Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#35
by, 22-Oct-2013 at 01:39 (520 Views)
Friday, October 18, 2013 - 1:55 PM -
Had to go out in my pickup truck earlier to withdraw some
cash from the Bank. I then drove to Derry, NH to drop off
a finished "master" DVD disk of a TV show I created for the
Derry, NH Community Public-Access CATV Station/Studio. I
then stopped at the Walmart Supercenter Department Store
to purchase a large bottle of Laundry Detergent for my
younger non-disabled brother per his instructions.
2:50 PM -
Time to start work on another "self-produced" public-access
CATV program for Derry, NH Community Public-Access CATV.
3:15 PM -
I was upstairs to change my wet and poopy adult-sized diaper.
Yes! I have the Blader and Bowel control of an infant. With
my cerebral palsy related mobility issues, I never make it
to the Porcelain Hobby Horse Chair in the Bathroom to be clean
9:00 PM -
Have been profoundly withdrawn into my own inner world as
an Autistic physically disabled "Adult Baby". I guess that
nobody does understand me as a person.
All my life, I have been misunderstood and ostracized from
the wider outside world.
Saturday, October 19, 2013 - 12:27 PM -
I was just out in my pickup truck. Had to go over to the
Sears Department Store to purchase filter bags for the
"Kenmore" Brand vaccum cleaner machine. As an Autistic, I
keep my interactions with other humans outside of home to
a minimum. I have to, because I am incapable of trusting
other humans. All Humans in the outside world are to be
"classified as potential enemies", until they prove other-
wise. This is a consequence of being raised by a psychotic
paranoid mentally-ill parent who gave me "life" 55 years
ago. Also, as an Autistic, I have a naturally high "prey
animal" form of anxiety cognition.
Monday, October 21, 2013 - 12:30 PM -
Nothing much has happened since Saturday. Went to church
Sunday morning and did my usual task of being behind the
television broadcasting equipment to broadcast "live" my
church's Sunday morning Worship Service over Pelham, NH
Community Public-Access CATV. Not just myself, but most of
the other members of my church are enduring extreme fin-
After Worship and after I returned home after Noon Time
yesterday, I mutely slipped into "deep" Adult Baby Re-
gression. I thought of myself, lying there flat on my
back in my bed between my disability side-safety rails,
as being only ~ 6 months old. No words, but profoundly
deep "inner feelings" and of only my entire world shrunk
down to just my own physical body and the confines of my
bed. I fell asleep for my Sunday afternoon nap clutching
soft dolly friend, "Precious". She is a "baby", just like
Decades ago when I was very small, my Mommy pphysically
"beat the potty chair into me" to be all nice and "clean
and dry" to be able to go to Kindergarten and "be totally
normal", despite my Mild Cerebral Palsy and Mild Autism.
During the potty training process, my Mommy administered
savage spankings, and shoved my wet and poopy undies in my
face to make me smell my own mess during her punishments
for not being clean and dry. "Deathly fear of her" forced
me to "comply" with toilet training, and also being of
course, her "strapping me down into the potty chair" and
leaving me there "for hours and hours", with what few toys
I had kept very far "out of my reach". During my "potty
chair restraint sessions", I did not dare make any sound
whatsoever, even any simple non-speech noises, to keep my
Mommy from "beating me" too much.
DA-DA!!!!! HELP ME!!!!! DA-DA!!!!! OH GOD!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!
These were my "100% real" inner thoughts decades ago as a
very small boy, before my youngest brother was born.
8:10 PM -
Been watching "Mobile Suit GUNDAM: Wing" for a while this evening.
Earlier, I did this afternoon was at my monthly appointment
to visit my mental healthcare provider in Derry, NH. I also
stopped to purchase more 30" x 36" disposable bedpads to
sleep on at night and naptimes.
I have been having a bit of frustration regarding my younger
brother "interrupting" me here in the downstairs Den at times,
which besides frustrating, is also annoying. I value peace
and privacy, as a person with Autism.