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A Girl Named Nadia

Today with New Beginnings

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Well I had a scheduled appointment with my doctor today and she prescribed me with Zoloft or Sertraline which is the medical term. Personally, I don't know how to feel about this, in one regard I know that my anxiety is worsening, (I have been too scared to attend classes for a couple weeks now) but at the same time, I do not know if I want to take the step to be on a man-made medication for months or maybe even years.

To tell you the truth I am scared. And not just basic anxiety scared. But true like deep inside me, scared of the outcomes, and scared of what might happen. I mean, I worry enough about this kind of stuff as it is, I don't know if I can take more. My grades are slipping and I hate it, because I enjoy learning, but I just can't get myself to go, I am way too scared.

Maybe the drugs will help me, but I just wish there were more options, ones that had proven results. I am having a difficult time even writing this, to tell you the truth, I am afraid of what you might think of me, afraid to face the judgment.

I started this book called, The Fault in our Stars by John Green. I usually love reading, I loved it when I was young. But I really haven't read for fun (or for school) very much anymore. So tonight, I took it upon me, to read it and it is wonderful. Not only the book itself but the feelings that I am getting from reading it. I feel happier I guess. For one, I also have some depression that is what the drugs are for also, but this book is truly helping a little I think.

So thats me, I guess. My H. pylori is getting better, but I still have about 3 or 4 days worth of antibiotics to consume even though they are supposed to be done tomorrow. I am thankful that I found it when I did.

It's hard you know, like really hard. I apparently have had anxiety my entire life. Think about that I turned 20 last September 9th 2013, but I only found out I had it during the previous month of May. And even though I have suffered with it for years, it has gotten worse within the months and now weeks. No one knows this, (except you guys now) but I have been homebound with a few exceptions for the past 4 weeks, I just, I want to succeed in my life, and even though I feel as we all succeed every day, I don't think I am.

--Nadia
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Comments

  1. MsClara's Avatar


    Men at some time are masters of their fates:
    The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
    But in ourselves, that we are underlings.
    Cassius - Julius Caesar

    Sometimes we have to seize the opportunities we have. I think you should give the medicine a chance to help you. Even if it doesn't make your depression and anxiety go away completely, it should help to make the path you have to climb a little smoother. I'm sure no-one who reads this will think badly of you. Sometimes you need to dare to take a step - but don't worry if you need someone to hold your hand while you take it, everyone does at some time. :-)
  2. Frogsy's Avatar
    It sounds like you are really getting your act together! I love that you're reading a great John Green book. I haven't started his stuff yet. I was really interested in... Paper Towns? I think? May read it someday soon - I dunno with college about to start in January lol. It's great though finding something you really love that makes you feel happier.

    I hope your anxiety issues are helped by the medications. It helps a lot of people and I hope you're one of those! You can do it!!
  3. Nadia's Avatar
    Thank you guys for your support! Frogsy- The first John Green book I read was Looking for Alaska, and I thought it was quite good, but of course there are mixed reviews on it. I read a little of Paper Towns and it really didn't connect with me too much, but I would definitely recommend Looking for Alaska. I would also recommend The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia by Sherman Alexie, if you have not read it.

    --Nadia
  4. Adventurer's Avatar
    Hey Nadia,

    I know there's a real stigma around anxiety medication. The reality is, anxiety is a disorder just like a physical disorder. If you had a broken leg, it wouldn't be bad to have treatment for it. Same with an illness like anxiety. And if you do need to continue with these medications for a while, you're far from alone! Lots of people use them. (Perhaps society is what's really sick, but that's a topic for another day).

    Please keep us all updated on how you're doing! If you ever need to talk, or need the support of others, we're all here for you. It's a tough struggle, but it is one you can win. Don't give in! You can make it, and we're all here to help
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