Back in YOUR day, sonny...
by, 29-Nov-2013 at 04:20 (513 Views)
I haven't been sick in so long, and yet here I sit with a cold. It sucks!
I'm on medicine for Crohn's disease, which mostly suppresses my immune system so my body doesn't attack itself. I used to have fucking great defense against sickness, but now I might as well be in a bubble.
Anyway, I had Thanksgiving today, and I hope everyone else had a good one. I got to drink with the family! No big deal, as I only had one beer, which was just enough to put me over my tension.
I've noticed something though. Thanks to things like alcohol and other mind-altering substances that I may or may NOT take, I can get a perspective on what my mind is doing much more effectively than staying sober. It's a concept in magick and I think neuroscience that's basically considered a change in consciousness, so that one can explore reality in a way that's unique to the moment.
After I drank and watched football (go Ravens!), I noticed that, whenever I spoke up about something (and football can get me a little rowdy, relatively speaking), my mind had a tendency to stop processing what I wanted to say, and I can't help but wonder why. Like I would yell after a good pass, and after I yelled, my mind just stopped itself in its tracks, and I said no more about anything.
I know it's really no big deal for a football game, but what about when I'm hanging out with friends? Around here, people think you're disrespecting them if you don't say much about anything they ask, especially the college folks.
Is this just normal anxiety? Honestly, I don't really care WHAT you can call it, I just need it to stop. I can't even relax around my own family anymore, and as much as I've wept over all the issues I'm still trying to sort out, nothing much has changed in terms of general anxiety. Any advice would be great, if anyone's reading this.