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caitianx

Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#41

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As usual, my days are mostly quiet and uneventful. I just finished watching an
episode of the old TV Western, "BONANZA" that I have on DVD. Earlier, I did
have to go out in my truck to purchase food to eat. Outside it is raining, so I will
not be able to do any more volunteer freelance videography for Derry, NH
Community Public-Access CATV. Yesterday I was up in Auburn, NH where I did
shoot video of an old Mill Dam on a stream which feeds Lake Massabesec. If
the weather is ok tomorrow on Friday, I will drive over to the Great Bay Estuary
in Dover, NH to shoot Autumn Scenery there. There is an old steel bridge
over the estuary which is now used as a footpath. next to NH Route 16.

In my life as a "part time" Adult Baby, I am only able to "be a baby" at nap
and bed times. As I lie down in my bed between my side safety rails, I
experience the only feelings of safety and caring I have ever known. My late
Mother was never a gentle and loving person. She gave me lots of spankings,
slaps, and punches, but profoundly little love or affection. She could not even
handle my Mild Autism and Mild Cerebral Palsy. She always demanded for
me to "pass for normal", despite the physical discomfort/pain I experienced
in both my legs, trying so hard to "not look like a crippled little boy", like my
classmate, PS, was. He was the school's forearm crutches and leg braces
boy. I never got any orthopedic interventions whatsoever when I was a child.
But now, in my 50's, I finally look like my school classmate, PS, the little
forearm crutches and leg braces little boy. Finally, I "look" exactly like I always
should have looked like as a person.

Anyway, time to have a late Lunch, take a nap, and then come back down
into the Den room to play with some of my toys.
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