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egor

Yet another therapy blog.

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Hello everyone.

This is yet another of my self help, venting and "musing" in order to organize my thoughts and help move myself from the dark funk that I have been in for several weeks. Therefore this is a warning to any reader that the following is my own thoughts and feelings and only intended to help myself and not change any content or believes of anyone or any thing.

Over the last month I have been logging on to this group to view the happenings and looking for the happiness and relief that I felt the day I log in the first time.

Today is my 52 birthday and I am not feeling like a little boy that is so excited about cake and presents. I am in more of feeling like a grumpy old man.

The one thing that I still feel every year is the fact that I have never had "a birthday party". Oh I have had birthday parties every year but my ones from my youth were watching my mom make my cake and getting to lick the frosting off the beater blades, then having to go "play" until everyone got home. We would eat dinner, my father would yell at someone, then me would have cake, open up my gifts of one toy and socks and a shirt, then get sent to bed. A few times I got taken out for breakfast after church on Sunday. I would get excited because the loud speaker at the restaurant would announce that it was my birthday. After we moved to Oregon I would get sent out to do chores by myself, and when I would come in 2-3 hr. later there would be gifts that my brothers would watch me open. I would get a book to read (my mothers way of dealing with my Dyslexia), a science type thing (which I always liked) and Socks and a new shirt.

The one year I think I was 11 I got a bag of polished rocks and a book on classification of rocks. I wanted to take it up stairs and go through the rocks but my hands were so numb (It was 25 outside and I had the start of hyperthermia). My dad chewed me out for spilling the %*&^% things all over the floor. That is when my mom realized that I was so cold.

Another year that I remember s fondly is my 12th birthday and my father taught me about coin collecting. I got a book on coins and a peanut can full of pennies. He actually spent the afternoon with me and we looked at his collection I was always getting in trouble for getting into them and looking at them. (I inherited it and felt so ashamed when we were robed and they took 99% of the collection.)

My 14th birthday involved "the talk" I got a shaving kit and a Playboy puzzle that I had to put together with my mother while I heard how evil girls are and all they want to do is get catholic boys in trouble and take there money. Thus the reason I had such a hard time talking to girls and getting into any kind of relationship until I was 43.

Now I know that women only get evil once a month and the best way to deal with it is through chocolate and go hide in the shop for a week.

Unfortunately I have to leave so I will either edit this when I come back or make a sequel post.
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  1. egor's Avatar
    Ok I am back. I guess you cannot edit a blog so I will continue from here.

    As I got older the birthday parties just became going out for dinner. So I have just become ho hum about my birthday. I got my brother-in-law a birthday card several years ago that sums what birthday mean to me. "Birthdays are like beers. After the first ten or so you do not care anymore just as long as they keep coming."

    One of the biggest thing to me today has been through the e-media or what ever it is called. The closing scene in "It's a wonderful life" "A successful man is a person who has friends!" I have gotten so many birthday wishes from the staff here and all of my friends on Facebook. So no matter how alone I may feel I always have someone to say hello to and know I am indeed not alone. More then once I have gone through and sent people on my friend list a hello pm and most of the time I get a response back. That is one thing I have to remember when I am down and "bored" because I do not see a thread that I want to respond to.

    The other thing is that even though I am not being "the center of attention" I am doing things that I need to do and every so often I get something special. For the first time my stepson took me out for Breakfast/Lunch and we had a nice friendly conversation and I actually enjoyed myself. Is it because the class on dealing with special needs children is helping more then I know, is he actually growing up since he has gotten out on his own, or some other factor. At this point and time I do not care, I am just happy that we can talk with more then a grunt or an explosion.

    I unfortunately have to go again. I will type some more this evening or tomorrow.

    Thank you for reading this far.
    Updated 12-Jan-2014 at 02:05 by egor
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