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BabyMitchy

My secret sadness

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People may not think, expect, nor see it.

But I am sad.

Oh, not all the time by any means. Normally I can go about my day putting 120% into my work even though I get paid $8.00 an hour. Oh... people say what a hard worker they are all the time. So you think...


.....well...

are you REALLY?

Yes. My father passed onto me a work ethic. (an insane one.) Break times are down to the second. We do not go to the bathroom on company time. We are loyal to a fault. Mother had a heart attack? Too bad. We will check into it after our shift is done.

Me... my dad.... we are the MAN.

When the ship is going down, women and children first. Me and my dad? We'll jump in the frigid water and take it....

...Like a man.

But.... sometimes.....just.... sometimes.... I need to be a boy.

It doesn't matter to the major corporations. It only matters who likes you. Who is willing to give you the chance, a big break.

...I am not lucky. I am the man that risks everything and gains nothing.

But there is a ray of light to the darkness. Everything I have done, every message, (even this dark one.) will most likely be saved in this era of information.

And I have done much. I will leave behind a message to this world long after my death.

...Love....acceptance....understanding....balance.
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Comments

  1. Frogsy's Avatar
    I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time right now, Mitchy. I know it probably seems soooo dark right now - I know, I've been there before. Sometimes I have felt soooo bad that it seemed like I wouldn't ever find a way out. But honestly, every single time I did find a way out. I'm so glad right now that I stayed around for more tomorrows, too.

    Being expected to be a tough guy all the time is just awful. You are entitled to your feelings as a human being. I know our way to express certain needs/emotions is strange to other people, but I also think being an AB is harmless and can be very helpful and healing. It's really therapeutic sometimes. If you're still feeling so sad inside even while being able to express your little side, maybe you should try to find other coping mechanisms to use along with being little. Could you possibly see a doctor? If your depression is really bad you might be helped by medication.

    Don't give up! Keep on fighting. And I think you have a good attitude; it's great to work hard and do the best you can do. Just don't try to be perfect... that's a mistake I make all the time. But keep giving it your all, and use that great willpower to help you deal with this depression you're facing. You're not helpless - there are resources out there to help you! Therapy, medication, even a medical doctor might be able to help if you don't have mental health on your insurance plan.
  2. LittleHanah's Avatar
    hope you find a happy moment soon <3 its hard but working hard reaps its benefits eventually... ^_^
  3. BabyMitchy's Avatar
    I just get sad sometimes. I don't suffer from any mental illness.... I may occasionally become depressed for various reasons, but I do NOT suffer from depression. (As an illness.)

    I was just having a bad day like everyone does and I needed to vent.
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