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ryizan

Relationship Advice

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Why do my friends always come to me for relationship advice? I do not understand it.

I have no experience with relationships. None. I've never had a relationship. I've never gone on a date. I've never asked anyone out on a date. I've never been asked. I've never been kissed. Nothing. Exactly 0.00% experience.

And yet, anytime there's a rough breakup, or someone is thinking about a breakup, they come to me. I'd be fine if it was "hey, come and have a drink with me while I talk at you until I work through this." But no. It isn't. It is, "Hey, I need your advice. Should I get back together with her?"

I don't even know the whole story, how am I supposed to know?

And even if I did know, what if I'm wrong? What if I say get back with her and you're miserable? What if I say move on and she could have been the most perfect girl for you? Why are you putting the decision onto my shoulders? What if I am wrong? What if I ruin your life because you decided to ask the guy who has no idea what he is talking about?

If I can't even get a date what makes you think I'm qualified to tell you who you should be dating?

Updated 21-Feb-2014 at 11:40 by ryizan

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Comments

  1. pinksmart's Avatar
    Sometimes the most powerful thing a person can say is "I don't know."

    I've sat through so many social events where someone would come to me and ask... just trying to make light conversation, what my views on X, Y, or Z were. I remember a dinner party at my church a couple of weeks ago when I got roped into a talk of overseas politics... Gosh if I didn't try my best to keep up... but truly, I'm just not that smart - and I found myself wondering all of a sudden: What the heck am I doing? I could talk to someone for hours about history or literature, but the topic at hand was so far out of my league that it was in orbit.

    You radiate gentleness and nice things. People feel they can talk to you. I know when I first saw you on tumblr, my immediate thought was how approachable you were. That's why I felt so comfortable sending you a message out of the blue. It wouldn't surprise me if you were kind of like that in real life, a lot.

    But there's nothing wrong in not knowing something or unfeeling unqualified to talk about it. You can listen and be a sounding board for others without feeling the need to offer advice in either direction. And even if you do choose to voice your opinion, no friend should make you feel like the decision rests even a teeeeny bit on your shoulders. Because ultimately, it's on them. The best you can do is wish them well.

  2. ryizan's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by henni
    Awww, thank you a lot.

    It is weird. In general I don't mind giving relationship advice. I'm aware that sometimes it is hard to look at your own situation objectively, so you need a fresh set of eyes to give you their take on it. But then I actually start thinking about the possible consequences if they choose to follow my advice and I get really scared.


    But international politics would totally be a thing I'd discuss over dinner. I can't talk for more than a few minutes about literature, but I can do politics all night long.
  3. Lilicup's Avatar
    I find that it is quite hard to find people who are actually 'listeners', people who will take in everything you have to say before starting to blurt out opinions on the subject.

    So maybe... just maybe... even though you don't have much experience with relationships, they consider you a non-judgmental person who finds their thoughts and feelings important (you could be a natural therapist!


    And YES, I agree with a lot of the things Henni says!
  4. ryizan's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Lilicup
    I find that it is quite hard to find people who are actually 'listeners', people who will take in everything you have to say before starting to blurt out opinions on the subject.

    So maybe... just maybe... even though you don't have much experience with relationships, they consider you a non-judgmental person who finds their thoughts and feelings important (you could be a natural therapist!


    And YES, I agree with a lot of the things Henni says!
    Thank you!

    I donno about therapist. I don't really know how to respond most of the time. Though getting paid for it might help..

    I try not to judge them much, and I certainly don't let on when I am judging them, but at the same time I can't help but think there has to be someone better out there for them to ask about such things.
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