Flown The Coop
by, 03-Nov-2013 at 01:09 (439 Views)
During the Vietnam war, a general was to have said "In order to save the village we had to destroy it" - it would sum up the same as my relationship with my mother and brother, only I don't think there's ever been much to save but my sanity.
I screwed up - I got tired of the putdowns, being talked about like I wasn't even in the room, the being constantly accused of lying, the being taken advantage of financially and emotionally, the insinuations that my best would never be good enough for them, the being told directly and indirectly that anything good in my life was because of them and everything bad I brought on myself. But I screwed up several times before when I had the chances to set my life on a more positive course and squandered the opportunities every time I went back because I believed them when they said they were sorry. I screwed up when I stopped pretending not to hear their mouths spewing forth from blackened hearts I could go on all night about all the times I internalized everything that I knew in my heart was wrong, that people who supposedly love each other would never tell their children and siblings.
I managed to hurl myself right over one of the highest walls of fear I've ever encountered in my life, I did it, I broke free yet at the same time I'm overcome by fear of the uinknown and guilt. Logically I know; why should I be the one to feel giulty when the responsibilty of why I am no longer there rests solely on them?. Doesn't diminsh the amount of heartache in the least though does it