My first and possibly last blog entry (I don't blog well or much)
by, 08-Mar-2014 at 07:42 (403 Views)
I suppose this is the best and worst place to do this, but I think it should yield the results I am after. I don't want pity or sympathy, just someone to talk to and preaching is kind of my M.O. So beforehand allow my to apologize for what is likely to be a ramble.
I got married almost eight years ago, and things were tight, life was rough, but I knuckled under and did what I could. I encouraged my chronically unemployable wife to make friends or just get out of the house for the majority of this time. I will admit this was for selfish reasons. She had nothing new to say ever, and when she did have something new it pertained to something I was already aware of or had no interest in knowing about, and making her aware of these things result in an argument equivalent to letting her talk and providing insight.
But through all of this I maintained a job, and participated in my abdl ways when time permitted. She too was abdl then. But as I sank further and further into depression because it becomes very trying just trying to smile while working a job that disallows any level of individuality and coming home to a filthy house that I had to clean if I wanted it to get done (which also caused an argument because she had promised months prior she would do it) Life just became very drab. I loved my wife and was willing to put up with this level of crap just to be with her, because for as much as I am a reasonable person and know there are more of us than one would expect, I live in the closet about it.
It was nice to know that I had someone I could trust with something buried as deep as I keep this secret, and who no matter how depressed I got I knew would be there for me when I needed it. Emotionally of course, I couldn't really count on her at all.
Anyway she left me a few months back telling me she had grown out of this life style and that I was the reason she didn't have any friends. I held her back. She used to get mad at me for not being the jealous type, because I "knew" she loved me and wouldn't leave me without telling me why. She had promised as much... Then I had to start an argument to get her to admit what was going on. She planned to abandon me, and let me piece it together.
Needless to say this broke much of my trust and has caused some issues that I have overcome mostly. The loneliness gets to me sometimes, and I am really just curious if there is any one in the state of Montana that is of age and also needs a friend. I would like them to be female in the hopes of potentially having a romantic relationship, but really just anyone I can relate to would be awesome at this point.