Autsin, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#39
by, 01-Nov-2013 at 00:23 (237 Views)
Monday, October 28, 2013 - 10:20 PM -
I guess I am sinking into depression this late evening. I
do find myself thinking about the upcoming Holiday Season.
Last Christmas Day, I was utterly alone by myself all day
long that day. My youger brother was out on Christmas Day
last year performing a freelance photography shoot. There
is for me, noplace to go on Christmas Day to be with other
humans. Thanks to my late Mommy and her mental illness, all
her side of the family pretty-much "disowned" me when I was
a child decades ago.
Yes! The Christmas Tree was up in the Living Room last
Christmas Day, but there was nothing under it. Just like
last year, I pretty-much expect to wake up to a Christmas
of nothing. I do not deserve anything for Christmas anyway.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013 - 12:10 PM -
Hauled more trash and recyclables away to the Refuse
Collection Center on Shannon Road here in Salem, NH. Only
other places I went were to the Mobil Gas Station where
the "400 Lounge Barroom" used to be located. Also at that
location is a Dunkin Donuts Shop, where I got myself
something for a late Breakfast. Last stop before returning
home was at the CVS Pharmacy where the Green Barn German
Resturant used to be, to purchase a 30-count package of
"Super Large" disposable bedpads to sleep on during naps
and bedtime. I wet my bed.
9:00 PM -
Another quiet evening alone by myself. Nothing on regular TV.
Therefore as usual, I am watching DVD's. My choice of TV
programming on DVD must be terrible. I am watching "The
Nazis: A Warning from History". Last night, before bedtime,
I did watch one of my "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic"
Wednesday, October 30, 2013 - 8:20 AM -
Had to wake up 80 minutes ago. I guess that we are having
the Hot Water Tank connected to our Oil-Fired Furnace
"replaced" today. Anyway, I am mute and quiet sitting here
in the downstairs Den room and using my laptop computer to
access and read my e-mail, ect. I only got 6 hours of
sleep last night.
Thursday, October 31, 2013 - "Halloween" - 11:25 AM -
Cloudy and cold outside. This afternoon I have a Dentist
appointment for a routine checkup. I have been reading
news stories online, and at Midnight tonight, the Federal
Food Stamp Program for the Poor, Disabled, and Elderly will
automatically undergo "draconian" cuts, which is what the
"Tea Party" wants. As "Social Darwinists", they see people
like me as "subhuman shit". Here in New Hampshire, I can
not receive any kind of food assistance anyway.
Of course, this morning I have not even eaten anything at
all. My younger non-disabled brother does not want me to
"not eat" to save money, but I simply do this, simply to be
able to afford necessary things, such as my prescriptions,
adult diapers, gasoline and liability insurance to keep my
small "modest" handicapped-adapted truck on the road for
mobility, because there is absolutely no "Public Transit"
here in the Nutfield Region of New Hampshire, which includes
the towns of Salem, Pelham, Windham, Derry and Londonderry.
12:30 PM -
I have checked, and I need to purchase more adult diapers
for my "total urinary and fecal incontinence". For me,
"undies" are not possible for me to wear. I would have
"permanently wet and dirty pants".
Anyway, in a short time, I have to first go to the bank to
put funds in my chequeing account to cover the Dentist
bill for today, and to have cash to purchase some food and
8:00 PM -
As usual, I am lonely. I want to have a NERF Toy Gun War
with other Autistics my own age. Halloween Evening, and
the door bell has been "silent". What is it like to have
a childhood playmate? As the eldest son of a certified
psychotic fruitcake Mother, I have no conception of this
so-called part of childhood. I have no memories of play-
mates ever coming over to play with me. What is it like to
sit in the dirt with another child my own age who is not
my younger brother and play with toy trucks? Did anyone
ever want to come over and play with me? Why did Mommy up
and chase everybody away? Did I do something wrong?