house most days for ill... I'm afraid to reach her... she was so close to my heart...

    Maybe if I had said "get in the car, we are so out'a here" ...those years ago... instead, I was meek, and respectful, and loving... what did I not do?!

    What do we do?

  2. Zedd's Avatar
    This was a weird one to write. The original idea behind Honour Student was a 16 year-old girl who slides into a world of anarchy drugs and psychosis before going on a shooting spree in her school. The story lines and basic outline were there, but I could never get it off the ground. I had thought about translating it into a second verse of American Meth not long after I wrote the first installment. But, where that was based on actual experiences that I had gone through, this was completely pulled out of the ether and I had no idea where to start. I sat here for about an hour looking at a blank screen before I came up with that first line. The rest just kinda fell into place behind it. On a second read through I can se a few glaring holes in the story, but on the whole I like it.
  3. Trevor's Avatar
    I feel tricked! I don't usually read fiction (knowingly) on this site and by the time I get a couple sentences in with your stuff, it's too late and I have to get to the end. Nice job
  4. Marka's Avatar

    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor
    I feel tricked! I don't usually read fiction (knowingly) on this site and by the time I get a couple sentences in with your stuff, it's too late and I have to get to the end. Nice job
    You were tricked...? I went hook, line, and sinker LOL! I may have even swallowed the 'bobber'... Sheesh! I should just go ahead and throw myself on the grill! I love the writing... I wish it was all stamped 'Fiction', so I could relax a bit! -Marka
  5. Zedd's Avatar
    Not to worry, I'm thinking of compiling these two with a few more installments for the Stories section. My blog just seemed a touch more appropriate due to the subject matter. I may even do second drafts to lengthen these first two. Then we'll have a big book of depressing slice-of-life stories. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.