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caitianx

Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby...#56

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At nap time today, I broke down and cried a little bit. I guess I was having intense feelings of shame regarding my wanting to be a baby again. I was also deeply emotionally upset about and wishing so very hard to never again have "adult" thoughts and feelings about sex and the awful yucky thing between my legs inside my diaper. "I AM A CHILD!!!!!", "I HATE GROWN UP THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS!!!!!", "I DO NOT WANT THEM ANYMORE!!!!!".
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The only world I want to live in, is that of a little child.

Yet, I still have to be an "adult" for some aspects of my life. I feel very "split" between my "little" and "adult" selves. Maintaining a "balance" is difficult for me as an older adult with Autism and Cerebral Palsy.
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  1. RainbowShy's Avatar
    I know exactly how you feel. There's so much pressure about being an adult that I'm sure for some of us, it's no wonder we want to be littles again. I have severe anxiety, which is triggered by everything. It makes acting like an adult difficult for me at times. I feel more comfort being a child because my anxiety doesn't act up if I act like a little. It only seems to be worse when I think of the triggers of having to act 'normal' in everyday adult situations... if any of that made any sense.

    (Aside from anxiety, I also have autism, but I have Dyspraxia, ADHD and some developmental delays too. I think most of that is what makes me act more like a little than an adult.)
  2. caitianx's Avatar
    Hmm?
    It is good to meet another person on the Autism Spectrum.

    With me, I feel safest when "regressed" and in "little" mode.
  3. RainbowShy's Avatar
    Well, jsut so you know... I used to be AutisticChessie/Izayachu. :P I had my accounts merged because I forgot my password and have no access to my old email. ><
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