embers still glow
by, 13-May-2014 at 19:44 (338 Views)
what a horrible past couple of weeks.
a friend had wanted me to text her, and my parents had hated her even as far back as freshman year, for no other reason than that they sensed "something off" about her. after getting caught, they somehow assumed that she was linked to it because i had talked to her so much (for those of you who remember babydavid and the girl he had a crush on but she went out with the 20 year old irish guy while she was 15, thats her. we remained friends after that lunacy ended) and also due to the fact that i could be myself around her, acting either as an adult or a playful child. over the course of this past year and a half of being caught, my parents morphed her and other friends into co-conspirators in their minds, as if EVERYBODY in my life knew except them and was someehow involved.
so back to the original point, i began texting her again, for no real reason other than to make mishchief, and then, disaster. apparently i had gone over the texting limit (i thought we still had an unlimited plan from previous years) and my mom then checked the AT&T to see what had happened after getting a notification. she not only saw that my phone had sent some 2000 texts (im kinda popular) and then had checked the actual records to see what transactions of communication took place. she saw her number, and so she called me to the aft sun room to ask me about it. i had to make up that she mustve gotten the number from someone, and that i had nothing to do with it.
my father also got involved and immediately advocated that i lose the phone and car and any form of social interaction. i argued that i need the phone for work, just like normal employees, and he kept repeating the phrase "its irrelevant, you dontr really need it" as if more to convince himself so he didnt realize he was being a fool.
so i lost the phone, and then later i did the whole penitant-son bit where i say i'll do better next time, but to no avail. that, i could live with. i figured eventually they would come to their senses and realize that i would eventually lose my job if i didnt have the phone.
i had kept from my parents the fact that in a class (dance appreciation) that i was forced to take as part of a transfer program i'm in, i had to actually perform choreography, and dance in front of a paying audience. i didnt care or see how it was a big deal, but i knew that my parents would object strongly (think footloose antagonists) and would object also to the stupid (adam lambert crap)song and type of dance done by a former cheerleader who decided to use her routine and the teacher went along with it for the sake of efficiency (community college beaurocratic laziness.
i told them on sunday, thinking that they would be forced to not care since it was part of the final and it was too late to do anything about it. however i was wrong. my parents went ballistic, and began attacking me as if i chose the song and dance and organized all of this. when i pointed that out to them they simply got angrier and criticized me for not speaking up earlier or dropping the class. i explained to them that i didnt see it as a big deal and they said somehow it had to do with all of this stuff and what they found when i got caught. obviously that made no sense, but they persisted.
the next day, my dad showed up at college to berate the counselor, who in turn blamed me for it, citing that there was an option to be a screenwriter or do something else (three chose to be screenwriters who really didnt want to dance, thus blocking anyone else from opting out) and i tried to explain how no alternatives had been expressed, but my dad refused to believe me, thinking that this was all me doing. so later that day i had to send an email and talk personally to the dance teacher and was FORCED TO LIE to him, some bs that it was against my religeous principles or something.
when i got home, my mom barely spoke to me, and later that night when i asked her about the gulf i sensed between us, she started going off at me about how i had lied (i hadnt) and about how i had been disrespectful to her and him by lying (i hadnt) and about how i took advantage of their trust and manipulated them (i hadnt). so anyways, now we arrive back at the present, where things are a mess again and life is beginning to suck even more than usual.
i wonder what to do from here. i have to hold out till new york in the fall, obviously, but i just wish this wasnt such a complicated game. its like theyre all rooks and queens and i've got nothing but pawns. oh well. we'll see where this goes in the coming days. its finals week, fortunately they dont matter anymore. apathy is such a luxury, but oh the cost...