by, 03-Feb-2014 at 23:29 (1026 Views)
So, I was watching The Hunger Games. I've heard good things about it, and I thought I would give it a try or whatever. Well, I didn't understand a thing about it. Usually, when I watch movies I can understand them really well and what not. It's lot easier for me than reading the books. It's made me realize that maybe my brain is starting to dysfunction more. It seems my disabilities are worsening instead of improving.
Everyday becomes more and more of a struggle. I can still do a few things, but it's like a lot of things I used to do are becoming challenging. My mind just doesn't feel like it used to be anymore. I'm only 25 years old too. I can't force myself to do something without my anxiety sky rocketing through the roof.
Nothing seems to help anymore. Some days, I wonder why I exist. I wonder why someone like me even made it this far. I've done nothing but lose more and more friends because of my 'awkwardness'. People actually think I'm rude because I can't socialize the same as they can. One of the people who I thought was my friend called me rude.
Another friend of mine said I was weak-willed and undisciplined, just because I tried to explain to him what having a meltdown is like for me. I just don't know how much more pressure I can take. The only one that understands me anymore is my boyfriend. I feel like if it wasn't for him, I'd probably just be better off dead.
I'm sorry for venting like this... but I just don't know what to do with myself. :/