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Astatine

Things I've been thinking about lately...

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Even though I don't have time for things like that at the moment, here's my first blog entry. I just had to get it off my mind. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I really like going to my local pharmacy to buy my diapers. I get all my other stuff there too, so they know me, or at least recognize me. Of course, that's not difficult as I mostly wear black clothes and metal shirts, have long hair and a big beard. But, even though I like buying diapers face-to-face, it is always accompanied by some sort of uneasiness. Let me explain why:

Firstly, buying adult diapers in Germany is in fact something weird to do. This has several reasons. Most people who need them have prescriptions, so entering a pharmacy or a medical supply store in order to buy diapers without a prescription is a bit odd. But, even more unsettling, over the last years, due to legislation, health insurances, suppliers, and producers have started making direct contracts which each other, so normally someone who needs diapers isn't going to go into a pharmacy or a medical supply store at all, but getting his/her stuff home delivered by the producers. In fact, most pharmacies don't have diapers or other kinds of heavier incontinence supplies anymore.

Secondly, it is the situation itself: Buying something, or more basic: exchange, is a form of social interaction. But at the same time, it is made as anonymous as possible. The clerks are not supposed to say anything besides giving you your goods an receiving your money. But they are still human beings, they still think, they still have certain facial expressions, certain gestures. You can see that there is something going on, which has to be put behind a veneer of professionality. Usually I don't care what someone thinks about me, but buying diapers is somewhat different. It's because they know, it's because you know they know, but at the same time, no one is allowed to say something.

There is no reason for fooling oneself one second into thinking that they might buy the old story of your grandma needing them or you having a bit of a bladder issue, as well as fooling oneself into believing, that they are completely oblivious of the ABDL-scene. At least in medical supply stores, they are perfectly aware of us and more often than I'd like to I got this strange view of alienation and disgust, when I was asking for diapers. But luckily my pharmacy is different.

Imagine, I'm standing in my favorite pharmacy, it's early in the morning and there are no other customers. I look around and in one corner of the small shop area I see a pack of Seni Trios among other pads and pants on open display. I bought several packs of the Seni in the past, but the interesting part is: They have diapers in stock and on open display. That is not at all usual. If you need them and you have a prescription, you are not going to buy one pack at a time, you get cases of that stuff. This still seems strange to me. A nice female pharmacist appears from the back of the pharmacy. We know each other, she sold me many, many packs of diapers. She smiles at me and asks, how she might help me. We have a certain procedure: I say what I need, let's say a pack of Tena Slip Maxi. She asks, whether I know the central pharmaceutical number, which makes it easier for her to look it up in the computer. I say 'of course' and she answers 'wonderful'. Then she proceeds looking it up and after a few moments she explains, that she has to order them and that I can pick them up in the afternoon. I wouldn't say that the situation is sterile, but there is definitely an elephant in the pharmacy. This has happened so often, with so many different kinds of diapers that she basically has to know, what's going on. Everytime there is so much implicit conversation, it actually hurts my brain thinking about it.

I often imagined myself saying something like 'Yeah, I buy them because I like them', probably not in such an in your face expression, but at the same time you simply cannot know what is going to happen next. Maybe it is just professionalism, which makes it look friendly and a bit awkward simultaneously, but in reality they hate you for doing this or think something like 'oh boy, that guy again'. Most of the time, there isn't even a proper situation for saying something like that. And that is what makes me feel uneasy about that whole situation: It is a social interaction and at the same time it is not. I can't help myself thinking, that it would be a lot easier for both of us if it was clear what's really going on.
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Comments

  1. Marka's Avatar
    ... or... you started ordering online
    That was a very well illustrated account... a juxtaposition, that offers perhaps a less than 'in your face' dealing... However, I'm not sure that it would be any easier for either of you... unless of course... you get an "oh, okay...sure... no problem"...

    But, you won't know that until you've stepped in it... if it troubles you, give it a go... otherwise leave it perhaps...

    -Marka
  2. Astatine's Avatar
    At the moment it is nothing more than a thought experiment based on the observations I made over the last 1.5 years. It's not that I have problems buying face-to-face, but the whole social-yet-anonymous-nexus is something that creeps up time and again in all sorts of social contexts and became obvious to me the last time I bought diapers about a month ago. I'm still not sure, where this experiment might end up, some sort of social conventions do certainly play a role, but I think there is more to it...
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