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Who is Ashton Clement?

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Not a lot makes me happy these days. I'm pretty good at just zoning out and letting days slip by, but sometimes I can't help but think about what I used to be like and I just feel angry at myself.

I wonder what happened...when it happened... that I stopped being able to smile or laugh without feeling like the whole action is wrong and doesn't fit me.

I used to be able to talk to anyone about anything. I could relax. Yeah...that's what the real change is. I can't relax.

Pretend to be something you're not for too long and you'll forget what you are.

I don't know who was. And I don't know who I am.

But I know who I want to be.


  1. quattrus's Avatar
    I can quote you for truth on this:
    "Pretend to be something you're not for too long and you'll forget what you are."

    But, most importantly, who do you want to be?
  2. Ashton's Avatar
    Better. Just something better.
  3. Adventurer's Avatar
    Hi Ashton, and welcome to the site.

    I can see some relateable things in your blog, things I've gone through myself. I did have a time when everything went "dead" for a while, like my natural desires and my overall happiness. Do you think you have any idea what caused it, or roughly when it started? Those can offer powerful clues to an answer. Even if it wasn't one event, feelings like this can be a powerful warning that something in our lives isn't healthy or stable. In my case, I did experience it once when I was 19, close to you age. That was the beginning of a bit of an identity crisis, when I realized that my lifelong identity of being the perfect student was slipping away. It ended up being OK, because I had to redefine myself in more realistic terms. A healthy self-identity is one of the foundations of being at peace with the world.

    The other thing I could relate to was wanting to just be someone better. I'm the kind of person who despises what they do unless it's totally flawless. Is this something you feel like too? Cause if you can find an answer, I'd love it! In terms of becoming someone better though, it's important to define what "better" means. Happier? A higher achiever? More popular? Smarter? All these things are possible, but it's necessary to have a clear picture of what it means to be better. And society's definitions, I've found, are rarely adequate.

    Then again, maybe wanting to be someone better is a symptom of the overall unhappiness and identity questions you're having. If you ever want to chat, you can send me a PM or just respond here. I hope it at least helps your thinking, if nothing else.
  4. Marka's Avatar
    Who? who you want to be??

    May I

    Without intending to be too are likely at a time in your life...a divergence of everything you have been led to think, feel, and believe...and now comes your own observations to reconcile that...not sure what to make of any of it...

    This could be a defining moment...where you jettison into the unknown...blaze new trails perhaps? Or, become distraught and terribly anxious...the juxtapositions of what you 'knew' to what you now observe...become rather difficult to contend with...

    Or, you could take a bit of an observation stance...are you observing now??

    Do what you must for basic needs and survival now...get some work, some University perhaps...float a little bit...observe...form your own opinions, ideas, and observations...this might be a good time to find out...who you are...

    Oh, better...better than what? I suggest, that if at any are doing your personal best...for that or any particular are doing quite nicely! If you aspire to do greater...try each time to do greater...learn from what you wish to improve on, but don't dwell in the past...think about what you might do better, but don't live in the time, yet to now, be now, do now...

    You are now, and likely will always be 'who' you were then...but, who you expanding...reorganising...perhaps you're in a cocoon...dowdy, rolled up, dried out looking something-or other, inert, hanging from a leaf perhaps... the caterpillar is growing into a butterfly...

    Oh, won't it be beautiful!? The majestic colors, the'll have wings, and can fly, and won't you get around!

    Beware the Robin! With your new strengths comes other vulnerabilities...

    I hope that my tone doesn't appear too trite in consideration of you! My message is genuine, and sincere!

    Hang-on...keep going...patience is an important part too...not to be confused with complacency...

    Take care!
  5. Luca's Avatar
    How do I say this without sounding condescending, patronising or avuncular? I don't think i can really. It's my default mode - but this is meant in a caring manner. Please take this the right way, if you can.

    This is just a part of growing up.

    You're having more and more responsibility thrust upon you, whether you like it or not. I remember what those times were like, and while they were exhilarating, they also had the propensity to be equally as terrifying. That fear happily morphs into stress and this stress is something that every new adult struggles to deal with. How do I relax when there's so much about who I am to worry about?

    What's important now is the coping mechanisms, strategies and positive methodologies you instigate in your life. The more you're in control, using healthy and balanced strategies to solve issues, the less stressed you'll feel. ABDL can be one of those healthy methods, as can attempting to train the way that you think, long hot baths, tinkering on an instrument (even if you're crap) and long meaningful hugs. I find the more that I take time to express my soul, the more alive I feel.

    Contrastingly however, keep in mind that habitual behaviour can be the death of all fun, creativity and love. So keep everything in moderation and you won't go far wrong ;3. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.