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sirscience

the 5th blog that was promised: failure to communicate/ nervousness.

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This is going to be very targeted and possibly offensive. i apologize ahead of time to any that read this and do find it offensive , I only ask that you maybe take the time to enlighten me otherwise. I understand that some of the feelings i have may be completely misguided and i may just be a prude(?), but I think this is an important subject none the less.

First, Let me clarify some things. I am AB/DL, very AB it turns out, with not much way of expressing except in private, by my self. I do wear on the weekends, which i know is more than others. but i try to be as inconspicuous as possible.( I hide it as much as humanly possible)

Second, Social awareness. I would say that years ago before i was lucky enough to be pulled out of an abusive home and taught how to have social skills, I was extremely clueless to social norms. I said things that were inappropriate, and while unintentionally, none the less i had to learn to socialize on an appropriate level.

Third, Who i am. I am a person who is very driven. to look back to 11 years ago and look at my 17 year old self, I am a completely different individual from then. Self sustaining and i can function in social situations.

Fourth, Nerdy/Geeky. I am all too familiar with my subculture and how socially awkward my "type" of people can be. Just because i have learned to function by societal values, doesnt mean i am not still very much in touch with the same people and functions that are looked down on. I mean I spent years being made fun of for LAN parties and all weekend gaming sessions. For Anime wallpapers, and models of Motoko Kusanagi. Love me some GITS.

all this brings me to the point. ------- I went to the seattle munch today, and i am pretty sure that if some one from the board was there, You know exactly who i am.
once again I apologize ahead of time. I am probably just being arrogant, but i am really struggling with this.
and i have to admit i was moments away from going and introducing my self. but then some one very comfortable in their being, and not even in an offensive manner showed up. -and as i type this i have a moment of clarity, those people, those people are trying to be accepted, for who/what they are, and i am a jerk--- this freaked me out, I couldnt handle it, it was too much...
I know there is a thing about hiding oneself, but for some reason the act of being open and so up front, it just freaked me out.
and then the offensive part happened, I left thinking, this isnt normal this isnt what i want, I want normal friends who hang out normally and that ab is a thing we share in common, and that we do those things in not so public places, and that we get to know the adult before we meet the little.

here is the thing, I cant decide if i am just being a moron, or if this is actually a problem. this situation made me ashamed of my self and what abism is. is it ok for us to express our selves in public like that, for sissies and abs and all to just flaunt it? or should we reserve those things for private or maybe be not as identifiable.
i know that people grab on to fetishes and say "screw it all i am going to be who i am regardless, if you dont like it deal"
am i just afraid of being noticed?

I also feel like i need to be more specific. There were sissies there, that is what freaked me out, It felt like there was unwanted attention from it,and maybe i am just paranoid. it wasnt the introduction of names accompanied by "this is my daddy" or even someone slightly being childish. But people do notice that kind of thing, and pay attention to that kind of thing, it takes away other peoples ability to remain inconspicuous who are around that thing.

does this make sense, does any one understand? or am i just a bigot who needs to get over my own issues and just roll with it. I would like to believe that there is a way to meet forward thinking smart people who arent just on an outing to meet AB. -- i am really lost on this one.

once again i apologize to any one who takes offense to this. its not intentional, I feel it is a way of thinking , and i am not sure its right.
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  1. Trevor's Avatar
    I'm sorry it didn't work out. I don't think it makes you a bigot to prefer some discretion in the people you socialize with. In the scheme of things, I doubt it's too far over the top as it's a recurring meet in a set location and one where the standards aren't very high. Still, I think I might have similar misgivings but I'd have to see it to know for sure.
  2. sirscience's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor
    I'm sorry it didn't work out. I don't think it makes you a bigot to prefer some discretion in the people you socialize with. In the scheme of things, I doubt it's too far over the top as it's a recurring meet in a set location and one where the standards aren't very high. Still, I think I might have similar misgivings but I'd have to see it to know for sure.
    I had a talk with my wife, and she came up with an incredible analogy.

    she said its like a book club, where you all read the same book, but you meet to talk about the book. not read it.
    you would read a book at library or a bookstore, where that would be expected.

    I would have definitely fine with the expressions in a proper situation. and it wasnt at all over the top, I think it was just out of my comfort zone.
  3. Trevor's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by sirscience
    I had a talk with my wife, and she came up with an incredible analogy.

    she said its like a book club, where you all read the same book, but you meet to talk about the book. not read it.
    you would read a book at library or a bookstore, where that would be expected.

    I would have definitely fine with the expressions in a proper situation. and it wasnt at all over the top, I think it was just out of my comfort zone.
    Most meets I have seen, including the ones I set up asked for attendees to be discreet while in public. It's a very different matter among the consenting or interested but I think there's a general bias toward keeping this on the down-low. Groups make that kind of boundary stretching thing easier, but if it's not your scene, stick with your comfort level.
  4. sirscience's Avatar
    the question i should ask is, if i stick with my comfort level, am i ever going to make friends with people i can talk face to face to?

    and another thing, maybe i need to understand what exactly makes me uncomfortable and why.

    I dont want to sound desperate, but i am desperate to make friends face to face. I spend too much time on my own, and its starting to really suck. does that make sense?

    it all really seems to factor in to the emotional imbalance that i was describing before.
  5. Trevor's Avatar
    QUOTE=sirscience;bt32715]the question i should ask is, if i stick with my comfort level, am i ever going to make friends with people i can talk face to face to?

    and another thing, maybe i need to understand what exactly makes me uncomfortable and why.

    I dont want to sound desperate, but i am desperate to make friends face to face. I spend too much time on my own, and its starting to really suck. does that make sense?

    it all really seems to factor in to the emotional imbalance that i was describing before.[/QUOTE]

    Everyone is different but the people I have met, and there have been quite a few, have by and large been discreet and well-behaved in public. I don't think one has to concede that just to make friends. It can take some time for this to feel natural enough, so if you're too much in a hurry, I suppose you might have to lower your standards and let the chips fall where they may.
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