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Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#29

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11:30 AM-

Monday morning and I am as usual mute and quiet. I was just
upstairs to "change" my poopy wet diaper. My younger brother
is out running errands of his own.Later this month, I will
have to liquidate more funds out of my "meager" 401K retire-
ment savings simply to pay for heating oil this Winter. As
an Autistic with Cerebral Palsy who has a 4 year engineering
degree, I will never be hired by anybody, doing any kind of
work ever again. With this "Government Shutdown", the real
truth, is that my very physical "survival in this world" is
at stake.

I should be enjoying "early" retirement, but I am not. I am
constantly worried 24/7 about my physical survival. The Tea
Party wing of the Republican Party are Social Darwinists
who consider persons like myself to be "subhuman animals"
with no right to exist in this world. Of course, I do feel
a lot of anxiety and frustration, and rightly so.

I do require "assistance" from the Granite State Independent
Living Organization, www.gsil.org, but either their help
will be "limited" or "not at all" in my case. All through-
out my life, "other" developmentally disabled persons got
"assistance and services", "but not me". I was always
considered "unworthy of being given assistance and services"
which I have always required as a person with Asperger's
Syndrome/Autism and Cerebral Palsy.

Services such as Supported Living, Meals on Wheels, and/or
Food Stamp Assistance and Transportation Services should
be available to me, but they are not. Also, based upon my
own SSDI Income, I shoud qualify for subsidized Heating Oil
"assistance", to keep me "in my own home" here in Salem, NH,
but as I see it, I will "never receive any of this", because
I am "not seen as being worthy enough to receive any of this".
As I said, aall my life, "other" disabled people received
the assistance and services they required, but because I was
the "Disabled Eldest Son" of a psychotic mentally-ill Mother
who could never be gotten into treatment, I have always been
seen as a "subhumal piece of shit" as a human being. This is
a very harsh realistic analysis I am making, but it is very
true.

Even in the so-called social service agencies who are suppos-
ed to serve the "disabled", like myself, there is a lot of
"deliberate" overt discrimination practiced, as to who does
or who does not deserve to me assisted and to receive any and
all the necessary services they require. After all, the NH
State Department of Vocational Rehabilitation for the Disabled
did not serve my specialized needs as an Autistic with
Cerebral Palsy 3 times since 1986. In fact, that Social
Service Agency screwed things up royally, and made it im-
possible for me to ever gain meaningful employment anywhere in
the State of New Hampshire. The way they "presented me to all
employers", was that I was a "lazy malingering liar" who had
no right whatsoever to be "trusted" in any place of employ-
ment.

In other words, they portrayed me as a "criminal sociopath"
to every single employer in New Hampshire, which is a total
"lie" about a person like myself, a person with Autism and
Cerebral Palsy.

Anyway, where the hell am I going to get the money to pay for
700 US Gallons of #2 Heating Oil, other than the pull another
$2,000.00 out of my meager 401K Retirement Account to "save
my own fucking arse" this Winter.
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