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LilMonkeyAlex

Ramblings of a Lil Monkey...

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I hope I can do a good job of keeping this drama free. I don't know exactly how to say what I am wanting to say, or what I am even wanting to say, actually. But here it goes anyway....

Recently someone called in to question my activity (or lack there of) on this site. I argued that even though over the past year I have become much less vocal than I used to be, that I am still a member of ADISC and plan to continue to be. I don't think that that 'someone' believed me, but that doesn't really matter to me. The fact is that at one point ADISC was a big part of my life, and even though it is not nearly as big as it used to be, it is still a part of my life.

It has changed, though. I am not going to make this one of those 'ADISC used to be....' posts and complain about changes in the rules, the community, the staff and leadership over the past year or so. There is enough of those threads out there already. I have my opinions on that, and I have already shared them with those that I feel may be in places where they can try and make changes. But all of that aside... ADISC has changed for me. It seems like most of my connections to this site are gone. Most of my good friends are gone or inactive. Most of the activities I enjoyed doing on this site have lost their appeal for me. Things someone has said to me has really just made me feel like I don't have a purpose or any reason to be on here any more... to the point of almost making me feel unwelcome here completely.

I have said in the past that I was thinking about leaving adisc... mainly after the teen ban, and pretty much insinuated it after the RP/Story forums were threatened, but I have no desire to permanently leave this site. And even if I don't make as many posts as I used to, don't have as many friends as I used to, am not the 'friendly' 'role-model' I used to be, or enjoy doing the things I used to do... ADISC is still a part of me.

Over the past month or so, I have though about making some big flaming post about what I don't like about ADISC and just accepting the very likely ban that would follow. I have thought about getting a group of good friends and respected members together and trying to make a new site with a strong foundation. I have thought about doing lots of things that would ultimately end my membership here and ensure I never came back. But that's not the type of person I am, and those that know me, know that.

There will always be those on the other side of the spectrum that think they 'know all' and can tell me what's wrong with me and why I am not welcome here and read into posts like this and use them to judge me unfairly. There will always be those that will make me feel bad about myself, make me angry, make me want to leave... but those types will be there no matter what site I become a member of. They will even be there in real life. I choose not to let that type of person make decisions for me.

So yeah... I am here. I am staying here. I have no intention of leaving. But... until I begin to build new connections, I am going to be less active than before. I don't expect any member awards, any massive boost in rep, or any recognition at all. I am just going to hang out and stick around and continue to be a part of a community that (for the most part) has always welcomed me as a member.

*hugs*
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Comments

  1. Capybyra's Avatar
    Well Said and spot on as to what has these places grow or fade.
  2. Geno's Avatar
    I've always found your insight into topics quite stimulating as far back when I was but bold blue letters. I hope you continue to stick around and make new connections, or rekindle old ones that may need some rekindling inspite of all the change that has happened in the past year.

    Greets, Alex and best wishes.

  3. egor's Avatar
    Hello LilMonkeyAlex.

    Thank you for expressing your feeling. I have to agree with the sentiment of this blog. I have been here for less then a year and I have noticed changes over time. Some of them are almost cyclical, but there is other changes that I have noticed. Some of it I have to attribute to my development in self acceptance and understanding, but some of it is due to other forces that I am not 100% sure where it is coming from.

    However, the one thing I do have to say and reinforce what Geno stated. I have gained a lot of insight and understanding on issues and topics because of the point of view that you contribute. I also have to add that at times when things are going astray or heated you do add the beam of light that at least makes me stop, take a breath and remember to laugh once in a while.

    I come back everyday or as often as possible and look through the site. I feel bored at times, but most of it is because I am not into the "extreme" or "slightly off center" aspect of the DL situation. I do understand and respect others views and if that is what makes them happy then enjoy. The other forums have not been that interesting to me as of late and I am more involved in the groups that I have joined. So there is places for someone to find an outlet. It is just a little unfulfilling because there is no "at a boys" to gain in the form of reputation points in the group activities. But if one person gets anything out of the self help programs that we offer in "School House Rocks; ADISC", then that will be enough of a reward.

    I also understand the other point that you made and I would just like to rephrase your sentiment by saying "If people want to complain about you playing in there rain, then they should stop raining on your parade!"

    I hope you still post on the threads and continue to enlighten me with your opinion.

    Big hug back at you.
  4. Cottontail's Avatar
    Hey there, LilMonkeyAlex -

    I understand how you feel. The character of the site has changed in the last year, and while I won't go so far as to label that good or bad (I can rationalize the teen ban, for instance, even though I didn't care for it), I will say that it feels as though a lot of the energy has left ADISC. That energy, whether real or imagined, was a big source of my enthusiasm for contributing, and consequently I've also felt a bit detached of late.

    Like you, I have no intention of leaving, however I find myself to be much more of a casual ADISC surfer now than I was during my first year here. The gold letters have reverted to bold green, and will soon be non-bold, I think. And that's fine. This place is give-and-take. There may be more meteoric flights of inspiration in the future, and when there aren't, we are all more than entitled to guilt-free lives elsewhere.

    Cheerio,
    -Cottontail
  5. LilMonkeyAlex's Avatar
    To be honest, the replies I have gotten here have given me the 'beam of light' to feel more at home here than I have felt in over a year now. I am glad to know that I am not the only one that has lost that connection they once had with the site.

    Thank you all.
  6. foxkits's Avatar
    I never would treat you badly sorry some one did some time life gets in the way .
    What makes us strong is being there for one another . When we can .
    Some of us here i have see go through a binge and purge cycle of this site also
    You take care come when you can welcomed always
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