Simple Autobiography Of A Not So Simple Deviant
by, 08-Oct-2013 at 07:13 (318 Views)
In the event there is a character limit that I don't know about you can also view it here --> http://bit.ly/19cjzdq
I'm a complicated person. I live in west MI and attend Jafax. If you go, tell me! :P
Starting at the beginning I'll share information that I keep the most sacred and protected because, well itís the internet so, why not? I was born an addict to Cocaine, Alcohol and Marijuana (I don't care what you say about it not being addictive, I know that it is from personal experience) the doctors had a very bad outlook for my life. But I overcame it. I have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (Prenatal exposure of alcohol to the brain) and as a side effect I have ADD. No one would ever be able to tell today, I blend in to nearly every possible social scenario. It has given me one good thing though. I have a very unique outlook on life.
My mother was the problem, my dad had no clue what was up. (They weren't married and they didn't live together) When he found out he set me up for adoption. He knew my mom was nuts and he had two teenage daughters and was stuck in poverty. Using the rights only he had (as a Native American father) he did what he thought was best. He sent me to live with the younger of my two older brothers (not related to him) I had a good life for the most part. I defiantly don't agree with my parents on everything politically (I'm independent and they are conservative) but my life wasn't even close to bad. When I contacted my sisters I found out when my father sorted out his problems he tried to get me back, but failed. He and my mother are the only people in my family I have yet to meet.
Moving on, I was fully potty trained at less than two years of age, "easiest potty training ever" I have a distinct memory of when I was about three (only defined memory I have before eight) looking under my old changing table drawers and finding a few diapers. Naturally I tried to put one on and was upset when it didn't fit. (I was born extremely small, almost prematurely small)
I first discovered my attraction to diapers around the age of eight, when my (adopted) sister wet the bed. (I'm preferencing this by saying sheís the lowest of scum, crazy, and currently enjoying incarceration in Denver. There isn't enough time to type why I hate her so much) She would deliberately pee herself at night to soak the bed and flood it on the floor because she wanted to. Sometimes it was for revenge, others we just don't know. She would soak a goodnite and continue until it was so over saturated that it looked like it went into the shower.
Anyway, eventually my parents gave up and stopped wasting their money on diapers for her, but they saves five of them on the top shelf of their closet. I took two of them to the room I shared with my brother and stored them there, I honestly don't remember where though. This was about the same time I began to discover sexuality. Needless to say, I was immediately a DL.
A few years later, after experimenting with makeshift "cloth" diapers I went out and got some girls goodnites. They fit ok, but not like when I was eight. I would wear them, go downstairs to take a shower, wet, have my way, then bag and store them to be collected later. I then began to collect different ones I used the girls pull ups with cool alert as an insert, (I still don't know why I hadn't figured out I was a sissy at this point, I only got girl diapers and most of my friends were girls) and other various baby diapers.
At some point my parents figured out and my dad put a motion activated hunting camera behind my stash to try and catch the 'culprit' as he later said. So I took out one battery and drown the SD card. This went on until I found depends. I only ever liked two depends products. The plastic backed protection with tabs and the newer real fit (the one and only male diaper Iíve ever owned)
Not long after I found Depends, I found my furriness. Not much I can say here, I wear a collar, and am either a cat, or skunk. Itís hard to pick sometimes.
Then I learned a few other kinks I have like I discovered the fact that I really enjoy being submissive, like a lot. To the point of wishing I was either someoneís slave or pet. I would love for someone to own me and force me to obey everything they said. I also really want that feeling of belonging, like ďIím owned by this guy (or girl) and I exist to please him (her) and that makes me happy.Ē I also found out I like to be restrained. Loss of control means so much to me. It means putting all my trust into the other person to do what they will, and to accept what they do. Even if itís going to hurt a bit. Now I find it hard to sleep without my pink BDSM ankle cuffs pining me to my bedposts and my thick also pink BDSM collar tying me down and being handcuffed to my collar.
Also figured out I was bi. Long complicated road. I guess it started with curiosity. I remember thinking ďI wonder what itís like for the girlĒ (sexual situations) and then wondering what it felt like. Then I began to crave the feeling I imagined. I still do, I just hesitate now.
After I accepted I was Bi I got into AB stuff right afterward, I now have two pacifiers for example.
There was this cute guy who stood next to me in male chorus that I didn't realize at the time but he was my first crush (hetero and homo) I just thought all the mental connection was because we were friends and the physical lust was just because Iíd never dated a girl before. I know it wouldn't have worked anyway (heís straight).
I also figured out emotionally I'm more attracted to girls, but physically I'm attracted to guys. There's just something about the stronger embrace and the more masculine build. Along with many other perks If youíre cuddling with a guy he knows what to do to make you just fell safe, peaceful, and protected. He also knows what will drive another man crazy with passion as he understands how the male body works. He knows better how to truly dominate you and make you feel like your body belongs to him.
This led me to humiliation and sissy. I do enjoy girlís cloths and am jealous of the fact that girls have sooo much cool and cute cloths and shoes to pick from. It makes me sad that the social standard is a girl can wear girls and guys cloths in public and no one cares. A guy wears a girls top in public and heís labeled a deviant.
I've also had strange relationships including a long distance one with someone who was a sudo-caretaker type, one that became overly attached in a really bad crazy way, and I dated a lesbian once for about a year. Apparently I'm girly enough to make it work ^.^ She never even knew the entire story about me and my abdl or even furry side (I discovered much of that when we were dating)
I've never had a boyfriend but wound have to keep it a secret if I did (my parents are not big fans of homosexuality and life is too expensive for a college student) I'm very protective of myself, I still have my virginity because I want to lose it with someone who truly maters to me. Not that I haven't been offered before (remember my crazy ex? Yeah, *shudders*) I want it to be with someone I trust absolutely to give everything to.
I don't drink or use drugs or even smoke and I feel that because I was once addicted to all three avoiding is the best idea as I donít want to relapse. (Native Americans have a tendency to become fast addicts)
I frequent YouTube, posting musical arrangements and even receiving high compliments from Peter Opaskar (Tuba Peter) and he posted a three custom versions of my arrangements!! Iím also on the Rooster Teeth community site using the same name. I enjoyed Immelmannís work as he wrote Concessionís Comics. A fried who also read it described me as a cross between Nichole and Matt. Which I am a fan of, I think they are both to cute even if they are fictional.
Iím technically an author but as it was for a school project in high school so I saw no profit. If I remember correctly it was pulled down a month ago so now it canít be bought, sorry. Maybe someday Iíll re-release the book, but it needs some heavy editing before I do that again.
I'm majoring in forensic science. Iím currently attending GRCC for Law Enforcement as they donít have the degree I want. I plan to move to BC Canada to study after I'm done here. Then I want to move to Japan and teach English and learn Japanese. Whale Iím there I want to attend a college online for my masters.
I am a part of a Native American tribe located jointly in Canada and Michigan and was adopted into a family in west MI. I've found relatives of mine in Grand Rapids and on the American Canadian border. The state pays grants to people with similar backgrounds to mine so thatís why I havenít left the country yet.
I spend a lot of time thinking about who I am and what it means to me to be me. Like my traits; furry, AB, DL, Sissy and, my perhaps much too extreme submissiveness. One day, I will be me.
Who I am is extremely important to me. I feel the past has a lot to do with who you are. But it doesn't define you. I guess I write my own path from here.