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BabyTak

This whole relationship thing?

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Updated 08-Dec-2013 at 22:03 by BabyTak

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  1. Vexxus's Avatar
    I don't get it. Especially not as of late. Why do people vent their personal anger against a person or entity on a weblog or via social media, instead of just making a decision and standing up to someone? Posting this here will not solve your problem, unless the person you're adressing is actually going to read this. I'm sorry for your inconvenience and I understand that you have problems, but I don't think this is the way to solve it.

    If your significant other treats you like trash, take action. Talk to this person and mention what your limits and boundaries are. The other person should understand that your boundaries are set to protect you, rather than to be crossed an hurt you. If your significant other does not know how you feel or what your boundaries are, you cannot go on ranting about it. I'm not saying you did, but that's how it works. If someone doesn't know something is illegal or unwanted, you can't really blame them.

    On the other paw, if this person is knowingly treating you bad and not showing any improvement, despite your efforts: leave this person. It's not worth your time and effort and it's certainly not worth the damage to your soul.

    Think about it, make a decision and act upon it. You're not a minor anymore; at age 21 I think you're well able to defend yourself in this situation. If not, seek help. Good luck.
  2. Maxx's Avatar
    Disagree Vexxus. This is a great place to vent. There's the satisfaction of someone seeing it, but not the consequences, since its effectively anonymous.

    In any relationship there are conflicts, and inevitably anger. Better to let the heat bleed off harmlessly here (or somewhere...) than on the late news with firearms and emergency vehicles. Sure, there needs to be discussion and communication, but not in the heat of the moment.

    And there are some things that can't change. There are things about my wife that drive me nuts, unfortunately, some of them, like her dyslexia, can't be fixed. Similarly, there are things about me that drive her crazy as well. You work around them as best you can. Or you leave if there are enough unsolveable, unmanageable difficulties.
  3. Maxx's Avatar
    At the risk of oversimplifying, I see BabyTak (who doesn't seem to fit neatly into a lot of female stereotypes) angry at boyfriend. Not knowing his side of it, I don't know if he's actually physically abusive, or just oblivious. Guys generally ARE oblivious to female things, especially feelings. I know I am. It wouldn't be a stretch to guess that he's expecting one sort of female behaviour, but hasn't figured out that her inputs and outputs are a little different. Or maybe he just thinks that if he likes something, she must like it too. Its also possible that he's a complete tool, but there must be something there or BabyTak wouldn't have hooked up with him to begin with.

    As Vexxus noted, sometimes you have to spell out things for guys that you think should be obvious. Be sure he's in the room and listening when you do it. My wife has a bad habit of having conversations with me when I'm in another part of the house, or not there at all. Later I get yelled at for things I didn't know about. After 33 years, I know there's no upside to challenging it.
  4. Marka's Avatar
    I see the potential in self-help for BabyTak here...effectively saying in writing...her own discovery and intentions. I also think this was a pretty well-written...almost an edgy poem of sorts...

    This could be helpful to others too...an insight on experiences, and process... though I hope in the end, that the rage part mellows out...I think that the self-treading being stopped, will effect much towards preventing others from doing it to you too!

    Sometimes we do need to get a bit angry to motivate ourselves from the comfort of habit, and haplessness...sometimes we do need to drive away those that tread on us...but, you could try to educate the inconsiderate...

    -Marka
  5. BabyTak's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by Vexxus
    I don't get it. Especially not as of late. Why do people vent their personal anger against a person or entity on a weblog or via social media, instead of just making a decision and standing up to someone? Posting this here will not solve your problem, unless the person you're adressing is actually going to read this. I'm sorry for your inconvenience and I understand that you have problems, but I don't think this is the way to solve it.

    If your significant other treats you like trash, take action. Talk to this person and mention what your limits and boundaries are. The other person should understand that your boundaries are set to protect you, rather than to be crossed an hurt you. If your significant other does not know how you feel or what your boundaries are, you cannot go on ranting about it. I'm not saying you did, but that's how it works. If someone doesn't know something is illegal or unwanted, you can't really blame them.

    On the other paw, if this person is knowingly treating you bad and not showing any improvement, despite your efforts: leave this person. It's not worth your time and effort and it's certainly not worth the damage to your soul.

    Think about it, make a decision and act upon it. You're not a minor anymore; at age 21 I think you're well able to defend yourself in this situation. If not, seek help. Good luck.
    Dude. I already broke up with him.
  6. BabyTak's Avatar
    And thank you for the rest of the insightful replies. I'm still kind of grinding my teeth about the whole thing but now it's in the trash. That's all that matters.
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