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Ebonybaby

I almost came out :D

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Well,

I do mean "almost" as I kinda chickened out in the end, but here's the story.

So, I decided to go to work dressed as a baby this year and I'll tell you what, it's the most fun I've ever had in the work place doing it! I got teased as far as having a drop seat in my onesie, in which I wore a matching diaper, but colorful leggings to hide my bare skin. I wore my "PacifiersRUs" pacifier with matching pacifier clip and a "Winnie the Pooh" bib and baby oriented charm bracelet that spelled the word "BOY" with random blocks, balls and rocking horse charms. Underneath, I wore a very thick cloth diaper from "the adult baby shop" and a cloth diaper to go over it, matching the same color of the footed sleeper to keep it all coordinated. Anyway, after leaving work and going shopping at a few other stores (while dressed this way), I came home and uploaded a few pictures to Facebook and got a few more jokes, teases and laughs out of it.

A few days later (I'm still not sure why I did it), but I decided to choose ten of my closest co-workers (one used to play as my mommy) and told them about this side of me. I even gave them more information on it through wiki so they wouldn't confuse me with the filth we are commonly confused for. As I sit back and think about it, I wasn't trying to get anyone to baby me, I wasn't expecting things to change at work and all of a sudden, I could start acting like a baby or underline dressing as one. In the long run, there was really NO reason to tell anyone, yet I had a convulsion as if I were hiding being gay from everyone and somehow felt the "need" to get it off my shoulders and out into the open.

It's been almost a month now since I've come out with it to those ten people and so far, one used to be my mommy so no change there, one is pretty open-minded and maybe (and I mean a BIG maybe) take me on as her baby, two don't mind talking about it and the rest, although respect it because it's me, don't talk about it at all.

I've asked myself at least once a day "why", but I can't think of any reasons and the urge (although very suppressed to say the least) to come out with it completely, gets stronger every time I think about it. I think somewhere along the line, I lost my balance between being an adult and wanting to be a baby. I've even entertain the thought of seeing a shrink to make sure, there's nothing seriously wrong with me for feeling so overly strong about being "accepted."

The question is, how do you seek help for something you love and have no intention of stopping? As I get older, I'm just tried of feeling like I got something to hide and I know they preach "the truth will set you free", but I'm not trying to be freed away from friends and most certainly not away from my job, because of a simple misunderstanding. I swear, AB/DL is just like a drug in a sense; once you've had a real taste, you end up wanting more and when you can't get it, you're bound to go through some serious withdraws and depending on how strong you are in sound mind and body, you may start to make crazy and or very stupid mistakes.

I guess in the end, I "KNOW" what I want, but if it isn't realistic, how do you put the stop to or at least create balance for something like this? For all I know, it's probably the same as trying to figure out the meaning of life lol.

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