getting caught. the ashes linger
by, 12-Mar-2014 at 18:40 (640 Views)
here's how it happened, in a rather large nutshell.
1/1/2013 11:00 pm, david estate. phone taken due to texting at family reunion
called upstairs, mom and dad sitting on couch with laptop on table. they have my facebook password since i had one so theyre looking through it and comparing it to what was on the phone. i had become involved in Adding Games, those things where you can meet girls fast and talk with them on fb. i had met a bunch of girls that way and had begun texting them, this started around summer of the previous year. one of them (she liked me but i didnt want a relationship due to her living far away in colorado and i didnt/dont) and she had sexted me a picture of herself.
i never got to see the picture but my parents did since they had the phone and i had left it unlocked. they started asking me who she was along with all the other 600 fb friends i had at the time. then they saw the chat history. they saw a conversation between me and someone from here that had become my friend on fb, and she had asked me what sites i used for ABDL stuff, and i had listed them for her, and (i'm an idiot) forgot to delete messeges like i usually did. so of course they started asking me what those were and they searched them and asked if i had accounts, which i didnt answer but they found out anyways due to email messeges from them like we get from ADISC from time to time. so they found my accounts, even the one on fetlife, which contained pictures of me in girls clothes and undies and it was disasrtous.
they had not only discovered a world that to them (hispanic super-christians) is wrong, and discovered what i was into and who i was talking to and it was as if in a matter of a few hours they not only learned their son lied to them, but that i was actively talking to people much older, lying about my age (i was only 17 at the time) and they were furious and mom was crying and they started interrogating me on who was involved, who knew, who had introduced me to this. i tried to say how nobody hasd put me up to it and that it was my own doing, but they wouldnnt believe me. they said that if i didnt tell them who had dragged me into this world and shown it to me, they would have techies go through the entire computer's records to find out stuff.
obviously i wasnt about to create an even bigger mess, so i had to lie and say the names of some friends who i thought would figure out what was going on and not care. i will always be ashamed for that. i will ALWAYS feel shame and sorrow for revealing the names of friends who i had loved and trusted and couldnt have asked for better from, they were amazing people who i will always remember. i felt as if i had thrown them under the bus to save myself, even though it was just mroe lying.
so in the days and weeks that folowed, it was the tensest it has ever been at the house, parents came into my closet and took every article of clothing they deemed girly or femmenime (most of it actually wasnt). altogether i think i lost about $600 in clothing. they of course took my toy chest, which i never played with but just had since i hadnt known what to do with it. also to go was my hair. i had long-ish hair like kyoya ootori, and they made me get a buzz cut. they began to take me to a therapist around this time last year, and it was awful and embarassing, and the rides to and from were constant speeches and lectures and rants from my father, who i think was the most damaged by all this. he still lectures me constantly to this day, and looks for any excuse to point out something i'm doing in the form of "an adult would have done...".
mom suffered less i suspect. she considers me an adult now and its past us, she doesnt bring it up, i play the role of a grown up at home and i act all mature and manly, though its taken a toll. for some reason, my dad's anger and shock grew worse as time went on, and he began to think random things were related to ABDL-ness. nightcores, anime, house music, leather jackets, rolling up sleeves, justin beiber music, high top shoes, flattop sunglasses, or pretty much anything cool that i did before i was caught. his justification for it was that wouldnt you want to get as far away as possible from anything that you did before?". and to this day he still rags on me about it (i should clarify; i've pretended to move on from it and to them i'm not into this anymore and an trying to be a manly adult), and i get no rest from it. i think maybe once i get a job he'll shut up, but i doubt it, he loves to have his voice heard. he thinks its childish to not hae a job while at school "all your friends even in high school had jobs, and youre still just doing school and thats it, youre dependent, no different than a child, no different". i know it sounds illogical, but i think i may have driven him over the edge.
sorry if this was long or run-on, i know this wouldve gotten like a D if it were an assignment. but now i must conclude. partly because this is where the story is at now in real life, and partly because i'm late for class.
my friends, you know who you are. i can't express how sorry i am. my lineancy towarsds secrecy cost me so much, but above all that it cost me all of you. there is nothing i can say that describes how much shame i feel for the way i conducted myself during the initial crisis. i'm sorry. i hope you can forgive me someday, and in the meantime, i hope this helps bring understanding as to what happened, and as to why you probably all got emails from my accounts saying never to contact me again. i dont know what these emails said, i just know they were sent. at first i had the hope of "maybe it'll seem so obviously out of character that they'll dismiss it as false" but then i realized my own unpredictability would be my demise. i'm sorry for all this. but hopefully this tears back the veil and explains what has befallen me. i'm sorry, and thank you <3