Today with New Beginnings
by, 10-Dec-2013 at 01:46 (677 Views)
Well I had a scheduled appointment with my doctor today and she prescribed me with Zoloft or Sertraline which is the medical term. Personally, I don't know how to feel about this, in one regard I know that my anxiety is worsening, (I have been too scared to attend classes for a couple weeks now) but at the same time, I do not know if I want to take the step to be on a man-made medication for months or maybe even years.
To tell you the truth I am scared. And not just basic anxiety scared. But true like deep inside me, scared of the outcomes, and scared of what might happen. I mean, I worry enough about this kind of stuff as it is, I don't know if I can take more. My grades are slipping and I hate it, because I enjoy learning, but I just can't get myself to go, I am way too scared.
Maybe the drugs will help me, but I just wish there were more options, ones that had proven results. I am having a difficult time even writing this, to tell you the truth, I am afraid of what you might think of me, afraid to face the judgment.
I started this book called, The Fault in our Stars by John Green. I usually love reading, I loved it when I was young. But I really haven't read for fun (or for school) very much anymore. So tonight, I took it upon me, to read it and it is wonderful. Not only the book itself but the feelings that I am getting from reading it. I feel happier I guess. For one, I also have some depression that is what the drugs are for also, but this book is truly helping a little I think.
So thats me, I guess. My H. pylori is getting better, but I still have about 3 or 4 days worth of antibiotics to consume even though they are supposed to be done tomorrow. I am thankful that I found it when I did.
It's hard you know, like really hard. I apparently have had anxiety my entire life. Think about that I turned 20 last September 9th 2013, but I only found out I had it during the previous month of May. And even though I have suffered with it for years, it has gotten worse within the months and now weeks. No one knows this, (except you guys now) but I have been homebound with a few exceptions for the past 4 weeks, I just, I want to succeed in my life, and even though I feel as we all succeed every day, I don't think I am.